HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH YOUR EX HUSBAND GETTING CUSTODY AFTER 4 YRS AND NOT EVEN BEING THERE!!!! LOST

DANIELLE - posted on 11/06/2009 ( 47 moms have responded )

8

16

0

I HAVE PRETTY MUCH RAISED MY SON FOR 5 YRS SINCE HE WAS BORN ON MY OWN!!!!!1 AND AFTER 4 YRS HIS DAD PRETTY MUCH GOT FULL CUSTODY OF HIM...... HIS DAD WAS NEVER THERE FOR HIM, HE WAS TOO WORRIED ABOUT PARTYING AND PLAYING GRAB A** WITH GIRLS!!!!!!! WHAT TO DO?????? HOW DO YOU COPE WITH THAT????? I HAVE BEEN SO LOST AND STRESSED OUT!!!!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ann - posted on 03/02/2011

1

0

0

It's been 4yrs for me. I let my daughter go on a Thanksgiving visit via Alabama to Chicago and I never saw her again. I went to Chicago to pick her up and no one was there for 2 days. I go home and come to find out That I have a court date the next day and so I rush back and was 20min late and I lost my child. I was nice enough to let her go see him and this is the thanks I get. From the time I was pregnant to even now 9yrs later he is now just filing for child support. I have lost my soul dealing with this. Every year gets worse and worse. I finally find a good guy and were ready to settle down and here we go again. Im to the point where i would rather just die. Im tired I dont know what to do and it is so expensive to get a lawyer. I dont know how I am suppose to keep my sanity, my job and my life going straight if everytime I get it going he pops his head in to dangle my child before me with no hopes of me ever getting her back. The whole relationship between him and I was him leaving me alone till the sun came up everyday and him choking me randomly. I never asked him to take her. All I want is my child back. I just want to feel normal again... any suggestions?

Michelle - posted on 03/11/2011

6

16

2

I am surprised at how many moms are going through the same thing. When I frist found out I was pregnant my ex and his whole family wanted me to have an abortion. There was no way I was doing that. I took care of my daughter since the day she was born. Her father saw her once in awhile. He never called to talk to her, he hardly ever saw her. I was letting her see his sister once in awhile on the weekends and then it turned into every other weekend. I thought I was doing the right thing so she could be apart of his family in some way. Then my daughter stopped wanting to go there. She cried to me sometimes, so I didnt send her. Things were getting really bad where I was, I couldnt afford and the pay sucked. I have been back and forth with the courts to have my daughter come with me. I cant afford an attorney and I couldnt find a pro bono one either. My daughter is living with her father now. I have been away from daughter since december. I didnt want to move, but what was I supposed to do, live in my truck with her? She turned 8 today. I am so lost with out her. I document everything that goes on with me and her father. I gave her a cell phone so I can talk to her everyday and they dont let her have it. I hardly talk to her. He is refusing to send her out to me even if I pay for the tickets. I would never keep his child from him. How does one go from talking to their child everyday and seeing them smile everyday, being able to hug and kiss them goodnight, help them with homework, watch them grow to nothing.

Afunston - posted on 12/19/2012

1

0

0

I so feel everyones pain here. I too lost custodial custudy to the father of my children. There is nothing worse than to lose custody and you did not do anything wrong. Im a good mom and thats something no one can take away from me. Sometimes my heart is so filled with anger and hate I can't stand it. I know eveyone has heard it but turn to God ladies. Know everything happens for a reason and everything seems so far right now and may even seem like it will not get better but it will. I wont lie I have some hard days, but lately the are getting fewer. I dont wish the pain I feel on anyone, but I do know in my heart it will get better. My children know I love them and will do anything that I can for them. I see them whenever possible and try to attend some of their school events. I have went through times when I was so filled with anger I was like screw it. Its too much energy used to be angry. Start with loving yourself and asking God to give you some peace during this Storm. I wish all you ladies Peace and thank you all for posting, I like many of you felt so alone.

