Not a true breastfeeding mom?

Christina - posted on 08/24/2010 ( 105 moms have responded )

15

48

0

Okay, my child is tongue tied and I have tried everything to get him to latch directly to my breast. He used a nipple guard for a while but as was suspected by the LLL I eventually got to a point where I was almost completely dried up. I have been pumping for him since this point because it does keep my milk supply up just enough to feed him EXACTLY the amount he usually eats. However, my doctor and pediatrician have reccommended that I get put on fenugreek to increase my milk supply. This way I can stock up and have milk on hand for when I'm not here and at school. However, I was recently told by another mom who isn't a breastfeeding mom that I am not technically a breastfeeding mom because he isn't attached to my breast. I have given it all I have to get him to latch and gotten all the help and medical attention we could possibly receive. What she said really made me feel bad but at the same time I feel like I am going above and beyond what most mothers are willing to do in order to insure that my child receives the best thing for him, my breast milk. Am I wrong or is it okay for me to still consider myself a breastfeeding mom and continue with my advocacy towards the subject? I just don't want to see my other friends, many who are young like myself and some even younger, give up on breastfeeding because it hurts or is "hard", especially when I am going to such extremes for my son...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Anna Marie - posted on 08/31/2010

116

17

11

Oh, wow!! You are definitely a breastfeeding mom. I am always SO impressed with mamas that pump for their child - especially since you are exclusively pumping!! Way to go! Your little one is so lucky to have a mom that dedicated.
Fenugreek & Blessed Thistle can help with milk production, and so can getting his tongue clipped.
Good luck and enjoy your breastfeeding relationship :)

Leslie - posted on 08/31/2010

1

21

0

I did the same thing. My daughter didnt latch and I pumped for 10 months. There is a great message board on ivillage for exclusive pumping mommas, check it out. They have great ways to up supply and save time!! Good for you!! Most people looked at me like I was crazy but breastmilk is preferable and you are definitely breastfeeding because where does it come from??? Hang in there!!!

Stasia - posted on 08/29/2010

590

16

50

You ARE a breastfeeding mom. You should be so proud of everything you have done. I had to pump for about a month and then my daughter started nursing again. You can go from solely pumping to exclusively nursing again!!!!!! Dont let someone who has insecurities about their own parenting, make you feel like you are anything but fabulous for making such an effort.

Kathy - posted on 08/29/2010

47

31

7

I've read through most of these posts and havent seen where you responded so I just wanted to add, in case it is an option...my daughter was born tongue tied and I didnt want to get it clipped, it freaked me out thinking about her having to endure pain and I had nursed my first 2 kids and was just determined to endure the pain of a bad latch to spare her. My intentions were good and she managed to nurse ok for about 3 months but then her weight gain slowed dramatically and she hated a bottle. HATED! I had to feed her with a dropper. Anyway, I read and read online about getting her tongue clipped and so many moms said it wasnt a problem so we went ahead and made an appointment. It was NOTHING! The hardest part was watching my husband hold her little head still while the Dr held her mouth open :( it was literally one tiny clip, he dabbed a piece of gauze on the cut and told me to nurse her. The moment they released her head she stopped crying :) and latched on perfectly! she drank and drank and was so happy. I've heard the longer you wait (after a year and beyond) it is a more painful procedure. So if at all possible have it done! she will thank you! It will also help with speech etc.. in the long run. oh and one more thing, a dr told us it will just strectch out with age but we were told by several adults that had it clipped later in life that #1 when it is stretched out it often gets irritated by the bottom teeth #2 kissing is often painful ;) and #3 it hurts much more to have it clipped as an adult b/c nerves are more prevalent and sensitive. Hope everything works out! Blessing! and btw, you are totally and BF mom :)

Roni - posted on 08/28/2010

18

18

1

Yes! You are so a Breastfeeding Mom! I nuse mine at the breast but if they had an issue I would do the same as yourself! It is hard enough breastfeeding but to pump is even harder to keep up with! You are doing what is best for your baby and think the other lady is full of it! If it is breastmilk that your baby gets it is breastfeeding that you are doing!

105 Comments

View replies by

Mary Renee - posted on 09/18/2010

831

16

33

I'll just be blunt... who ever told you that is a petty bitch! Haha! You're totally breastfeeding mom! You're feeding your child with milk from your breast! You rock!

