Masturbation- Biblically Wrong or Socially?

Sarah - posted on 03/22/2010 ( 29 moms have responded )

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Hi, this is a question that comes up every now and then in discussions with christians and non christians alike and i always find myself without an answer. Does anyone know or have any ideas? Is it Biblically wrong, or just socially or other?

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Heather - posted on 03/22/2010

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Sex outside of marriage is wrong, even with yourself. 1 Corinthians 7 talks about fulfilling your marital duty. Not that sex isn't enjoyable, but it was meant to be shared between you and your husband.

1 Corinthians 6:12 says: “Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible for me’ – but I will not be mastered by anything.”

If you can't wait for your husband, would this be sex mastering you?

Leah - posted on 03/26/2010

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I've actually had to deal with this issue on a personal level too while my husband was away over seas. We had done these things together for stimulation before intercourse & then when he went overseas the whole idea that "no one can go that long!" created situations of masterbating on our own or sometimes over the phone/computer. HOWEVER, I began to feel deeply convicted about this. God was drawing me closer to Him during this difficult time and so I feel because of that closeness I had with God, He was trying to show me that this IS a sin. I searched the bible for scriptures to confirm that this was conviction of the Holy Spirit not just satan trying to get me to be in dissagreement/not in unity with my husband on pleasing ourselves and having a sexual relationship without being together. i read those same scrips. maggie mentioned in 1cor. where it is told that your body is not for yourself but for your spouse. I also think of the scrip. "..the bed is undefiled.." which I know can be applied in different ways but for me, it was a big one with this issue. The main one that I will always remember though is the 1Cor7. Sex in marriage is to please one another not ourselves. Sure, you can say "i do it because it helps please him" but it was created for a physical contact between man and woman. Your hands were not MADE to pleasure that body part. The man's penis and the woman's vagina were created for one another and ONLY one another. I don't know how I can say in words everything God has told me and shown me, but I do know that He has tolded me this is not His will in my marriage. Hope this helps someone :)

Heather - posted on 04/09/2010

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To quote someone from another post, is it something that you would want to be doing when Jesus returns?

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James 4:17 says: Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.

and 1 Corinthians 6:12 says: All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.

I think if you search your conscience you will find that you KNOW if it's right for you. It's not specifically prohibited by the Bible so it's not absolutely sinful, but only you know what YOUR conscience says about it. If you cannot look God full in the face with a clean conscience, then FOR YOU it's sin.

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Sharon - posted on 04/09/2010

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Yes, Tammy, I know and fully believe the words of those scriptures, dear heart. But, again, it IS
a question of whether or not masturbation is considered right or wrong in the heart and conscience of each individual as they walk with the Lord. To identify it as sin is a matter that
only God can determine between Himself and the person involved. I've known our Lord Christ
since 4-years-old and can stand on the biblical fact that, we learn as we go along what pleases
Him. Our salvation is a contiuous process after we accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour. And,
"He who hath begun a good work in us will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.

You see, I've observed many well-meaning Christians "strain at an ant and swallow a camel".
By maintaining an adament, "black-and-white" position on the probability of masturbation being a sin has caused many to either turn away from the faith, struggle with self-condemnation, or live
in fear and confusion. This does not demonstrate the Lord's love, nor our faith in KNOWING He
will lead All of His sheep in His time and direction.

Though we walk with Jesus on one road to Heaven, our life pathways are all unique. Being 61,
and considered from the older generation, I often find strength, encouragement, and faith from
early hymns, such as the one that says, "Lead me gently home, dear Father! Lead me gently
home." He does just that, too! Therefore, unless the Holy Spirit definitely impresses me to
address a particular issue with one of God's children, I choose to likewise treat others with
gentleness.

Masturbation, therefore, is a private heart matter between the person involved and the Lord.
That is my basic viewpoint.

Sharon - posted on 04/08/2010

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I do not believe or hold the opinion that masturbation is presented in God's Word as a sin. It is late evening, right now. And, because this topic demands mental alertness and thorough

examination, I refrain from further explanation. It is comforting and uplifting, however, to bask in the all-knowing light of our gentle Saviour's unconditional love and complete understand-

ing. Having made each of us intricately wonderful, He likewise deals with and leads us

accordingly.

