Seriously considering divorce

Cecilia - posted on 09/30/2010 ( 32 moms have responded )

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Today the husband and I were talking about very serious issues such as how he wanted to get a job or start a business anything to make money, then it got brought back to the past as always I told him it was me who talked about personal things behind his back because I needed someone to talk to, mostly the person I told was my mom then she would start attacking him and I, he always thought she started it well if I hadn't told her anything she wouldn't be in it, I took the blame for that. Now I don't do that anymore I've seen how much damage it's caused in our lives, so then I asked later on why did you marry me?: He says " Cause you were pregnant and I didn't want to lose our son" I cried and asked him something else about why he had an internet thing with someone and gave his number out to them, he says " I did it on purpose because I wanted out" now something tells me that he really doesn't love me and just married me cause I was carrying his child. I said you don't marry someone because thier pregnant you do it for the right reasons like love. Now I'm hurt and all I can do is clean the apartment so I can get my mind off it, any suggestions ladies ? I even wrote a note to him saying I was sorry and I said to him earlier today whats the point if theres nothing there anymore? I don't want to divorce but he brings it up an awful lot so.... ????? Oh he also said I wanted to go to jail when he had pushed me and threatened me and broke my phone, he said it was the only way to get away from me or something of that nature.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Carla - posted on 10/02/2010

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Darling, married people say terrible things to each other in the heat of whatever they are in at the time. Our marriage was AWFUL for 30 years! We would leave each other, even filed for divorce once, but we kept going back, because we couldn't live without each other. We cheated, lied, everything that a person could do to their spouse, we did to each other.

The good news is, we resisted the temptation to divorce. God gave the covenant of marriage and instructed us to be married forever. And do you know why? Because it takes 30+ years to figure each other out! If you run at the first sign of trouble, nothing ever gets worked out, and you go from #1 to #2, to #3, etc., and NEVER find true contentment. Happiness is an illusion. It comes and goes. The emotional feeling of love comes and goes, as well. Every married person, if they are honest, have asked themselves, 'why did I get married?' It is the ebb and flow of life. But that doesn't mean we divorce and walk away. Lorraine told about her leaving, but getting counselling while away. Sometimes absence is the best thing, to cool things down, and make us miss each other.

What finally brought us back together was a last horrible affair, that devastated us. He left, I left state, and we thought it was over. But the Lord came to me in a miraculous way and started re-working me. While I was praying for God to 'get' him, God was saying 'what about ____ that you're doing?' It took months to quit arguing with Him and to start taking a frank look at myself and seeing that what I thought was a 'fair' Christian walk was fantasy. I spent probably two years on my face before the Lord repenting for my foolish, foolish life. He brought my husband home, and several years later, he rededicated his life back to the Lord. We are now going on #38, and loving and appreciating each other more than we ever had.

NOTHING is impossible with God! He had brought us together, and He was the one that kept us together.

Pray, darling, pray, pray, pray before you do anything you may regret. God is faithful.

God bless

Kara - posted on 10/07/2010

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Loved One,
No situation is beyond the reach of our Lord's redemptive arm. No matter how bleak, how despairing the circumstances, there is always hope in the One who has called you by name. May you find comfort in His arms and wisdom in His Word. May we, as your sisters in Christ, uphold you and your precious family in faithful prayer. And may we weigh our own words and advice very carefully. Better to remain silent and pray than to speak a word out of our own frailty.
You are loved!

Anne - posted on 09/30/2010

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Cecilia my heart goes out to you. You did not say how long you have been married or if your husband is a Christian. I am going to recommend 2 books that I believe could help you, your husband and your marriage. The first one is the "Love Dare" book that was introduced in the movie Fire Proof. The second is "The Power of a Praying Women" by Stormie Omartian. My husband and I be married 31 years in December and I can tell you with out a doubt the one thing that in our early years of our marriage that did the most damage was the word DIVORCE! Although both my husband and myself were Christians when we married, day to day pressures would build up and then we would, or I should say I would, through the D word out there. When I after about 8 years (I know I was a slow learner) I realized that I needed to get that word out of our Marriage Vocabulary. Did we see any real growth towards lasting commitment. If your husband will go to Marriage Counseling with either your Pastor or a Christian Counselor this could also help. Above all if you have not already started Pray for your husband and treat him with the respect a husband deserves. Please Understand I am NOT Assume you so not already so these things. If these two words I mentioned are not in your budget Continue to Pray and Pray hard for your husband, yourself, and your Marriage. I Cor 13-4 the end of the chapter is a wonderful place to start reading and turning into a Prayer. Also All The verses from Ephesians 6 could be used in a Prayer to help strengthen your Marriage.