Jennifer - posted on 09/17/2010

43

18

3

i just pump and bottle feed my little one breastmilk and i still consider myself a breastfeeding mom. my job made it hard for him to breastfeed from me directly so i pump to make it easier on him, but the way i see it is if your baby is getting your breastmilk then you are a breastfeeding mom. don't let other people's opinions make you feel bad...i know a lot of mothers who had problems or got tired of working so hard or being in a little pain and stopped breastfeeding all together and switched to formula. i think what you are doing is great and your little one is going to thrive because of your efforts!

Joanna - posted on 09/12/2010

44

8

3

You ARE going above and beyond for your child. Breastfed babies receive breast milk, whether from a bottle or breast. I commend you for your efforts. As for that other mom, she was very insensitive. She should be admiring you, not criticizing you.

Kayla - posted on 09/12/2010

69

3

7

My son was tongue tied as well, how come you never got it fixed?

Yes, you are a breastfeeding mom :)

Sarah - posted on 09/11/2010

15

40

2

you are a champion!!!! dont listen to anyone who gives you negative comments you are doing a fab job !

Maddi - posted on 09/04/2010

32

10

0

yes you definitely are a breastfeeding mom. if your son is drinking your mlk and not formula you're a breastfeeding mom. and yes its great you're doing everything you can to do the best for your son! dont give up:D

Jody - posted on 09/02/2010

11

31

0

Hi Christina,
First of all you definately are a breastfeeding mum and don't let anyone else tell you different. You are doing an amazing job and you should feel proud of yourself. WELL DONE! Second of all, your little boy is tongue tied and the poor little mite physically cannot latch on correctly. From my knowledge, I don't think this will correct itself unless you get it corrected i.e. having his tongue clipped. Now I know that sounds drastic but it's perfectly normal. My partners stepmum recently had a baby and she had exactly the same thing and was struggling to latch. They had Chloe's tongue clipped which was what was medically advised (this was in the UK). Now of course baby is going to cry and you don't want them to feel pain but the mouth is the fastest healing part of the body and as well as your milk, he'll be fine in a day or two. Chloe breastfed perfectly after that. Your little guy would love nothing more than to feed directly from your breast so don't feel guilty if you go ahead with having a tongue clip - it's absolutely normal! As for increasing your milk supply, I think if it was me, I would go with whatever to increase my milk as it can be frustrating not having enough. I had experience with Dom Peridone in my early breastfeeding days which was good for me, I only used it for two weeks and then everything was right again. If it was me, I would definately sort the tongue tie as you'll end up burning yourself out with all the expressing and not getting a minute to rest. Breastfeeding should be a lovely experience, the closeness for me was the best part, it shouldn't be a stressful one for both you and baby. Good luck - it would be good to know how you get on.

Michelle - posted on 09/02/2010

1

8

0

Have you thought of a tongue tie release? My daughter had a tongue tie, quite severe. The docs didn't do tongue tie releasess in the UK where I lived. Anyway at the age of 5 it was getting tighter. So we got reffered by the speach therapist to a speacialist. He released it for her and it made such a big difference. It wouldn't be too bad for a a baby.

Amelia - posted on 09/02/2010

1

9

0

Holy God! Just ignore them. You are doing an AMAZING job and are going above and beyond. I think women who pump are incredible (it never worked for me). FWIW fenugreek is terrific stuff and easy to purchase through health food stores. It helped me a great deal, and I had major issues with supply but my son (two on the 19th!) and my supply are still going strong.

[deleted account]

You are a breastfeeding mom! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! You are giving your baby breastmilk, and that makes you a breastfeeding mom.

On another note, can't they snip the frenulum? That will help with any future problems, but will also allow your LO to latch, why hasn't the pediatrician suggested this?

Tanya - posted on 09/01/2010

11

24

0

I agree....you are definately a bf mom. Your son is getting breastmilk...doesn't matter how he gets it :) Keep it up :) I admire your persistance and strength to stick to you.

Beth - posted on 09/01/2010

6

3

0

Congratulations ! what a dedicated mother you are, keep up the good work and try not to let one negative comment deter you. You can get your sons tongue un-tied if that is something you would consider but he has all the benefits of your milk so I would say your doing a fab job. lll support worker and mother of 2 breastfed children.

