Marriage trouble

Jessica - posted on 06/04/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

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Ok this is hard to write. My husband and I have been married for 5 years we have two little boys 4 and 8 months. A few years ago my husband had an affair and I did not leave because I did not feel that God would want me to quit my marriage. I took my vows before him. My husband and i attend church every chance we get. Yet my husband of 5 years tell me last night he looks at porn and sees nothing wrong with ti and he also informs me that he does not believe in the bible and God . Yet he goes to church and pretends to everyone there he is a good christian man. He says he will still go to church with me and let me raise our boys in church but he can not believe it and does not see the porn as wrong and I told him I am considering leaving him and taking our boys as after his affair I can not live with the porn which is just another way of cheating on me. Please pray for me and I can use any advice you have.

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Julie - posted on 03/18/2011

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Kellie, sorry I have to disagree with some of what you have written.

When Paul wrote: "that he wishes that all men would be like him, celebit and self-controlled." It's obvious that he does mean it literally. Just as he probably wished that everyone who believes in Jesus would go on to lead a perfect life, totally dedicated to Jesus with no distractions at all. But Paul was a realist - he knew that most men would struggle to control their sexual desire, and he made it very clear about the topic that it was better to marry than to burn with lust. He literally means when he wishes that everyone had his self control and didn't have sexual feelings, but for those who do, they should get married so they don't have inappropriate feelings. Because of man's desires, there is no chance of there not being enough procreation.

Yes we will have to give an account to God for our actions. I'm sorry, but initiating a divorce IS an action. Anyone who gets divorced WILL have to give an account as to God why they are divorced. If the person has a valid biblical reason for divorce, things will be fine, but if the don't have a valid biblical reason, then they have committed a sin God makes it clear that he hates. If someone chooses to get divorced (and for some people it's not always a choice since there are so many countries with no fault divorce laws and loving spouses can be divorced against their wishes), if someone chooses divorce, then it becomes a choice that they have made - not their spouse. And they will be accountable to God for the reason behind it.
Like many actions in life, it is not the action itself that makes something sin or not, rather it is the thoughts and motivations behind it. God knows our thoughts and motivations, and those we will be held accountable for.

Mitzi - posted on 06/18/2010

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I understand your stress in the marriage. When my husband and I first got together I dealt with a lot of the same things you are dealing with. I just told him how I felt and why I was upset about it. I would also have him possibly talk to a therapist or ask him if he would even go. Maybe he doesn't understand there is a issue there for you. I hope this helps. The first 5 years of marriage is usually the hardest. My husband and I will be celebrating 15 years married this month.

Carla - posted on 06/12/2010

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Sorry, Truth, according to the Bible, adultery is only cause. Matthew 5:31-32 says: "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

Paul writes in I Corinthians 7:10-16 that if you leave your husband/wife, either remain unmarried or reconcile. Because you never know whether he/she is going to be saved.

We enter into a covenant of marriage with God, husband and wife, and this is a sacred covenant. We haven't been taught (me included) that when you vow before God that you will live with this person until one of you die, that is a binding agreement, like a contract. I walked away from my first marriage because he was verbally and physically abusive, both to my daughter and me. I was 21 and backslidden. Once I was saved, however, and God showed me what this covenant meant, I got on my face before Him. It took 6 more years before my husband (#2) got saved, but God worked in our marriage to where He restored the love and respect we both lacked.

A Christian life is tough. If anyone tells you 'religion' is for the weak who can't make it on their own, laugh! We are held to a higher standard than the world. Our word is supposed to be something we keep, even when it is difficult.

I have related in my previous post what God expects, straight from the Bible. What we choose to do with this knowledge is up to us.

God grant us His wisdom, and His guidance in our lives.

God bless

Kellie - posted on 06/07/2010

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when your husband had the affair he opened the door for the enemy. Your marriage is under a spiritual attack not a natural one. Divorce is a very tricky situation and one that only God should ordain. The best way to save your marriage is to go to God for wisdom and consolation. He is our Refuge, a Strongtower and our Shelter. Bring your hurt and anxiety to Him and allow Him the opportunity to show you that praying for your husband is spiritual warfare. Stand firm in your faith and love for God. Know that God is there for you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Get your like-minded friends to cover your family in prayer. Put on your spiritual armor and fight the enemy. Don't let him have the husband you love so dearly or the children who are the next generation of believers. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. I know you are feeling betrayed, wounded, vulnerable, and exposed, but remember Jesus. He too felt all these ways but He endured the cross so that we may live in eternal peace. You are the head and not the tail, you are above and not beneath, you are anointed by the Blood of Jesus and you have authority against the power of darkness. Commit to opening a can of you-know-what on the enemy and get your family back. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! God bless you.

