stopped breastfeeding and pumping so sad

Estela - posted on 05/24/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I hv been so sad these couple of days. My nipples r a disaster cuz of thrush. i had to stop breastfeeding and pumping.My nipples r split open and it hurts like hell. And when i pumped and saw blood going into my babies milk i just said enough is enough what am i doing to my self. my husband thinks i'm crazy for continuing to breastfeeding oh and forgot to mention my babies mouth is a disaster too.

i stopped on Sat and i get so depressed when i feel my breast super full and when i feel a letdown coming on. I get so tempted to breastfeeding my baby. But know that if i do any healing that has happened is going to tear again. And also i promised my hubby i wouldnt also. Baby also is starting to look better too i dont want to reinfect him again. Just so sad and depressed needed to vent. somebody told me that i was just obsessed with breastfeeding and that if i stop my baby will get better and so would i. i felt like crap and started thinking maybe they r right. This is my last baby and this is going to be my last baby experience i wanted to enjoy every part of it. and so far it's been a little sad cuz of thrush. i just need to get over it and just formula feed my baby and hope this thrush goes away and enjoy the rest but its hards especially when my baby looks down my shirt for food. ahhhh sorry just needed to vent i think i feel better. Has anybody experiened anything like this.Where u felt that u had to stop breastfeeding for the well being of ur baby. Do u guys think i'm doing the right thing?

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[deleted account]

It's entirely up to you, Estela. Your primary concern should be to get rid of the thrush.Have you seen a health professional about it?? If you really want to continue to breastfeed, you can, but you might need to get some assistance from a lactation consultant. It sounds like you have plenty of milk, but the thrush has really messed things around. There are several ways you can continue to give your baby the benefit of your breastmilk while your nipples are healing, but I think you'd find a lactation consultant would be helpful.
Here is a site that you may find helpful
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/...
It's a great article from Kellymom about cracked and bleeding nipples.
Many mums (including myself) have gone through bouts of thrush and believe me I know all about the pain! But it certainly can be done if you want to.

A lactation consultant would also be able to help you if you decide not to continue breastfeeding - she will be able to give you some advice on gradually reducing your milk production, and coping with your feelings of grief. If you decide that enough is enough, remind yourself you've given your little one a great start - how old is he?

All the best whatever you decide.

Brittany - posted on 05/26/2011

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I had a similar situation happen to me...not thrush but other breastfeeding issues...with my first child. I was heartbroken when we stopped breastfeeding & I felt like such a failure. I know how depressing it is. Don't beat yourself up though, your baby will be fine (although it may not seem like it now) with formula or with a little blood in the breastmilk. Whichever way you decide to go, the baby will be fine. (: You want to be able to fully enjoy these baby days, they fly by so fast, you don't want your memories to be miserable ones. Do what's best for you & your baby & don't feel bad about it, it happens to the best of us. My second child I had no issues with & still at 18 months we breastfeed once a day. Maybe with your next child (if you plan on another) you'll have a better experience. Good luck, I hope things start looking up for you.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/24/2011

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My heart goes out to you.

I don't think that this is something that someone else can judge if you are doing the right thing. We are not experiencing what you are. You are concerned about your little one's welfare and your own. Have you talked to your doctor or a lactation consultant? Do you have someone for moral support no matter what you ultimately do?

It is possible for some to breastfeed after they've stopped. That may be an option you'd like to explore after the two of you have healed. Are you still producing milk? Would manual expression hurt as bad? It might be an option to at least keep yourself from drying out until you have healed. I only put these options out there because it sounds as if you want to keep breastfeeding but feel you have no choice.

It sounds like whatever you do, you will do out of love for your baby and yourself. Take encouragement from that. I wish you and your baby the best.

Melissa - posted on 05/24/2011

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You need to do what you feel is right for you and your baby. Did you stoo feeding because a doctor told you to? I had thrush 3 times and mastitis twice. Every time we continued to feed and we got through it with medication for both me and the baby. We were able to nurse for 10 months when we both called it quits. You could work through it because your nipples will heal. You might be feeling sad because of hormones. When breastfeeding stops or decreases it is normal to feel sad or a bit depressed. It will pass. Hang in there.

Naomi - posted on 05/26/2011

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I had similar problems...My son actually spewed up my blood at one point it was that bad :( I pushed through it all for 9 weeks and it got better and we made it to 10 months. I think you have done a great job making it to 9 months good on you :)

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Janice - posted on 05/26/2011

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I do not know a thing about thrush but I do know that most moms continue to lactate for quite awhile after stopping BF. Maybe after you are healed you could try and start up again. Just a suggestion :) Either way good job mama - you are in a tough situation. I hope you feel more positive soon.

[deleted account]

Just one point, Tosha - I hope you're not one of those who think antibiotics will cure thrush. Quite the contrary, antibiotics are renown for CAUSING thrush.

Courtney - posted on 05/26/2011

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You know you can always use a nipple shield till everything gets better.

Tosha - posted on 05/26/2011

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My heart goes out to you. Ending bf'ing is always a little sad and I'm sure that the thrush has only made it worse. Are you and your baby on an antibiotic?
For me, I had to quit bf'ing my son a little early because I got pregnant again and my milk supply went down to nothing. I was trying to stick it out til he was a year old despite the fact that he was biting me hard every time he ate. When the doctor told me he wasn't gaining like he should and maybe i could supplement him with formula, I decided it was time to quit. He handled the weaning just fine, better than I did in fact.
Bottom line: It is not your fault. You are not a failure and your baby will not suffer any ill effects from not bf'ing. Almost everyone I know has bottle fed their babies and they are all healthy happy kids.
Hang in there mommy. You are doing just fine.

[deleted account]

Many mums find that hand expressing is far more gentle on the cracked bleeding nipples than an electric pump.
The appearance you describe is perfectly normal. And, just to reassure you, blood in breastmilk is nothing to worry about - for baby, that is! naturally, for you it just reminds you that your nipples are so!

You are one dedicated mum!

Estela - posted on 05/25/2011

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Kathy my baby is 9 months now. and yes i've gone to doc and lc. Pretty much they did all they can do. I just hv to keep clean and sanitize everything which i do. and i use the purple stuff and the anitfungal med for both. I feel i do everything possible. Right now i decided to pump and see what i get out. I noticed even more cuts. I cant even believe it. I thought by now it would've been better. But guess it's cuz the thrush is still there. i was able to get out about half an ounce. But i still feel trapped milk in there but i just had to stop before my nipples got worse. but also the milk was really watery almost clear with a tint of white. should i give him what i pumped even though it looks more like water. ahhhh i was hoping i was good enough to start pumping and breastfeeding again but i guess not. I think if i give it more time it will be to late. but i'll check out the link thanks guys

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