Can't decide on what surname my daughter should have, her father and I are recently divorced.

Leandra - posted on 10/16/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am due with Serafina Wren in January, and last August I found out he'd been cheating on me for five years with one woman, and she'd fallen pregnant with his child. So I threw him out, and we divorced in September, at which point I changed my name back to my maiden name.

What is troubling me the surname of my daughter. Her father's surname is Aitkin Sloan, and mine is Hollingberry. I think it would be spiteful to not give her her father's surname just because he's an arse and we're divorced; he's still going to be her Dad, and as we've already discussed, part of her life. But I also definitely want her to have my surname, as I am the one that's going to be looking after her the mass majority of the time.

However, Hollingberry Aitkin Sloan, or Aitkin Sloan Hollingberry, is a very long surname, and with a long first name, I fear it will be too much. I'm also thinking about changing my name to Faye, my mother's maiden surname, and thus she would have that, but three surnames is still to much. So I'm going to drop Aitkin, the surname her father chose for her to drop.

What surname do you think sounds better, in which order;
Faye Sloan or Sloan Faye OR
Hollingberry Sloan or Sloan Hollingberry?

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Laura - posted on 10/19/2013

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If you decide to change your name to Faye, I think you should use Seraphina Wren Faye-Sloan. It rolls off the tongue much better. In addition, it's surprisingly important that the person with primary custody (usually the mom) has their last name first in a hyphenated surname. For the same reasons, if decide to keep your name Hollingberry, it should be Seraphina Wren Hollingberry-Sloan.

Other considerations: If you have other children with him, it would be in their best interest to keep their surnames the same. Usually in this situation, if this is your only child together, it would behoove you to do a hyphenated last name. Whatever your last name is AT the time of birth is what you should use and stick with that until the end. If you decide to change your last name, do it before the baby's born is my advice. I can't imagine the world of confusion lying ahead of you and all of the eye rolls you will receive if everyone you have to do paperwork with has to be subject to this confusion. It will turn to annoyance and potentially be conferred to your daughter. Don't do that, imho! Please keep in mind how it would feel to write his last name before yours FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. It. Would. Suck. Oh, and if he decides to get lost later (it stinks but it happens), it would be much easier to drop the second portion of the last name..

I am sooo sorry you are having to do this alone. What a jerk! Noticed how putting this at the end made this response much more about you and the baby than him? Eh?! Point proven!

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