What does the Bible say about.....

Michelle - posted on 02/13/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Masturbation. This I know is a very touchy subject, especially among Christians and I don't think it should be. I think that we should be open. As a child I was told that it was a sin and that only "dirty" people do it. As an adult, I feel differently, I feel that had I explored my curious urges in the form of masturbation then maybe I would not have become sexually active at the age of 14. I have four kids, two girls and two boys and I don't want them to become sexually active at such a young age and personally I feel that the more educated they are the less curious they will be. What's your take?

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Carla - posted on 06/08/2012

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I personally would not teach my child about masturbation--I can't imagine talking to my children about feeling 'frisky' and saying 'if you think THAT feels good, try this!' There's a huge difference in having 'those feelings' and 'finishing them off'.



I don't know if any of you read 'Portnoy's Complaint', it was around in the 70s, and was very controversial. It was, basically, about a teenager's foray into the world of masturbation--and he did it everywhere, and to everything. Black socks, a frozen turkey, and the list goes on and on. Relieving himself became his #1 priority. I don't find anywhere in the Bible where this type of activity was condoned. They DID marry early back in the old days, and I am of the opinion that this is why. We, in the 'modern' world, have beat our kids over the head with 'you're too young to get married', you need a career, you need to 'shop around', you need, you need. So the God-given priorities have been cast aside, so we have a society of closet masturbators.



Paul said to keep your vessel in honor. I doubt if he meant in the above way. I will be brutally honest, I have, since coming back to the Lord, engaged myself in pleasure. I quit. It left me feeling unsatisfied and not-quite-clean. I 'saw' God watching me, and it kind of quenched the mood.



Being a Christian, a True Christian, means we handle our lives differently than the world. We have to watch every aspect of our lives and the way we shape our children's, so He is pleased with us.



God bless, all

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2009

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I am so surprised by all of the comments.  I think it is so great that many of us have the same thoughts about it.  I totally agree that impure thoughts should not come to mind and causing this sort of behavior but I'm so glad that everyone's eyes are open to the reality of it and are not shaming the idea of it.  I have to tell you I was pretty nervous all weekend about this topic and was worried that I'd get alot of negative feedback and so it was a relief to have read all the positive comments.  I talked with a friend of mine whose husband has so much knowledge about God's word, he's such an awesome guy to talk to and his wife as well b/c they can give you biblical responses to specific issues.  I'd like to share her suggestion.  She said that this issue along with some other's are not specifically addressed in the bible but that if doing something of this nature hurts your relationship with God or allows other sins to become part of your life then that means it is wrong.  I found this very interesting and thought to myself "well, would someone feel it is wrong because that is what they were taught or is it really wrong"  I have found that there are several things that my parents being the old traditioned Christians thinkers that they are, taught us that several things were wrong b/c that is what they believed.  For instance, they believe that every bible other than the KJV is false and will not read from any other.  I do not believe this to be true, I believe that the true gospel is Jesus Christ, crucified to redeem us and no matter if it's old english, modern english, hebrew, or latin, if this is the gospel being preached then it is true.  Another would be that you have to tell people when their belief is wrong and confront them about it and tear down their belief in order for them to see the truth.  I don't agree with this either, I believe that if you attack someone's belief then their defenses will automatically come up and you will have more negative impacts upon them than positive.  I think you should love them as Jesus would and make it clear what your beliefs are and then practice what you preach, I believe your testimony can reach a person far better than your words alone.  So my theory then on this subject would be this:  As Kelly said, the bible addresses lust being the same as adultery in Matt 5:237-28, and Patricia talked about the bible addressing people being different in 1 Corinth 6:12, then if this natural performance is causing you to lust after people, tearing apart your marriage or hurting you or others in any sort of way small or large, then it is wrong for you.  If it does not cause these impure thoughts or any of the latter then it is not wrong for you.  It's so important for people to remember that we are all different, and have different "triggers" that will lead us into temptation.  So just b/c something causes you to stumble does not mean it will cause others.  These were just some addional thoughts I had on the issue.  Thanks so much to everyone for all of your positive feedback, it looks to me like our future generation actually has parents with good heads on their shoulders.