1 Corinthians 13
Love

1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


Ephesians 5 (New International Version)

Ephesians 5

1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.

8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives and Husbands

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I hope this has helped. I will be Praying with and for you.

Kristi - posted on 10/13/2010

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I don't think that 'love' is a right reason to get married....you both made a commitment through better or worse, regardless of love. This is probably one of those 'worse' times, but my mom always told me that the commitment comes first and you won't always have the feeling of love. So, now you are a family and I agree with Anne W. that I erased the 'divorce' word out of my vocabulary and stuck with my marriage, even when I didn't know how on earth I got into this situation and didn't see a way out or a way to fix it. The best part is - I didn't have to fix it - I remembered that God is on my side and He can fix anything! I gave up all my burdens to Him and stopped trying to control the outcome of my marriage....immediately I felt lighter - the yoke had been lifted from my shoulders and I surrendered everything to God. I WAS SO RELIEVED! Nothing had changed....just my perspective - and God made all the difference. My husband was still the same person, but I continued praying for him and trying to make subtle differences. He never had a good role model as a dad and his first marriage was horrible, but i was determined to stick through whatever. By God's grace, we are still together 4 years later and have a beautiful baby girl now. Things are much better and we never would have made it this far if I gave up in the beginning. In Corinthians and Matthew it talks a lot about marriage and divorce and basically the Bible said that if an unbelieving spouse wants a divorce, then the believing spouse can give it to them, and not be in the wrong...but if the unbelieving spouse stays, then the believer should stay also so the unbeliever may one day be saved as well. You said that you were in Christian counseling, but that does not mean that your husband is a Christian....if he is, then hopefully he will be held accountable by you and other brothers and sisters in Christ, but he is not having a Christian attitude according to your post. And what does he say about God and what the Bible says about divorce? If he truly is not a Christian, then that should be prayer #1 - pray for his salvation and for God to work in your marriage. The first years are the hardest and it's important now that you do the work and put the time in to build your marriage - to reconnect...and to not just blame each other. It wouldn't be different with any other man - every marriage has issues - so work on THESE issues and don't start over from scratch with someone that will have a whole set of different problems...Good luck - hopefully years down the road you will look back at this time and be thankful you stuck through it!

Julie - posted on 10/07/2010

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I have to say I disagree with the people who say if he only married you to be with his child is a bad thing and you should leave him for it and that it's no reason to get married, that "love" is the only reason to get married.
Sorry but love should be a verb in a relationship. Love is what you DO not always what you feel.
And what better reason to choose to show someone love than the fact that they are your child's other parent?
They call it "doing the right thing" marrying your pregnant girlfriend for a reason.
The real problem is that the duty doesn't end on the wedding day. Your husband had a duty to marry you, but he also has a duty to BE your husband.

Is he a christian? you need to get christian men in his life to teach him what marriage is. Even if he didn't feel like he loved you when you got married, even if he doesn't feel it now, he has a duty to start loving you. It's a choice, and he is capable of making it.
You can't make him choose it though. All you can do is choose to love him and hope he chooses to love you back one day.
One thing though... was pushing and threatening you a one off thing or does he do it a lot?