Alice - posted on 06/05/2010

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Jessica,
Krys is so right about praying! You are a saint already for not leaving after the affair.

I would also suggest that you go to your deacons, an elder, or pastor in your church that you trust and ask them to help you. That is what the church is there for. I know this sounds funny, but ask them if they would mentor your husband. Maybe he needs a man to be his friend and tell him in love that he needs to be a true husband to you and maybe they can help him get back to believing in God and having a real relationship with Jesus.
I am praying for you, your precious sons, and your husband. God bless you with strength and wisdom.

37 Comments

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Rosa - posted on 04/13/2011

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Ok, im sorry that after all these years he is just infoming you of this. You can thank the Lord that one he isnt talking crazy around the kids n respect the choice that you're going to church. However, i do see a problem with you bringing back up an affair that you told him you forgave him for. You can leave him for porn, but dont add the affair on to it. And still I say try to seek counseling and then go from their. There has to be something y he has pretented all these yes and y confessing now. Sit down and ask all these question before you start thinking divorce u never know this maybe you mountain you both need to get over. Remeber the devil only win when you dont fight. Take care and God bless u family.

Trish - posted on 03/19/2011

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God has answered your prayers. He is showing you your husband's real colors. In the bible, I can't state the actual verse and chapter, but it says on the grounds of adultery...that is the only time you can divorce. That is the Christian thing to do...divorce this man. Do you want your sons to grow up around a man that disrespects women...even his own wife, the mother of his kids.



I have been having marital problems with my husband and have decided I am going to start getting back to me. Build back up my confidence and lose weight. Feel good about myself again. My husband put his hands against me and I came back for the sake of our baby. And since I'm trying to stick it out...it's been killing me. So I'm making my plans to get out when I'm ready. For my sake and the sake of my baby. You need to do the same too.



Don't waste your time...5 years is a long time and he has shown you who he is. Do you really want to try and change a man that doesn't want to change....and then 10 years down the road you are miserable and your kids can feel it. I can't believe you are still with him after he cheated on you. BUILD UP YOUR SELF WORTH. You deserve better...your children deserve better. This man has disrespected you. Pray for strength from our Heavenly Father so you can put yourself and your children first. Trials are given so we can become stronger. Be strong and leave this guy. It may be HARD AS HECK and it's no one's business but God will see you through it and there will be something and someone better out there for you.



Remember God helps those who can help themselves. Pray for strength.

Amy - posted on 03/17/2011

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If he has lost his faith then you may resent him in the years to come. If you stay it could lead you to question your own faith and cause problems for your boys. What kind of example does he set for them that it's ok to cheat on your wife its ok to hurt her emotionally? Breaking up a family is the worst feeling in the world, you will feel guilt for not being able to stick through the marriage for your children and faith. Talk to your minister to help you with your feelings (resentment, anger & guilt can eat you up inside). Ask/pray for strength to help you see the right path and the strength to follow it.

Deana - posted on 06/27/2010

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If there is any of that going on then you do not want your babies around that. I have always been told that "we learn what we live, and live what we learn". I know that I would not and will not ever again put up with any of that PORN stuff. I believe that GOD made that stuff sacred and just between a husband and a wife, and if there is any need for the porn then something is wrong and it makes you feel as though you aren't good enough for your husband, and I know for a fact that God don't make no JUNK. I am just divorced and I attend Church, and I believe that God allows divorce in certain situations and I am not doubting that He would not want you to be in that kind of situation. Good luck with the decissions that you make and please keep praying for an answer, God will give you one.