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Debby - posted on 04/18/2014

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I agree the it is possible to do more harm when you don't say anything. Children can discover masturbation as early as age four. For people who do not wish to approach the subject, I believe they need to be alert about it. I read an article the other day, and I think that it was in Psychology Today. There was a statement that boys on an average see pornography beginning at age eight. I am a grandmother, and the world we live in today is very different than when I was a child. Children will make discoveries, and parents should be paying attention. I was never educated about it, and had feelings of guilt well into my thirties. I had never heard it discussed, and the truth be told, children are going to do it. It may not be comfortable to discuss, but if a child begins to use this as a means of self gratification on a regular basis, or turns to this for emotional comfort, it can be very addictive. I wish that someone had explained a lot of things to me. I grew up way too fast, and was married at seventeen. Although I waited five years to have a child, that marriage lasted twenty-seven years. While I grew up quickly, I suffered from a lot of emotional problems. I have self-educated myself over the years if for no other reason than to help my children or grandchildren if they need me.

Proud - posted on 06/18/2012

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I'm a 30 year old Christian woman and I've never masturbated because I just don't see the point in it. I was 29 when I got married and gave my husband my virginity

Heidi - posted on 06/07/2012

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Interesting dilemma. If you feel comfortable telling the kids as they reach a certain age or stage that you are living proof that you had sex way too soon and you realy want better for them. Tell them why it was too soon - not just about the Bible. They could roll their eyes and say eww or all those kinda comments but they will hear you if you keep it short, honest, and to the point.

As for Masturbation, I definitely prefer that for my kids than sex, so long as its done in the privacy of their own room and doesn't seem to be taking over their life. I am a Christian too but my thinking is that scripture spoke more of men with wives spilling their seed outside of marriage. I think teenage boys aren't referred to, nor are girls though I know that is less common.
Sex is not enjoyable for girls in teen years. They are much more likely to experience pleasure on their own, frankly, so I'd encourage that!

Angela - posted on 02/17/2009

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I was just reading this awesome book called The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges, which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. In chapter 9 the subject is titled "Putting Sin to Death" he talks about how we as Christians must develop convictions in order to put sin to death in our lives. He talks about how scripture is very specific about obvious sins and it is easy, if you would, to be convicted about things like murder, or stealing, lying or sexual immorality. However, there are some things that we know we ought to have a conviction about but scripture does not spell it out as clearly. Things like Masturbation, Family Planning, or even simply the influence of media (TV, Internet, Video Games...) in my family. Does that mean these things don't matter to God? I don't think so. Jerry Bridges gives a very helpful guideline on how to develop convictions on issues such as these. It's called the "Formula How to Know Right from Wrong"





"Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial" (1Cor. 6:12) Question #1: Is it helpful-physically, spiritually, and mentally?

"Everything is permissible for me - but I will not be mastered by anything" (1Cor. 6:12) Question #2: Does it bring me under it's power?

"Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall" (1 Cor. 8:13)                                                           Question # 3: Does it hurt others?

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (1 Cor. 10:31)                                                                                                                                   Question # 4: Does it glorify God?

All of these questions help me to make sure I'm not developing a conviction based on my emotions or even what I think should be right or fair, but rather, how does the Lord want me to think. It's so important or us to be teaching our children to make their decisions based on these principles. Though we can't prevent sin, we will all fail, we can teach them to get up after they fall and seek the Lord for His will for their lives.  

Chasidy - posted on 02/16/2009

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I think the key to issues that the bible doesn't clearly label as wrong is knowing Christ and his character. I can't tell you how many people have tried to convince me that abortion is okay because it isn't "clearly" spelled out as wrong in scripture. I resist the urge to blurt "how does THOU THALT NOT KILL grab ya" and remind them that it completely goes against the character of my LORD. He would never take the life of another because they were imperfect in some way or worse, for convenience. This issue is a little stickier. I would encourage you to pray, meditate on the gospels, and use discernment.

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I would think that children definately need to be taught to put away impure thoughts and fantasies. Having them come to mind is human, dwelling on them or calling them back to mind is sin. If masturbation is causing these things, then help is needed. However, body exploration is going to happen and we must deal with it the best we can. 