Tine - posted on 09/01/2010

279

9

2

You are doing a BRILLIANT job!!
How very ignorant of that other mum to say such a thing - you are indeed going above and beyond to give your child the best - your milk. There are many ways of being a breastfeeding mum - your son is getting your breastmilk, so you are a breastfeeding mum!

By the way, fenugreek is excellent - you have to take a lot of it (1500mg 3times a day) over 3-4 days, but it really works.

Keep up the GREAT work!!! :-) :-)

Janie - posted on 08/31/2010

11

11

1

You are a breastfeeding mom. Breastfeeding is for the milk. I pump 100% for my 8 month old twins. I consider myself a breastfeeding because that's what they eat. I too take fenugreek from time to time to help keep my supply up to the demand. I use "more milk plus" which I get from the health food store. Don't listen to negative comments. Do what you think is best for you and your baby.

Alesha - posted on 08/31/2010

5

17

0

WHO CARES what that lady says! shes just mad because shes not as awesome as all of us (and you) that breastfeed. I would suggest taking the fenugreek. its helped me out a ton when i wasnt producing enough. I would take 2-3 pills a day. and yes you will start to smell like maple syrup but its great. how old is your little one? i would keep trying to get him to latch on. it took me about 4 months to finally feel like i was getting the whole breastfeeding thing right. i thought about giving up a ton of times but i am SO glad i didnt. do what you feel is right for you and your baby and forget about the peanut gallery

[deleted account]

Whomever told you that you were not a breastfeeding mom is a complete twit.

Our bodies, situations, and abilities are all different. We all do the best we can.

Keep up the amazing work!

[deleted account]

YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY A TRUE BREASTFEEDING MOM!

I too had tons of trouble breastfeeding he was jaundice, he couldn't latch, I worked with lactation consultants and the pediatrician for weeks, i pumped, i used nipple shields... basically if there was a problem I had it! But i am glad to report we made it to his first birthday breastfeeding :) I just stuck with it and eventually he grew and got stronger and latching became easier. i could have quit at any time but trust me the satisfaction you feel when they finally latch and nurse straight from the breast without problem is so worth it :) good luck hang in there!

Amanda - posted on 08/31/2010

257

17

15

The unmitigated GALL of that woman!! OF COURSE you are a breastfeeding mom. What you are doing for your little one is wonderful! Keep up the good work and don't let anyone get you down!

Anna - posted on 08/31/2010

2

31

0

Just wanna say, you are a breastfeeding mom! I had a baby 10 weeks early and was not able to feed her by mouth until she was 6 weeks old, and then she wouldn't latch, I have been pumping for almost 4 months, I AM A BREASTFEEDING MOM! you are too!

Chrystal - posted on 08/31/2010

419

25

48

I kind of went through the same thing. My daughter did not latch so I would pump for her. Eventually my milk started to diminish and it was hard to keep the milk supply up. So I switched to formula. And yes you are a breastfeeding mom. It doesn't matter if you are pumping or your baby is latching, if he/she is drinking milk from you, you are a breastfeeding mom. Some people can just be so ignorant to situations. So don't let what that person said to you bother you. You are doing amazing b/c you are going above and beyond. Pumping is a lot of work. Breastfeeding isn't for everybody and b/c you are still continuing w/ it even though it's hard work I think that's amazing! Good luck:)

Richelle - posted on 08/31/2010

1

52

0

You are TOTALLY a breastfeeding mom! Getting your milk inside of him is the goal, and you're achieving that. Tell people to mind their own business and keep their opinins to themselves.

Tara - posted on 08/31/2010

35

1

3

I am in the same boat as you! Mothers who think that they are superior to any one else can get lost. How dare they make anybody feel bad about themselves! As if any mom doesnt have enough to deal with. Stuff labels! You are an awesome mom. End of story.

Kerri - posted on 08/31/2010

34

24

0

tell the other Mom to go take a flying leap lol She isn't a breastfeeding Mom where does she get off telling you you aren't either? Of course you are. Way to go for trying all you can for your child, that's more than a lot of parents do. That woman should keep her ignorant uninformed oppinions to herself.

