4 Months Pregnant and Just Got Dumped. What Do I Do?

Andrea - posted on 06/19/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My now ex-fiance just walked out on me and my 7 year old son (from a previous relationship) and our baby on the way because some other woman that he was dating before me is claiming she just had a baby and he may be the father. No paternity test has been done. One minute he insists the child is not his because of the time frame of when he and this other woman were last together, and the next minute he's really not sure. He says I am selfish for not allowing his outside drama in my household and not wanting this child around because I have lost 3 daughters before birth and it is too painful for me to have to deal with. So he packed up his things, called his sister and said he was going to see this child since his family are sure that just by looks alone (at a few weeks old) the child is his. Now I am debating whether I will be able to keep this baby or give it up for adoption or worse, not have it at all. I tried for 4 years to conceive another child and now i'm put in this situation. I know I can't afford to take care of another child on my own and I have no one else to help me. I make too much money for public assistance and I don't want to be a statistic of another welfare mom. I just don't know what to do. He claims he wants his space because I'm being selfish. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks

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Shani - posted on 06/21/2010

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Girl,
You can do it I did it with my two sons working a minumum wage job there is help and if you attend church, Im a 100 percent posative they will help you with your needs as well as child care. also should check out if there is a pregnancy support center in your area sponsered by care net. They provide clothing, diapers, cribs, bouncers, stroller, wipes baby food everything basically that you need if you take their classes they offer prenatal and postnatal classes for free its called an earn while you learn program you earn fake money and they have a store where you can buy all these baby items with the fake money you earn from the classes. This program was such a blessing to me and my family and its open to everyone thats pregnant or have childern under 3 no age restriction or income restricions either, Hope this helps goodluck and God bless

Autumn - posted on 06/20/2010

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I'm sorry to hear about your situation but if he is willing to walk out on you so easily now then how do you think he will be in the future. I believe you can raise your baby! You seem like such a caring person and honestly you worked too hard to have this baby just to put him/her up for adoption. ultimatly its your choice but man or no man there are mothers out there who have 3 kids and up raising them on thier own, so if they can do it so can you. if i were you i would plan to get child support established and let him have all the time he needs if you want him back. He sounds like he needs to get his priorities togetherand quick so while he is doing that just relax and take care of yourself, cause your right you dont need his drama around you or your child so enjoy your time away from him and make sure he knows what he wants before he calls you again. good luck!

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Barb - posted on 02/27/2012

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I had to leave at 7 months pregnant for my own safety and my babies safety and well being. I had a lot of support from my family they helped me a lot in the start. I didn't get support from the father did end up paying or even staying. I was on welfare for 17 months I had no one to watch my daughter so I could work it ended up being the best thing, because we are so close. Welfare for a little while really isn't the end of the world it doesn't define you as a person. It's there for people who need it. You take him to court if he's got a job you get the money from this jerk! Please don't go back to him. I thought for a second about giving up my baby cause I didn't want to be a single mom. I didn't know what I was doing I couldn't afford it, but she is the best thing in my life. I don't want you to regret giving up your baby. Being a single mom makes made me realize how strong I am and you can do anything.

User - posted on 02/26/2012

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My ex did the same thing to me except he denied that the baby was his. (She IS. He was cheating on me when I got pregnant) He then went on to have 2 sons with the chick he was cheating with. He has no contact with my daughter and I like it that way. The way I see it, he's missing out & he doesn't deserve her. I got the very best of him so he can keep his witch & their 2 sons. He may deny it, but I have and love the true 1st born. She is almost 5 and is HAPPY. I had to pull myself up by the boot straps many times but I gladly do it for her.

Andrea - posted on 06/22/2010

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Well, I decided shortly after posting this to keep my baby because I have gone through too much to get to this point and I'm not going to just throw it away. I'm prepared to do it alone if necessary as i have done with my son for 7 years. But, we have recently (yesterday) had a serious talk about everything and are doing our best to work through this.

Erica - posted on 06/22/2010

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You had planned to keep this baby while he was still with you right? So just because he isnt in your life now doesnt change the fact that this baby is yours and that you both are still going to have to support it even if you have to go to support enforcements to get him to do his part as far as child support. I had three daughters and my previous husband decided to have an affair so I left him (over 10 years ago now) i was a stay at home mom and I had little experience working outside the home no drivers liscense and no extended education other than being a high school graduate and now had three kids to take care of the youngest was 10 months old. I managed with the support of my family and am now happily remarried and pregnant with my 5th and last baby (2nd with my husband of 6 yrs). It sounds like you have a job and are able to support yourself now so you really dont need him, sure it is always ideal to have the father there to help provide and share the joys of pregnancy and raising that little one but it doesnt always work out that way the father of my three by choice doesnt talk to or see the kids but by law pays support (when he is working). Keep your baby and love him or her but if you truley dont want the child give him/her up for adoption dont terminate a perfectly healthy baby there is someone out there who cant have children of their own and would love to give an unwanted (if you dont want the baby) child a home. If it is just a matter if being scared of doing this alone, you can do it...many woman have and you can too. Good luck :O)

Heidi - posted on 06/22/2010

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If you know for sure that you can not take care of this child without the father than give it up for adoption!!! Abortion is not the option. You are already 4 months pregnant so you are feeling that baby move and it can hear your voice... The baby didn't ask to be brought into this world and it's not the baby's fault that the father walked out. Good luck and I really do hope you make the RIGHT choice!!!