47 Comments

View replies by

Kelly - posted on 04/06/2015

1

0

0

My name is Kelly and i have lost both my boys to my 2 exhusbands. I had my sweet baby James when i was 21 and his dad was 18. His family did not want me to have him. There was no way that i was going to get rid of the innocent beating heart that was alive inside of me. From the day i found out i was pregnant i knew that there was something special about this unborn child. James dad called me on a friday and verbatim he goes im going golfing with my boss and i want a divorce. He came home the next day packed a bag and left me and our son to figure life out without him. That was the first time that my world stopped. I moved in with my parents and not only did they help me raise my child we all formed a bond that families dream about. Life was good. Then moms cancer came back. I decided to devote myself to care for my mom till the day she died. And i did. Shortly after that i met my second husband. The man of my dreams the devil in disguise. i quickly became pregnant with the other boy who owns half my heart. My mom my best friend the only source of comfort in this now cruel world was gone. No more morning phone calls just to hear the love in her voice. No more bedtime hugs. No more mom. Five days later my baby Benjamin was born. Talk about bitter sweet!!!!!!!!!!! All i wanted was my mother. So i now have to tell my oldest son that his grandma the unfailing love in his life was gone never to return. oh and meet your new baby brother. Then out of nowhere after almost 8 yrs here comes james dad trying to slide back into his life. I was awarded primary custody of James. After a month of single handedly taking care of a newborn baby trying to process the events of my moms death watching my dad loose his mind because he lost the love of his life after 32 yrs and trying to keep it all under control for the sake of my son james who was trying to rationalize his grandmas death with an 8yr old brain. So for my sanity and the safety of my newborn gift from God i packed up and decided to make a new start in Oregon. So as im telling James dad about my move he said a stipulation to our custody agreement is you cannot take James out of nevada without my consent and im not gonna do that. My jaw hit the floor are you trying to tell me that you want me to leave him here with you with the so called man who left us with nothing and never came home? I had to make a choice that would secure the future for the only 2 loves of my life. I moved to Oregon with my husband and the new life that i was resonsible for maintaing. I left my sweet baby James and i have never been the same. I feel a pain that I dont even know how to describe. but life went on and i was a stay at home mom spending my every day and night with the most beautiful red haired blue eyed angel. Benjamin saved my life. If i wouldnt have had Benjamin at the moment in my life that i did i wouldnt be sitting here writting this. I was the best mother that i could be. I saw James a couple times a year. Our bond was gone. Dad has 3 strokes and a heart attack. At this time Benjamin was 3 and my reason for putting my feet on the ground every morning. Then Benjamins dad comes up with an idea for me to go down to Utah and spend some quality time alone with my dad.He said i will take care of Benjamin so you can focus on your dad. I was in Utah for 2 weeks talking to Benjamins dad every night without a hitch. On a wednesday he told me that he sent me a return bus ticket and a magazine for the ride back home. On friday the mail came and i was perplexed to find it was certified. I relunctantly signed the form and took the envelope to the table and began to open the letter that would forever shatter my heart and forever doubt my faith in human nature. It was divorce papers. He was going for sole custody. There is no way for me to possibly begin to think of a way to describe what i felt and will always feel the day i lost the angel given to me by God so that i didnt purposely join my mother the day she left this earthly world. I havent seen Benjamin in 3 yrs. I no longer wake up to that sweet baby voice so eager to greet the new day calling out the name mom. I now wake up every day in a complete panic that i not only cannot control but i also cant make it stop. I now take care of my dying father who 5 yrs prior suffered 3 strokes and a heart attack. He is on the journey out of this world and is relying on me to be his guide. I have a very intimate relationship with Jesus and i am also very in tune with the spiritual aspect of this life however im about to break. I have lost everything in my world that has ever meant anything and everything to me. I see the world in a whole new light. I no longer flaunt my rose colored glasses. I feel a wave of sadness wash over me when i hear a child call for their mother. I feel an overwhelming sense of rage when i see a mother dismiss and ignore her child. I would spend eternity in hell if it meant i could have my boys back into the arms where they felt their very first embrace from the woman who gave them life. I know that i am rambling however when i came across these posts i was truely stunned to read that there are mothers in this world we share that have felt and do feel the undescribable pain a mother feels when she is seperated from her baby. no matter the age my boys will always be my babies. So now im left to learn how to try and make it through the day all the while begging the good lord to take me home because i can no longer take this heartache that stops for nothing. There is nothing anybody can do or say to me to make me feel the least bit better. The only thing that would make this pain subside would be to have both my sons in my arms while i rub my nose through their sweet hair as i kiss them both on their beautiful innocent heads. I love jesus with my entire heart and soul i just have this burning question that not only keeps me awake every night but its really taking a toll on me spiritually. Why were the precious gifts from God given to me at the exact moments in my life when everyhthing in my life was falling apart and then so abrubtly taken from my world in a way that makes me numb to everything. Caring for my dad is now a 24/7 commitment. I am at the lowest point in my 34 yrs on this planet and i have to be at my strongest so that i can comfortably help guid my dad on his journey to meet his heavenly father. Im dog tired in the fast lane. If anyone has found something in this world that has destracted them from the feelings only a mother can painfully feel when she is seperated from the life that she not only lived everday but also she is truley seperated from the ones that need her the most. im lost without them.

