My marriage is failing apart and my husband is blaming me

Nancy - posted on 08/07/2017 ( 1 mom has responded )




About six months ago out of the blue I get informed my hubby is not happy. We have been going to counseling and it usually begins okay then he says something hurtful I start crying, he shuts down and it ends. The counselors recommend we stop couples counseling and focus on individual sessions. In the last few months things have gotten worst to the point he is talking about divorce.

I cant get him to talk to me and when I finally do it end in a fight with him laying all the blame at my feet. In our last fight his biggest complaint is I am too defensive. I pointed out I get defensive because he is always blaming me and I am hurt. He is angry with my feelings and he is angry with me shutting down and the more angry he gets the more i shut down. I just don't know what to do anymore.

He was married before and it hurts that he was willing to stick to marriage out till she got violent but this one he is "unhappy" and he willing to cut bait and run and we have 3 young kids and they didn't have any.

He has stop initializing any quality time with me, physical or emotional. I have to start all of it and each time it feels like I have to poke and prod him into it to the point I just don't want to anymore and he complains that I am not physical enough. I all feels like a test and I am failing miserably.

I don't want a divorce, but I am not sure if I can continue feeling like this. Leaving him alone does not work pushing him does not work and I am so tired.

Any suggestions on what to try next or just prayers at this time would be helpful.


Etta - posted on 08/09/2017




Sorry you are going through this tough season. I have been married 32 years and there have been plenty of times when one of us was "unhappy" about something, but there is much more to marriage than that. There is a great book I wish was written years ago that I read called The Meaning of Marriage, by Tim Keller. Your husband had one failed marriage and both of you need tools to learn how to have healthy conflict and communication. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result is insanity. There is help and hope through Biblical counseling, books, seminars, weekend couples conferences. Use resources that are available to change yourself. Marriage is hard work and if we invested as much time in our spouses as we do at our jobs and in our children marriages would look different. Praying for hearts to be softened. With God all things are possible.

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