Teri - posted on 08/31/2010

130

9

4

So I breastfed my twins -- one at the breast and one via EBM and a daughter at the breast -- they never had formula, and I consider myself a breastfeeding mom.



The comments of that woman were unfortunate.



I will say, however, that my son who drank BM from a bottle does show differences in personality/temperment than his brother and sister. Two things that I know about him that contribute-- and contributed to his inability to breastfeed



A dairy protein intolerance that we diagnosed and dealt with at 5 mos.



Tongue tie and Skull misalignment, etc -- that he is now seeing a chiropractor for and is soo mcuh better. wish I had done it earlier.



I believe that pumping for achild is a much harder method to breastfeed and shows an amazing level of commitment. No mom who has not pumped every day for 12 mos or more can possibly understand the commitment -- never forget that.



Congrats on doing what's best for your kid.

Lauren - posted on 08/31/2010

551

7

55

I have to do the exact same thing. I exclusively pump and I feel that I am breastfeeding. I feel that we have to work twice as hard to get our baby the nutrition they need by pumping, taking supplements and doing everything possible to make sure our babies get breastmilk. I feel the same way as you because I am going to the same extremes to breastfeed my son because he has not been able to latch!! Just keep doing what you are doing and forget what other people say if anything what you are doing is great for your son and is really showing that you care about him and his health!!! :-D

Amber - posted on 08/31/2010

385

20

51

you're feeding your child milk from your breast...this alone makes you a breastfeeding mom...plain and simple. ignore what she said, she was probably just trying to bring you down to her level (lol)

Ruth - posted on 08/31/2010

8

11

0

I applaud you for your efforts. Many moms have bailed out at the first sign of difficulty. Whether you feed your baby breastmilk from your breast or a bottle he is still getting the essentials. People will always have something to say but as long as you are doing your best continue with what you are doing. I feel side for people who really want to breastfeed and can't. Hopefully your post will inspire others to persevere. hth

Sarah - posted on 08/31/2010

1

16

0

I would say you are a breastfeeding mom, you are using your breast milk to feed your child. And u have gone above and beyond to get him to latch on to your breast. But have u ever thought he might be nipple confused my son was and I got him turned around but it took a while.

Tina - posted on 08/31/2010

35

11

2

You are totally a breastfeeding mom. Tell that mom that her comment is rude and unsupportive. The most important thing is that your child is receiving healthy, mama's milk. I dealt with nay sayers for two years for each of my children. When I got comments like 'you're still pumping?' I would come right back with a self assured, of course, she/he's still eating. (Say like they just said something stupid...which they did!) I pumped for 10 months at school for my daughter and 5 months for my son (I'm a teacher) It was the hardest, but most rewarding thing I could do for them. When they were sick and got well quickly or wouldn't eat, only nurse I felt glad that I kept nursing so long. This way they would recover quickly and get nourishment even when ill.

You know it is a quick procedure to snip the tongue tie. My sister had it done for her son and nursing went from painful and difficult to quite easy within a week. There are 4 kinds of tongue tie, two are harder to diagnose. Good luck

STACEY - posted on 08/31/2010

1

3

0

you do what ever makes you happy. dnt let anyone tell you 'you are..... anything" I cant stand people that like to intimidate others. All 3 of my children have had tongue ties, personally i would have it cut, if its effecting feeding it probably a good one. my 1t couldnt move her tongue at all. as i as only 22 when she was born the midwifes just brushed me off. pushed me too breast feed and kept me in hospital untill i could feed her, however I work at a doctors surgery in brisbane and we do tongue ties, i took her to my boss and she cut it straight away. problem solved. it took 2 minutes and she was perfect immediately after. She shortly after started to get silent reflux, so we had to fromula feed her specialist formula. I said with my second that was determined to breast feed, yeah untill we were told we were having twins that was. i had 2 very little premmie girls, one was 2.4 kg and he other 2.6 kg. I breastfeed horribly for 3-4 weeks and cried everytime. they were so little and doing 2 i felt like i had my boobs out all day long. then started express feeding, that was worse. i would express, feed and then express again. 30 mins later the process started all over again. My girls are now 7 months old and are formula feed. They are very happy little girls, growing strong and progessing at the same pace as my sisters little girl of the same age who is breast fed. I am not a breast feeding mom, but hay it wasnt for trying that for sure. If your connecting with your baby, your happy and he;s happy, go ahead and call yourself what ever you like. Goodluck x

Maci - posted on 08/30/2010

14

11

1

you are a breastfeeding mom and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!! most women in your case would give up and just give formula, i breastfeed and for some reason i find pumping to be difficult. breastfeeding isn't only about having that attatchment with your baby, it's about wanting to give your baby the most natural, healthy thing possible! i agree with most of the women here... she probably didn't have the strength or willpower to breastfeed so she dogs on you. keep it up i wish you the best of luck!!