Linda C - posted on 09/16/2013

1

0

0

I haven't seen or talked to my son for almost four years. It is like grieving the loss of a child every day! I sleep 3-4 days at a time, no food & no drink! Just sleep! It is so painful that you must escape the pain or you won't survive!

Linda Felicia - posted on 07/20/2013

4

0

0

EpsI would begin to tell you how to cope, but the truth is i can not. I can honestly say i know how you feel and it hurts so bad. Im not a bible thumper but somewhere in the bible it says god wont give you so much that you cant bear. Is that true is what i seem to have trouble understanding and believing? But then at other times i say it and i wake up another day. Theres times i dont want to wake up because just waking up is a constant reminder since i dont see my kids or hear them as often as i want, or should be able to. I hear other kids that remind me of mine, then i cry, hell i had to leave taco bell once because just me seeing other kids with their mamas hurt me so much i started crying right in public. Do im going to send ypu a big hug and say it progress not perfection, and you can only take it a day at a time( baby steps) and if you ever want to talk my email is - h.honey6968lm@gmail.com- use it whenever you want to.

Linda Felicia - posted on 07/20/2013

4

0

0

EpsI would begin to tell you how to cope, but the truth is i can not. I can honestly say i know how you feel and it hurts so bad. Im not a bible thumper but somewhere in the bible it says god wont give you so much that you cant bear. Is that true is what i seem to have trouble understanding and believing? But then at other times i say it and i wake up another day. Theres times i dont want to wake up because just waking up is a constant reminder since i dont see my kids or hear them as often as i want, or should be able to. I hear other kids that remind me of mine, then i cry, hell i had to leave taco bell once because just me seeing other kids with their mamas hurt me so much i started crying right in public. Do im going to send ypu a big hug and say it progress not perfection, and you can only take it a day at a time( baby steps) and if you ever want to talk my email is - h.honey6968lm@gmail.com- use it whenever you want to.

Linda Felicia - posted on 07/20/2013

4

0

0

EpsI would begin to tell you how to cope, but the truth is i can not. I can honestly say i know how you feel and it hurts so bad. Im not a bible thumper but somewhere in the bible it says god wont give you so much that you cant bear. Is that true is what i seem to have trouble understanding and believing? But then at other times i say it and i wake up another day. Theres times i dont want to wake up because just waking up is a constant reminder since i dont see my kids or hear them as often as i want, or should be able to. I hear other kids that remind me of mine, then i cry, hell i had to leave taco bell once because just me seeing other kids with their mamas hurt me so much i started crying right in public. Do im going to send ypu a big hug and say it progress not perfection, and you can only take it a day at a time( baby steps) and if you ever want to talk my email is - h.honey6968lm@gmail.com- use it whenever you want to.

Linda Felicia - posted on 07/20/2013

4

0

0

EpsI would begin to tell you how to cope, but the truth is i can not. I can honestly say i know how you feel and it hurts so bad. Im not a bible thumper but somewhere in the bible it says god wont give you so much that you cant bear. Is that true is what i seem to have trouble understanding and believing? But then at other times i say it and i wake up another day. Theres times i dont want to wake up because just waking up is a constant reminder since i dont see my kids or hear them as often as i want, or should be able to. I hear other kids that remind me of mine, then i cry, hell i had to leave taco bell once because just me seeing other kids with their mamas hurt me so much i started crying right in public. Do im going to send ypu a big hug and say it progress not perfection, and you can only take it a day at a time( baby steps) and if you ever want to talk my email is - h.honey6968lm@gmail.com- use it whenever you want to.

