This sounds terrible but please dont judge need encouragment...

Christine - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )




I am pregnant with number 2 due in late Sept and it will be a girl this time around. Now with ym son Thomas I BF until I wasn't medically able to any more close to 2 yr old. (I had some radiation exposure issues due to brain tumor concerns) Especially in the beginning it was truly our special time and even now when he is almost 3 and we are cuddling at night I miss that closeness at times... darn pregnancy hormones! ( That and he i sjust so independant but then again not, I truly cherish this age, what am I saying I say that about ever stage so far :) )

Here is my dilemma, I had no issues for as long as Thomas wanted to nurse, I think by 3 or so, just by seeing how crazy and active he is I would have started to think on the contrary but feel like he would wean himself when he was ready and am 100% confy with that notion. However! I can't see myself nursing Maggie for long. I mean I see a year or so then just get a weird feeling about it and it is really concerning me. I think subconciously it is because she is a girl... I can't shake the feelign and it is making me not so much doubt myself but doubt my abilities to parent and nurture my little girl as I did my son. I mean I know I "wanted" another boy but I already love my baby girl but how can I be harboring these feeling towards/for her and she isn't even here yet...

Has anyone experianced anything like this or am I just losing my mind and over anaylyzing things..any advice/support comments would be appreciated...



View replies by

Angie - posted on 08/05/2009




I don't think you shouldn't be concerned about it. Also I hope no one judges you!!!!!! Personally, I think I would feel the other way around with a boy. BUT, maybe it is your hormones getting the best of you and also you can just be getting anxious. You'll probably start feeling more comfortable with your daughter as you do with your son. Think back when you were pregnant with him...did you have the same feelings?? But don't worry everything will be ok...take a deep breathe! :)

Ashley - posted on 08/05/2009




I think you're over analyzing it :) Pregnancy hormones can make us feel all kinds of weird :) Don't doubt your abilities as a mother, you're doing great!! You BFed your first til nearly 2 years of age... That right there is a HUGE accomplishment and you should be super proud of yourself!!!! It's natural to wonder if you'll be able to love your next as much as you did/do you first, but trust me... as soon as you see her, you won't have any concerns :) With my first two I didn't nurse exclusively for more than 2 months. With my first I had to go back to school and with my second I had a horrid case of mastitis and had to be hospitalized(and was sadly misinformed by the drs) so with my 3rd I knew I wanted to nurse for as long as I could, but I had some mixed feelings about it... Plus with him being a boy I thought it would be a little weird :X but I ended up nursing him until he was 15 months old( we night weaned and after that he just wasn't interested, and by then my milk was drying up... I was 3.5 months pregnant). Even if you don't end up nursing your daughter for 2-3 years it doesn't make you a bad mother... sure that long is GREAT but even a year is a great accomplishment!! Most woment don't even get close to that milestone. You'll do great, don't beat yourself up :)

Clare - posted on 08/05/2009




I think it is normal to feel like this. When expecting your second you can worry about all sorts of things, not loving them as much, compromising the first child, wanting to keep some of that experience eg breast feeding to be a special bond between you and your first... I didn't feed my second (a boy) as long as my first (a girl) partly because he seemed to want feeding all the time and with a toddler running around it is no longer so easy. I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor feeding whilst playing games with my toddler. The family changes with another child but your relationship with your son will still be special and your with your girl it will also be special but different. Each of my 4 children is unique and I love them equally but differently in response to their needs and personalities. Just don't be hard on yourself and allow yourself to feed for as long as you like or not. Don't over analyse but go with the flow and you will know when you will feed up to at the time. Good luck, God bless

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms