Curious about what you think about spanking?

April - posted on 06/05/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

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What are your views on spanking and why....?

Ladies, lets keep this a clean conversation, I saw a previous one that has gotten quite ugly, lets remember to respect one another's parenting and views on it. Try to remember every one was raised differently, and has VERY different views on raising children for one reason or another...

Ladies also try to explain your reasoning...

NO ATTACKING anyone else please.

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Felicia Neikolle - posted on 06/10/2010

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Perhaps you should re-check your information ... http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexi...

Just saying ... that's like saying the "Rule of thumb" is just a figure of speech ... in actuality the "Rule of thumb" was an actual law stating men could not beat their wives with anything larger than their thumb ...

As for using a pipe and standing behind "Christianity" to try and get away with it that is a completely different story. I don't BEAT my kids ... I discipline them as instructed in the Bible as a display of LOVE for them (as that is EXACTLY what Proverbs 13:24 says). As I said, if you don't go singling anyone out these discussions stay civil ... when you single one poster out and then try to justify your statements by comparing them to an extreme case within your community it becomes personal. Don't know how you expect me to believe it wasn't a personal attack when my name was the only one called out ... until you called out Katie ... when there were SEVERAL posts prior to yours stating they agree with me ... just saying. I've said all I have to say and provided a link to the online Strong's concordance that will allow you to truly see the word used in that verse and it's original meaning ... which supports my statements. Like I said, another scripture is "Work out your own salvation" (Philippians 2:12) but perhaps you would be best to re-read this one: "DO NOT judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves. For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you." Matthew 7:1-2 (Amp). I don't judge you for your beliefs ... don't condemn me for mine.

April - posted on 06/05/2010

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I have always been a firm believer in doing what's best for the child. For me spankings scared me to death. I rarely got in trouble until eventually they didn't bother me, then my family moved onto taking things that I loved away, because with the amount of extra circular activities I was in and work, it made no sense to ground me. So things like my phone privileges or Friday nights down at the community park got taken away from me. Spanking for me was very much a deterrent to not get into trouble and be obedient. For my sister however, it did not work. She laughed or attacked back if she was getting a spanking.

I do plan on using spanking as a deterrent if it works. However, if it doesn't not work, then I will move onto something else.

In my opinion spanking is the "natural" thing to do. For example, when a pup gets disorderly and out of control what does a mother dog do? She grabs him by the scuff of his/her neck and submits him/her to the ground and reinforces who is the Alfa, the parent. Many mammals do this in one form or another. In fact as dog owners we are told to do this during training, to establish pack order. It's instinctual. Whales will wack their young with their fins or tails to the bottom of the ocean if need be to also get them to behave. The only thing really separating humans from other animals is our thumbs, we stand upright, and our advanced cognitive abilities.

I absolutely do not see any harm in a spanking, once the verbal, "stop", "don't do that", warnings are given. We were given the three strikes rule growing up. First time is a warning, nice mellow, don't do it again warning. The second was a stern, I said don't do that, or x will happen warning, the third was a spanking (or in later years another form of discipline.)

So unless spanking doesn't work on my son, or he "grows" out of it, we do plan on spanking him if need be.

Shelby - posted on 06/05/2010

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Personally, I don't like the idea of spanking. My mother never did it to me, and I have a very good relationship with her. I also learned to listen without being spanked. As for my father, he physically abused me. I haven't talked to him in years, and I've never listened to a word he says because of the way he tends to treat me. I think you can discipline your child without having to lay a hand on them. I know I hated being hit by my father, and I wouldn't want to instill that kind of hatred in my child. That's why I stand strong in the fact that I don't plan on spanking my child or laying any other finger on it once it's born. There are other ways to make your children listen to you. You don't need to spank them to get them to listen. Chances are, you're just going to make them cry and be even louder than they were before.

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Celeste - posted on 08/04/2012

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I also believe in spanking my parents both spanked me and I respect them so much more for it! It was never abuse we never got it for no reason or to hard sometimes were way worse than others but we must of done something way worse! I was not ever scared of my parents (unless I did something wrong) I knew they loved me and never had issues due to spankings. I am VERY AGAINST child abuse but spanking and abuse are two totally different thing!!! I will spank my daughter as she gets older! The biggest problem today with children they are not raised to respect there elders, they run wild with no punishment, so why would they be respectful? I sure as heck wouldnt of been. I know for a fact had my parents not spanked me and my brothers and sisters who all feel the same as I do about spanking and there is 6 of us (yes 6 kids all got our buts tore up and none of us have issues due to it) we would not be the successful adults we are today! So here is a HUGE HI FIVE to all the other moms who discipline there children and are raising them to be respectful adults one day!!!!!