Carolyn - posted on 05/18/2013

1

0

0

On reading you post i want to thank you for sharing that,It is not easy, I ll share my experience and hope it helps. I suffered the same pain when i lost a custody battle of my daughter 9. I had brought her up since birth mainly alone, as my partner worked abroad or out of the country most of the time as director or a large software company. I have always been a devoted caring mother suddenly devastated by what happened. After his affair and his grossly exagerated and fabricated court case against me backed by the dreaded social services not doing their job properly, i naively assumed that the court would see through his lies. But instead I was numbed when the court ordered I should only have contact with my daughter once a month. Both my daughter and I were in a terrible emotional struggle with this, as we had such a strong bond, but no-one was listening. I buried myself in my work for four years head down and tried shut it out. I felt like i had become a grandparent not a mum and my daughter literally sobbed herself to sleep when she did see me and asked why mummy had lied to the court (as I gather this was waht dad was telling her) Clearly she did not believe me when i said I hadnt and it just made her angry. So I decided to just keep tell her and show her how much I loved her and that we had to accept what we had and have fun & hugs and cuddles were unlimited even by text or phone. And I held my tears back away from her until I was alone feeling so sad.
I was at the bank where i work shortly after the case, when a customer told me that her husband had recently disappeared abroad with her three young daughters 5-14 years old and she hadn't seen them for a year, except to speak on the phone. I know it isnt much, but it made me realise that my situation could be far worse and that there is always someone in a worse situation.It didnt make my pain go away but it put it in a different perspective. The things that started to annoy me were when my colleagues would complain about their children, I would think you donmt know how lucky you are!
My advice for contact is to go with your instincts if you want to see your child ask to... irrespective of the court order. Most court orders have some flexibilty for additional contact. Also telephone & skype regularly and reassure you are still there. Ask for extra contact for special occasions, any occasion and keep a note, for when you decide to go back to court. Get a good barrister. I have now managed to reach an amicable arrangement where she comes to me once a week , which all came about when I offered to help out with transport for swimming. Of course i didnt feel like I wanted to help him, but in offering I got to see my daughter more. It took four years to get to this but i am now much happier with the arrangements and although I will never forgive him for what he did, I have to stay focused for the sake of her happiness. Good luck /keep busy /

Tracie - posted on 05/17/2013

1

0

0

How do you do it? It's the worst pain I have ever felt. I lost custody of my son and daughter, I have had them their whole life. They are 9 and 7, So much pain!!!! Any advice???

Teresa - posted on 02/26/2013

1

0

0

I lost custody of my daughter 24 yr ago cause parent made more money then top it off we lived in diffrent states then i was not aloud to see her he made it out like i was the bad one now she is adult and children of her own now see her dad what he really is. but dont help our relationship .so if you can fight like hell and never give up i live a life of hell cause i was young now im 52 what a mistakei will have to take to my grave

Shawna Faye - posted on 02/22/2013

1

0

0

hi my name is shawna i am 23 yrs of age,I live in tennessee..I had my daughter at the age of eighteen,I was a drug addict,addicted to pills,anyways long story short my boyfriend who is ten yrs older then me at the time boyfriend fought me for custody,after I had my daughter I tried to clean up,still did a pil here and there,worked two jobs I was a great mom,but her father had money that I didnt and decided cause i wouldnt be with him he wanted full custody..hes is a alcoholic,That was three yrs ago that i lost the love of my life,I pay child support every week,he sometimes lets me see her a couple times a year and then gets mad if i say something about us not getting back together,,HE told me that he was over this and that he needed help and couldnt do it by hisself anymore,that him and her needed me ,I said ok so we tried the out of court thing,I played by his rules it lasted two months the only way i could see her was to go stay the night with him and her,I can not be alone with her,cant take her anywere,I have also been clean of all drugs for two yrs,I got into A suboxone clinic and it saved my life,so its been two yrs and three months since i been clean,last month i got a test saying he was sorry for not answering the phone cause i was suppose t get to spend her birthday with her or at least a few hrs i was so excited,i bought her everything she was so happy..then november the fifteenth of 2012 no answer i called,and called,even went out there and no answer at the door,I was dont, i left her tsuff on the proch,well in december i got a text saying im so sorry,i had alot going on we need you..I said well thats fine ,i reminded him that all this didnt have to be the way it was he got mad,and started calling me everyname in the book,I told him to leave me alone i would get vistitation through the courts that way i could see my angel on there terms,not his cause his is NONE,,,He then threatened me,told me i wa s a drug addict whore,I weas worthless e.t.c..I told him not to text me again and I also told him i said i know you and your drunk i can tell by the way your acting he said bullshit i havent drunk a drop since she was born...BULLSHIT!!,,I am so scared for my baby..so three weeks ago i got a call to look in the just busted our local paper of arrest ..there he was mug shot and all he had been arrested for D.U.I..and he is a multiple DUI offender..he had to pay so much money to get that SR-22 insurance or whatever its called anyways ,,I lost my father two yrs ago,i really have no one,aI work a full time job seven days a week and i do own my own home..what should i do,i pay child support dont I deserve something??..please any mother who may know what im going through i want my baby help and advice

Brooke - posted on 11/12/2012

1

0

0

It has been over 3 years since I lost custody of my son. Like most of the posts on here, I let his father take him for a week-long visit and at the end of the week had lost custody without ever even knowing about it. I immediately got a lawyer, but the lawyer never did a thing. Now I have no money for a new lawyer and not much hope of regaining custody. I have been struggling to support myself whereas my ex has a sugar-momma new wife.



