Neighbor kids

Heather - posted on 03/24/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Our neighbors have children the same age as ours. Their daughter is 8 and their son is 6 (my sons are 8 and 6). They are very good friends, however I am concerned about a number of things. Their daughter brags about kissing older boys, but calls my son her boyfriend and they swear they are going to get married when they grow up. Their son likewise calls my other son his boyfriend... I know that children will be children, and we have had many discussions on appropriate behavior, and God's will for relationships. However, the other kids aren't Christians. Their mom believes in a Native American religion (worships and respects all life as spirit?) She doesn't approve of some of the things that her kids have talked my children into doing, but we are always the ones to catch them. Anyway my question is that we have invited them over in the past to watch a movie or play outside and their daughter and my son always try to sneak off to be alone together. (I have heard her trying to lure him away, but in no way saying he is innocent). They have recently invited them to their house, and I don't know what to say (I said not right now...) I know I can't shelter my children forever, but I don't want to put them in the situation to sin. Does that make since? What would you do?

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Linda - posted on 03/25/2011

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I do think you have reason for concern. I would really stress to my boys your concern for their salvation...and try to bring the boys onboard in being an example and witnessing to them. If their foremost thought is that these children need to go to heaven, they will perhaps be less likely to do things which would not bring honor to Christ.

No...you can't shelter your children forever, but you certainly can right now. I would keep them playing at your house where you can keep an eagle eye on them. I would tell your children honestly why this is necessary because of the behaviors you have seen from the other children. Since the other mother is basically acting as a single parent right now, she should be thrilled to have some quiet time to herself! If she presses the issue, then I would just be honest with her as well. Tell her you are trying to keep your children as children a little longer and don't really want to get your son into the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing right now ...which her daughter seems to be pursuing. Some adults think this childhood boyfriend/girlfriend thing is cute....but I would explain to her what your goals for your children are: spiritually, emotionally, etc....you could use it as a chance to witness to her. God can open the doors.

Heather - posted on 03/27/2011

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Heather, this brings up for me incidents I faced as a young teenager. So I'm going to encourage you with three things. :)

First, YES you not only have the right but also the obligation to SHELTER YOUR KIDS right now. You are their primary advocate, you know them, and you know what they can and should handle. It is a God-given right and responsibility; claim it sister!! :) and use it wisely.

Second, institute this policy now while they're young. It will matter most when they are teens, but you can't add rules when they're that age. Here is the policy: No kids over when the parents aren't home. That means, if the other child's parent isn't home, you can't go to their house. If Dad & I aren't home, no other child can come to our house. Again, doesn't even matter now -- but tell them about it now.

Because, #3. You can tell the two older kids that you need to be responsible for their behavior while they're at your house. So no more sneaking off to "be alone." Anything that should be happening at this age can be happening in the presence (or at least the earshot) of adults. If they have the desire to hide, that's telling you something. You know it -- that's why you posted here. :)

"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." (Jn 3:19-21)

Happy Sabbath!!! :)

Alisha - posted on 04/07/2011

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If I were you I wouldn't let your children go to their house! I don't care whose feelings you hurt, it is better than something happening and the police getting involved then you will feel terrible! If you don't feel comfortable with them coming over to play then I would limit the amount of time you invite them over. Do not put your children in danger to please your neighbor, tell them you are busy and have Bible reading to do (and the actually read the Bible)! I think also, you could use that opportunity to explain lies other people believe about false gods and how we know our God, Jesus Christ is the one true God! I would be afraid that the two sneaking off together may try some weird things together, so do not let them be alone! This is more common than talked about and really your children's safety and innocence about sexual things is the most important thing!

Tabitha - posted on 03/27/2011

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I am a home school mom of a 12 and 13 yr we started to talk to our children about what God wants for them in relaships at a very young age. We had a friend who aloud thier children to say and do anthing they wonted I findly had to stop the frindship. My children's walk with God and their puity means more to me then someones friendship. The Bible says" Bad friends corrupts good manners" We are to help gaurd their heart. check out this book at the christianbookstore.com How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex: A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child's Sexual Character, revised

Tristan - posted on 03/24/2011

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if the little girl does it in ur home she will deff do it in her own home and i would be worried that the mom wouldnt watch them as closly as u do children are learning things way to fast these days at 8 i thought boys had coddies and would run from them it also could be that the little girl is seeing something going on at home that is not age approaite for her to see and thats why she is trying to sneak off with ur son . I would maybe try to explain to the mother how u feel about all of this maybe then u all could sit down to have a talk and resolve this issue so that the children can still play together with out u worring about ur son and the little girl

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Vanessa - posted on 04/07/2011

