family problems?!

Natasha - posted on 02/15/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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conner(9-12) is a happy and surprising obedent,calm, and helpful boy for his age. I very rearely have to punish him at all at home. he does not go to daycare but i do take him to a indoor park to play with other kids regurly and hardly have a problem with him playing with the other kids, he loves to share and if another kid is crying he is the first to give out a hug. however when i go to my mom and fathers house ( they live about 2hrs away) and his cousin ( who is 2yrs) is there it is like I have a totally different kid on my hands!! he hits and screams and whines all the time!! he refuses to share and lisen to mommy when I say no and is in the time out chair most of or vist. even when his cousin isnt doing anything! Iam so very clueless on whats going on! both conner and his cousin are only children does that make a difference? if so why doesnt he have any problems with other kids? does any one have any advice on how to handel your child whith other family members? help!!!

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Jess - posted on 02/18/2011

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My daughter and my niece are only 7 weeks apart in age, which is great because they can play together really well, but if they are in an environment where one feels more comfortable than the other all hell breaks loose. At my parents house they share well, go visiting to my brothers place and my niece won't share anything, bring the girls back to my place and my daughter won't share anything.

From that experience, I would say your son plays well with strangers in a foreign environment because he has no sense of ownership over any of the toys, but at your parents house either your son or nephew do and that's causing half your battles. Your son is then on edge by either having toys taken away or having to protect the toys. Its like when they are tired, everything becomes more dramatic and horrible ! So naturally he acts in manner unbecoming.

What we do to try and combat this is playing with the girls so we can diffuse a fight before it really begins. If 1 toy is creating a fight, we take it away and when they begin to fight over every toy we change it up a bit, go outside for ride on bikes, play in the pool *its summer here*, have some food. Just to change the mood a little.

Karen - posted on 02/17/2011

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does he act like that when his cousin isn't there? maybe if he doesn't see grandma and grandpa often he's a little jealous for their attention and feels that this cousin is "stepping on his toes" so to speak...to a child of that age attention is attention no matter good or bad when they feel they are needing more of it....maybe try redirection instead of time out at their house. if it is for attention the more he's in time out the less he's getting of their time, could be just a vicious circle for him

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Jessica - posted on 02/25/2011

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It sounds to me that he doesn't like sharing the attention with his two year old cousin. I would just say you need to firm with him when he hits etc. Say NO firmly and remove him from play for a minute or until he has calmed down.

I would also make a big deal of how nicely the cousin is playing. When your son sees him getting all the attention for playing nice then hopefully he will follow suit. When he is whining and screaming (unless he is hitting) ignore the behavior and show him he will get no attention for behavior of that kind.

Good Luck!!

Jessica - posted on 02/22/2011

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you already use time outs? you already expect him to share? wow. he is still a baby! that is really young!



kids will act a certain way when they are uncomfortable verses comfortable. if he is around kids he doesn't know, he will act appropriately because he is testing the waters and doesn't know what anyone's reactions will be. he is trying to figure everyone and everything out. it is unfamiliar so he is uncomfortable with how reactions would be to his behavior. when he is around someone familiar that he knows and trusts and has a relationship with, he is going to act more normal. he is comfortable with the people around him and his familiar surroundings and can predict how they will react to his behavior. plus he probably sees his grandparent's toys as his, and he doesn't want to share "his" toys with anyone because he does not have to share at home. instead of putting your son in a time out (wow, way way too young for that) you could put the toy they are fighting over in a time out until they stop fighting (i usually make a grand gesture of this... and say, no sorry, toy has to go in a time out until you two stop fighting and place it out of sight and out of mind) or i would have him bring a special toy that he does not have to share or buy a few of the same toys so they don't have to share or show him how to share or take them outside to run and play with large gross motor toys like balls or bikes or something where they don't really have to share. children even at very young ages understand ownership. i would not force him to share everything. give him a special toy he does not have to share when you go and explain that he does not have to share that but he will have to share the other toys.



your baby is being a baby and being normal. he doesn't understand the concept of sharing or time outs or anything like that. he won't until he is closer to two. time outs are no fun and probably only aggravate him more and don't fix anything or solve anything or teach him anything in this situation at this age. if anything it teaches him to act out more and be more frustrated. he has no idea what you are doing or why you are doing it. all he sees is some child playing and having fun and he can't. he does not understand that he did something to get a time out. he does not connect the dots yet or even make the connection. he does not grasp cause and effect. he is way way too little yet for that... and no matter what you do he won't make the connection till he is older. his brain simply is not developed for it yet and won't be until he is closer to two.

Natasha - posted on 02/21/2011

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ya I guess you make a great point he doesnt act like this around his grandma and grandpa when his cousin isnt around. thanks for the advice!

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