Gina - posted on 08/30/2010

4

0

0

Good for you!!!!! Stick with it as long as you can! I give you so much credit for going through all the effort to give your baby what is absolutely the best for him. I nursed all 7 of my kids, some for as many as 3+ years and had multiple issues. Have you tried to squeeze your nipple smaller to fit in his mouth? He may be so small to try to open very wide. Have you tried to pinch his cheeks to open his mouth wider? Have you tried the football hold? do you try to totally take a breath and relax, I think they feel your "tenseness". do you use a pacifier-I heard that gives nipple confusion. LLL books are very helpful. Yes, of course you do breastfeed-don't let anyone discourage you! Take it as your first lesson is learning to listen to your inner voice-you are doing what you think is best and just stick with it!!!

Bernadette - posted on 08/30/2010

623

5

8

if he is drinking breast milk, then he is a breast fed baby. Simple as that. So what if he doesn't latch on to the breast? The milk still comes from there, therefore it is a breast feed. Well done for continuing to pump instead of reverting to formula - it is a tiring and time-consuming task, and isn't exactly pleasant (you end up feeling a bit like a cow...) but you are doing what's best for your baby by making sure he has the milk that was intended for him. Don't let other people's ignorance get you down. As for being an advocate, I think you'd make a great one as, despite the fact that you can't do it physically, you still recognise that breast is best and making sure your baby has the best.

Jayne - posted on 08/30/2010

36

1

2

I applaud you for doing this, most people would have reached rock bottom and opted for formula milk but you have stuck at it whether he is on the breast or not he is still getting the milk. I think breastfeeding is easy personally so I really do have to applaud you doing all this pumping and such, I couldn't bare all that!

Melysa - posted on 08/30/2010

171

19

13

tell to shove it he is drinking breastmilk therefore you are a breastfeeding mum congrats to you on having the will power to go so far for something you think is right a working mother who expresses for her child is not deemed to not breastfeed a child hospitalised for any reason who requires exact amounts can be breastfed through expressing. be assured you are doing a great job BREASTFEEDING your precious angel

Debby - posted on 08/30/2010

18

29

1

Ok, so I haven't read all the replies here but, I can tell you that when I read your post I saw RED!!!! How dare that women imply that you are not a breastfeeding Mama!!!! With my first I had the same problem and didnt get her fenulum clipped until she was 6 weeks, dummy me I know that not. I pumped and tried so hard to get her latched on, we eventually used breatshields and through trials and tribulations she let me drop the breastshield after about 2 months and we BF until I got pregnant with my twins 2 months later. I ended up EPing for a year with them because not only were they tongue tied, they were premies and would I didnt have the energy or patience to "teach them". We all got through it and I have hung up the horns.
You can do this, if you have the desire to give your kid the best you can don't listen to anyone that puts you down in any way shape or form!!! Your an amazing women and I truely know the sacrafices you are making for your baby.
BTW...there is an awesome support group out there if your interested in the site I used please let me know.

Rebecca - posted on 08/30/2010

6

14

1

You are a breastfeeding mom. You are doing the best you can. For me, part of the great thing about BF is the bond when baby is nursing. However, I and probally many BF moms have had to pump at some point. There are so many people I run in to who won't even try to BF, so believe me, you are doing a great thing!

Jenna - posted on 08/30/2010

1

0

0

yes you are a breastfeeding mom.. maybe she's just jealous she's not breastfeeding so she's trying to make you feel bad.. keep up the good work :)

Kelly - posted on 08/30/2010

9

8

1

i believe you are a breastfeeding mom cause i consider myself one and i pump full time for my daughter who quit latching at 3 wks old. she is now almost 5 months and it takes alot of effort and love to do what is best even if they wont latch on your breast. He is still getting the best thing. Keep trying and if possible you might want to try the fenugreek to increase supply alittle and if you can pump every 2 to 3 hrs and you should be able to stock up alittle so when he goes through growth spurts you have extra while you work on increasing your supply for him. Good luck and it is a great that you still want too.