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I would try to temper the visits, working more of them at my house if possible, I know its not always easy, my daughter use to go to the neighbors and there were two girls, that knew more than my girl, especially the older one. I went upstairs to talk to her mom once, and left my girl wth her girls while their mom and I talked, I went back down, I was going to let mine stay awhile, the oldest girl had both girls held down making them watch a adult movie, needless to say I took my child, after that I just invited the younger one over to play with my child but the older one come over to my house any time she could. I just really made up excuses for my girl not to go back, she told me that the older one had held them down before and made them watch a scary movie, even though I was not attending church at the time, I had a strong christian up bringing, and we firmly believe its one of the biggest things the devil has done to get evil in to so many peoples heads at once. I just kinda keep it at that, but now with me going to church, I would have a set down with the mom, since they are not doing what mine was, but I would set her mom down, discuss what you both dont like that you both have seen, then together figure out a attack plan to stop the behavior. Its good that the other mom dont like the behavior. I would try to come to a compromise, if that could not possibly be reached, I would have to pull my kids out of that relationship. Its up to us to teach them morals, then when it happens to their children, they will look back on what you done, and immediately know what to do, explain it to the kids what you are doing step by step, tell them about the meeting to see what you all can come up with to stop it, and if you cant your going to seperate them, I think that might give your kids the scare to either change, or lose their friends, but thats just me and what I would do not, seeing as I do serve God now, he said he would give up a boldness when we need it. So I would pray about it, ask for His guidence, then head at it, he will empower you to d it and make the right decisions. He's good to us that way. Christianbizmom v.jordan68@gmail.com

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This sounds so tough & I am watching intently as we have a somewhat similar possibility looming in our future. (my daughter is going to be 4) Although it will be tough, I also think you or your husband need to be present whenEVER these kids are around.

Heather - posted on 03/27/2011

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Tabitha, I 100% agree with you, however I can't really stop the friendship as our yards touch and they spend 99.9% of their time together playing through the fence. We have talked about what God wants from relationships and what true friends really are. But the neighbors children really do corrupt the lessons we are trying to instill... and there is no way to keep them apart...

Carla - posted on 03/25/2011

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Hey, Heather, kids are growing up way too quick, aren't they? At 8, they are getting curious (I know what I was doing at 8), and I think I would have the children over to play at your house. That way you can supervise and get them involved in playing in a group, rather than sneaking off by themselves.



Have you talked to your son about this? It sounds like this little girl is going to be a handful. I doubt if sex is involved YET, but it has been known to happen. I know you are covering your ears and screaming, but it is possible. This puts a little more pressure on you, but if the kids want to continue to play together, you are going to have to keep a sharp eye out. Also, you might be able to bring some Truth to this little girl, in talking with her at your house about modesty, chastity, etc. Not in a confrontational way, of course, but kind of like friend-to-friend, ya know?



We were the neighborhood hang-out, so I almost always knew where my kids were. There were also very specific rules when the kids were at our house, anyone who didn't want to respect those rules was asked to leave. They were usually pretty respectful of the rules, as long as you don't come off hard or mean.



Pray, honey, then have a talk with your son first of all. Give him what information you feel, after praying, that he needs. Then do the best you can to keep them group-playing. If, though, after your best efforts, this doesn't help, you may have to steer him to other friends, hopefully, boys.



God bless, honey, prayin' for ya!

Daniellecherees - posted on 03/24/2011

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SORRY TO MIS-UNDERSTAND YOU. i would suggest having your daughter stear clear of them if you "feel" something from them or him.

if they arent believers, the only thing to bring up is There sin, and the need to repent and walk with God. we arent to be uneaqually yoked together with unbelievers.

love

Heather - posted on 03/24/2011

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She isn't my daughter, it's my neighbors child. I homeschool my children and we do not have cable (we do watch movies, but that is much easier to control and have no inappropriate commercials). My neighbors children do attend public school and I'm sure they have cable, but I can't control that. We have talked with them in the past and set down some boundries, but they don't respect authority for the most part. Their dad is in the military so there mom is doin' it alone. She is really nice, but as I said she isn't a Christian and while she doesn't approve of her daughters (and sons) behavior, I don't know what would happen when I'm not around.

Daniellecherees - posted on 03/24/2011

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are they in secular school? what television programs do they watch? these two questions could be the culprit.



teach your child to flee from fornication, the bible says anyone who LOOKS LUSTFULLY hath commiteth adultery. she is at the age of accountability. ecourage her as her mother, you are number one on opinions, wheather or not she would like to admit.



show her it is the hidden man of heart, worth far more than rubies. she needs to seek her guidance from above, rather than what she may "feel.:"



love danielle

Anne - posted on 03/24/2011

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Heather I do not think you are your concern is unfounded. I do want to comment but I wnat to Pray about what I say so it comes across in the way I mean it and not as mean spirited in any way. I will also be Praying with you and for your family concerning this.

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