30 weeks preg, gettin nervous and very confused!! HELP

Charlotte - posted on 08/26/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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HELLO EVERYONE, I AM A NEW MEMBER AND LOOKING FORWARD TO READING POSITIVE POSTS AND INFORMATION FROM OTHER MOTHERS.

I AM 30 WEEKS PREGNANT, COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS TIL MY SON IS HERE, I AM VERY EXCITED IT IS MY 1ST CHILD. THIS IS MY SITUATION...



WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT, I WASN'T WITH MY CHILDS FATHER, WE WERE JUST DATING AND DIDN'T EXPECT ANYTHING SERIOUS... WE HAD ONLY BEEN SEING EACH OTHER FOR ABOUT A MONTH, THEN I TOOK A TEST AND FOUND OUT THE GOOD NEWS ( FOR ME) HE WASN'T VERY HAPPY.

HE ALSO DIDN'T BELIEVE THAT IT WAS HIS, HE STARTED CALLING ME NAMES, AND TOLD ME HE WANTED ME TO HAVE AN ABORTION. HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT HE "HAD A VESECTOMIN"... WHICH LATER HE ADMITED THAT HE LIED ABOUT THAT. THE WHOLE TIME IVE BEEN PREGNANT, HE HAS ONLY BEEN TO ONE ULTRA SOUND. HE ALSO HAS MOVED TO ANOTHER STATE, SO I HAVENT EVEN SEEN HIM FOR ABOUT 4 MONTHS.... HIS FAMILY SAYS THAT THEY ALL WANT THE DNA TEST BEFORE THEY WILL GIVE ME ANY SUPPORT OR SHOW ANY INTEREST.... BUT NOW THAT TIME IS GETTING CLOSER AND THINGS ARE GETTING MORE REAL THEY STILL ARE NOT THERE... MY CHILDS FATHER'S MOTHER IS A SINGLE MOTHER OF 2 SO I THOUGHT SHE WOULD HAVE MORE FEELINGS TOWARD MY SITUATION, BUT SHE TOLD ME THAT I RUINED HER SONS LIFE.... I AM 24 YEARS OLD, MY CHILDS FATHER IS 30, HE IS A GROWN MAN AND CAN MAKE HIS OWN DECISIONS. IM JUST VERY CONFUSED ON WHAT I NEED TO DO... OR WHAT I SHOULD DO.... WHAT DO I DO WHEN IM GOING INTO LABOR? HE LIVES 600 MILES AWAY, DO I CALL HIM? DO I INVOLVE HIM OR HIS FAMILY? SHOULD HE BE THERE WITH ME EVEN THO HE HAS NOT SHOWN ANY INTEREST THIS WHOLE TIME? DO I GIVE MY SON MY LAST NAME OR HIS? HOW DO I GET A DNA TEST AND CHILD SUPPORT, PLEASE IF ANY MOTHERS HAVE ANY ADVICE PLEASE POST OR EMAIL ME,.... I LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING HELP.... THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

2 Comments

View replies by

Danielle Del - posted on 09/01/2012

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Hi Charlotte,



Congratulations on your little one. I know how hard things must be seeming for you right now. My son's (he's six months) father was just a casual thing for us, and when I found out I was pregnant, he was furious, he had lied to me, and was married with two kids, so he wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy, and also told me to get an abortion, adoption, etc. Those are hard things to hear, so I understand a little of what you're going through. I ended up getting a lawyer, and if you can afford one, i recomend that, because they know how the system works. Otherwise visit social services or whatever office takes care of child support (every state is different) and make sure you keep a record of his addresses, phone numbers, as much info as you can get...get it, and save it. You don't have to give the child his last name, but do name him on the birth certificate as the father. At least in ny state, when you file for support, you'll get a court date, and at that court date, he'll be given the option of getting a lawyer if he doesn't have one, and petition for a paternity test, which the judge will order. Then you'll be asigned a time for you and your baby to have your cheeks swabbed and so will he. He'll have to pay for the test unless it comes back with him not being the father, then you'll have to reimburse him. The judge will also assign a subsequent court date at which the results of the paternity test will be discussed, and support or at least temporary support will be awarded. It's a long process, but I just saw the first check from the father of my son, and it was totally worth it! Also, don't bother with someone like that at the hospital, it won't help you, ask your most trusted friend/relative to be there for your support, someone who can cheer you on and really be there for you. So stay positive, the little one you're going to meet will make it all worth it! Having a baby was the most powerful, humbling experience I have ever had...it was the best day of my life, despite my circumstances

Teddi - posted on 08/28/2012

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This is a tough one..All I can give you is my opinion but you really need to do whats best for you and your baby. I wouldnt give him the time of day. If you want, tell him your due date. If he isnt back in the state by then to make sure hes there then thats his own problem. When you get the DNA test done and he realises what hes missed out on he will be kicking himself. As far as the last name...Every state is different so check the laws. In some states the kids have to have the dads last name to recieve any kind of support. Im sorry your in this situation but it sounds like your going it on your own hun.

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