Boyfriend (babys father) freakin out situation? Need advice? And how Will i be diff after the baby?

Tiphanie - posted on 03/12/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )




Ok my boyfriend of 11 months has started to get depressed. Im 38 weeks pregnant 2 weeks away from my due date. Hes not ready for the baby to come bc hes afraid that once i have the baby ill hate him. He has another baby 2 years old by another woman. And he said she totally changed afterwards and became a total B after having theyre little girl. We love each other very much and have only had one major fight in our relationship. So how much will i change after the pregnacy and is there any advice on what to expect to feel like and if theyres any way to keep my relationship as normal as b4? i hope that makes since.


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Michelle - posted on 03/14/2010




No one can really say what will change emotionallyif it does , or what a strong relationship can handle as apposed to a bad relationship .
Some of the worst relationships have blossomed after a baby has been born and took a total turn for the best despite what everyone believed , And some of the best relationships have ended after a birth .
I am sure you have heard over and over again "each woman is different as is each pregnancy "
It is very common for women to have a large range of emotions after the baby is born . I have heard some friends say they feel horrible and get no help at all , even comparing themself to a house hold appliance .
I have had friends go through PPD [baby blues] from one extreme or another . Either resenting the baby , and hating the father . OR being over protective and not allowing anyone to do anything for the baby but them . I went to the latter side where I wouldnt even allow my babies to be in the nursery for more than a few minutes , or allow anyone to change them , etc . I was not depressed , but wanted to do everything with my new babies and was a bit selfish .
That worked out with dad ! He had no complaints .

Dads do change too ! So being devils advocate ... maybe it wasnt just his ex , but a combo of both having new feelings . By all means .. if you are afraid , find some place for counciling or groups with other parents that are simular to yourselves .
What you are saying does make sense , however it all is a shot in the dark predicting the future after such a life changing event . Bottom line , things will change that is a given , you are no longer the free flowing person , but now a parent with a set of new responsibilities , and a whole new world to learn .
My best advice for both is , take every thing one day at a time , don't frett the small stuff . Mistakes will happen , things can be said when stressed after the 3rd hour straight of baby crying non-stop . Don't expect too much , and dont give too little to your mate . Don't hesitate to stop in the middle of a fight and say I am sorry , i love you , lets talk about this later when we are not so tired and stressed .
Always remember you have us here too !!!! NEVER call your mom or girlfriend when mad at him to complain about him . This will really light any mans fuse . I know it is done with the best of intentions , calling someone who has had kids and been there .... but this could be the worse thing you can do .

Niki - posted on 03/14/2010




yes being a mother will definatly change you! your prioriies and whole perspective on life changes, suddenly the most important thing in your life isnt you or your man, its baby (a lot of guys get jelous of not having much attention anymore) and especially the first few months you'll be totally sleep deprived and stress out (and totally blissed out and in love with bubba) weather you turn into a bitch or not is totally up to you and how you deal with stress. just make a concious effert to not take things out on your partner - and if you have to talk about somthing do it calmly and without arguing

Lynsey - posted on 03/13/2010




The only way I can see you changing is becoming a mother. Protective and usually paranoid. I know i will be very very paranoid over my daughter when she is born. I just have to remember--My fiance's had two kids before, he knows how to handle a baby. I will probably be very uptight and a nervous wreck. But, thats typical of new mothers. Like someone said, if your love is as tight as you'd hope it is, then he'll understand your changes. You'll feel like a mom...I'm told no one else knows the feeling til they're there. Its basically just a waiting game. If he thinks you being a mom is being a "bitch" then screw him! You shouldn't hate him, it's not cool of him to think that. He should be thinking that "hey this woman is having my baby, it'll bring us all three together with a love stronger than none other." Thats how I think of it. My fiance too...or so i hope. Lol. Your relationship wont be normal by any means. I'm surprised that it IS still normal, pregnancy changes a lot also. Its all about how strong the connection comfortable you are around each other. If he's your lover and best friend, I think you'll be okay(: good luck....oh and im due in two weeks also, yay!

Carolee - posted on 03/12/2010




The hormones usually level out (like before being pregnant) around 6-9 months after you've had the baby, although it can take up to about a year. They will "taper off" just like they seemed to "taper on" with little surges when you got pregnant. It's kind of like going through the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy backwards... if that makes any sense.

Chances are, you and your boyfriend will become closer if you already love each other that much. It's been said that the three most stressful times for a relationship are moving (especially when moving in together for the first time), getting married (it was so stressful that my husband and I eloped), and having a baby. If a relationship can survive those, you're pretty much good as long as nobody cheats (a deal-breaker in most relationships).

Everything will be fine. I understand your boyfriend's nerves, though. My son's bio father ended up doing to me what his ex did to him then left. You've both just got to trust the other person to be there when you need them, and ALWAYS try to be there for the other person, whether you feel they've always been there for you or not. Parenthood is the perfect time to put away the pride and get good at compromise. Good luck. You'll be fine.

Tiphanie - posted on 03/12/2010




Like what to expect to feel like, i mean by will i be able to control my emotions better after i have my baby or will it take a little bit b4 i can get them balanced again?

Kirstin - posted on 03/12/2010




Hey Tiphanie, honestly, if your love is that strong, nothing should change, besides the fact that he wont get as much attention since you will have a little one. This is what me and my spouse are dealing with as well since I am about to be due. I have heard from a few ppl, as well as my dr that it is commonly normal for your spouse to act that way the closer you get to your due date! =] As long as you try to pay him some kind of attention everyday, things should go great!!!!

And when you are asking for advice on what to feel like???? what exactly are you referring too?

Tiffani - posted on 03/12/2010




that makes sence. everyone is their own person is all i have to say. if you two really love each other then im sure you will be fine. you will probably have a little more arguements like whos turn is to wake up with the baby or change the diaper and things like that, but im sure it will just bring you two more together like its doing with me and my bf of 2 and 1/2 years, but we've also been through everything imagineable lol. try not to over think things and just take them as they come iv learned that helps me out a lot.

hope this helps a lil! :)

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