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User - posted on 06/22/2011

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I've been there w/ 2 kids and after a 1.5 yr separation we're working through it. I slipped and hit my head on ice and he said the thoughts that were going through his head were not good ones which scared him. Looking back now, him leaving was the BEST thing for our relationship. You can only create the life you want and he will either respond in a way you find appealing or he won't. Only he can change himself. Most important is to take care of yourself so you can be there for your child. Kids know and if Mama ain't happy, no one is happy. Males tend to react not act. If he's "lazy" there something that he's not getting out of the relationship to inspire him to react and do something. If you love him, you need to find out what his currency is and use that as a reward when he reacts in the way that pleases you. If you're exhausted, there maybe a lot of stuff that he can take on but doesn't do as good as you and men hate to fail so he rather not do it then do it and fail. I accept now how he does things even if it's not how I would do it or how I think it's right--but it's done. I do it my way when he's not around. I also think more about myself and take less crap from him meaning I hold myself to a higher standard and he can either rise up or step aside. I keep my head, heart and feet where they are every day not dwelling in past and not daydreaming about the future. If you're serious about parting, I'd recommend two books BEFORE you make any changes:
Spiritual Divorce - Catalyst for an Extra Ordinary Life by Debbie Ford
The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle

Good Luck!

Terry-ann - posted on 10/13/2010

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Yes there are times when ppl get married for the wrong reason,but then they grow to love each other.I beleive that you can try Counseling first.just try some more to make thing work out.Spend time with him,have romantic dates,have a lot of sex different possition.make him feel l0oved and special.Then if that doesnt work get the hell out of there.I dont know u but i know u are perfect in your own way and any other man would be luck to have you

Josianne - posted on 10/12/2010

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hello seriously thinking of divorce. i read your story and wanted to encourage yu that divorce is never good and God hates it. we have to remember that the vows we say at the altar is important. once we say "i DO", even if we were making a wrong decision God immediately values that vow. I encourage you to walk closer to Jesus and ask him to handle the greater part of your marriage. stay true, and if you have to take the wrong to be right let that be the price you have to pay remember to whom much is given much is required fight for your marriage it is worth it.

Shelly - posted on 10/12/2010

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It's really hard. I know. Look to God and not your circumstance. He will direct your path. Try your best to follow his word, don't call your husband names or think on the bad things. Joyce Meyer teachings really help me.

Lisa - posted on 10/09/2010

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God is Love so anything outside of god is LUST, so if you cant see god in that man or that man can't see god in you, then it will fail because thats what love is, god is love thats why they say love never fails because thats what love is, its God and he never fails.and if that women and man was acting chirstlike, like for example you both need to ask yourself is this christlike how we are acting? read Phil 2:2

Cecilia - posted on 10/09/2010

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@Christine I asked her before hand if she prescribes medicine and she is a holistic psychiatrist that doesn't belive in medication for a cure.

Christine - posted on 10/09/2010

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Please do not ask for psychiatric help as they only pushed medication on you. The best way is to talk to each other and asks how he feel about you. I am sure with God's guidance you will find the peace within you to do the right thing. God Bless.

Shirley - posted on 10/08/2010

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Marriages are never beyond repair. God can do anything. You can do anything through Him. He hates divorce and will do all you will let Him in helping you both to keep the promises you have made. My advice is to stay with him until either he gets his heart right or until he leaves. I know that is easier said than done, but its what you should do if you really want to do all you can to save your marriage. I will be praying for you both.
Trusting in Christ,
Shirely

Jennifer - posted on 10/08/2010

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Im sorry sister...Ive been thru 2 divorces..its hard espe when there are kids involved...I wouldnt bring it up any more...just Keep Prayin to God..HE has all the answers...U will know in ur heart what to do..Try the Love Dare book..its so awesome...u both need to watch the Fireproof movie...Its an awesome movie...i wish it was out when my sons dad n i were going thru our divorce...it may have saved it...Im praying for a healing inur marriage...God centered...

Carla - posted on 10/08/2010

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Julie, you have learned a valuable lesson. I have just gotten back from counselling a couple who are doing exactly the same thing--bringing up the past, and shooting off their mouths. As I told the couple today, if you live in the past, you can't move into the future. The past is just that--something we can learn from, but nothing more. Going over and over hurtful things only keeps the wound open. And, if we can put spiritual duct tape over our mouths before our feet even hit the floor, your marriage will be better, even if you do nothing else! Words wound, and you can never make them go away. So, keep your words sweet, cuz you may have to eat them sometime down the road ;)

God bless, all!