Carol - posted on 06/26/2010

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Praying for you and my advice is when you seek God in truth and spirit He will guide you in the path that He wants you to follow. His word and love endures forever. Remember to read your bible too

Crystal - posted on 06/19/2010

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Sister I know your grief. Me and my husband were married for 29 yrs before his death in 2008. He did attend church with me for a long while. And during our first 7 yrs of marriage he did cheat on me with other women. It hurt me terribly. His aunt was the one who planted the idea into his head because he had just gotten out of prison. He was a very sweet and loving man. Yes I did stay with him because I loved him very much and he loved me very much. We had 3 kids together at the time. But he decided after I confronted him and told him I was going to leave if he didn't stop seeing these women. He changed his mind. He realized how much he had hurt me and promised to never put me through that pain again. And he never did do it again. But he did look at the porn on his computer. Or he used to look at those dirty books and watch those filthy movies. He was still looking at porn up to the day he was killed. But I also confronted every woman he was with and told them to back off. And they usually did. In most cases they ended up packing and leaving town. But there was one thing my husband could never do. And that was to lie to me. He told me every time he had an affair. But he didn't have to tell me because my guts already told me before he could confess. I forgave him for his adultery. Although the Devil would plant suggestions in my head that he was cheating on my again. He was unhappy because me and my husband had such a good relationship with one another.
We acted like newlyweds during our 29 yrs of marriage. We would always tell each other we loved them. We were always holding hands. We were always kissing. We did most everything together. I allowed him his alone time and he allowed me my alone time. But we were always there for each other when they needed it. We made a pact at the beginning that we would never argue or fight like both our parents did. And we never did, except for your occasional disagreements most couples usually have. I feel the same about you on the porn situation. Yes it is cheating even though your not doing it physically. You and your husband will be in my prayers. I hope that all works out well for you. Maybe we can talk again. I don't know that I really gave you much insight but I was just relating to the situation I went through in my own life. God Bless you and Yours.

Carla - posted on 06/18/2010

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Kelly, my dear, we disagree, along with many others who have written in this particular thread. I will not apologize for what I have written. I believe my first post was very compassionate, and I shared my story of crud in my marriages. I believe God can put a marriage back together, because He put mine back.

In giving advice, we have to be extremely careful about interpreting the Holy Scriptures to fit our whims. If we believe the Bible is as pertinent today as it was back then, then we have to apply it universally. Marriage was never easy. There is nothing new under the sun, so says Solomon, the wisest man that ever was. Adultery was rampant back then as it is now. If we are given the answer back then, it still works now.

So, to all I would say, let's be very prayful before we make a decision.

God bless all.

Vivian - posted on 06/18/2010

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I am so sorry that you are experiencing this but you like I know that everything happens for a reason. What I would like share is that you are not alone in this battle you must remember that God is present there right along with you and while it might seem ideal to stay because it's what works for the family. God never wants to see his children in pain and that includes you. Whatever decision you choose you must know that your children are being impacted either way. They can see and feel that pain that have been undiscussed or underplayed continue to seek God's will for your life and he will surely direct you in the right path. I just encourage you to continously pray for your family strength

Julie - posted on 06/18/2010

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God gave us an out for divorce - adultery. Paul talks about another - letting a non believer leave if they wish.

Jesus made it clear that looking lustfully at a woman is committing adultery in one heart. In fact, I know people who believe the original word for adultery included the acts of looking at porn.

Quite simply this lady's husband has committed adultery physically and continues to commit emotional and visual adultery. *IF* she wishes to leave her husband, she is more than justified.

And as it's on the grounds of adultery, then she is totally free of the marriage (and doesn't need to remain unmarried).

However I say to anyone in this situation, think long and hard. We DO have to give an account to God for what we do, and that includes the exact reasons for giving up on a marriage. How many people leave their spouse simply because they can't forgive? This lady doesn't sound like that is the case, but I do know plenty of people who leave their spouses because they won't even try to forgive and that is a sin.

As for the abuse issue... I have heard it argued that when a spouse is abusive, they are showing they are not a christian (if they ever claimed to be) and that they are emotionally abandoning the marriage, therefore it's ok to leave because emotionaly they have left first, but I don't think I believe that.

What I do believe is that it's perfectly ok to leave an abusive partner and remain single and celibate for the rest of your life. The bible doesn't say stay in an abusive relationship - it says stay single or be reconciled - there is always that option of staying single if reconciliation is impossible.

And if you leave an abuser and they choose to get it on with someone else rather than fix things, then they are committing adultery and then you are free under the adultery clause.

But, please don't twist my words - if you leave an ok husband to manipulate them into adultery just because you're tired of them and want someone else, that is very different. People should only leave when there is abuse (and that includes cheating as cheating is very much a form of abuse).

Kellie - posted on 06/18/2010

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I think whenever we use scripture to support a belief we should be sure we are using it in the right context. And we should be sure that what we are saying edifies and encourages the hearer not admonish and further confuse her.