Lisa - posted on 06/22/2010

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Keep that baby!! I can imagine being scared of doing it without him but I think you will realize that he is the one missing out. I know many single moms who can't "afford" a child but they make it work every day. They might have to do without things like going out to eat and new clothes but as long as those babies are fed that's what matters. There are so many programs out there to help mothers like yourself so go to a state office and just ask for your options. Then when you have that baby if he wants to even meet the child take him to court and make sure he is paying to support you.
To play the flip side of it I would do some soul searching and figure out what you can do for your feelings for him as a man. While it is not ok for him to leave you and your baby it seems like he might be trying to be a responsible man in the other childs situation. Can you have a conversation with him and when he gets a dna test could you be in a relationship with him if he is a father to this other child? Good Luck!! remember that baby growing inside of you is a miracle and if you decide you cannot give it the life you'd like to look into adoption, open adoptions are also available so you'll be able to see updates of how the hard decision you made gave life to another family!

Yakia - posted on 06/20/2010

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first thing i want to say is dont get an abortion my friend had one and she still goes threw alot and if u have been ttc and couldnt now ur pregnant then u should look at ur baby as a blessin not everyone can have a child and as far as him maybe hes just confused n he needs time but if he does come baq dont hold a grudge and where theres a will theres a way u only need the bare minimum for ur baby u just want the world

Lauren - posted on 06/20/2010

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I can't believe he would leave you for another woman because you are also having his kid, what is more important to him some chick that he doesn't even care about or you!!! That seems ridiculous you are having a baby too he should be there with the family he cares about and not some other chick that just has his kid!!!! Either way he will have to support both of you, be strong and be happy because you are having an amazing and beautiful baby no matter what the dad does, just make a situation that is happy for you and your son and your new baby!

Kristyn - posted on 06/19/2010

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my partner walked out on me when i was 4 months pregnant for some other girl and now she is pregnant and at first thought i wouldn't be able to do it alone but with the support from family and friends im really happy and excited to hold my baby in 4 weeks give or take..... i wish you all the best

Andrea - posted on 06/19/2010

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Thanks Ladies. His sister just had the nerve to call me. She tells me that he told her that he's not leaving me cause he loves me but he needs space to figure out what to do about this situation. Well, if he isn't man enough to speak for himself, don't be a punk and get someone else to do it for you. She claims he is going to come back to my house tomorrow and is going with me to meet my dad when I take my son to see his grandparents. Either way, I'm not worried about what decision he makes anymore, but if he decides not to be in my child's life because he'd rather be with someone he claims he made a mistake with, then that's on him. I'm going to keep my child because I've tried for too long and suffered too many losses just to get to this point. My mom and dad are going to be there for me, as well as the rest of my family, and that's all me and my baby need.

Tsema - posted on 06/19/2010

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I WONT CLAIM TO KNOW IT ALL BUT I BELIEVE THAT GOD WHO BLESSED YOU WITH SUCH A PRECIOUS GIFT WILL PROVIDE FOR U AND UR CHILDREN, I LIVE IN AFRICA AND I HAVE SEEN MOTHERS WITH NOTHING WHO ARE TEENAGERS WING IT, I KNOW IT WONT BE EASY BUT I KNOW IT CAN BE DONE. IF U R A CHRISTIAN I SUGGEST U JOIN A CHURCH IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD. FORGIVE YOUR EX, TRUST GOD, EVEN IF U HAVE NO ONE HE IS THERE FOR YOU. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU. PLS DO NOT MAKE A DECISION THAT U WILL FEEL BAD ABOUT IN THE FUTURE. YOU ARE A PRINCESS AND DONT WORRY I BELIEVE THAT THE MAN WHO WILL LOVE YOU AND TREAT YOU LIKE THE DAUGHTER OF THE KING THAT U R IS ON THE WAY, KEEP UR HEAD UP, DONT BE DISCOURAGED AND TAKE EACH DAY AS IT COMES. I PROMISE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. COS HIS EYES ARE ON THE SPARROW AND HE IS WATCHING OVER YOU.

RENEE - posted on 06/19/2010

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it doesnt matter if you are with him or not he has to pay for that baby!!!! have the baby :) love it and take care of it :) you will find a way to make it work :) and please please get child sapport out of him :) even if he doesnt have a job take him to court and if he doesnt pay the courts will take care of him :) always go to court do not make any arrangements out of court!!!! and my last bit of advise give the baby your last name not his(even if u get back together) and i hope that u decide to keep the baby because i think it will make u happy:) but u need to do what u think is best for u and your family u have a boy to think about also:) good luck

Carolee - posted on 06/19/2010

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As soon as the baby is born, take him to court for child support!

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