help im scared my child may be gay, ...

Valerie - posted on 02/19/2013 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I have 5 kids ages 12,11,6,6,3. yes I have twin girls. But my problem is my 12 yrs old son. He has been acted out for the past 2 mnths. He has been dping things to make me feel like he is confused about his sexuality. He like I was raised in the church and this is totally wrong against God. I have tried talking with him which endds in him lying to me and doing sneaky things like leaving the neighborhood while playing and he knows he's not allowed. I know he has problems with some kids at school making fun of him and bullying him. I got involved and went to the school but it got worse. I have been praying but tit seems like things are getting worse and not better. My other children have even started being disobiedient. And n matter what discipline I try its like no one cares and their all out of control. I have run to the end of my rope and need. Any kind of ideas and advice is welcome. Please help me.

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Carla - posted on 02/20/2013

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It sounds like you have had an awful lot dumped in your lap at once, honey. Losing your job weakens your self-worth, and therefore it's probably logical that you lost your control over the children at the same time. So, you are going to have to get yourself under control first. I'm sure you HAD no control over your being let go, so there's nothing you can do about that now. Don't lock yourself up and give up. God never promised us a rose garden, but He DID promise He'd never leave us or forsake us, so you have good Help on your side. Start looking again. Sit the children down and let them know you are going to take care of them and give them the security they need. The great thing about having children is you don't have time to sit and mope, ya gotta take care of them. Give them as much reassurance you can, and remind them the Lord is with you all. They are probably frightened, and don't know how to properly express their emotions, so they act naughty. That does NOT mean you back off your rules and discipline. But when they feel more secure, things will probably calm down.

Pray. Get your relationship with Jesus on sure footing, so you faith can be strong. We have been in some dire spots before, and we literally have had groceries dropped off on our porch, but saw no one put them there. Angels are watching us.

I know you are in a difficult spot, and I know none of us have given you a solution, but know that there are others out here that have gone through what you are and have not only survived, but thrived. This is where faith comes in. If we trust, REALLY trust in the Lord, He will bring us through.

God bless, honey.

Nancy - posted on 02/20/2013

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I think that it is important to not punish or shame him for feeling confused about his sexuality or to insult or demean his friends. He needs to know that he will be loved and accepted no matter what. I know that it is difficult when his only friends are gay and I agree with the post that you help and encourage him to make new friends but don't deny him the friends that he has. I do not believe that homosexuality is a choice and I cannot believe that God would ever condemn anyone for simply being what He created them to be. Your son is young and he will undoubtedly go though a lot of self-discovery over the next few years. Today's behavior is not a all out indicator of his sexual preference but he does need to know that, no matter what, you will always support him.

Carla - posted on 03/10/2013

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Angela, I have to politely disagree with you. I cannot think that our loving God would 'make' us gay from the womb. Homosexuality, whether we personally agree or not, is Biblically a sin. I know we have gone around and around on this subject, and I know you have studied this issue from the scientific point of view, but we are Christian, and as such, we are to obey God's teachings.

The homosexual spirit is very strong, just as much as the child molestation spirit. But there IS deliverance and hope.

Whether we agree or not, God's Word never changes.

God bless

Carla - posted on 02/20/2013

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Uh, yeah, I think he's searching.

My son came to me when he was about 19-20 and said he was afraid he was gay. When we sat and delved his emotions a little, I could see and understand that his main core of friends were very close, and they all loved each other. But he was scared of the emotion of love for guys. After I explained the difference of feeling love for friends with a sexual love, he relaxed, and is married with 2 beautiful daughters, and is STILL very close with his childhood friends.

But only having gay friends is a little troubling. But, if he's being bullied at school, and these kids have gathered around him, he feels like they are where he should be. Is there a way to get him into a different school? I am so frustrated with this spotlight on bullying, yet when my grandchildren are bullied at school, we find out there are innumerable 'steps' that need to be followed before anything is actually DONE about this. In the meantime, Faith has a fork stuck in her ear.

What are the consequences for your children not minding? Are you consistent with your discipline? I know 5 kids is daunting, but that is all the more reason why YOU need to take control. Where is their father? You BOTH need to get on the same page and carry through with punishment/discipline/training when your rules are not followed. What happens to your 12 y/o when he leaves the neighborhood after you have told him not to? This is deliberate rebellion, not just 'oh, I forgot' type of disobedience.

I know you have your hands full, and I pray for strength to carry on, day after day. I also know your oldest child is always the guinea pig. So pray hard, ask for wisdom, and be firm with your discipline.

Also, like Angela, I think you need to sit down with each one, separately, and find out what's going on. Make sure they all know that they can come to you with anything, and you won't freak out (that can be done privately, afterwards). Having a close relationship with your children is a vital step in getting to the heart of a problem.

Our prayers are with you, God bless, hon

Carla - posted on 03/17/2013

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You are right on one point, Chris, we are to love unconditionally. HOWEVER, your comment about 'Could any choose religion over their child, that should mean more than life itself to you' --is in error. First, we are to have relationship, not religion. Religion means you say all the right words, look the part, go through the rituals, but it really has NOTHING to do with God. Without repenting of your sins and then doing a 180 and walking the path with Jesus, we are still lost. My relationship with the Lord comes first--before my husband, before my children, before my grandchildren.

I have a gay sister-in-law and niece. I love them both dearly. I HATE the sin, but I love them. I have two brothers that are child molesters. I love my brothers, but HATE the sin.