Angela - posted on 08/30/2010

153

22

17

You are an amazing momma... that's what you are. Your friend has no idea what breastfeeding is about and that's her problem. If she was any friend at all... the only comment out of her mouth would be..."Wow, you are truly amazing... I wish I had your determination to do what you are doing." If anything else came out of her mouth... then send her packing!

I had latch issues for three weeks after my daughter was born... I had to pump for every feeding and finger tube feed her... I fed her that way for two weeks then I found a nipple shield that worked and after four days of using it...my daughter latched on by herself...she is now 11 months old and still feeding strong... By your "friends" standards that would make me a "non-breastfeeding mom" I don't think so. It isn't just about putting your baby to the breast and feeding them... It is so much more than that and you should be darn proud of yourself for doing it for so long!

Way to go Momma... give yourself a big pat on your back because you are AWESOME! :)

Heather - posted on 08/30/2010

37

27

5

As long as your LO is getting breastmilk, you are a breastfeeding mom!!! And the fenugreek is great - I used it to increase my supply for while I was working... Don't listen to that other mom - she obviously doesn't know what she is talking about.
Congratulations on working so hard to give your LO the best food available! You are my hero for working so hard at this!

Tracey - posted on 08/30/2010

45

41

2

You are def a breastfeeding momma! I had to pump when I went back to work and my daughter still drank my milk and I advocate it all the way. Your child isn't on formula! You are good to go!!! Good FOR you! Its such a great gift for your child!

Angel - posted on 08/30/2010

3

2

0

Her comment makes me want to bioch slap her for you! LOL :) YOU are amazing! You ARE a breastfeeding momma that clearly sees what is best for her baby! Kudos to you!

Rocio - posted on 08/30/2010

7

10

0

Of course you're a breastfeeding mommy!!! Just by not giving up you're doing a lot for him. If you keep pumping it'll keep coming, just like supply and demand. Eating plenty of oatmeal and drinking the Mothers Milk Tea is a big help. I was running low when my baby was about 4 months and as soon as i started doing all this i noticed a high increase within 3 days. Now my milk is flowing really good. Make sure not to stress over it. Just relax yourself and ignore all the negative comments. Good luck!! :)

Rachel - posted on 08/30/2010

135

55

6

You are a breastfeeding mom in my book!! You are giving your baby the best!

[deleted account]

Yes, you are a breastfeeding Mom. Don't let anyone make you feel bad by telling you otherwise!
Don't give up.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/29/2010

98

45

7

Girl... I EBF too... and I say we work harder than just plain ol breastfeeding moms sometimes for that precious milk! You are totally a breastfeeding mom and should be proud. What right does she have to say anything!? We have to do all the chores of a formula feeding mom and more... cleaning bottles/warming them/pumping (sometimes 30 minutes)/cleaning pumping parts. When Zo wouldn't latch on, I thought that pumping wouldn't be that hard, but it's a challenge and time consuming! But you are giving your baby the absolute best you can... and should be proud.

You could always have it clippled, if you didn't and try breast feeding again. Zo does so much better now and will latch if she wants to.

As long as it's breast milk... he's breast fed.. milk comes from your breasts!...

Debra - posted on 08/29/2010

16

0

0

Honey, wash that womans comments right out of your hair and down the drain where they belong! Be bloody proud of what YOU are doing for YOUR BABY! If you see her again, just state 'if it makes you feel better to think I am not breastfeeding my baby - please feel that way, because it makes no difference to me - I am all for people feeling better about themselves! And wish her a nice day!

Jennifer - posted on 08/29/2010

2

15

0

Yes, your still a breastfeeding mom! I'm in almost the same boat. There are doctors that correct the tounge-tie, however the doctor said mine not tied enough to cut. How old is the baby? Mine is starting to want more than I can pump, so I'm using up my reserved milk. We are dedicated more than most. My baby is 2months and I remind my self daily that I can do this, but it's hard.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms