My Son is Gay

Talemence Jordano - posted on 06/22/2014 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I recently found out my son is gay. I don't think I can accept him anymore. I suspect he sneaks out of the house to spend time a boyfriend. I can't stand it because this is disrepecting God!

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Analisa - posted on 11/13/2015

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Well, you're a piece of shit aren't you lol. I'll "pray" to "god" you end up in hell

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/23/2014

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But is it YOUR job to judge your son, or is that God's job?

Because, as I read my bible, I see that God tells me that I do not love the sin, but I do love the sinner. It is my job to LOVE, not JUDGE. It is your job to LOVE, not judge.

If you would turn your back on your CHILD, God can turn His back on you. It is not yours to assign punishment for what you perceive to be a sin. Only GOD can do so.

I encourage you to re-read your bible, paying specific attention to what the Lord says YOUR duties are, vs. what He says HE will handle. Anything else is less than Christian

Anne - posted on 06/28/2014

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Talemence My heart goes out to you. I can not tell you I understand how you feel because I have not had this happen to either of our daughters. I can however tell you that our oldest daughter walked away from God for about 10 years. During that time she had several live in relationships. Her friends called her a "Serial Monogamist" During this time our job Her dad/my husband and I were to LOVE HER. I can tell you sometimes it was hard. ANy guy she was dating and she knew that they were welcome in our home but if they planned to spend the night it would be in separate rooms and beds. I had to learn to love her no matter what. Only the Holy Spirit can convict a person of their wrong life style, and lead them to Jesus.

If you have raised him according to Our Bible Gods Word your son already knows what he is doing is wrong. You do have the right to ask your son to move out of your home, but before you do this Pray and Ask God what you should do. You may be the only person that REALY LOVES HIM and the Only Pearson Living a Christian Lifestyle.

I have a good friend who's son has been "gay" for years.
About 5 years ago I has a chance to spend some time with my friend and her son and his "partner" When we were teens my friend had the most expressive blue eyes of any boy I knew. But the evening my husband and I spent with my friend and his family his eyes looked dead. I know he is not happy living the lie of the gay lifestyle. James Dobson has spoken on this and the original Christian organization Focus On The Family has good support information for families of gay children or other family members. I would go to their web site for help. I would let your son know that if he is to remain living with you you expect him to respect your Views on his boyfriend and him to refrain from Public Displays of Affection in any room of your home.

I will be Praying for you.
Anne Watkins

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[deleted account]

Oh my god! I can't believe people like you still exist! Sorry to start off negatively, and I don't mean to be disrespectful, but that is just terrible. Love your son unconditionally and accept him as he is. From what you said, it seems like you love god more than your son, and that just doesn't seem right... Please love him, and show him the support he needs.

A - posted on 02/18/2016

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I don't think it's a choice to be gay, but it IS a choice to act on it. My advice to you would be to treat this the same as you would if he were sneaking out of the house to see a girlfriend and sleep with her. How old is he? If he is under 18 or 18-19 and still in HS, then you still have *some* control over him, or at least you should! Are you a single mom or are you married? I ask because it helps to have another adult around to supervise children who may want to sneak out of the house. of course, your son's age is important here.

If he's 18+ and done with HS, does he have a job? if so, if he's under your roof, he should follow your rules. If he helps with rent or something, start socking the rent money away to give to him to get his OWN apartment. It's reasonable to expect a child of any age to follow your rules. If he were 27 and your rule was "no overnight guests/give me y our schedule and text me if things change", then he should respect that. Period. You can't control WHO he is attracted to, but depending on his age, you can help him to save up to get his OWN place and have YOUR rules in place until then (no sneaking out, be honest about where you're going/with whom etc). If he were doing something dangerous (drugs) and storing them in your house/having dealers etc on your property, you would have a legal leg to stand on and I would suggest you send him out the door and point him to the nearest shelter.

If he's under 18 and in HS still, you might have to call some enforcements to help him follow the rules (no sneaking out). Just like you would if he were sneaking out to see a girlfriend and sleep with her. You won't be able to control him once he moves out but you don't have to make him miserable while he's there.

Loving him and being there for him (making sure his physical and emotional needs are met) is your obligation as a mother, as well as helping him to become independent as soon as possible. Keep inviting him to church, encourage HIM to tell on himself (DO NOT DO IT FOR HIM), and keep trying to get him involved in positive, healthy activities. (Again, if he were with a woman I'd worry about pregnancy/STI's/emotional problems that tend to go with all that so I would do the same).