.

Sheryl - posted on 03/30/2010

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i agree with that are bodies are not are own. but my thing is that there are times husbend and wife can't be togather. like after having a baby. i guess i think its ok has long as it is thoughts are based on one another. it agree on by both and when then the lines of marriage. its really a thine line i think but then again i think it depends on the coulp and there strength of faith. this is just a really tought one.

Sarah - posted on 03/30/2010

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thank you so much to everyone who answered my questions. I'm really encouraged to know that i'm not the only one that stuggs with the question and it is one that is hard to answer. Thank you so much for your honesty. You guys have given me alot to think about and discuss, and it's great that we can talk about 'taboo' subjects with maturity :)

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I typed up stuff WAY too personal to share, so nevermind.



I'll just say that I should've opened up this post. :(

Leah - posted on 03/28/2010

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For those who are saying that you do not "agree" with that statement, the wifes body is for her husband and his for her, that is a scripture from the bible and to not "agree" with it is saying that you do not agree with God! (John1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.) None of us are perfect and we all break His "laws" but to not agree....when you were saved your heart comes in agreement with Gods. I strongly urge you to rethink what you just said and confess it to God that you are struggling with this verse; that maybe you don't completely understand it to His meanings and that because you are a believer and want to do His will, you are just asking that He give you a revelation of what He is saying here. I love my sisters in Christ therefore I must speakup with what I feel is the truth of God & pray that none will fall to the 'misunderstandings' of the world's views. I know that it is also hard to understand certain verses in different translations of the bible, that is why I always read from the King James and when studying something out, the Amplified. KJV 1Cor 7:4 "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath no power of his own body, but the wife." AMP "For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife [has her rights]." In all things, ABOVE ALL ELSE, remember that our bodies are a temple of God and that we should do nothing to it that is not pleasing to God, even if it is pleasing ourselves. God bless you all and may His love be with you always :)

Victoria - posted on 03/28/2010

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1Co 7:4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

Karen - posted on 03/28/2010

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Amen Michelle! Thanks for being so positive and supportive in this! I think that is very important. Nobody should have to feel ashamed or condemned, and this is a natural thing that God made for us. Also, I agree, our bodies are not our husbands, but our own, and we are responsible for what we do with it.

Michelle - posted on 03/27/2010

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interesting thoughts ladies. Its nice to have a discussion on such topics as this. I have a few thoughts on the matter and non of them are meant in any way to upset anyone. After reading these comments I do agree that the Bible speaks on the topic of sexual purity and saving yourself for marriage. However, I do not think that masturbation is making someone sexual impure. Yes, the mindset is important and not everyone has to think of something wrong to please themselves.
As for the ownership of ones body. Your spouse does not own your body, you do. You have the right to decide what happens to your body and when it happens. Sex with your spouse is wonderful and should be but is not mandatory whenever they want it. Women were created to be united with man as equals, not as creators summoned to answer their every beck and call. If your husband cannot respect that then there is an issue in the marriage. If your husband is not pleasing you through sex than you have the right to take care of things yourself. If we're going to say that you should satisfy him with sex then it works both ways.
on the topic of what to teach kids, it is true that a lot of kids masturbate without knowing what it is and most of the time its purely to find out more about their bodies. Now even if someone does not believe in masturbation I don't think it right to teach a child that they were wrong or have sinned because of what they have done. I mean, really? Kids have enough to worry about and teenagers have enough issues with pleasing parents, doing what right and feeling good about who they are to then be told that they have sinned and done wrong when they weren't even sure what they were doing. The approach to that should be cautious and really thought through before making a kid/teenager feel dirty and wrong about themselves.
I guess I stand at this point with the thoughts that I'd rather have people masturbating then sleeping around to get the same pleasure. Its safer and doesn't hurt someone else. I know not everyone likes that point of view but lets be honest, as mothers we don't want our daughter to come home broken and feeling dirty withe posiblity of a pregnancy nor do we want to worry about our son's hurting a woman, hurting themselves and fathering a child before their married.

