I want to feel comfortable Breastfeeding in my own home! please help me! :(

Holly Janelle - posted on 08/05/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I'm a 23 year old mother of one my DD is 4 1/2 months and I also have a step son that is 10. My boyfriend is 30 and is a wonderful boyfriend and father. I'm so blessed to have my little family :) There is one thing that gets underneath my skin though...my father in law who is living with us. Before we got together my boyfriend asked his dad to come live with him to help out with my boyfriends son because he worked really long hours and needed help. His dad doesn't have a life and has ruined any relationship with his side of his family and has NO friends because no one can stand him and he has been married 6 times!! A lady down our street told me that he constantly found it necessary to tell her about it sexual past and ask in depth questions about Breastfeeding, and have been told that he has also talked to women at my step sons football games about breast feeding. I'm currently Breastfeeding and when my boyfriend is gone I feel incredibly uncomfortable being out in our living room when he isn't here. So when my boyfriend is gone I stay cooped up in our bedroom all day which really sucks! My father in law does live out in a room in our garage but he comes in and out of there all the time. Since My boyfriend and I have gotten together I have taken responsibility of everything in our house hold I clean, work, cook, grocery shop, do laundry, take my step son to school/ foot Ball practice ect. so really there is nothing for him to do. Sometimes we need him to cook or something but that's RARE! I'll admit we are financially struggling and that really stresses us out and he does NOTHING at all to help us. If he gets any money which is incredibly rare he spends it on cigarettes. His excuse for not working is which happened years ago he broke his back and had heart surgery, and you know what I had OPEN heart surgery 4 years ago and I work! He is perfectly capable of getting around by the way, he is on his feet constantly and he walks around the block like a bum all the time looking for cans so he can go and sell them for cigarettes. If he really is unable to work he needs to file for social security and get help but they have already denied him before a couple of years ago so he just doesn't try. Seriously he does nothing here. Yesterday I had to ask him to clean his and my step sons bathroom because it was disgusting and my step son didn't want to take a bath because it was so nasty. I didn't want to clean it because ugh I don't want to deal with my father in laws bathroom germs. I'm uncomfortable with him being here and I want to make it obvious this is my territory this is my home and you need to get the heck out or something. I want to feel comforted by being in my home not sneaking in an out of my room to avoid my father in law. I'm tired of him using my boyfriend for a place to stay and giving him a guilt trip because of his past. My boyfriend has so much on his plate and his dad is so selfish to sit on his butt and do nothing. I can't take this anymore!!! I don't know what to do. Can you help me with the situation?! Any advise will help. Thank you mommies :)

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Sarah - posted on 08/07/2011

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This is NOT a healthy situation. You MUST get pro-active for the sake of your child. Three things: 1. You need a live-person support system. Try a local Le Leche League or New Moms Group in your area. 2. You MUST work this out with your boyfriend. He needs to have your back. 3. The father in law needs to go. This situation has dysfunctional written all over it. If not, there just going to be very ugly blow-ups down the road from withholding resentment. Bottom line: If the men won't budge, you are going to need to make some tough choices for you and your baby.

Jordan - posted on 08/05/2011

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I am sorry that all this is going on. It is a stressful situation. I would agree that with 'this mans' added interest in breastfeeding, touching your leg, speaking with others about his sexual past, and etc. that he is not stable (in my opinion) to be trusted with your daughter and you at this vulnerable time. You are doing a great job in protecting your kids and daughter, but he is not the role model that should be around for your son either. If he cannot repsect you or your boy friend as a man to work and contribute for his livelihood or keeps his hands and thoughts to himself then I would not want him there either. This situation is ultimately in between you and your boy friend. I would have a serious talk with your bf about how you feel and the signs that you see that he could have a sexual problem. Or that you don't feel comfortable with him around ya'lls daughter. I know that it can be hard for your bf to hold his dad accountable, especially if he feels he did something or owes him something, or even feels sorry for him. But you need to let him know that this is not a good situation for you, his son, or your daughter. I would try and talk to him without fighting, but earnestly so that he knows the importance. But some men need help getting things. You will have to use your best judgement here for you and the kids.

Djsimma - posted on 08/05/2011

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I know this sounds harsh, but have you toyed with the idea of moving out or even just letting him know that the thought has crossed your mind bc of the level of uncomfort. I think it's really great that you're thinking of your baby girl. I have a close friend with 2 young girls and she lives with her husband who is completely rude, lazy, and uninvolved. I am always asking her if she wants herr daughters to grow up in such a bad environment and maybe one day even marrying someone like him and she always says no. Not to mention that she has 2 little boys who are absorbing everything. Sometimes men don't have a clue as to how disruptive environments can have negative psychological and sociological effects. If you feel as though this place is detrimental to your daughters psyche then it's absolutely your responsibility (along with your bf's) to change it. Im sure that if you're feeling uneasy that your baby can sense that and she could even be feeling some of your anxieties. Bottom line: he needs to go.

Djsimma - posted on 08/05/2011

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I became more and more enraged as I read your post, I am so sorry that you are going through this and a new mommy needs to be in a comfortable stressless situation. I can't really tell you what to do only what I would do. I would sincerely ask my significant other to intervene, he may think you're making a big deal but you are a new mommy!!! New mommies are like lionesses. I mean really what are the benefits of having him there? I didn't really pick up on any as I read your post. He doesn't do anything because you and your guy seem to be pretty self-sufficient which is really admirable because you just had a baby! I really think you need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him how you cannot comfortably bond with your new baby which is extremely important because you are uncomfortable in your own home!!! Please keep us posted if this changes, I'm looking forward to hearing that you're in a better living situation. I always get really upset when girls are suffering no matter how severe it may be.

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Holly Janelle - posted on 08/09/2011

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My boyfriend and I got into am argument on Saturday because his dad left his dirty plate out on this shelf in the garage and I was about to do the dishes and I just happened to go out there and see it. If I hadn't of seen it than he would have brought it in there after I was done cleaning and that annoys me soo much! He does it all the time. When I grabbed the plate and was walking back into the kitchen i said would you please bring your plate in when your done so that i won't have another thing to clean when I'm done?! He said well the doors were closed because you were feeding so I didn't bring it in here and I said well you just came out of there didn't you? Couldn't you have brought it then? He started rambling on and i quit listening. I got snappy with my boyfriend after that because I was just upset at the whole situation and I told him that I was tired of not feeling comfortable and everything that I have told y'all. He said his Dad can't apply for disability because he has never payed his taxes or something like that but that he would talk to him about getting a job and tell him that he was serious this time and tell him that it's causing us to fight and everything so we'll see how this goes...:/

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That guy needs to get out of there! I could not/would not live w/ a man like that. Good luck!!

Holly Janelle - posted on 08/05/2011

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I have tried talking to my boyfriend about it and he says since we have this thing where we keep the laundry room doors closed when I'm nursing which are right before the garage door and have him ask to come in that I should have no reason to feel uncomfortable he said it's not like he's hitting on me or something. I said well it's not like he didn't used to once he touched my leg and asked if I had shaved that day for my boyfriend and then said o ya I haven't heard you take a shower today...my boyfriend didn't say anything. I know that's it's his dad and I don want to push my boyfriend away or stress him out anymore, but this is getting to me to the point where I don't think I could take it another year. I don't want our daughter growing up in a house with him. I'm just torn to pieces! Thank you for answering!

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