Introductions

Michelle - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Please post an introduction of yourself here. This is for new members as well as members who have been here since this group started. Please welcome and respond to introductions. This makes the person feel welcomed.

18 Comments

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Lee - posted on 08/08/2017

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hey im Lee and im a mother of 5. my oldest is my BD i also have 2 step children one who lives with us and i have 2 with my husband. in all we have 3 living with us. my oldest at home is self harming,she lies,steals, is disrespectful, has terrible attitude and defies at every chance given, she is pushing her and my boundaries every single day. feels much like swimming upstream.. the list of
'problems" could go on for days and days but what i have stated above is our current battle. i joined this group in hopes that someone else is dealing with these same issues and can offer advice or just an ear.
she is in therapy already and has already been assessed at the childrens hospital, no label has been given yet

Michelle - posted on 07/04/2012

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Lacey,
Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your introduction. I have not been receiving notifications about who posts. You and your husband are responsible for passing down genes to your children - you are not responsible for the illness your daughter has. Parents are not given a choice which genes our children will inherit, but we are responsible for the type of environment we choose to raise our children. Although the environment is not the ideal situation we as mothers would likely choose for our children, we can do things to improve the environment.

Making a conscious decision to learn more about your daughters mental illness is taking a step in the right direction to make further positive changes. Although you may be making changes, you may not see the rewards immediately. Making changes to improve what you can, is the only thing that you can do. We cannot change what we were given, what our children were given, or our spouse. What we can do, as mothers and wives, is to learn as much as we can about the illness and make the positive changes to assisst them in growing as normally as possible.

Making changes comes with resistence - from the child, from yourself, your spouse, family, and friends. Many may not know what you experience daily but you know. Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and the power to positively influence those around you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to further support your quest for more knowledge and support.

Lacey - posted on 05/22/2012

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I am Lacey. I'm a mother of 4 kids. My eldest, Alexia, was just recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. She is 8 years old and has been through a lot these past 5 years, and it makes me feel responsible (at least partly) for her ODD. I'm looking for support and encouragement from other moms who 'get it'.

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2011

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Hi Jodi. Welcome. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. My summer has been extremely hectic! I hope others in the community have answered your questions or given you advice. My suggestion is to talk to a psychologist, one who specializes in children with ADHD/ADD and ODD/CD. These professionals can give you correct information regarding the behavior of your child. First thing you must consider is the environment your child is in. Children follow what the patents do, not always what they say. My husband and I have learned new ways of dealing with our children that has minimized their reactions. Second, think about your child's behavior. What is it that your child does to make you think he has ODD? Anger outbursts are frequent and usually on a daily basis. Throwing things, uncontrollable rage that you fear for your safety or the safety of others in the home. Refusal to comply to ANY adult requests, in numerous settings (honehome school, in public, and at anyone else's home must be present.
Hopefully you have read some posts here and have found you are not alone. Asking specific questions with what you are dealing with will make it much easier for others to give you the answers you seek. Anytime you have a question, please ask. Wishing you the best of luck and much patience.

Jodi - posted on 06/13/2011

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hi my name is jodi, and we are still trying to figure out all that is going on with my son and he has adhd but the way he is so defient i wounder about odd i would like to find out more please let me know if anyone has any advise or info that might help ty all

Jodischuetz - posted on 12/25/2010

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I spoke to Dr. Paul Branch, he reports that he has worked with ODD children before. He seemed knowledgeable and offered to give me those families to speak to as reference. We will be meeting him in January, I'll let you know. He reported having good results with calming them down within about 4 months. One can only hope!

Michelle - posted on 12/24/2010

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I have not had experience in homeopathy and have not heard of anyone in this particular group discussing that topic. I would be interested in hearing how it works for your son. Please keep us updated!

Jodischuetz - posted on 12/23/2010

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Michelle: Thank you so much for such an encouraging response. Wonderful words of wisdom.

Mason: Your introduction is really beautiful, what a great way to frame the challenges your son is facing.

My son has been on a few different trial medications and nothing has been of help to him. I've recently started researching MD's with a homeopathic background. I've read of some successes with this path, bringing children relief from all of the ups, downs and pressures of the mix of emotions they deal with. I'll let you know how it goes as soon as we can find a way to afford it! Too bad insurance doesn't have respect for such treatments.

Has anyone else had any experience in homeopathy?

Mason - posted on 12/23/2010

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HI - I have 2 of the world's most amazing children! My first son who is 6 and his 3 year old brother.
While I was pregnant with my first, I prayed to have a child who knew his own mind, who would think and make his own decisionsand not be a blind follower. God answered my prayers, and now I need guidance to learn how to raise a brillant, ODD little 6 year old boy, so that he feels the love!
Hope this group will have some great advice!