Karen - posted on 03/27/2010

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I really think that this is a personal thing, and if one person feels it is a sin, then for them it is, and of another person feels totally fine with it, then for them it isnt sinful. I read one time that it helps us know our bodies and what we like, how we respond, so that we can be better lovers with our spouse. When I stand before God on this issue I know that for me it is a good thing and not a sin, and I feel the same way about it for my husband, on which he agrees. I have had huge sexual abuse issues from my childhood and without my knowing my body, pretty much what I feel about sex is fear and pain. But knowing my own body, I know what I like and dont like and I dont do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. For me to be alone takes away a fear that someone else will hurt me. Somewhere inside me is still that small child that needs to know I can feel pleasure without feeling fear or pain. I know absolutely that my husband would not hurt me but it helps me so much not to feel ashamed about my body. I have lived a long time in shame and my husband is so relaxed about it, it makes me feel loved and confident and special. Now I can look forward to pleasure instead of having natural urges that seemed before like a curse from God sent to torture me.

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Amen to that Leah! God bless you for your obedience to Christ in keeping your marriage pure and godly. (I think that on the phone with your hubby or online with hubby would have been okay, because it was the two of you together, but anything on your own was definately a sin).

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I agree Maggie! Becca and Deborah... yes masturbation is a sin even for the single person. The Bible talks about sexuality and masturbation is a sexual act. If a woman/man masturbates while thier husband/wife is with them and that is something they enjoy and allow to have in their sexual relationship, then it is fine because they are married and both consent to it. Paul says that a man/woman should marry if they cannot control themselves sexually. So for the single people, you have to wait to be "sexual" until you are married. (1 Corinthians 7:8-9 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.) Some are given the "gift" of singlehood and I believe that if God has given that gift, those people are able to control themselves; I don't think that is who Paul is addressing in Corinthians. He is talking to those who are not yet married and he is saying, it is better to not be married because you can serve the Lord without any retraints (wife, kids, family, etc.) but he is saying, only do that if you can control yourself... that would be someone who had the gift of singleness... but if you can't control yourself, get married. So it is clear that if you do anything outside of marriage that is sexual, it is sin.

Maggie - posted on 03/25/2010

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Masturbation is sexual activity, and as such falls under the guidelines the Bible gives about sexual activity. Sexual activity is only permissible in marriage. I would not consider it masturbation if it is happening during marital sex. Masturbation would be self-satisfying outside of marital intercourse. The one thing often overlooked is that fantasizing almost always happens while masturbating, and as Jesus said, to look on someone with lust you've commited adultery already in your heart. If masturbation interferes with doing your marital duty to your spouse, then you are defrauding that spouse which Paul condemns (1 Co. 7:5) Also, your body does not belong to you, it belongs to your spouse, (1 Co. 7:4)

Becca - posted on 03/25/2010

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Wow--this is one of those topics that NO ONE talks about!! My personal conviction is that God's standard is SO high for sexual purity...but I do agree that the Bible doesn't specifically address pleasing yourself sexually. I think you have to check your thoughts while doing this. I'm torn! I realize what a stronghold masturbation is and yes, it is definitely socially wrong.

My question is...what should we teach our kids about it? I KNOW many (all?) kids masturbate before they even know what it is!

Deborah - posted on 03/25/2010

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I use to belong to a church that taught masturbation is a sin. They related to homosexuality by saying if you masturbated you are basically gay. I never understood that way of thinking because I believe most people that do this are usually thinking about someone of the opposite sex. But what if you are not thinking about anyone but just need a release. Does that make it wrong especially if you are single?

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iv read afew coments on this sub. and somthing keeps coming to mind. The Bible says to only hold off from etch other for a period of time (with prayer and meditation/fasting) and if the two of You are apart You should be praying and fasting from anything that the body lusts for till You can come together again. yes we are sexual beings but that doesn't mean we should let out sex lives take a turn to being our own. I beleive that even in a marriage lust can be presant even if its when lusting aftor Your spouce. to clarify to think of sexual thoughts with out intending to come together.

Andrea - posted on 03/24/2010

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Now are you asking about Adults or children - because I hear a lot of discussions about children masturbating. For kids it's more exploration and not sexual at all and while we should not encourage, I don't believe they are sinning by doing it.
The only reference to it in scripture I can think of is Genesis 38. The sin here though was not the act but the fact that Onan was not fulling his responsibility as required by the Jewish (and therefore God's) law.
Biblically speaking I would say it matters more the mindset in which you do it more than the act itself. If you are meeting the needs of your spouse and both agree it is OK in your marriage it should not be a problem. The issues come when you start fantasizing about someone other than your spouse or it becomes something that you "have" to do and is controlling you more than God and His word.