Geralyn - posted on 06/10/2010

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I hadn't checked back here. Actually my comment about the reference to "Spare the rod, spoil the child." is not a personal attack. Its a comment on what the rod stood for back in Hebrew civilization and other early civilizations back then. The rod was not used to strike. It was used to guide - a symbol of guidance and teaching.



I definitely do not understand how one can rationalize hitting with an object, and NOT the hand, is somehow better. As if somehow it means something different to the child that her mom hit her with a wooden spoon or pipe or what have you, and not the hand. If one felt spanking was appropriate, then why would you have to hit with an object? Hmmmmmm. In my area, there was recently a girl who dies at the hands of her parents after being struck with a pipe in the name of "Christian discipline." They are being tried for murder. But better than sitting in court at the sentencing after trial, I think that I would prefer to be present at their "Judgment Day" before God. Perhaps it would shed some light on whether spanking with a hand or object is biblical.

Samantha - posted on 06/07/2010

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I agree with spanking only when needed i don't believe in it as the only fix to discipline. When i was little i remember getting a hickory switch every now and then but time out was a more suitable punishment for my mom....Every parent has there own opinion though

Ashleigh Marie - posted on 06/07/2010

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spanking should be left for the bedroom lol reasonable discipline but not too heavy handed. and as long as the parent is in full control and doesnt loose their temper then its fine ddnt do me any harm.

Brandi - posted on 06/07/2010

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I believe in spanking. I was spanked as a child and it didn't harm me any. Being spanked taught me that if I did that again or if I didn't listen, I was gonna get a butt whippin' again.

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 06/07/2010

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Geralyn, I am intrigued that you are quick to tell me that I am wrong and yet offer no other translation to the words. I understand that you may choose to not believe that to be the meaning of the words but another scripture is "Let every man work out his own salvation unto God." That means it's between God and I to work out my beliefs ... and I believe that what I said to be the entire truth ... no need to consult another man when my GOD does not defy my acts.

Now, that all being said ... please keep in mind that I also stated it is NOT the only form of punishment used. I have also used techniques administered in basic training exercises of the military. For instance if you wanna slap your sister (my step-daughter is usually the guilty party for this) then obviously spanking you is NOT the accurate form of punishment ... you then will have privileges taken away but at times (depending on the severity of the assault) you will also be required to sit in an uncomfortable position ... or do pushups for a set period of time ... this doesn't do harm to the child but actually admonishes their physical being but annoys the mess out of them because they HATE having to do something physical that isn't fun.

I find that conversations of this magnitude CAN be civil when there aren't people who are willing to make direct statements of judgment against another poster. The point is to state your OPINION on the subject and NOT single out posters and attack their statements. We ALL do the best we can by our kids ... just because we don't all agree on the best path of doing that doesn't give us the right to verbally assault one another. It's no different than if I go to college and you don't ... I don't have the right to look at you and say that you are living your life wrong.

I also would like to make it clear that I do NOT use my hands to spank my children. I believe that our hands should be used to love and comfort and not to hurt. Yes, giving a swat does hurt ... but if administered properly it hurts more of their pride than it does their physical being. A swat should be only strong enough to sting and not leave a mark while enforcing the behavior won't be tolerated.

These are my beliefs ... and I stand by them 100%. Please don't attack them because they are different than yours as I have not done that to you. We are all entitled to our own beliefs ... after all, that is what Jesus Christ died for ... our right to choose how to believe and who to believe.

Geralyn - posted on 06/06/2010

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Gee, Katie, I hadn't seen your post earlier. Advice to your cousin - hopefully she does not live in CA or a state with similar laws. That is considered to be "aversive," and she could be reported to Child Protective Services.

