What to do when our toddlers get hit by other toddlers?

User - posted on 07/29/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My son is 19 1/2 months old, he rarely has tried to hit us, but when he has tried to do it, we have teach him that he has to be nice and give hugs, so every time he has ever even try to hit us again we said "No we dont hit" and he comes to us and give us hugs........BUT this happened tmany times alrealdy to my son...... he had been hit by other toddlers........Yesterday, a kid maybe a little bit older than mine hit him really bad with a big plastic toy on his face while they were playing. We take mommy and me classes and I was trying to register for next semester and talking to the recepcionist when I heard my son crying and the mom of this kid consoling him........I went there to get my son and this kid hit him again on his face right in front of his mom..................ohhhhhhhhh I was sooo mad...still mad and frustrated because we try to teach my son that hitting, bitting, pushing or taking toys from others is a bad thing!!! ..........I just feel like a need to teach him how to defent himself from now on.........after all that, this mom came to us telling the kid to say sorry to my son. I was so mad I wanted to tell her that instead of teaching to say sorry she sholud be focus on teaching in NOT TO HIT OTHERS!!!

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Jami - posted on 07/29/2009

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There really isn't a whole lot you can do when it's someone elses child being unruly. I would politely tell the other child that hitting isn't very nice, just as you would tell your own child. I try not to get too involved in toddler scuffles because it teaches conflict/ resolution skills. Obvisously I wont stand there and watch them terrorize each other, but I try to let them figure it out on their own first.

User - posted on 07/29/2009

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There is nothing more frustrating than trying to teach your child the 'right' way to do things and then watching as other kids do as they please. I always tell my kids "I know that they are climbing the slide; running in the parking lot; standing on their chair...but we don't do that because it's not safe, or nice."

It's hard when hitting involved because some little umm....person just hurt our child. I tell my son to use his words. "I don't like that. or That's not nice". He can't say it well, but it teaches him to use words and gets the point across to the other parent that I'm not impressed either.

Carly - posted on 07/09/2012

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Ok I have a question, what do you do when your affectionate, happy, friendly 20 month old keeps smacking you and others and just laughs when you tell them off and this has been the case for a few months? I have smacked him back and he cried then hit me back so obviously this is not the answer or the lesson to be teaching but he laughs when I shout at him and can't speak yet to say sorry. I am a patient, loving, hands on mother who believes in teaching your child right from wrong but unfortunatley I do have one of those kids that doesn't understand not to hit others! Just to add I was smacked as a child but I don't want to bring my son up in this way.

Jacci - posted on 08/01/2009

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she prolly is teaching him not to hit but sorry is important too.. her son may not learn hitting isnt appropriate as fast as yours did

User - posted on 03/10/2013

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How do you know shes not tryingvto teach it actualky dounds like dhe is by making her child apologize

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Ruixue - posted on 06/16/2014

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Hi Candice

Five years later I'm reading your story, I was in a similar situation very recently and it was so hard to watch my 20 months old daughter got hit loud and hard on his face...again, and what's made it harder the 4.5 years old todler was our good friends' son. It's happened a few times lately, the boy has been asked to apologise each time, but it doesn't stop him keeping doing it again. Our friendship with them is on the line after I asked the boy's Dad "what's the reason he hits her so often lately"....

If you are still connected to "circle of moms", love to you hear your view 5 years after that happened to your son.

Thanks,
Roxy

Teniele - posted on 01/31/2014

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I have a question for those of you that have children that don't hit, what are your suggestions to prevent hitting??
I am on the other side my 2 & a half yr old hits others, I have tried everything you read about and done it repetitively. She will hit or throw toys at others when things are not going her way.
I had an incident yesterday and I consoled the other child first, then told my child off (the usual we don't use hands for hitting, use your words) she then said "i will say sorry mummy" I responded with yes you will but now we will have to leave (we were at playgroup & I had already given her a warning that we would leave, as she had 5mins before hit a girl with a toy as the girl had snatched the toy of her, I took her outside away from the situation told her off made her go apologize etc) she apologized & hugged the other child.
We left by this stage she was crying & upset, I explained why we had left, I also made her stay in her room till dinner was made & no tv that night.
It was totally embarrasing for me & I felt awful for the child she had hit, help what else can I do???? What are thenon hitting parents suggestions then?

Guadalupe - posted on 01/17/2013

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My son Max was a really sweet boy till we moved in with my fiances sister , her son was all about mine, mine, mine and he like to push my son around and smack him around and now that we've lived here long enough my son does those things so now every time my kid does what he has learn from that kid whose a yr older (3) His mom is overhere telling his son to hit Max back when clearly Max woulddve never acted that way if she would of raised her son diffrently! ughhhh i pissed..

Lindsey - posted on 05/02/2012

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i feel the same way. Parents should teach children how to respect other kids. I am going through the same thing with my best friends son. I even posted about it to. I am so tired of the crap and the worst part they don't even make him say sorry. I want to smack him and teach him myself, but then again its not my place to tell parents how to raise their kids but i am at that point where i am not going to deal with the pushing, hitting and taking toys anymore. I don't care if they are just a kid, parents should be teaching their kids better. I think people are forgetting the golden rule we were taught when we were children. Its crazy to think that parents would let their kids hit other kids and then make excuses saying well he is a boy or he is too young to understand. My daughter is 20 months and she knows better.

Lori - posted on 07/03/2011

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I have the same problems with my daughter who gets picked on by peers. She is 2 and her peers just love to take things from her and push her and stop her from playing with toys and my kid is passive and just cries and I feel like I need to teach her self defense !

Sasha - posted on 08/10/2009

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i've had a similar problem, my friends son started trying to hit my daughter on the face and head on a few occassions. Okay he was told off from it, but now as a consequence my daughter struggles when meeting new children and gets upset. Its so frustrating.

Stacey - posted on 07/30/2009

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It's hard when they are toddlers. They don't know how to defend themselves and the one hitting is still learning. I agree with Jami. Just say what you would say to your own child. That way your child learns too. If it keeps happening with the same child I would definitely remove my child from the situation. Some moms just sit around and watch it happen without stepping in.

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