In actuality, my son is now doing very well in school and his stepmom can afford to support him in ways I never could. He plays sports his dad wants him to play and is learning to like playing them. & for the first time in his 8.5 years, his dad is actually spending time with him.



Like others on here, I will never give up but I am going to have to wait things out. I do plan on hiring a private investigator and have been told to keep a journal (I find a calendar is easier for me).



My son and I still have a great relationship although he tells me all the time how much he misses me. Despite everything, I know my son knows I love him with all of my heart and that he loves me completely. The part I have the hardest time dealing with is the pain of not seeing his smiling face first thing in the morning or kissing him goodnight every night. & nearly as hard is the embarrassment that comes with being a woman who has lost custody of her child.



I have recently met a few older women who have been through this and in the end regained custody and now have the most amazing relationships with their grown children. That is what I hope for one day. That and to learn to forgive myself for not having the ability to be there for my son on a daily basis now.

Dawn - posted on 10/22/2012

1

0

0

Same thing here my ex and his new wife decided they wanted shared custody of my 17 year old son. His father took him everyother weekend before when it was convienient for him. I think they have poisoned my sons mind. They are trying to cut me out of decisions about my sons school. I know they have gone to the principle many times I do not know what they are saying to him. It seems as tho he is very much against me now. He will not return my phone calls.I had my son signed up for extra classes at night school to try and get caught up the principle has not contacted me about when it started as he said he would. We had it all planned out. Also I was mysteriously getting free lunches for him when I didn't apply. After contacting the school 3 times about this it finally ended without any explanation, all record of this was wiped of the web page. I think they are conspiring against me and it is driving me crazy!! Its like I have no control over anything anymore.

Sharing custody after a certain age or so many years should not even be considered especially if you can not get along, its all about the money.

User - posted on 10/21/2012

2

0

0

I have read some of the posts on here . I always use to think that moms who lost custody have done something wrong. I was very mistaken ! My son went to visit his father for spring break and when it was time for him to come home I got a call telling me that he got custody in the state of Ga without me knowing a thing. Long story short ..he lied , got what he wanted and I'm trying to deal with it. I have been reading and found out there are more people have been through the same thIng. I would like to find out if there are any wemon that live near me that have been through this Maybe there is a group or some way we could encourage eachother.

Marissa - posted on 09/24/2012

1

10

0

Wow. I am about to embark on the biggest battle of my life. My ex husband is going to go for full custody of my 4yr old. I am at a loss. I dont know what to think or do. I am trying to get all my 'ducks in a row' but I dont know if it will work. These days the courts are in favor of the father. My ex has a live in gf and she is pregnant and they live in my old house. There fore they have a 'stable' home. I am single in a 2 bedroom apt and work at night. I am so afraid he will get custody just because....

I am prepared to fight and I will have the best of the best lawyer. But any advice???

Elizabeth - posted on 09/07/2012

17

40

1

I understand how you feel. My son is 11 and we've been divorced a year and a half now. I got custody, but my son told me that when he is 12 his dad told him he gets to choose who to live with. I get livid and panicky every time I think about this. His dad up and moved away before we got divorced so now my son hardly ever sees his dad. We share holidays and every couple of months he comes up to take him 7 hours away to be with him. He works usually the whole time and he's with his grandparents who are manipulate conartists. They are constantly putting him in the middle and I've told them not to, but they still do it. I'm worried I'll lose my son because I think he moved away so that my son would miss him and would want to live with him because he never gets to see him. All my son wants is to see him more not to move out when he's been with me his whole life. He'd take his son to the park to play and then play basketball with strangers and leave him alone to play by himself. He has a new address and phone every 6 months. My son is involved in scouts and now band and is finally making friends and now he wants to up and take him away from all of that. He makes me so angry sometimes I about lose my mind.

Shelley - posted on 08/30/2012

20

0

4

Well, y'all pretty much have me terrified now. I have filed and they are serving him with papers on Saturday. He works oilfield and is living in a travel trailer and moves about the country. I don't want his alcoholic butt taking my kids.......I am receiving no support from him whatsoever and haven't been with him in a year. He quit paying the house in Nov and now I am in bankruptcy trying to salvage everything and sell a house. I don't make much more than minimum and he brings in $1200.00 to $1500,00 weekly. I am about in tears. I wish I was in ignorant bliss again. Ugh!!!!