Also your comment about the Bible teaching not to be judgmental, you are correct in that if a person is not a believer in Jesus, God judges the unbeliever. In I Corinthians 5:9-13 it says: 'I wrote to you in a letter not to company with fornicators: yet not only with fornicators of the world, or the greedy or extortioners or idol worshipers, for then you wouldn't be able to be around anyone. But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother (or a believer) that is a fornicator or greedy or a drunkard or an extortioner; with such an one do not eat with. I (Paul) do not judge those that are unbelievers. God judges them. But put out of the church those that follow these practices' (I loosely translated this so you could understand it, Chris, but look it up for yourself). People use the 'thou shalt not judge' to cover everyone, but the Bible clearly states we are to watch who we hang with.

God is Love. He has given us an entire set of guidelines for a Godly life and expects us to follow it. Yes, it is for today, maybe more so than ever before. So I challenge you, Chris, to read God's words for yourself and find Him within the pages. Then you will understand.

God bless

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Carla - posted on 03/18/2013

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I was experiencing technical difficulties with this site yesterday and was unable to respond. I contacted both Chris and Barbara so they would know their feelings had been seen. So, Chris, I again apologize for misunderstanding what you were trying to say. And Barbara, hang in there! We love our children unconditionally. Our hearts break when we see them going off the path, because we DO love them so much. But God loves them way more than we ever could. You taught her the Way, and it is a seed planted inside her. Sometimes seeds take a little longer to germinate. I have learned a watched seed never sprouts ;) Pray for her, love her greatly, and the Lord will do the rest.

God bless, we DO win

Chris - posted on 03/17/2013

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I only meant that if God is who is is supposed to be he will understand that a mother or fatger will not cast out their child, but understand their childern, and that their sins are on their on heads, but none the less wrong.

Barbara - posted on 03/17/2013

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Hi I just joined your group because I need support from other Christian moms. My 23 year old daughter who has been raised in a Christian home all her life just told me she has been involved in lesbian relationships for the past year. She says she is opened minded and hates labels. We are a very close family and I know that God will give me the strength to love her unconditionally. But I am going through a deep grieving process. I cry a lot. What do I say to people who asked how our daughter is doing like family or old friends you haven't seen for along time. My husband is grieving also but in a different way. He is supportive.

Chris - posted on 03/16/2013

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well there is only one reasonable idea that comes to mind for me, and that is be completely accepting of YOUR child, because whether or not he is gay, he will still be YOUR baby. Could any choose religion over their child, that should mean more than life itself to you. The Bible may say that being gay is wrong, but the Bile also teaches not to be judgmental, and to love everyone not matter who they are, or what they've done. God is supposed to love all of his people, so as christian people following the teaches of God, should we not love everyone inadvertently?

Carla - posted on 03/10/2013

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Praise God, Valerie! We serve the God of the Impossible.

God bless you and your family.

Kayla - posted on 03/10/2013

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*love. If my son came to me saying he thought he was gay, I wouldn't shun him or accept it. I would discuss it with him because I would think there was an underlying issue. Again just MY opinion.

Kayla - posted on 03/10/2013

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I'm sorry, Angela, but I do not believe that people are born gay. There's not enough scientific evidence to prove it and I don't agree with it. I strongly believe that children are very easily influenced and curious. Not trying to argue, it is just my belief. As a Christian I don't see how God would create something only to condemn it- especially if He is a God of l

Valerie - posted on 03/10/2013

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Sorry my last sentence got jumbled. I just dont believe we were made that wsy. God love us all but he dislikes the sin not the person.

Valerie - posted on 03/10/2013

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Thank you everyone for all your encouraging advice. I have actually taken it all in and put the faith and action behind it and my son has completly done a 360 turn around. And my other children are begining to get back on track. Thank the lord first and foremost and the group for it loving support and advice.
I would also like to add that my bestfriend is a lesbian so I am nota homophobe but I serve a mighty god whom I do not belive made any of usto be homosexual. Iwould love my son no matter what but I would make him think that its okay to be this way. God has not believeexual made us be homos

Kayla - posted on 03/05/2013

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I'm no expert but if my boy was only hanging out with homosexual kids, I would think they might be influencing that behavior and mentality. He's probably just curious and if it's against what he's supposed to do or be, it makes it that much more intriguing. Nowadays I've read of 8 year olds saying they are gay or bi- in my opinion it's cuz of all the attention homosexuals get-

Valerie - posted on 02/20/2013

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Thank you for all the helpful responses. Carla as a disciplinary action I normally ground them which includes. No outside activities or any indoor entertainment. My younger ones get timeouts. I sometimes make them do extra chores and spanking is a very last option. But nothing works. Angela thank you and carla both on the advice with my 12 yr old, I am already looking into some of your advicce and will keep you updated. But I don't know how to gain control back. I kinda lost it once I lost my job. All the stress and worry has taken over.

Valerie - posted on 02/19/2013

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Well was playing football outside with the neighborhood kids and his brother and was playing around trying to stick his toungue in his mouth, he's always making little comments about homosexuality, the way he has started carrying his self and his only 3 friends are 2 gay boys and a lesbian girl. Whose parents just let them run wild. I have told him numerous times not to hang around them but he sneaks anyway. I'm more concerned about the fact that they have no parental supervision and just do whatever they want when they want. I know my sn can be influenced because he such a passive person and it frightens me. His acting out has started a whole rift in my household. And its driving me crazy. None of the other boys in the neighborhood want to play with him now and no one will tell me why.

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