Lauren - posted on 06/06/2010

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I don't think it is an all occasions thing, I believe there should be limits on it. I was spanked when I was little, but only when I did something really bad otherwise we got time out or things such as play dates taken away. I think it is good in moderation and mainly only when the child has done something really bad. I think that things such as time outs and taking away privileges works really well for things as well. :-)

Delta - posted on 06/06/2010

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I'm glad to see that other moms here do the same thing. We are very stern and discipline parents. Our daughter that will be 10 in Aug tests us to the limit. She had gotten spankings from not listing, favorite things taken away, and the last few years she has been grounded. She might tells us that she hates us for doing this but we keep her in line. She has several friends that have never been spanked before or has never been strong disciplined and they are starting to act out. My daughter try's to act like her friends but we put our foot down.

Geralyn - posted on 06/06/2010

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Felicia, corporal punishment in the bible? I think you have misread the bible.... ("Spare the rod...." has nothing to do with spaniking or hitting your children.) You should consult your religious leader....

Amy - posted on 06/06/2010

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i believe in spanking i was raised that way to we punish first then if a swat is needed then it is given . both my children have adhd one is worse then the other but even with that you have to be steady in the way you discipline, if you are not steady they will try and push you my lil girl who is 8 will try and push harder then my son who is 11 but also the punishment has to fit the crime and always follow through with your threats of punishment or a spanking because if you don't it will never work

Joanna - posted on 06/05/2010

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You want a spanking topic to be civil? Haha, good luck!

Personally, I have no problem with giving a child who's old enough to understand a swat on the butt, however it doesn't work for us and our almost-3-year-old, so we've had to find other methods that work better. But with anything it's what works for the parents/child, some children respond well to spanking as a form of discipline (I know I did as a child).

Katie - posted on 06/05/2010

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I agree with Felicia spanking is biblical. On the other hand you have to do the appropriate discipline for your child. Some children time out works and others they need a good spank. Others need a little worse. For example my cousins daughter used to get spanked and afterwards she would look at her mother and say It was worth it. They can't find a punishment that suits her so they have stuck her in a cold shower. She still says it was worth it. For children who are scared to get punished then they won't act out as much and time out will work. It is all in the act done and the punishment that works best. Spare the rod spoil the child as it says in the bible.

Nicole - posted on 06/05/2010

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It's so nice to hear that spanking and true discipline are still out there. We also believe that an occasional spanking is needed when the crime fits. I have 4 children between ages 7 and 1 and their personalities are so different that we've found that what worked for one child won't necessarily work for the others. I don't think I've had to spank my older 2 boys in at least 6 months to a year but they know that we will do it if they deserve it. We use many forms of discipline and adjust it as needed but lately my daughter and 15 month old son have needed a bit more discipline than the boys. My son has gotten a swat on his hand when telling him no didn't seem to work.
Good for you ladies that we're making a conscious effort to raise responsible and well behaved children!!

Heather - posted on 06/05/2010

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Oh Felicia! I am so glad to hear another mommy who feels the same way we do. My kids are much younger but there are still times when a swat is needed. My husband didn't feel the same way when we were getting ready to have kids and by the time my daughter was 1 (she is 4) he had decided that there were things that a swat was neccessary for, like touching the electrical outlet after being expressly told not to. My daughter is also very head strong even at this early age and seeks out weakness to continue doing what she wants. My son (he is 2) sounds much like yours and we can get away with a stern word and a time out. Much like you we also believe that it is not the ONLY for of punishment available to us and us what we have at our disposal such as losing priveleges, mostly for my daughter, time outs and when the time comes grounding will be an option also.

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 06/05/2010

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I believe in spanking your child. I am a Christian and it's Biblical to administer corporal punishment to your children. However, that being said ... it is NOT the only form of punishment used in our household. We believe the punishment should fit the crime. Lying will always get you two swats and hitting someone will always get your favorite thing taken away. These are the only two absolutes in our punishments. Then, we consider the other factors ... our children. My son is nearly 10 and very sensitive and will change his behavior patterns most times with just a lecture ... if it needs to go further we then ground him from something he really loves (like the tv or video games) and on occasion administer a couple of swats. He has only been spanked about 3 times in the past 2 years. My daughter is 8 and she is the testing kind ... she is also the kind that if you show mercy she sees weakness and will keep going. She gets swats more often then my son but only due to the necessity of the action ... most times grounding is used first and when there are still the same behavioral issues swats are administered.

I feel it is very important to discipline both according to the crime but also according to the child. My biggest thing is that discipline HAS to be present in the household ... the lack of it is one of the biggest reasons for so many of the crimes of the kids today.

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