Ashleigh - posted on 08/20/2012

2

0

0

I moved from TN to VA 8 months pregnant, because my ex had on his police record: suspect of rape of a child and suspect of sexual battery forced fondling.... On 2 different girls. One 7 and the other, his niece, 8 years old. I had my son here in VA. He froze the bank account. I went to the sheriff's dept to get a copy of his full record. They couldn't give it to me, but they were actually looking for him. I spoke with police and sheriff's dept. I explained I found suspicious things on my computer as far as who he has been talking to in chat rooms. They wanted to size the computer... But couldn't bc it was in my possession but it was his. The FBI actually contacted me. This is just in TN before I came to live with my parents in VA. The FBI was at my parents house 3 days after my son was born. Yet, my ex has custody of my son. Well residential custody in TN. My lunch break is over, but I ask going to try to get on here later. This its my first time to find a chat forum such as this.

User - posted on 02/21/2012

263

12

80

I hope you can find a lawyer to represent you and stick up for you. MAke sure you are living a good life and dont give him any excuse to say that you are an unfit mom.

Are you working? Able to support your children? No problems with drugs, or alcohol? You have to really look in the mirror and also show everyone that you are able to take good care of the kids so he has no leg to stand on.

Tonya - posted on 02/17/2012

13

25

0

I am going through the same thing. There is a gal on my case that is friends with my exs father. She never listens to my children when they tell her something. The gal then goes into court and says I did the stuff their father and girlfriend did to them. am on my 4th lawyer and he said there is nothing that can be done to remove her from this case. I have gone to the local resources for help. The gal tells the court that i have meal issues. I have seen doctors that have reports to state my mental health is fine and i can have my children. She refuses to allow this and will not give me the joint custody I seek. She blackmail me regarding my children,if I don't agree to what my ex wants thenI will loose any time or any chance of visitation. I don't know what to do or were to go for help. My lawyers only want the money. Now my life savings are gone

Wendy - posted on 02/15/2012

9

0

1

You have to fight back! I am awaiting my court date to see if my ex-husband is going to get full custody. He is a cop and is trying to use that as a tool to get them. I to was a cop and am not now by choice because of how hard it was on my kids to have both parents in shift work. He has never sacrificed a single thing for my kids, and has put them thru hell ever since our divorce. If he is awarded full custody I will have no choice but to keep fighting! My children deserve better than what he is putting them thru. I will fight, and die trying if I have to! There are to many mothers losing their children that they have raised, loved and made them into the people they are now. Just because they will have to pay child support? or in my case he is pissed at me and they are the only thing he has left to hang over my head... We as mothers have no choice but to fight!

I am so glad we all have the ability to share our stories on here... We are not alone, and we can win!

Christina - posted on 02/12/2012

4

0

1

Wow. I just went to court after nine gruling months of trying to get my son back. I lost my job, my house and had no family or friends who could help me out. I have raised him since he was born and kicked his dad out when my son was 3 because he just would not work. Would rather smoke dope, play video games and cheat on me. Well a year and a half ago I was one of many who got laid off, lost my home and had no where to turn. I was offered a Job in Texas and asked my ex's mother if she would Take my son for the school year while I got settled. She agreed and off I went. I rarely got to speak with my son the entire 8 months I was in Texas. When I did get to speak with both my son and his grandmother, we were all excited to have my son come home. I thought the nightmare was over. Until she slapped with an injuction to take him out of state, got a lawyer and sued me for custody. When we got to court, they made up so many lies I thought I was going to have a nervious break down right there in front of the Judge. She lied and said my son had been living with her since 2007. It was July 2010 to and supposed to be up to may 2011. For some reason I was never allowed to show my proof that I had my son in 2007. The judge has yet to make a judgement. They told the judge that when I dropped my son off in July he was emaciated and starving. This is not true but I was not allowed to testify against this. There were so many lies and accusations that I could have proven in court but never got a chance for some reason. I know what you are going through Danielle. Keep on keepin on. Hire a P.I. I did. Do what ever it takes. I am praying for you.

Michelle - posted on 05/22/2011

6

16

2

@christina I didnt lose custody we do have joint custody and I have been fighting and im still fighting @ lisa....in my state they do not consider talking to the child until they are 14...I tried...my daughter wanted to talk to the judge she would have talked to anyone but they do not allow it.

Lisa - posted on 03/12/2011

3

38

0

Go back to court and request another judge. You can appeal without a lawyer. In Canada where I live you can also request a social worker or lawyer for your child free of charge. The will interview the child to make sure this is in the best interest of the child because its their life that matters in the end. I dont know how the laws differ in the States but look into it. Good luck!!