Think o fit this way: what if he said he was gay but also said he planned to stay single for life? How would you react then? Would you have trouble accepting that?

[deleted account]

Talemence...and all who are reading this now: "Let he who is without sin, cast first the stone." And ask yourself (God our Father already knows your heart): Is it more difficult for you to accept that your son is gay? Or, is it more difficult for you to accept the persecution you receive from others as the mother of a gay son?

I think your honest answer will assist you in loving your son, and sacrificing your emotions in the name of love. Also, God's word instructs us to Judge not, lest ye be judged; for that which you judge of others is what you are guilty of.

God bless you with a loving, self-less, humble journey with your son!

Angela - posted on 06/29/2014

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Talemence, when a person is gay, it’s NOT a choice, nor is it a “lifestyle” – indeed these are inflammatory words to use when discussing this issue.

When a gay person is NOT in a relationship with another person of the same sex, they haven’t ceased to be gay, they’re just unattached, similar to heterosexual persons that are unattached.

Being gay isn’t an illness or an affliction, it’s not something that a person may be “cured” of.

Any person’s sexuality, gay or straight, isn’t a massive defining feature of their lives, it’s fundamental but not really what anyone needs to be identified or remembered for. Most of us like to be identified by our own names first and foremost, followed by what we’re good at, our skills, talents and our appearance! I’d much rather be Angela who’s keen on music, reading and good at coming up with creative ideas, dark haired and on the plump side than “that straight woman”.

If a gay person decides to be celibate (for whatever reason, including being a Christian) – they are STILL gay! It doesn’t change.

There have been gay people who have claimed they are now heterosexual (& married an opposite sex partner to “prove it”) and later admitted they’re still gay. Try Googling John Paulk.

http://www.pqmonthly.com/is-john-paulk-r...

There are also people (apparently “formerly gay”) who refute this and claim to be steadfastly heterosexual and happily married to a partner of the opposite gender. So how is this so?

It’s because there is a significant percentage of people who are actually bi-sexual. Bisexuality tends to be frowned up by many gay AND straight people – it’s often seen as “being greedy”. So the bisexual individual simply falls in love with another person that they find themselves attracted to. They’re looking at the individual person they love rather than that person’s gender. Then perhaps, later down the line the relationship breaks down and in time they form a new relationship with a new partner. If their new partner is the opposite sex to their previous partner, this gives rise to comments & observations like “that woman turned lesbian” or “that gay man has now turned straight!” Being bisexual isn’t an easy thing to admit to. It’s easier to allow others to believe you’re straight (if with an opposite sex partner) or, if your partner’s the same sex, then coming out as a gay person (which itself is NEVER easy, by the way).

I know of TWO bisexual women who are happily married to MEN and have children. They are committed to their marriages but they’re not going to deny their sexuality. They love their husbands, their children and work towards making those relationships happy and lasting. But they do NOT want to lie to themselves about the people they truly are.

There are a great many people who have not “come out”. There are quite possibly one or two people known to each of us who comment on here that haven’t come out of their closet yet – and maybe they never will! We do not have the right to “assume” anyone else’s sexuality, nor the right to judge them for it when they trust us enough to reveal it.

Your son is still your son. He still has the skills, talents and personality facets he has always had.

Try being thankful your son isn’t a major criminal or the victim of crime. Be thankful that he has his health and fitness. Be thankful that he is himself and he trusted you enough to inform you of his sexuality.

Carla - posted on 06/27/2014

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This is hard. We, as mothers, especially Christian mothers, want the very best for our children. When they are dancing too close to the edge of the cliff, we naturally try to jerk them back. But, if he is over 18, he has the free will to do as he pleases. You do not have to like it, but you do have to love him. I have a gay sis-in-law and niece. I love them to pieces, I treat their significant others with respect, but I expect them to behave themselves in my home, and they do.

We have been told that we are not to judge, but this has been taken to the extreme. In actuality, Paul said in I Corinthians 5:12-13: 'For what have I to do to judge them also that are without (or unbelievers)? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without (or unbelievers) God judgeth.' This says we are to DEFINITELY judge those who claim the Name of Jesus, but those that have not yet come to belief God will take care of. If you have raised him knowing God's Word, you have the right to claim the promise of Proverbs 22:6: 'Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.' I claim this promise every day for our oldest daughter, who is almost 48. We have not seen her or her children since 2000. They live 17 miles away.

The story of the Prodigal Son applies here. The son had to go wallow with the pigs a while until he came to his senses. And he DID come to his senses. Your faith is what you hold onto until the time YOUR son comes to his. Until then---pray.

God bless, hon

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