Although I am not disputing what Matthew 5:31&32 says or what has been quoted I would caution us all to take it to the next discussion Jesus has in Matthew 19:3-8 regarding divorce. First it is important to understand the audience that Jesus is addressing--Pharisees and Scribes. We should all know that Jesus describes these people as hypocrites, playactors and my personal favorite a brood of vipers. The question was asked in order to trap Jesus into blaspheming or saying something against the Holy Scriptures or Word of God. Jesus knowing this answered in a way that left them confused. The Pharisees and Scribes were wagging their religious fingers at others while they themselves were incapable of keeping the law. Additionally, in biblical times women were considered property and therefore they had no rights. If the husband was being unfaithful she could not just leave him or ask for a bill of divorcement. Also, women did not have affairs because it was deadly. Remember the woman who was caught cheating and the community was about to stone her. So really what Jesus was saying was to bring conviction upon these men because they were wanting to dismiss their wives for frivilous, selfish self-serving reasons. I believe what Jesus was saying is that these men had no cause to dismiss their wives, however, the wife certainly had good cause to repudiate the husband. I believe this scripture is not meant for Jessica and her situation.

Also when Paul was writing to the church in Corinthan he does say that the unmarried woman should either stay unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, but he also says that he wishes that all men would be like him, celebit and self-controlled. Obviously he did not mean that literally because in order to procreate we must be married. Again, what was said was to this church because they were having problems with sex. Men were sleeping with their stepmothers, pressuring virgins to have sex, and even having ritualistic pagan sex. I just don't believe this Scripture is appropriate in this situation either. It may be used to support one's argument but it is inappropriate and overlooks the fact that Jessica is the one looking for advice.

Romans 14:12 says that each of us will have to give an account of himself to God. Jessica does not have to account for the affair or the pornography. She doesn't even have to give an account for why she divorced him, if she does. What she will have to give an account for is herself. The way she lived her life, the choices she made, how she handled herself, the times she helped those in need, the charity and love she showed to strangers, the fruit she bore in her life, the way she raised her children, etc. She is not responsible for what her husband chooses to do. And, should she decide to stay with him it is not because our loving, kind, merciful and gracious God REQUIRES her to but because He has poured out His love upon her and given her the strength and wisdom to persevere.

And finally I would just like to point out that as Christian women it is important that we spread the Good News when we are helping another. Most of the posts are very encouraging, compassionate and tender but there are some that are not so uplifting. Also, we should refrain from having our own personal little debates as well. Jessica is the focus. She is looking for advice and she should be the one to stand up and disagree if she does or not. We should be able to respect what one another has to say, however, if we are going to commence to "correcting" anyone is should be done so with more than just our own personal opinion and it should still remain in line with the original posted question.

God bless you all and I look forward to seeing you around the Circle.

Carla - posted on 06/18/2010

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Heather, I didn't write the Bible, God did. If you read what I wrote, I said you are to either divorce and stay unmarried, or reconcile with your husband, unless it's for the cause of adultery. I have heard wonderful stories of conversion of an abusive husband (my grandfather was a horrid alcoholic and forbad my grandmother to attend church. Grama kept going and taking the children. Grampa came into church one night, drunk and started walking down the aisle towards Grama. The Power of God hit him and he fell flat on his face. He came up a different man! A couple years later, he was standing behind the pulpit preaching.) I NEVER limit God!

Heather - posted on 06/17/2010

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Carla- do you really believe that God would want or expect you to stay in a marriage where your child was being abused? Even if you think you should have stayed if he was just abusive toward you- how can you believe God would want that for your child? I believe divorce should only occur in cases of adultery or abuse... but I would never believe God wants me with a husband who hits me.

Also- some could make the argument that porn is adultery. I wouldn't necessarily (not sure where I stand on that, honestly), being married to a man who is a recovered porn addict and on-fire Christian... but, the argument COULD be made......

Dea - posted on 06/13/2010

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I appreciate you sharing your pain with us... I wish I could tell you I know how you feel, but I know God does. He understands rejection and betrayal. I will be praying for you, Jessica.