Sheryl - posted on 03/23/2010

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i guess coming from me i know when my boys get older i would them rather just take care of it. cause men or even boys can get a problem that really hurts. even boys who have not been sex. active with anyone. plus i don't think it say anything about it. now i am not sure on this. i think though its different for say like teen age boys who are not sex. active. girls i don't think they really have any problems with the horm. like that till after they have been sex. active. do i belive sex out of a marriage is wrong yes but i think its ok in someways. it just really hard to say if any of us are right or wrong. i cause i feel the bible doesn't say much on this. that least not very clear from the bible i have been reading. so i really don't now in the end.

Karen - posted on 03/23/2010

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When I got pregnant with my twins nine years ago, my doctor told me I must be celibate for my entire pregnancy because it was high risk. Once my girls were born, they were preemies and my husband did not want to get up in the night with them, so I slept with them. Now they are 8 years old and I have not slept with my husband since they were born for more than a couple of nights a year. I personally very much want my husband to be able to have relief if he doesnt get it from me. I myself am on thyroid medication and I find that masturbation for me will influence my monthly periods. It doesnt happen very often, a couple of times a year maybe, but when it does my period will start soon after that. My husband is quite a bit older than me, in his late 50s, and with me having thyroid issues neither one of us has very much sex drive, and we are fine with that. Occasional masturbation seems to me like a good alternative for both of us. We dont use porn or pornographic pictures, we both think of us together for stimulation. In thinking of what we had to go through with infertility issues, I am sad for the men especially who have been taught by their parents that masturbation causes blindness and all kinds of things that are untrue. That makes it really hard for a man to give a doctor a semen specimen. Also, thinking of teen boys-and girls too-who have hormones raging, well, this is a safer alternative than teen pregnancy or a male who molests an unwilling partner or even a child to get his relief because he has been taught that to masturbate is some horrible sin but that sex with a female is normal. Sex drive comes from God. He does not expect to give us something and then tell us its a sin. That would just plain be setting us up for sin. Why would he do that? He loves us and wants the best for us. Plus if I'm by myself I am not hurting anyone. Its not something I would give my husband but am denying him and the same goes for him. I see it more as something I give to him, a freedom to pleasure himself when I am not available, and a way for me to think with pleasure of us together.

Nerissa - posted on 03/22/2010

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I was just thinking about this reading another post earlier. I wonder, if it is so wrong for a woman to do this just to pleasure herself, is it also wrong for a man to? Personally, I would rather my husband pleasure himself than letting it get to a point where he may be easier tempted to possibly cheat. We have a great sexual relationship but we both do this (him more often, obviously!). It never takes away from our time together. I think it just makes us want each other more because we know that together it is so much better!

As far as sex mastering you if you can't wait for your husband, I think it would be more mastering if you hold off but then that is all you can think of, rather than just spending a little time on yourself. As long as you don't then deny your husband.

Cori - posted on 03/22/2010

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What if it makes it easier for you to do your "marital duty" and please your spouse? Sometimes if it has been a few days since we made love (due to stress, schedules, crying baby, illness, etc) I will put on my lingerie while waiting for my husband to come home and "ready myself" for him. This is pretty much masturbation but it is for the purpose of getting myself in the right mindset to please my husband. If I'm not thinking about another man or image is it wrong to do this? It isn't that he doesn't please me but if my head has been wrapped around being a mommy, work, and cleaning the house all day it takes me some time to get into the mood and my husband doesn't get home till late from work, so I want to be ready for him.

Victoria - posted on 03/22/2010

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I believe masturbation within a marriage, underlining certain rules is fine, ie. one of you is away and so you have an intimate telephone conversation together and therefore it comes under sex within a marriage as long as the focus of your attention is your spouse.



Outside of the marriage, it becomes lust especially since most people usually have to think about someone or use some kind of pictorial aid, it then becomes lusting after someone, And is therefore adultery, whether pre-martial adultery, or adultery outside of marriage vows.



Mt 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

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