Behavior

Leigh - posted on 11/03/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of 2 children (7&6...1 boy, 1 girl) and they CONSTANTLY fight!! It doesn't matter what they are fighting about as long as they are fighting! I have tried SO many ways to end the bickering between them with NO luck!! I am almost at witts end...any suggestions?

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I don't have that problem , but as you say it's a behavioural problem , so they BOTH have to be punished in which ever way works for you / them.

Leigh - posted on 11/03/2009

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Thanks all for the advice!! We have tried the Magic 1-2-3 and that didn't work, we tried the Star Chart and that didn't work, I've spanked and grounded and taken things away and they still continue!! I will take some of the above and see what else I can come up with!! Thanks again!! =)

Heather - posted on 11/03/2009

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I tell my boys that if they can't get along then they can't play together, and send one outside, and one to their room (I switch it up every time). (Although I love the bathtub idea!)

We also back everything with scripture. The Bible gives us clear guidelines on how we are to live. It says over and over to love one another. (1 Corinthians 13 outlines what love is) They also know that they can either be children of God or children of Satan. There is no in between. When they argue I ask them if they think it makes me happy? Then I ask if it makes them happy, then I ask them if they think it makes Jesus happy. In the end all of the answers are no. So I ask them what would make us all happy, and they usually figure it out from there. Make it a learning experience.

1 John 3:10
This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Those who do not do what is right are not God's children; nor are those who do not love their brothers and sisters.

Cheryl - posted on 11/03/2009

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I enjoyed the book "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman. Lisa Wheshel's Creative Discipline has lots of ideas too.

My oldest two are close in age and opposite sex to (6 Girl and 4 1/2 boy) and bicker quite a bit. We talk alot about "Be kind to others" and Ps 133:1 about how good it is for brothers and sisters to live in harmony. We talk about friends may move away or change, but brothers and sisters are the same throughout life. My husband and I talk about our brothers and sisters and tell stories- even how we would fight some too.
Ultimately I ask them if whatever they're fighting about is worth getting into trouble over becuase if they continue to bicker, that's where they are headed...

Karen - posted on 11/03/2009

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Activities....an idol mind is the devils workshop...soccer, basketball, karate, volunteering

Shannon - posted on 11/03/2009

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Some of my kids 12 & 7 fought quite a bit when they were 11 & 7. I told them (for about a week) that they would have to go stand in the empty bathtub with each other, find a way to stop fighting and they weren't allowed out of the tub until they could agree to get along while I stood by the tub silently listening to them. They had to resolve the confict, not just agree to get along (too vague a concept at their age). The first day they were in there three times, but as the week went on, they discovered there is absolutely NOTHING to do in the tub (take out the toys, soap and shampoo!) and nothing to fight over, so it wasn't a fun place to be. When they realized I was serious about this, they learned to quickly resolve their issues before ending up back in the bathroom. They weren't in there for more than 4 minutes in the beginning, and even that went down the more times they were there. I also made sure to notice their small efforts to compromise, get along and keep the peace. That made a huge difference too. Focusing on their positive behaviour helped counter the negative attitudes.

Stephanie - posted on 11/03/2009

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my children are younger than yours but i see the harsh bickering is on its way. i have heard that individual time is very important. if you are a single parent, you could have a friend or family member help you out. doing different activities that are of interest to each child might work. grocery shopping, walking, cooking, manicures... just everyday things that have to be done make them feel important and special.

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