'For your Maker is your husband -the LORD Almighty is his name..."Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. ' Isaiah 54: 5,10

Caleb Mom And Dad (Charles And Heidi) - posted on 06/12/2010

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jessica...thank you for your honesty> You are a trooper for sticking it out with your husband. There is a ministry called Sought Out, located in Va. Beach Va. that ministers to this very issue...but pray your husband will have a change of heart and want to get help. Google the name and their web site will come up. They have support groups and can reccommend Christian counselors...whatever way you feel God leading you and your husband. With God all things are possible, but we all need help from time to time. Bless you and I will be praying for you.

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I have been married for 16 years. The first year my husband cheated on me but we got through it. My husband also used to look at porno and didn't see it as wrong. However, my husband decided that he wanted to save our marriage and we worked through it.
Ask your husband if he wants to save the marriage. Then seek Christian counseling. It sounds as if he has deep issues rooted from somewhere in his past. Then if you all try everything and can't find resolution then seek divorce as a last results. I will be praying for you.

Imeda - posted on 06/11/2010

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ASk God for His guidance.....I know that He is the one who can help us in time of troubles and problems.....I will pray that you can have a right decision to make not ruin your life and your family...God bless you!

Truth - posted on 06/11/2010

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Carla, I have to disagree with you on the issue of adultery as the only grounds for divorce. I also believe that Abuse is another.

Judith - posted on 06/11/2010

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Jessica,
Am so sorry you are going through this. Betrayal of trust and covenant is not easy to bear but God's grace is sufficient for you. His word says that He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. I have walked in your shoes and I still face uncertainties but I've decided not to allow the devil glory over my marriage. God's word tells us that God hates divorce and that we are helps meet for our husband's need. In this ministry of marriage, God will help you.
Just yesterday I was asking God how I could forgive and continue to love my husband even though he has never apologised (My marriage is 9years old) and the Lord led me to the book of Luke chapter 6 vs 35; in the Living bible, it says that God is kind to the unthankful and to those who are very wicked, He also reminded me that while we were yet sinners Christ died for the ungodly (which we were). Your husband needs your kindness and love, this you will show through prayer. If you can delete the porn files and block the sites as often as you get the opportunity, that might help (I did that in my case). Pray for him all the time; speak to his spirit via his clothes/personal things/your body (two of you have become 1 and as the devil cannot reside in your body, he cannot reside in his), rebuke the enemy from his life and your home, REFUSE to give up and you will see God rise to help you. Lamentations 3 vs 26 says that it is good to hope and wait quietly for His salvation. He will not fail you.
I am praying for you, you will have a testimony. Stay blessed.

Shelly - posted on 06/11/2010

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Jessica, Wow you have had to deal with so much that is an awful situation. I totally I agree with you about the porn I feel the same way that it is cheating. At this point I doubt marriage counseling would help but it is an option. There is no guarantee that he isn't still cheating on you. My advice is get your self tested to make sure you haven't been given anything by his possible cheating. Then send him packing it's easy to say but so much harder to do. I wish you the best and thats just my opinion let me know how you and the kids are.

Carla - posted on 06/11/2010

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It is true that adultery is the only grounds God sees for divorce. However, Paul said if you divorce, you only marry 'in the Lord'. That means if you choose the divorce route that if you marry another man, if you are not POSITIVE is a believer to the same degree as you are, you're going to have similar problems. A friend of mine found his wife cheating and divorced her. He quickly became involved with another woman. I asked him if she was a Christian. His answer? I don't know! They married, and were separated and divorced within a year. If you decide to remarry, it is your duty, both to yourself and God, to make very sure he's a strong Christian. God isn't going to wink his eye every time we make an oops and give us a do-over!

Good luck, sweetie!

Truth - posted on 06/11/2010

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Wow! I am so sorry! Your husband needs a good christian man that struggled with porn to come beside him and mentor him about the evils of porn. My husband when he was younger also had an addiction to porn, which he recognized before it led to anything else. After our son was born, he was convicted that he had to remove every magazine that he had in the house and tell his friend not to renew the subscription. It wasn't easy for him to do and it was even harder for him to tell me, as I never saw it as a problem. I sure do now.

First and foremost, prayer needs to come before God for your husbands salvation. If he does not believe, nothing will change. I am glad that he will go to church with you, it is a step. Now, your pastor and people you can trust, and your prayer warriors need to know. God can move mountains and change your husband's heart in a radical way. You need the support of the Christian Community that you are in. And you need to confess the situation to someone you can trust. I can't tell you how freeing it is to have someone pray for you and with you for something that you have been hiding for such a long time.

