I'm lost at what to do....

Maude - posted on 01/13/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My husban wants me to stop breastfeeding my son who's 16 months. And Iam not really sure how to or if i want to, whenis the best time too stop and how do I? I don't know how to ttell if my son is ready

10 Comments

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Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2011

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I was being lazy when I said your husband doesn't get a vote. He should have a say, but I think you have veto. They are your boobs, your relationship with your son and you are the one who has gone to all the trouble- establishing nursing, taking care of sore nipples, being engorged, reading articles/books, posting questions on blogs for other moms' advice, etc, and you will be the one with a crying toddler hugging your legs and pulling at your shirt. Parenting should be shared, but I think you have extra clout in this decision.

Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2011

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Don't wean him until you and your son are ready. I hate to be sexist, but your husband just doesn't get a vote. Don't tell him I said so, though, lol. I gave into pressure when my daughter was 32 months old. She was nursing only at bedtime, and I bet she would have weaned herself within the next six months. I cut her off after she didn't ask for it for 2 nights running, and then she spent the next month throwing horrific tantrums and biting other kids. She was VERY unhappy and I am still sorry for that decision.
My son is 4 years and 3 months and still nursing more than once most nights. He has spent a couple nights over at his dad's and can do without quite happily, but he obviously gets a lot of comfort from it and I am not planning on trying to cut him off until next autumn. Hoping he will take the initiative!
Every kid is different. Try offering solids before breastfeeding. I would drop one feeding every few months. Try to take your cues from your son and don't push weaning when he is going through a clingy phase. When he wants to nurse for comfort, when he is sad, hurt or tired, try offering hugs and tickles and only nurse after he asks. If your husband wants to help when your son wants to nurse and you are not ready, perhaps he could try offering your son a banana or cracker, or tickling him... Most of all, grow a really thick skin to help you ignore your son's whining. It probably won't stop until he is in his twenties and you can't let it affect your decisions.

Ashley - posted on 01/14/2009

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Hi Maude!

My husband was always supportive of me breastfeeding, others were not. If you are not ready to stop, don't. Your husband doesn't understand, as great as I'm sure he is! Your son is whining because he's hungry and Mommy's taking too long! Besides, you can point out to your husband that your son is a man after all and we all know how men love breasts! :) My main reason for wanting to stop was I was pregnant and didn't want to be still nursing my son when my other child was born. I didn't know what to do about it either until one day, his latch was off as we both fell asleep and left a nasty blister. I had to stop feeding him from that side, that was his preferred side and he wouldn't take the other one.

I don't know how to tell if your son is ready. Maybe he won't nurse as much? My son was 19 months old when this happened and was only nursing 2-4 times a day. It was easy for us to just stop. He didn't fuss about it and I didn't get engorged or anything. Just play it by ear and don't rush it. When he does finally stop, you will miss it.

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Hi Maude! I nursed my oldest until he was 16 months and only stopped because I was pregnant, high risk, and it was very uncomfortable. At that point, my son was nursing twice per day (first thing in the morning and last thing at night). I could have done that for a lot longer. It was nice bonding, and I was happy not to be the primary source of nourishment. Lots of people breastfeed for a long time. My friend is still nursing her 3-year-old, mostly for naps and going to bed at night. Good luck.

Dana - posted on 01/14/2009

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please only stop when you and your baby feel ready. I felt some pressure to stop at 20 months with my 2 nd child and now I wish that I had cont. Life goes by so fast and this is such a short time in your lives. enjoy, take a deep breath and feed your baby. if you do decide to stop, just start weaning slowly. good luck.

Shanyn - posted on 01/14/2009

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That sounds really hard! But I totally agree with all of these ladies. I'm a huge proponent of child-led weaning. My son nursed until he was 22 months and my daughter just weaned herself at 31 months. Follow your instincts and talk to your husband about what it means to you and your son. It sounds to me like he's maybe feeling helpless? Like when your son whines, he knows that he wants you but he can't always deliver? That's a hard place to be in, but you can encourage him to find other ways to bond and soothe your son that is just between him and Dad. Hang in there!

Alisha - posted on 01/14/2009

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When the time is right, both you and your child will be ready to stop. They will slow down and not be as interested and you will be ready to stop also. Remember the health advantages and decreased breast cancer risk associated with breast feeding. Good luck and follow your mother instinct.

Alicia - posted on 01/14/2009

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I agree that it should be your decision. If you don't feel that your son is ready to wean, then he probably isn't. There is no "best time to stop". Some babies wean on their own (at different ages) and some need gentle encouragement from their mothers. If you really think you're ready to stop, I would suggest taking out one daily feeding per week...if he normally eats at 8am, 11am, 3pm, and 8pm you could take out the 11am feeding one week, then the 3pm feeding, and so on. I would keep the most important feedings (the ones he likes best) as long as possible to minimize his stress. He's not whining because he's too old to nurse, the World Health Organization recommends breast feeding until at least age two.

Maude - posted on 01/14/2009

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He want me to stop because if I don't feed him fast Jareth will wine at me, which i understand however my husban dosen't . He understand that i want to still feed him but he thinks that the wineing mean he's to old for breatsfeeding.

 



 



Quoting Rachael:



First of all (and I am sure your husband is great) he doesn't understand the bonding between breastfeeding or the emotions tied to it....mainly because until you experience it you CANT know. I think it is hard for men to well...share. Weaning your son should be your decision and your sons, no one elses. The best time to stop is when YOU don't want to do it anymore or when your son shows no interest in it. Experts recommend that you breast feed for the first two years. You can go to American pediatrics association website or almost any breast feeding website to get info to show your husband the added benefits of continuing to breastfeed??? Has your husband said why he wants you to stop????





 

Rachael - posted on 01/13/2009

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First of all (and I am sure your husband is great) he doesn't understand the bonding between breastfeeding or the emotions tied to it....mainly because until you experience it you CANT know. I think it is hard for men to well...share. Weaning your son should be your decision and your sons, no one elses. The best time to stop is when YOU don't want to do it anymore or when your son shows no interest in it. Experts recommend that you breast feed for the first two years. You can go to American pediatrics association website or almost any breast feeding website to get info to show your husband the added benefits of continuing to breastfeed??? Has your husband said why he wants you to stop????

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