Julie - posted on 10/08/2010

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I ask my husband all the time if he married me because I was pregnant or because he loved me. We knew each other a week when we got pregnant and he is not a christian. We have had alot of issues and I have left a few times to stay with my parents. The worst times are when we bring up the past and when we shoot hurtful comments back and forth. We started going to a councellor after I can back from my parents the last time (took a while before I got up the courage to leave)...it has been awesome. Things dffinetly take alot of work...there are some issues that can't ever be "fixed". Honestly if you are considering divorce then check out all the resourses you have available to you. Where will you go, where will you stay. Keep in mind all the government programs and supports if you need them. Sometimes leaving for a bit is the best way to work out issues and then you can decide what is realy best. You don't have to be divorced to live appart...you don't have to commit to being away for a long or short period and if in the end divorce is the right option then you can decide after you know what it is going to be like being a single mom. I think in ontario it is a year living appart and then you can file for divorce and even if the other person refuses to sign it doesn't matter. Also before look into custody stuff...
I totally understand where you are coming from we are going on two and a half years...

Deborah - posted on 10/07/2010

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My heart is breaking for you! Remember....you have to STAND in your own power. No "man" ever says ....the mother of his child... those things...nor does he DO those things. Sweetie....I am sorry I feel your pain. My husband just left us (myself and our son) for another woman and her child. SO I FEEL your pain...truly. The only TRUE reason why I a man (I should replace man with boy) leaves is for his EGO... not anything you have done or haven't done..but or his EGO. I know you are in the "eye of the storm" right now. I am praying for you to feel God's love and healing touch.

Heather - posted on 10/07/2010

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Cecillia,
I feel for you. I know how you feel. My high school sweet heart and I got married my last year of college. I became pregnant about 7 months after our wedding and graduated college about 2 months after that. When I moved into his house for good, things were okay while we learned to live with each other. About a month before my son was born I found a church that I loved. After my son was born things in our relationship began to change. A lot of feeling like I don't exist in my husbands life. He would take my keys so I couldn't go anywhere. There were nights that he didn't come home ("he was helping a friend). I actually found a "Do it yourself divorce book" in our office. When I asked him how he could think of divorce when we took vows his reply was, "They're just words. They don't mean anything." A turning point was when I came home and found evidence of him cheating on me. I moved out and within 3 days he had filed for divorce. It was a long divorce. I was a stay at home mom. I had no income or money and spent the first 4 months with no monetary help of any kind. Our divorce was finalized and we were married for a total of 2 years 9 months. I was trying to make it work. All through the divorce I relied on my priest to help me. The only reason I don't feel guilt about that divorce is because of my priest and our bishop and the fact that the Bible does acknowledge divorce for infidelity reasons. BUT, only when all possibilities of saving the marriage have been exhausted. I went through a lot during our divorce and my ex has come a long way since our divorce. He is actually a better dad now then when we were married. We have put a lot of work into having our son know that both his dad and mom love him. I am engaged to an incredible man who loves me like I have never been loved. Don't give up on your marriage. You took vows not only to each other but to God. I know the pain and hurt you are feeling. But I know the struggle of a divorce that you will go through. My ex actually gave me a death threat during our divorce. If your husband has actually gotten physical with you then I fear what he may do going through a divorce. Marriage is not easy. I have learned many things from my first marriage. It drives my fiance nuts that I won't stop bugging him until he tells me what's wrong and we talk about it. I don't know if this has helped you at all or just made things worse. What I can tell you is fighting and arguing are much easier than divorce! Remember the Bible tells us to put our husband/wife first before our children and after God. I am praying that God leads you and your husband down the right path. Good Luck.

Cecilia - posted on 10/07/2010

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@Rebekah we are currently in marriage counseling with a christian man been for about 3 months.