I will be praying too.

Cassondra - posted on 06/11/2010

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First, I am very sorry to hear about the troubles in your marriage. I have been through some of what you are going through and it is not an easy road to travel.
My first husband was abusive and he cheated...eventually I divorced him. We were not living together and he had 2 children with this other woman.
My second and current husband and I have been married almost 11 years, we have gone through some very troubling times. During our second year of marriage he became emotionally attached with a woman who was MY friend and we ended up separating. I came home from work to find he had taken his things and moved out. We were apart for 7 months. I cried A LOT and I prayed A LOT!!! I sought counsel with him and by myself. During prayer one day the Lord said to me that if I wanted to leave him I could...so biblically I had grounds. But the Lord showed me that if I stayed and hung in there doing the right thing...that he would bless me and my family and that what HE had in store for me would far outweigh everything that I was going through.
No one can tell you what to do in this situation EXCEPT God. You need to get alone with God...no distractions, PRAY until you hear from him clearly, then DO Whatever He tells you to do.
We will all keep you and your family in prayer and I will be specifically praying for your husband. I will join my faith with yours for him. You take authority over this demon of pornography and command it to leave your home and to take its hands OFF your husband! Speak the word of God over your husband during your prayer time. Saying exactly what God says he is to be...a leader in the home, a good steward, saved and filled with the Holy Spirit! If he is sitting in church the word is being planted you need to water it with your prayers so that it can grow and choke those weeds in him OUT!!!
This is a battle...and the word says that the violent take it by force! This means get violent with your prayers. COMMAND the enemy to leave! COMMAND the enemy to take their hands off your family. LOOSE the Holy Spirit on him girl. Whatsoever is bound in heaven will be bound on earth, whatsoever is loosed in heaven will be loosed on earth! Bind the enemy and let loose the Holy Spirit! You do this and let go and let God.
And remember when a person comes under conviction they may get worse because their flesh is fighting against the Holy Spirit. So batten down the hatches, grab hold of the word and don't let go!

Tammy - posted on 06/10/2010

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According to the Bible, (Matthew 5:27-28) lusting after someone (porn is included here) is also a form of adultery. While it's true that God frowns on divorce, he also understands the circumstances in adultery. (Matthew 19:9) You will not lose favor with God if you divorce an adulterous husband. He sounds as though he's made up his mind on things and doesn't view the porn as being disrespectful to you - and it is. You are in whats called a mixed marriage in a sense. Not racially speaking but in the religious sense. When one partner is Christian, and the other is a non believer, it makes a marriage very difficult. You basically have two choices. 1. Continue to be the faithful wife you have been, and continue to pray for your husband - that God will help him to see the Light and turn his life over to God or 2. Divorce him, and seek God's guidance for a partner better suited to you and one that will help you raise your children in a Godly lifestyle. If you make God a partner in your marriage, you stand a much better chance at success. Whichever path you chose, let God direct your path. Pray that he will guide you in the direction he wants you to go. You can't go wrong if God is guiding your path. Might I also recommend you watch the movie "Fireproof" with your husband. In that movie it specifically deals with a husband who has a porn addiction and the steps he took to restore his marriage. The book they mention in the movie is a real book - The Love Dare. I'd recommend that too, but watch the movie first. Good luck and God bless.

Jennifer - posted on 06/10/2010

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Ok... There is no easy answer. You have already forgiven him with the affair. It is in your hands. If you stay with him, you risk your boys learning his bad views (no God, and porn being ok, lack of respect for women, and being two faced) but, you also allow for him to repent (if given the opportunity). Whatever your decision, bring the church in on it. Talk to the Elders and get advice, and get them to sit with him as well. If you do decide to leave, it will be difficult to go through (divorce is an ugly, ugly thing), but it will allow for you to take that influence away.

I'll be praying for you Jessica. It's not an easy situation you have. Just remember, no matter what you choose, God will use it for his glory.

Ciara - posted on 06/09/2010

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Jessica, I'm sorry to hear about the problems in your marriage. The Lord has shown me more about who He is through being a wife and mom than I ever thought possible. Have you read Hosea lately? God tells Hosea to "take to yourself a wife of adultery and children of adultery. For the land has utterly gone lusting away from Jehovah." The adulterous wife was a picture of how far Isreal had gone from God and how faithful God is that He would still keep his covenant with Isreal despite the way they acted. I know there are times (daily) when I don't do God's will and I am encouraged that despite this, He is true to me.

