My marriage and my sanity are suffering

Mindee - posted on 07/28/2016 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I came seeking something like this group today for some prayers and support. I married my husband 3 1/2 years ago. He has two children from a previous marriage and has had custody of them since they were eight and nine. They are now getting ready to turn 17 and 18. My relationship with them has been a roller coaster. I just had my own baby 18 moths ago.

The kids have been acting like typical teenagers. We strive to train them in the way they should go. We set rules in this house that we believe are glorifying to God. In their eyes we are too strict. Their friends don't have to tell their parents what they do when they leave the house. Their friends don't have to be home at a certain time. Their friends can go anywhere they want when they want. we have no problem with our rules and we are not going to change them.

Our oldest daughter calls me Mom and though we have many ups and downs she respects me in the end. She sees that I take care of them and love them. Our middle son has tried calling me Mom in the times that he feels it, but feels guilty because his biological mom yells at him and talks nothing but bad about me.

I have never had a conversation with their mom because she won't talk to me. She has never paid any child support and she sees the kids (at the most) 3 weeks a year. She lives 6 hours away. She makes them call her because she says it is not her job to call them. She has done nothing but try and be the kids friend. So I have been more of a mom than she ever has. But our son seeks her love so much that he listens to her lies about me.

There was about 6 months where our son was very respectful and we actually had a great relationship. But then he decided to break our rules and listen to secular rap music. He started being incredibly disrespectful. Glaring at me and talking rude to me. He started breaking our rules and getting more upset when he had to suffer the consequences. He was disrespectful with his Dad too, but he still wants his love and attention.

The kids just came back from being at their moms for two weeks. She begged them to come back and live with her and her boyfriend. Our daughter said no way. Our son really struggles and wanted to go back. We told him he had to make a decision. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but doesn't realize how much harder it would be. He finally said he was going to stay here, but only because the high school is much better for his future. That hurts both my husband and I because we want him to stay because he loves us. He also said some things about me that is just complete ignorance. He says I just sit around in my pajamas watching TV all day, but I make him get up and do things other than sitting on the couch on his phone all day. Well, anyone who has had a toddler knows that isn't even possible. So I get upset because I spend all my time supporting them and making sure they have what they need (for school, insurance, homemade meals, work, and so much more) and they turn around and talk about me like I do nothing for them. My husband then gets upset because he feels like I don't want them here. He feels torn between the two kids he loves and wants and his wife that he loves and wants. He feels like he can't make everyone happy.

I totally understand where my husband is at. I understand he wants us to all get along like a big happy family. I want that too, but as long as the kids have this idea that I am the evil step mom it won't happen. I sit here feeling like this isn't even my home because the two teenagers control everyones emotions. If I ask them to do their chores they tell their Dad that I have an attitude. If I question their actions then in their minds I am rude. So then I have to defend myself to my husband. I don't fault my husband at all. He is in a really hard place. But the kids make me want to hide in my room and not be around them. I am chasing an 18 month old around and am totally exhausted from the terrible twos! Did I mention I am 40 so all of this is even harder on this momma! But to turn around and have to fight the teenage battle just takes it all out of me! I do everything for these kids. They eat healthy, they have a nice home to live in, they have clean clothes. But I am the evil step mom. I am the mean step mom who makes life miserable.

I work so hard and I would never tell my husband this but life would be so much easier without them here. I know this is the best place for them to be but my frustrations get the best of me. My relationship with my husband would be so much better if we didn't have them here. I feel so horrible saying that! Sorry this is so long! I am just so tired! Any prayers and advice would be appreciated!

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