Rebekah - posted on 10/07/2010

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My advice to you is pray over him and let him make the decisions he is going to make... put your heart in God's hands, for when God has your heart, He will protect it. This is going to be tough, but pray over him daily, speak encouraging words only to him, do not argue (even if you disagree with him), you be that Proverbs 31 woman and have a meek spirit about you. When you follow the Scriptures of covering your spouse in the Word and treat your husband as if he was Jesus (whether he acts like it or not), you will see that God will take over the situation. But I really encourage you to talk with a pastor, I highly doubt your husband will go to counseling YET, but talk with a pastor, find an accountability friend, and cover your husband in prayer. I think you'll find in the end, God will change you, and God will restore your marriage (if that is YOUR desire). :)

Cecilia - posted on 10/07/2010

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@Julie That was a one time incident of the pushing, he sometimes gets up in my face but other than that no physical contact or harm. Actually I am guilty of sometimes hitting him though it's not hard cuz I'm very tiny and not strong I feel when it gets to that point it's best for one of us to leave. I am trying to see a psychiatrist to get help for myself, I grew up in a family of domestic violence and alcoholic abuse, so I didn't have a great example but I know right from wrong I may also have a temper like my father, God rest his soul in heaven. We've been married for 3 yrs and together for 3. Thanks for your advice everyone

Nayanda - posted on 10/07/2010

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It doesn't matter how long you've been married, if he has attacked you, made you feel less than your beautiful self it is time to go. We cannot hang onto someone that does not want to be held onto and your husband obviously wants to go. Let him go. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done but in the end you will see it for the blessing it is. Divorce is not a sin, the sin is remaining with someone with whom you're not evenly yoked. Marriage does not equal mistreatment nor does it mean you are stuck in a loveless relationship. Had you known he married you just because you were pregnant, would you have married him? I think not. Let him go knowing you did all you did for the right reasons. He didn't.

Rebecca - posted on 10/06/2010

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I have wanted to end it all before too, but God keeps reminding me that we must continually forgive as He continually forgives us. I am also determined not to continue with the generational sin of divorce. My children don't deserve the heartache I went through. It all boils down to pride and dying to ones self. If you have'nt already done so I recommend Jimmy Evans' marriage ministry.

Stephanie Jo - posted on 10/03/2010

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Hey girl, bless your heart! I am so sorry. Keep praying, keep close to the Lord. Talk to your pastor, or someone you trust. That was some horrible things to have said. My advice to you is to keep living for the Lord,concentrate on the Lord,yourself and your son. If he wants a divorce let him be the one to file, you have tried so hard to make this marriage work.When he wants to argue as hard as it is try not to,dont give him the satisfaction of making you upset and plus maybe he will actually open his eyes and see how wonderful you are and that he would be lost if he ends up losing you and his son. Lord, it seems like there is a lot of troubles,struggles in marriages lately. We ask that you lead us, comfort us, as we dont know what to ask for,we pray that you just help us in our times of need.You know what is best, in your precious Jesus name Amen.

Linda - posted on 10/02/2010

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Cecilia, I'm so sorry things are not going well in your marriage. It is true that the first years are the most difficult. As Christians, we need to love and to forgive. As much as getting out of a bad marriage might sound like a good idea, the only Biblical grounds for divorce are infidelity or when a non-believing spouse leaves you. I would also say that physical abuse is a reason for getting out. Beyond that, I believe you need to make your marriage work. Love is a much misunderstood thing in our culture. True love is not a feeling, but a decision. Too much emphasis is put on romantic love and "falling in love" when what God teaches is that we love in word and in deed. While we were still sinners, Christ loved us and died for us. Even though our husbands (and us) are sinners, we need to love them, even if that love is not returned. I hope this doesn't sound harsh. I truly believe that if you love and respect him regardless of what he says, then your marriage will improve. We can not change our husbands, but we can change ourselves. And PRAY for him, continually. Be careful when you speak that it is only building up and not tearing down. As wives, we can find a lot of things our husbands don't do right, but we need to admire and affirm them for what they are doing right. It took me a long time to learn some of these lessons. Keep praying, but don't look to divorce to solve your problems. You have a child together and so will always have to deal with him regardless. It will be better to do so when following God's plan.