I will pray for you and your family. If you choose to stay with your husband you will be a testimony to him of God's love. You never know what good may come - I pray that you will be like the other women who posted here who now have strong marriages and are able to encourage others. Continue to pray for him. Luke 6:27-36 may be a blessing to you.

Aretha - posted on 06/09/2010

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Well personally i feel like this my marriage is over due to the fact that I cheated. I was very spiritual and my husband stripped all that away from me being physically and verbally abusive to me then I am in recovery been clean four years and I have dealt with his drugs abuse, alcohol abuse for the last three years and by three grace of god I am still holding on to my recovery and my four children . whom are attending church reguarly our oldest daughter lithurgical dances in church and is very great they perform continously. I have been raising these kids alone and by the grace of my heavenly father keeps me strong to raise these kids without their father due to his addiction .

Stephanie - posted on 06/09/2010

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I'm so sorry for what you are going through! I have a friend who just delt with this sort of thing. Only after 2 months of getting married her husband started having an affair. She tried talking to her pastor doing the Love Dare book and she just prayed. Now they are separated and filing for divorce. She did all that though because even though she had Biblical reasons to leave him, she didn't feel like God was telling her to just yet. My suggestion is to pray, get into the Word and get some serious counseling. God bless you and your family!

Carla - posted on 06/07/2010

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This is what marriage is. The good, the bad, the ugly. Affairs and porn are nothing new, they have been going on since the beginning of time.

No one can tell you what to do. I can only tell you about our marriage of 38 years. We attended church, thought we were Christians, but we had been taught nothing about the covenant of marriage, where it took the husband, wife and God to make a marriage. We cheated on each other, we left, we filed for divorce, only to reconcile and do it all over again. But we both felt that God had put us together! We were going through the motions, but weren't truly trusting Jesus. This is where most 'Christians' are. We did this to each other, and to our children, for 28 years. During the last horrendous ordeal (with my best friend), I started seeking the Lord with all my heart, all my soul and all my spirit. We moved back in together, but things were very strained. It took him 2 years to say 'I love you' again. I was thrilled to hear it! I held on for 4 more years, and one day he decided to come back to the Lord!

Our marriage is stronger today than it's ever been. We, together with Jesus, live our lives as unto Him. Marriage is sometimes messy. We were never promised perfection, or happiness. We were promised joy that holds during the roughest times, and hope that things will be straightened out according to His will, not ours. I pray God give you wisdom in dealing with this, sweetie. God bless.

Laura - posted on 06/06/2010

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Let me start by saying I am so sorry you are going through this. Divorce or the possibility of divorce is never a fun experience. I don't blame you for the way you feel and only you can make the decision what is best for you and your family about staying or leaving. Maybe a trial separation? It is up to you. Pray about it long and hard before you make any decisions though.

I will say this though. At least he is willing to go to church with you. I love my husband dearly but he has never had or known anything to do with church and has absolutely no desire to go to church with me. He is fine with me going to church and raising our children in church as long as I don't push the subject on him. It is one thing I have come to accept and just pray that one day he will change his mind and want to join us. I don't see it happening anytime soon as it is 8:14 on Sunday morning (I am getting ready to leave for church with the girls) and he is still at work. Maybe God will open his heart one day...hopefully sooner rather than later.

My parents got a divorce because my dad cheated on my mom. At the time he didn't think he had done any wrong even though he had been in church his whole life and didn't even want to try to save the marriage with my mom. It wasn't until 10 years later (after he had already re-married) that he got serious into church and accepted Christ as his Savior that he has done a complete 180.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Krys - posted on 06/05/2010

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Jessica i am soo soo srry that this has happened to you. I can tell you i just recently went through divorce of a marriage of 12 yrs. I too didnt want to quit my marriage but netheir of us cheated or really had any fights and we didnt have a porn issue but what i can tell you..sometimes ppl get saved and they go through things and then they decide all that they were taught just isnt true anymore just to suit them from feeling guilty...its hard to be going through this for me i went from being a mom and a house wife to not sure wht i have to do now and it scarews me but the one thing i know i am still a mom and a child of God...and things will get better..PRAY PRAY PRAY God knows all of your hurts and fears...I know your situation is much more different than mine...but know i am prayn for you and that you make the right decision for your children and yourself:)

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