how do you know if you are advancing them too far too fast?

Krissy - posted on 01/26/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )




My daughter JUST turned 9. She has been doing work between the 4th and 6th grade. We pulled her from public school at the beginning of last year....

She is soooo smart, but has many issues from it, too. Very much stuck "in her head" all the time, but chooses to do sloppy, incorrect work just because she doesn't WANT to do the work.

She is currently in 6th grade math. She only gets under a 90% on her work and tests when she doesn't want to do it. Otherwise, she gets A's on everything. But still, there are MANY days she sits to do math and takes 20 minutes on two short problems. And then, they are incorrect.

My problem is the constant bored/dawdling because although she's intelligent, she didn't start being really creative until recently. All play had to be led by some one else, her drawings seemed "younger"... she has never been good at coloring... (more of a scribbler, even now)...she doesn't WANT to do anything well... no drive whatsoever to do good work.

But, the few times she's interested in doing well, she simply amazes me. She takes violin, and loves it, but hates it too... (expected)... She wants to be good at stuff without trying... and anything that takes effort is too much to ask...even if she can do it.

I wonder if I push her too hard, but she had these problems in the public school as early as the second grade, too... and that was second grade level work....

So... how do you know if you are pushing/advancing them. It never seems like I have to push her to learn it... just to DO it.... I mean, to the extreme, not just a bad day here or there.... and I HAVE to be 100% involved... she absolutely does almost NO independent work...

To give you an idea of the type of child she is.... The only thing we can really ground her from that matters is to ground her from reading. But she hates writing...again, too much work.

So anyway, when you have a gifted child that has the other issues (cuz I'm thinking she's pretty gifted, but not sure).... how do you know when to push and when to accept crappy work because she's after all.... still only 9?

Some of what I have done....

1... remembered that she is younger than her intelligence and only assign her 1/3 to 1/2 of the work problems. (but doesn't really make much difference on her attitude)

2... had a set time for math (or whatever) class, moved on, then gave her the rest of the work to finish before she can do anything else. (rarely matters)

3...gave rewards for doing work within reasonable time... (like getting to skip last two problems if she finishes the other ones before the timer rings.

4...set a timer (aimed for success, but rarely obtained)

5...discussed the importance of doing the work well and making the right choices... (actually will work for a short time, but then gets ignored)

6...instilled a discipline, like "ok, you don't have to do your work... you can choose to do X, instead." (X is either some serious chore, something uncomfortable like standing with airplane arms, missing dinner... etc...)

7... given the reward of skipping math on occasional days when we've done it well (usually a sticker chart or chart of some kind to keep track)...

I am at my wits end, because nothing reasonable works... the only time I've ever gotten her to actually DO the work is those few times I've lost it and went "drill sergeant" on her... yelling.... I really hate that yelling is the only thing that has worked with her because I hate screaming at her... I just don't believe it's the right way to do it.


Krissy - posted on 02/04/2011




here's the funny part... after doing extra horrible on her math this week (only being required to do 12-15 problems a day) and she wasn't getting those done, or half were wrong...

I told her I quit being nice and she'd have to do all 30 of the problems given all the time... everyday... point blank... no rewards, no nothing. Just do it...

This current week, she did two of her lessons in a timely manner, all thirty problems, and didn't miss more than 4 or 5 problems.

Why did I bother being nice in the first place??? LOL! Bust out the whip next time!


View replies by

Heather - posted on 02/03/2011




I really think it's a stage. My 8 1/2 year old son is there to. It doesn't matter what he's doing if he isn't in the mood then it could take 3 hours to write one sentence or do one math problem. He just doesn't want to so instead of getting it done and out of the way, he procrastinates and complains for what seems like forever. I'm right there with you, nothing reasonable works, and in all honesty, even when I completely loose it and end up screaming my son doesn't respond (which just makes me feel worse about loosing my temper).

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