Lorraine Alicia - posted on 10/02/2010

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I am so sory to hear you are suffering like that and i will pray for you.



I think i can say i know what you are going through i had almost the same problem with my husband. He said to me on our honey moon night that he married me because he was forced to. We were pregant before the marriage but i lost the baby. His family and mines encouraged us to get married so we did. He did many things to hurt me ( yes he hit me) and he said its because he wanted me to leave.



Eventually i left but i prayed and prayed and i ask our God to please do somthing.



To make a long story short we are still married and very happy. I wanted to get divorce to but i decided to move out make sure myself and kids were safe and rededicate my life to God.



After about 3 months he came to me pleading for forgiveness he said he realize that what he taught he wanted he did not. i did not go back right away i stayed away for about 3 more months while we attended counselling.



I am happy i did not get the divorce but what you need to do is make your self and your kids safe and talk to your maker let him direct your path.



Your situation may not work out like mines but i always suggest to people contemplating divorce to ensure they pray it through first and let God will be done in your family.



Praying for you and your family.

Dana - posted on 10/02/2010

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Cecilia,

You deserve love. It is the greatest thing on earth. Set your boundaries, expectations and dreams. The boundaries (so minor as no pushing or throwing) gives you freedom and protection by drawing the line of what you will accept; expectation and dreams give you hope and possibility to work towards when you feel like you have nothing. Make a list and refer back to it. It works right along with a good prayer! For more encouragement try - http://www.bit.ly/FullFillYourDestiny

Cecilia - posted on 10/02/2010

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@Casey we've been married just 3 years, but we live by no family anymore we moved 6 months ago. He and I are just not the same people anymore I feel like I'm living with a stranger a room mate, we are in Christian marriage counseling and thats helped some but when we argue all that goes out the door, I forgive but he doesn't so easily he lives in the past and I try not to. What I want to do is get divorced and start over with him like we were dating again everythings new, then if it gets back to real love then get married again is that crazy?

Casey - posted on 10/01/2010

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First, my heart goes out to you. I would like to ask, as Anne did, how long have you been married? I ask because the first years are the hardest. You're trying to merge two lives together and there are challenges that arise and as Anne mentioned, the "D word" gets thrown around some times in the heat of the moment so the first thing I can say to you is, it's not just you guys. All marriages have rough patches. Also, you mentioned you began your marriage with a pregnancy, and that adds another stressful element to your situation, even though babies are always a blessing. John 10:10 says, "the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." The evil one seeks to only steal, kill, and destroy, and he seeks out your marriage.... all marriages. This is discussed in a book my husband and I have found very helpful to our marriage: Love & War, by John and Staci Eldredge. I found this link, that might be able to help you get a free copy of the book: http://blog.ransomedheart.com/john/2010/... Although, no matter how or why you came together, or what has happened since--mistakes he has made or you have made.... regardless of any of that, your marriage is not beyond repair. You two can turn this around and have a fresh start if you're committed to God, to each other, and your marriage. One of the best things you can do in your marriage on a day to day basis, is forgive each other. The evil one can't get a foothold when there is forgiveness and love in your heart. May God bless you both.

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I say you should get out, as soon as possible, for one, he should never be putting his hands on you or threatening you, even if it is only pushing, and two, he admitted he only married you because you were pregnant. A marriage cannot survive off of that. There has to be love, and not only love, but so much more. First off, a strong connection with God, open lines of communication, trust, respect, etc...Obviously if he is looking for someone else online and admitted it, and is looking for any excuse to get out, then it is beyond repair. As hard as it is to let go, do not only what is best for you, but for your child, and get away. Sometimes splitting a family up is better on a child than them growing up witnessing fighting, arguing, and coming to realize that there is no love between his parents.

Cecilia - posted on 09/30/2010

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Anne yes we are in christian marriage counseling and have been for months, I own the love dare book and the power of a praying woman but I have tried many times to make things right I think i've gotten to a point where it doesn't matter either way but I won't force it I'll do what I can do to please him and show him respect and if nothing else I tried my best.

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