My husband just asked for a divorce after 5yrs of marriage.

Ashley - posted on 09/17/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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New to the circle, My husband just asked for a divorce and we have 2 kiddos, he has never been very active in their lives, and now he wants joint custody, 50/50... I am heartbroken. I have never been away from my kids.. how do you deal with this? I feel like I am drowning in a sea of emotions. I cant fathom being without them.. please any advice would be great...

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Brett - posted on 09/28/2015

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This November would have been 10 years. Our daughter is 8 and my ex never stepped up to the plate until I left last July. Because I was trying to be nice and started out with open visitation when school started and I protested the shared custody I received papers and was stuck with week to week custody. We just went to court and I don't know the verdict but I think the judge will rule to keep shared custody. This past year has been a rough one. I'd never been separated for my daughter for longer than a weekend and now we're separated for a week at a time.
This is going to be a hard struggle and I don't know if it gets better. All I can tell you is find a support system and take advantage of it. Pray. And do what you think is best for your kid(s).

Raye - posted on 09/26/2014

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If he has not been very active in their lives up til this point, it may turn out that he will not take the kids on all the days he's supposed to have them. He may push for joint custody because he knows it will hurt you, or because he wants the option of visitation should he develop an interest in them at some point.

I'm a step mom, and my husband's ex was not very involved until my DH and I became serious. Then she couldn't stand that the kids felt I was more of a mom than her, and she began to use more of her visitation days. I am concerned of her motivations, but if she can honestly show interest in them, then I think it's good for them.

It's been several years since my husband and his ex divorced, and he still misses the kids like crazy every time they're away. So I can't tell you that it gets much easier to be away from your babies. But, you have to wait and see what's going to happen with your soon-to-be-ex. Freaking out about the unknown and being a basket case won't help your babies adjust to the new situation.

And, like Vicky said, the kids may decide they don't want to go. My 7 y/o stepson has refused to go to his mom's a couple times. She doesn't want to force him to go if he doesn't want to, so he stays home with us. I have also heard him on the phone with her, and she'll say "I love you" and he sometimes just says "uh-huh". The kids can sense that she's not as interested in them, and they decide to pull away on their own. It's heartbreaking to me that she's caused them that pain, but I love them and I'm happy to have them home with us, and they feel that.

Vicky - posted on 09/26/2014

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Hi Ashley, I am in a very similar place to you except I asked for the divorce after realizing that in our marriage I gave everything and got nothing. It was all emphasized after our son was born and he put no effort into him and left me to do everything including being the bread winner! He has no relationship with his son and blames me not the fact that he never engages with him. Now we are separating he is demanding joint custody, its a joke! It is breaking my heart, my son is 2 and he needs his Mum. I appreciate he also needs his Dad but he deserves better. Please don't feel alone as you are not, the children have a voice and they may choose not to see Dad!

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