postpartum intercourse

Heather - posted on 08/20/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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so i am 5 months postpartum and it still hurts like crazy when my husband and i have sex. will it only get better by doing it more often? i just never want to anymore! i am never in the mood and i know it bothers him....is this normal and what should i do?!?

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Ji-Young - posted on 05/23/2013

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It's completely normal. Look, you've held a baby in your body for 9 months and then had that full grown baby force it's way out of the same place you have intercourse. It's ABSOLUTELY normal. The second time I had a child, it was MUCH better and I got back into it much faster. I think it has to do with your body being used to the trauma to that area. Also, if you're nursing and/or unable to get all the baby weight off quickly, you don't feel that attractive or into it. I remember feeling overstimulated because I was nursing every 2-3 hours for 30-40 minutes each time. I didn't want my husband to touch me there at all. Keep at it. Don't give up on it. Just let your husband know what you're feeling and hopefully he'll be okay with just cuddling or taking it slow for a while. Your body is not your own after giving birth/nursing. It takes time to adjust physically and mentally for all of that. Give yourself that time. Just don't forget to make sure you connect in other ways to take care of your marriage.

Hannah - posted on 08/21/2009

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It took me til 6 months postpartum to comfortably have sex again. I tore as well and so it was not a pleasent feeling during sex. My husband was patient with me though, and defenitly had a lot of foreplay. I wish this was something that people told us about beforehand. There are wonderful things about being a mother but this is something that nobody tells you about. Hang in there. I found that the more we did it, the less sore I felt. But it did take me a while to be pain-free.

Sonya - posted on 08/21/2009

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hey heather...i had a slight tear when i gave birth and although i was "fully healed" and "ready to go" according to my doctor at my 6 week check up...and again at my 6 month check up...i really wasn't ready to go. there was one spot where i had torn that was so sensitive and painful -- about the size of a pin head. my doctor said that because of breastfeeding your estrogen is very low -- which makes healing down there sloooow. so was prescribed some estrogen cream to help. i ended up not using it and by about 8 months - i was back to normal. it can take time...just don't let it get to you if it hurts still. it will all heal and you'll be back to fighting form!

Jenny - posted on 08/20/2009

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Your OB can also prescribe estrogen suppository-like pills that you insert daily and that helps with lubrication as well. Good luck and remind yourself and hubby that there are other ways to please one another too.

Sara - posted on 08/20/2009

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It can be normal. Vaginal dryness.. tension.. feeling touched out.. All very normal after giving birth. Is he helping to take care of you and the baby? Making you feel loved? The first step is to regain intimacy without sexual contact, and sexual desire will follow. Giving each other massages, making sure to spend time together as a couple, and taking care of any stress that you're going through can all help.

If you're breastfeeding or on birth control, it can cause vaginal dryness which can hurt. Adequate foreplay and a good lubricant can help with the pain.

Did you have tearing or stitches? Is it a deep pain? A dryness pain? Both? Different positions can be helpful. If you're on top you can control how "deep" he goes. If you had stitches or tearing, gently massaging your perinium and stretching it a bit can help with that type of pain.

A honest discussion with your husband can work wonders, if your husband is open to it. Read up on sex after childbirth.

For me, the "desire" came back around 10 months postpartum. Unfortunately by then my husband (soon to be ex) had permanently banished any desire for being intimate with him by being a jerk and talking about 'getting it elsewhere', and being impatient while simultaneously patting himself on the back for being *so* patient. Ugh.

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Belinda - posted on 08/22/2009

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I had a third degree tear when my son was born and we waited till that healed. During the healing time my hubby gave me lots of massages and we kept a lot of physical touch going then after it had healed for a few months he simply did the foreplay thing then when i felt ready we returned to normal relations there was a little pain the first few times but it went away. Maybe if you and your husband back off sex for a little while and explore other ways of pleasuring each other without the pressure to have sex it will enable you to heal completely. Talk it over with your husband and be open to try new things just whatever you do DON'T go beyond what you are comfortable with. Do roamntic things, simlpy sleep together naked, its no good for either of you if it hurts too much. My son is now 7 1/2 months old now and we have no problems because my hubby knows it is important for me to feel desired as a woman and knows how to acheive that with touch. Talk it over with your husband, because backing off with no explanation isn't a good thing, and take your time, if necessary teach him what makes you feel desired as a woman and to get you in the mood, play without pressure to perform is fun. My hubby treated me like a virgin after my children were born so there was a lot of romancing, it might help if you think of it that way. If pain persists see a doctor.

Wenbi - posted on 08/22/2009

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It took me until around 6 months too. I decided to go to the OBGYN to check things out, just in case. He said everything was fine, but knowing that made me feel a lot better.

Heather - posted on 08/21/2009

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thanks everyone! i use olive oil and that works wonders, but i am just waiting for the day it doesn't hurt at all.

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It hurt for a year for me...not until I got my first period did it not hurt. The lube and starting out slow helped. After the pain went away, the desire really came back, so ask him to hang in there with you!

[deleted account]

so glad you mentoned this! My son is 4 months and I feel the same. With my daughter who is 4 yrs I never had either issue. But after having my son sex is very uncomfortable and my inerest is gone. My son is a much bigger baby so I think that may have something to do with it. I am attributing my lack of interest to tiredness and stress. Plus I am very concious of the extra weight I am carring so I don't feel like a "sexy mama" anymore. I have tried astroglide and it does help a bit.

Helen - posted on 08/20/2009

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I had some nerve damage after my first was born, it felt like razor blades inside me when we attempted love making. It took a few months and plenty of time, lube and loving care then things came right. Try to relax and explain things to your man, it is normal!!!!!

Heather - posted on 08/20/2009

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One of the wonderful things about BFing that no one tells you is that all of your personal lubrication dries up! Fun, huh? Your libido also plummets. This happened with both my children. As for the lube- I had to invest in KY jelly, which was ok. I'd go next time with a higher quality like astroglide i think it's called, or something like that. Check out Literotica.com they've got a store for stuff like that, discrete shipping, As for the libido, I found the more I really make an effort to do it, the better I actually ended up feeling, and hubby was happier too. Once I got going I got more interested, and just asked for lots of foreplay to ease into it. Hang in there- my period returned at 10 mths for both kids and things got better after that.

Lucy - posted on 08/20/2009

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Oh Heather that doesn't sound fun. I had sex about 8 weeks after and it only hurt the first couple of times. I'm pretty sure everything should be well healed by 5 months and of course you wouldn't want to do it if it hurts!! (as well as being exhausted etc, which is all normal). I would get checked by your midwife or someone you can trust who has good knowledge. if it hurts i don't think doing it more will help, although that might help your sex drive - but really it's no fun if it doesn't feel good and it can't be nice for your husband to know he's causing you pain either. I would get checked out and hope that you start feeling sexy and comfortable soon :) xxx

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