KATRINA - posted on 03/12/2011

6

13

0

please please becareful with that. I got tied up in the "system" with my kids father after I left him he started abusing the kids needless to say I have been fighting these ppl for about 13 years now and finally said let them turn 18 then come home ,,, one is about to be 18 and the state is going to let him go back to his abusive father or his sex offender grandfather ... with no abuse charges ever on me and they wont let me have them the courts are messed up and no a days its the money that wins most judges they dont even look at what is best for the child... and i am left paying $410 plus 35x3 for child supoer and they get my sons SSi check and on top of all that I am disabled can not work so it is adding up on me nothing much I can do becuase I cant afore a att... but no matter what never listen to him if he tells you that you will never see your kids if you fight him that was the biggest mistake I made because i didnt want to lose my kids.. fight with all you got an dgo to the crises center if you have one and they can help you get a att...

CRYSTAL - posted on 11/22/2009

23

15

1

danielle i got that same shitty end of the stick...not being able to afford a contested divorce was a crappy way to loose to my ex. i will go back one day and fight when i have the money and in the meantime i am letting my ex bury himself with stupid decisions. keep up your head cuz i know first hand that it is hard!

Christa - posted on 11/22/2009

1

7

0

i am going through the same thing i have two children a 14 yr old and 10 yr old he left me after 18 yrs and he has hardly ever did anything with the kids he know wanted to be a dad he has them every other week and he does not care what the kids want he is so selfish and selfcentered he is always putting him self first and like the other lady said i cry alot when my kids are not with me it is such a change from having then all of the time to not haveing them i really suck that the courts are so screwed up is is really sad but they done care as long as they have thier money i am hoping someday they will want to go in front of the judge and say they want to be with me just hang in their and have faith god bless and know that you are not alone christa

Brenda - posted on 11/13/2009

14

12

2

Well I can actually say .. : Been there , Done that". yes I was married to someone for 81/2 years and a military man at that.. I hope I can give you some advice, or encouragement.. My kids are all grown up now, and now is the time that one of them really is suffering...And of course it is my son.. I would love to hear back from you..

Julie - posted on 11/13/2009

8

20

0

Wow........so many sad stories. I thought I had it bad having to agree to joint custody. Journaling is so important, my lawyer told me that. It documents everything......things your children say or report to you. Things you do with and for your children. Conversations you have with your ex or things that happen. You also need to find an attorney.......not just any attorney. do your research. there are attorney's out there that do probono work.......there are some that take a small retainer fee and let you make payments.......and maybe if you have a little extra cash saved.........hire a private investigator to get any dirt you can on your ex to help with your case. I'm not sure how you could lose custody without going in front of a judge......did he go to court and you didn't know about the hearing? If so......that is illegal. You have to be notified of any hearings, it's the law. Make sure that Friend Of The Court is updated on all your contact info.....that is so important. While you are doing these things to regain custody..........just keep reminding the kids how much you love them and are there for them. Good luck.

Hanley - posted on 11/12/2009

1

23

0

Danielle I totally can relate and my heart aches for you as mine still continues to do so. My daughter is 15 and my son 8 a year and half ago my children went to go live with their father and i had raised them up until this point. I cried every day how do you learn to live your life with out your babies that had made it complete. Then in Aug of this year he took me to court and won! I felt like such a failure. But i will tell you this my children no with out a doubt who has been there for them. He wasnt even there when they were born. I shower them with my love when i see them and let them know that no matter who they are with that Im here. He has no clue on how to raise children,my daughter calls me all the time to tell me whats going on. All i can tell you is cry when you need to,and start a journal if you dont have one already. If you ever need to vent just let me know i will try to help, but know you are not alone in your pain!!

Ella - posted on 11/09/2009

49

52

12

Quoting DANIELLE:

i never even went in front of a judge!!!!! he lyed so bad and had the mediator and his lawyer beleiving everything he said and he had his whole family there with him...... so thats how i got the shitty end of the stick!!!!



This post has me crying cuz I'm afraid I will loose my kids to their abusive dad. I was never married to him but we were together for 13 years.  This custody battle has been going on for almost a year now.  I believe the G.A.L. is taking his side and not really thinking about the best interest of our kids is.  I haven't  gotten to say anything  because i didn't have a lawyer. We go back to court  4 days before Christmas and I will have one then! I pray to GOD that they don't grant him full custody , I'm worried about their safety! If the courts do get blinded by his lies and twisted decieving actions and they grant him custody, I will fight till the day I do get them. I will never give in. I love my kids too much!

Ella - posted on 11/09/2009

49

52

12

Quoting DANIELLE:

i never even went in front of a judge!!!!! he lyed so bad and had the mediator and his lawyer beleiving everything he said and he had his whole family there with him...... so thats how i got the shitty end of the stick!!!!