Michelle - posted on 12/20/2010

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Hi Jodi. Welcome! I understand the stress and challenges that come with a child diagnosed with ODD. Many times my own husband and I have wanted to call it quits. Grated, it is NOT all about the children, if at all. However, a child with ODD does have a part in the stress of a marriage. Many times we have suffered immense consequences in our marraige because we disagreed about the child. If I may give you some advice about working a marriage while maintaining sanity when dealing with a child with ODD...
1. Make time for yourself. That means you, your husband, and your children each have time alone. This could mean taking a half an hour to read a good book, taking a long hot bath to relax, listening to music alone, going for a walk alone, or taking a drive alone. Everyone needs time to reflect on themselves, including your husband and children.
2. Take time together for just you and your husband. Schedule an evening out or lunch for just the two of you. This is so you can reconnect as a couple, to re-kindle the love between you. This is not a time for you and him to talk about the children. This is time for you to enjoy him and vice verca. This is time to remember why you got married in the first place.
3. Take time as a family. Yes, the child can be testing, difficult, and harsh but coming together to just laugh and have fun is a necessity. This can be planned spontaneously since the child with ODD can ruin a planned activity very easily. You can stay home, play a board game as a family, go shopping together for something special for someone else, a museum, movie night, or whatever your family likes to do together. (This will remind your child that your family can be fun).
4. Take time with your husband to talk. When the children are in bed, the house is quiet. And you have time to breathe. Check in with each other. Ask your husband, "How are you today? or How was your day?" He may respond with, "You know how my day was, horrible!" and then go off on how everything was so bad with the child. But this is a time to reflect on how you both are feeling, as parents. You may find that the both of you are feeling overwhelmed, like you can't take another day of the same things. As long as you re-connect at the end of each day, it will being you closer.
5. Make time for you and your child alone. Each child deserves to have alone time with each parent. try to make this happen at least once a month. It will help you and your husband re-connect with the child, not the disorder.

Most importantly, remember to TALK. Talk about everything, talk about things that are fun, funny, or even downright crazy! Talk about the hard issues, the decisions, and wait for the choices to soak in before making a decision. Nothing will happen in the time you wait. just make sure to come back to it within 24 hours. This will help bond you and your husband over a decision that was made mutally with consideration to every feeling or possible conseqences.
Also, with a child that has ODD, it is extreemly important to keep every thing between you and your husband until the both of you agree and decide to share with the child. If your child suspects you and your hubby are not on the same page, this could cause major issues with seperation of the parents. These children are extreemly smart, bright, and love being in control. take that control away and give it back to you and your husband.
I could go on, but I think I wrote a book! I am here for you if you ever need me. Remember, no question is a dumb question, so ask!

Jodischuetz - posted on 12/17/2010

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Hello, my name is Jodi and I am so happy to find this site! Thank you for starting it. My husband and I feel so alone in this. We have two children, our youngest has been diagnosed with ODD and possibly anxiety disorder (no one seems to be very sure). I couldn't have imagined the struggles this would bring to our life. I read Michelle's story after doing a search for other mother's who might be dealing with this and felt she could have been writing my life story! I have a background, before children, in social work and specifically working closely with adolescent males with conduct disorder and Juvenile Justice system involvement. Who would have thought after that I, of all people, wouldn't be able to handle my own child?!

My husband and I are currently working to try to keep our marriage together through this, not an easy task. The effects of dealing with a child with ODD are incredibly far reaching.
Thank you for creating this site and helping to connect us, to help us not feel so alone and like terrible mothers.

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2010

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Glad you are here Nikki! Would love to hear how you are managing things with your children and with your own ADHD. We think my husband has ADHD too. But he has never been diagnosed wtih that.

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Hi! My oldest son has ADHD/ODD and Anxiety Disorder. We found out when he was 4 (he is now 11). I also have 2 other children with ADHD and am ADHD myself. So, I guess you could call me a pro at this! Two of my children are on meds, just recently took my daughter (13) off of hers b/c she can now deal well w/o the use of her meds. I, myself, have never needed it, although I do have alot of concentration issues, I am easily distracted.I am happy to have found a group to belong to!

Phyllis - posted on 11/17/2010

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My son also suffers from Sensory Integration Disorder although it is mild, and he seems to be outgrowing it as he gets older. My nephew suffers from it quite severely unfortunately.

Michelle - posted on 11/17/2010

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Athena,
Meds can help ease the moods, and regulate them better. My daughter is on Celexa and Abilify. Both are wonderful. I dont like to medicate my kids, but given the choice of living with constant chaos or having some calm, I choose having some calmness. It is not the answer to everything as meds interact with each person differently. Geodon was great in the begining, but then her moods were so severe, that we had to go back to the Abilify/Celexa combo.
I am interested in hearing more about the sensory intergration disorder. This is the first time I have heard of this. Although I know what it refers to - a child's sensory limitations. I would love it if you posted a new conversation around sensory intergration. And even post a seperate one one OCD. I haven't delt directly with this with my kids, but my husband thinks he has a little of OCD.

We have avoided medication (for the most part) with our son. He was diagnosed with ADHD, but most recently it is a mood disorder/behavior disregulation or something. Not sure if he picks that up from his sister acting out, or if it is truely a disorder.

Michelle - posted on 11/17/2010

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Phyllis and Athena,
I am glad you found your way here! I hope that we can be of some help to you. There is not much information out there about ODD, but with our combined experience, we can help each other out. When you are in need of some advice, please feel free to ask. Welcome! Glad you are here!

Athena - posted on 11/17/2010

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I have a wonderfully creative 5 year old girl. She was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder when she was 2 1/2 years old. It comes and goes with the causes that trigger it. She also has OCD and ODD. She has made huge strides and I say her because i know it is harder for her to deal with them me. I have fought to keep her in a regular class in school because she is extremely smart. Recently she has regressed and it is so hard to watch her go threw this. We have avoided medication and I am afraid we might have to try it.

Phyllis - posted on 11/17/2010

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I have a 7 year old boy with severe ADHD/ODD. I have joined a number of groups dedicated to ADHD, but its nice that there is a group for ODD, as there is much less info out there for this, and what there is is rather contradictory (there's irony for ya!)

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