Patricia - posted on 02/14/2009

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This is an extremely touchy subject indeed ESPECIALLY amongst Christians. The Bible "unfortunately" does not give too much direction when it comes to sexuality which is something that God designed. We have to rememeber that althought he Bible is "God breathed" it was also put together by imperfect man. and put together at a certain time in civilization. What is also difficult is that if we are suppost to be liked minded with Christ and there is nothing in the Bible about Jesus's sexuality. What are we suppost to base this on?.No wonder this is something of a mystery to us all. There is a verse that I discovered while away on missions trip, that stuck out in my mind...but the verses that follow it kind of confused me.



1 Corinthians 6 verse 12



Also. Since we are well aware that men and woman (boys and girls) are very different in how they think, act and feel. Do different rules apply?



Also more specifically on masterbation. What are you suppose to tell your children about the thoughts that come to mind? Because the Bible also speaks about impure thoughts and such...

Kelly - posted on 02/14/2009

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There is nothing in the bible to say masturbation is wrong but what usually comes with masturbation is the images one has to get themselves aroused which Jesus says...



“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”



- Matthew 5:27-28



 



I hope that helps answer your question.



 

Maggie - posted on 02/13/2009

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I don't think masturbation is a sin and I also don't think it's "masturbation" when young children are doing it. They're exploring their bodies and it's healthy and normal. 



I don't think the Bible really addresses masturbation. I think if you're married and avoiding sex with your spouse because of it, it's not a good idea. For kids, I don't know. I don't think I would teach them about it. I guess I would assume they would find out on their own. Never really thought about that before, I guess.

Melody - posted on 02/13/2009

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I feel strongly that it's important to know your body and feel comfortable with it, and that we should embrace our sexuality as part of how God made us. The bible does say that lust is wrong... and thinking lustful thoughts about others goes along with most masturbation. Since most (if not all) people masturbate at some point we should be able to discuss it openly with our kids and guide them in proper sexuality, teaching them to respect and protect their own bodies and minds as well as those of others. I feel that lust and impure thoughts toward someone who is not your spouse is a bigger problem than touching yourself.

Amber - posted on 02/13/2009

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Hi, my husband worked with the youth in church and on their own(without consulting with elders) the youth leaders would explain, when asked, that masturbation was okay, until you got married. They found that the young men in church would often rush to get married just so they could have sex. So explaining that exploring one's own body is not wrong, prevented such a rush. So even as younger children grow, they are going to do it and so I believe it is important to discuss it and let them know about what is going on with their bodies.

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I don't know either. I haven't looked much into it, but having 4 kids (all under 8) I know that soon I will be dealing with it. I read Dr Dobson's "Bringing Up Boys" and I remember one part stuck out to me in this issue and that was that if you think your boy isn't going to masturbate you are tricking yourself. I unfortunatly can't remember what else was said, but I do remember that he was against telling them that it is "wrong" or "dirty" but also letting them know that when and where was very important. I will be needing to read this book again soon!



Ok I also have Focus on the Families Complete Book of Baby and Child Care. In it he says "A bottom line worth stressing is that masturbation should not play a major role in your child's life, either as a source of relentless guilt or as a frequent and persistant habit that displaces healthy sexual relations in the future."  Basically I guess his view is it's going to happen don't make a big deal about it, but do talk about it so it doesn't negatively affect him/her one way or the other.

Sheena - posted on 02/13/2009

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You are right that this is a touchy subject. I can't tell you what the bible says about this unfortunately but I can give oyu my oppinion. I am much of the oppion, like you, like your body is your body and it is a temple and you do need to save yourself, but you also need to know about it. I believe that making something "wrong" that's natural, makes you more curious and more interested. If something that you're naturally feeling is wrong, what coudl be so bad? MY oldest daughter is 4 and so I don't have much experience but we have been having issues with day care and little boys and girls showing eachother their "parts". I talked to my daughter and told her that she shouldn't do that. That only certain people shoudl be looking at her and no body should be touching her. I also told her that if she doesn't like it she shoudl always say no and if they don't stop it's very bad. That seeing little boys/girls isn't bad, it's just not something you do. I think that's going to be my aproach as they get older. Lines open and talking and that things aren't wrong. I hope this helps at least a little.

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