This post has me crying cuz I'm afraid I will loose my kids to their abusive dad. I was never married to him but we were together for 13 years.  This custody battle has been going on for almost a year now.  I believe the G.A.L. is taking his side and not really thinking about the best interest of our kids is.  I haven't  gotten to say anything  because i didn't have a lawyer. We go back to court  4 days before Christmas and I will have one then! I pray to GOD that they don't grant him full custody , I'm worried about their safety! If the courts do get blinded by his lies and twisted decieving actions and they grant him custody, I will fight till the day I do get them. I will never give in. I love my kids too much!

DANIELLE - posted on 11/09/2009

8

16

0

thank you guys all very much!!!! iyts really nice to have other moms who know what im going through there to talk to!!!! it does suck and im still trying my hardest to fight for my son!!! i did have a lawyer and he costed me nearly $10K and did nothing for me so now trying to get the money for a new one is gonna be tough!!!!! but thank you guys again so much you are all in my prayers!!!!! if yall ever need anyone to chit chat with just message me!!!!!!

DANIELLE - posted on 11/09/2009

8

16

0

i never even went in front of a judge!!!!! he lyed so bad and had the mediator and his lawyer beleiving everything he said and he had his whole family there with him...... so thats how i got the shitty end of the stick!!!!

Stacy - posted on 11/08/2009

9

12

1

Anyone who cant believe that can happen, it can. It happened to me too Danielle. I could not believe my children's father got custody but then he had an attorney and I couldnt afford one. The sick part is that the judge and attorney were friends(not that I can prove it) and she ruled that I had to pay my children's father attorney fees.

There is a book out and I cant remember off hand what it is called but its a man who wrote it. No degrees or anything, just a man and he complains about how unfair the judicial system is and how the mother's have always gotten custody over the father's which is partly true but he sent it to millions of judges and a lot of judges read it and went totally the other way. The judge I had was completly against mother's having custody and had a reputation for ALWAYS giving custody to the father so I was doomed from the start. She was the only judge in that little town. I had custody of my children for 15 years and he had nothing to do with the children except visits but did not want to deal with the problems or schooling or anything that wasnt fun. My court case went on for 2 years. I lost custody last feb. Trust me it is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. My girls call me often since their father has the ringer and the message machine turned off so I cant call them. It is really hard when they call and cry and want to come home and I can do nothing yet.

I too plan on moving closer to them since they are in a different state. I too, plan on getting full custody back. Attorney's are expensive but it is obvious that me personally needs one. I will never stop fighting. My youngest is 9 and I will keep fighting to get her back till the day she is 18! Good luck to you Danielle, I totally feel your pain and frustration. I hope you are getting visits often and that you live close. Just let the little guy know you will still always be there for him and be as involved as you can even if father makes it hard. If you want to talk more feel free to message me.

Cami - posted on 11/08/2009

1

10

0

What made the judge decide to give him custody after all the time of him being absent?I cant believe that happened to you.Im so sorry.I can only imagine what a shock that was to your child.My heart is breaking for you.

Lindsay - posted on 11/07/2009

19

39

0

I can understand your fustration, as my ex had gotten full custody of my son about 2 years ago, do to some health issues I had. I didn't/don't smoke, drink, do drugs, party any of that type of stuff, yet a man who was barely a part of his life got custody. I worked hard, went back to school and got better. We went back to court and got Joint custody, at this point in time my son lives with his father and stepmom in another state, but I'm working on moving down there and gaining full custody back! It's tough, and it's a bitch! You will get your son back! I hate to say this, but there is a reason for everything, and it may suck now, but in time your son will realize who was there for him and who wasn't. My son is starting to ask questions and one day he will get the answers that he deserves! Good luck and if you ever want to chat, feel free to message me!!

Janne Helen - posted on 11/07/2009

57

35

11

Huh? Something isn't right here.... I understand your frustration!! Is he still partying and seeing others? Where is the childs protection here? Take it back to court.

I talk with my son on the phone, but I cut the ex out. I have a friend of mine that communicate anything nessesarry between us about our son. He has the custody, because I wanted his dad out of the house and far out of my life. I had enough of him and evrything else so for now this is for the best. I seen my son 1 time this year and he lives in another country too. I will see him for 1 day in December, just before the holidays.

Hugs to you!! Good luck, and I do hope you still get to see him though, and not all cut off.

Maria - posted on 11/06/2009

1

22

1

Oh my goodness I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't understand how after 4 years the courts would give him full custody. That being said I would start fighting to get my child back and I would never stop as there is no way to cope with that. Hire a new attorney and start the fight again and again until you get you child back.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms