My hubby expects sex everyday!! Please help me!!

Erinn - posted on 04/18/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I really need help! My husband has the highest sex drive of anyone i've ever met! We have a 3 year old son and 5 month old daughter and i'm up very early everyday with 2 young children while he sleeps in (he's unemployed right now) and at the end of the day (despite my major exhaustion level) he expects me to be in "the mood" and if i'm not and just wanna get some sleep, he gets pissed off at me because he expects sex EVERYDAY and miss just one day and there's an argument ready to happen! :*( I really do love him and desperately WANT my marriage to work, but I feel like my needs (of sleep) are being totally ignored!! This is not fair to me and all I do these days is cry. Can someone PLEASE help me??

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Tootie - posted on 03/21/2013

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Here is the solution and I'm a guy who constantly wants sex and it hasn't calmed down since I was 22 (I'm 32 now). You and your husband need to work on the time before the sex. First thing you are going to have to do is sit him down and explain to him that you are just over tired. If he could help you more with the kids or the house and in a way court you, you'd probably put out. I found that out when one day I was so tired of shit I decided to be the sweetest most helpful guy ever. My wife knew what I was doing and she gave in. Here is the guys perspective: We can only have sex with you. So while you expect us to take your position into consideration, you should take that. That's why men cheat (I've never cheated) is because the wife completely forgot that person who she was when they dated and is just completely a mom. What has worked for me is setting two days a week like saturday and wed. Also MAKE saturday your date night and keep doing that. I don't care if it's dinner + movie, take-out night, ice cream night, we cook and make something together night. Point is you can't just be a mom and he can't expect you to change without helping. Last thing is for all those people who just don't feel sexy, a guy won't ever understand that. If he thinks you are sexy in hi eyes that's all that matters. So if you don't feel sexy try taking a long bath and primping your self. Ignore your husband if he doesn't give you the response you want just doll yourself up. Some guys aren't the best at talking feelings. Last word of advice: Girls cry, guys yell and get pissed.

Medea - posted on 04/21/2009

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Has he always been like this? Some people use sex as an outlet for stress. Maybe him losing his job is adding stress so he finds sex as an outlet. If he has always been like that then he may need to have his sex drive tested. Maybe there is something going on there. I would definitely tell him that you guys need to talk and get this straightened out. The longer it goes on the worse the fights could be and you may start to resent him. Now form one mom to another - get his ASS moving!! ;) You both laid down to have those children he needs to pull his weight. I just had twins and I have a three year old. I make my husband help out b/c their his children too!! Good luck!!

Angela - posted on 04/21/2009

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to piggy back on Amanda's post... having sex may make him feel like he is still a man. Men who go through unemployment, especially with a family to support feel emasculated also if you are the bread winner he may need to feel superior in someway.. depending on the dynamics of your relationship.. the question is the sex about sex and connecting or is it about his need to feel like a usefull or performing man in one area of his life? I am not asking these questions lightly or in judgement... not so long ago I was a therapist.. now I am working part time and I am MOM.. there is WAY more going on here then sex.. least of which is that you are feeling pressured, bullied and it appears made to feel guilty in your home. I am not suggesting its on purpose but if he does not explore what he is avoiding dealing with in his life you will no longer recognize the man you fell in love with and your family will be in serious trouble. I hope he will consider counseling for himself to work through stuff or at least as a couple because if he is not respecting your time or your body.. you have alot more going on here. Good luck and I hope you two get through this.

Amanda - posted on 04/19/2009

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I dont think you need an appointment for PPD, but I do think your husband needs an appointment for depression. My ex also would fight if I didnt want sex, some reason in his silly head, he believes sex = love, and as long as we were having sex alot he was still a useful man. Sex daily is an insane request of anyone much less a mother of two, esp from a man without a job, or not helping out through out the house.

Rebecca - posted on 04/19/2009

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Please call your doctor right away and get an appointment for a consultation for ppd. Also tell your husband that if he is unemployed right now, he needs to be spending the same hours that he used to work looking for a new job and helping with the family. Honestly he sounds like a selfish jerk and you have a right to be happy too. You are spending too much time worrying about a lazy husband's happiness when it sounds like he is doing nothing for you.

User - posted on 04/18/2009

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Why don't you try talk to him heart to heart. You know your husband very well. Tell him what you really feel. If he really loves you he will understand you in some ways. Explain to him deeply that you should both know how to understand each other.

Bridget - posted on 04/18/2009

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OK, I know that all the girls have suggested the talking thing and communication is essential to a good relationship. Have you tried having a quicky in the middle of the day when the kids are napping and you're not so tired? Your hubby might love the idea! Or give him options - we can have a quicky tonight OR if you take the kids for a walk to the park and let me have a nap then I'll have some energy for the kinky stuff...

Itsamystery - posted on 04/18/2009

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I think you really need to sit down and talk to him. If he's unemployed right now then he should be sharing the sleep-ins with you by taking turns getting up to the children. He should also be helping you throughout the day with the children and the housework. Does he do that? Maybe you can explain to him that if he's more helpful, you'll have more energy for sex. However, regardless of the compromise you come to, he needs to respect that you wont always be in the mood and he just has to go without sometimes. Sex EVERY DAY is a lot for a couple with no children (except in that first year or so when you want to jump each other all the time!!); it's an enormous ask of a mother with a 5 month old and a 3 year old. I would be having a very serious discussion with him.

Leslie - posted on 04/18/2009

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dosnt he realize that sex everyday makes a girl sore???? i would think it would make his pecker sore to.. my bf has a high drive to but realizes that the longer we go between the more in the mood i am. just tel him no if he backs off abit maybe you'll jump him. im not to sure what to say to you i feel for you for sure. dont cry just do your best and if hes gona be like that then maybe you have to get sturn with him and tell him to back off a bit. let him no what it feels like to have that kinda pressure. it really spoiles to mood dosnt it?? to feel like you have to instead of want to.. seems his pretty inconsiderate but i would talk to him and let him know that if he did pick up some slack and get up with the kids and let U sleep in than maybe you would be more in the mood. if i tell my bf im "getting ready"" for bed he knows thats his quew to let me get ready hahahaha. seems like you need a serious talk
hope you feel better!! i support you in your not everyday!!! tell him that hahahahah cause seriously your couchy would fall off if you did it everyday hahaha

Amanda - posted on 04/18/2009

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Have you talked with him about it? Sex drive or not, he has to care that you are exhausted and aren't in the mood all of the time. I couldn't imagine my husband expected that from me! You are constantly taking care of two small children, probably hardly ever have time for yourself to actually do your hair, much less get done up enough to feel sexy!!! You shouldn't HAVE to have sex when you don't want to just because he wants to! Talk to him and try to set up a few days a week when you guys will have sex. I know this sounds kinda crazy, but if he doesn't have SET boundaries, he will probably expect it every night again. I swear, men do not understand how much it takes to raise children! My husband went right back to work after we had Lily (5 months old now). When she was two months old, he had to have hand surgery and was off for two months. Needless to say, he completely understands now and does not ever question how much it takes! He said he would rather go to work any day because taking care of a baby is a lot of work!



Tell him how you feel. As much as he wants to have sex, he has to understand how much you do not. Both people's feeling matter. He has to compromise damn it!!!

Melanie - posted on 04/18/2009

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OK in re-reading my post I realize I may have come off a little flippant. Didn't mean to. It's probably a serious issue with you if you are crying a lot. So my serious recommendation is therapy. If hubby won't go with you, go alone.

Melanie - posted on 04/18/2009

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Get him to help out more with the kids and around the house---basically tire him out so he'll be just as exhausted as you are ;)

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