Curiousity Question: Abortion

Jo - posted on 11/22/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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Abortion was never an option for me. I am pro-choice for everyone else, I am pro-life for myself.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was 24 and I had only been with my 19 year old boyfriend for 2 months and he had repeatedly said he never wanted children. I didn't even want to date him because I knew this about him... but I really adored him. His first reaction was to ask me if I would have an abortion and I told him no. I told him the only decision he had to make was to be with us or to walk away and I would not think anything less of him if he chose to leave. He chose to stay and he's been an amazing husband and daddy since.

With our second baby he was excited from the start... when we were 'not trying to prevent' getting pregnant until we told his parents, he was very nervous, anxious and scared of the pending responsibility but as soon as his parents knew he became excited completely.



The reason I am curious and I am asking is because I have recently found out about half a dozen girls I know, who are pregnant are considering abortion. A few of them have another child, one of them is a single mom but ALL of them have a wonderful support system and all of them are unsure about whether they can handle another baby.


Did anyone consider abortion when they found out they were pregnant? Did your partner want to consider abortion?

I really don't want anyone to feel afraid to answer honestly so if anyone makes any comments or indicates any indignation against anyone who has, I will lock the thread and ask for it to be deleted.

Why did you consider abortion and what made you choose to keep the baby, if it was a thought? Do you think if you were to get pregnant again in the future, there would be a possibility of considering abortion?

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Penny - posted on 11/24/2010

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after i had my first child my relationship with dad was rocky at best, although we were trying to work things out in my head i knew that if i was to get pregnant i would have to abort as i couldnt mentally handle anything else. however things have since changed dramatically, we're married, very happy together with a beautiful son and another one on its way. my husband only wants 2 children and i am open although am not a big fan of pregnancy so i tink 2 is enough for me too. however this thread made me ask the question, could i abort a baby if i was to get pregnant after this one. my initial reaction was no i couldnt. but i would have to consider it from all angles, the impact on our family, mine and my husbands relationship, financial pressures etc. i cant honestly answer yes or no, i have no idea how i would feel or the decision we would make.

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Jo - posted on 12/03/2010

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I agree with you. I'm pro-life for myself. With both my pregnancies I felt a connection immediately and I know I could never have an abortion. I know I could never kill my baby. I also know that I can't make decisions for anyone else and that's why I am pro-choice for everyone else. It's up to them to decide their own life path and it's up to them to live with it, so I'd rather be multiple, safe options for everyone to educate themselves about.

Merry - posted on 12/03/2010

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No offense taken :) I just wanted to be clear in my belief on the issue, it's hard for me to think about people believing differently then me because my beliefs are so strong, but I love threads like this where I can see into the minds of those who don't think like I do.

Jo - posted on 12/02/2010

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Please keep in mind that I'm not arguing against your points - I am simply pointing out the other side of the coin.

Adoption, orphange and foster care aren't sure fire ways to break the cycle. There will never be anyone who can say for sure which babies will turn out to be who.

It doesn't boil down to determining who deserves to live - IF determining which baby will be good or bad were to boil down to anything it would boil down to which people are worthy to be parents.

And since we obviously don't have a sufficient measuring stick for that yet (I say obviously - because of the abusive BS that continues on a daily basis in this world with just ANYONE reproducing).... I believe that abortion is a necessary evil in this world to avoid even more neglected, abused, unwanted babies and scarred, traumatised, abusive "parents."

I really don't want this to be an abortion debate - I just want to know if the thought of abortion is rare or generally common.

Merry - posted on 12/01/2010

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Then give the baby for adoption, break the cycle. Why rule out the possibility of a good life? Who are we to say that certain babies aren't worth living?

And Oprah wasn't exactly born into a great home, she was molested and all sort of bad things before she got her life on track and now is changing the world!

Good people come from bad families all the time, and wonderful parents can raise a rotten child as well.

It just boils down to the fact that we have no idea who every baby will become, and it's not our place to determine who deserves to live or die.

Jo - posted on 12/01/2010

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Just to play devils advocate for a moment - I have never appreciated the "the baby could be the next president" argument when it comes to abortion simply for the fact that the other side of that coin is "the baby could be the next Hitler."



We all want our babies to be the best, but lets face it, not everyone grows up to be Oprah or Abraham Lincoln or a zoo vet that saves endangered animals....... there's precious lil babies that grow up to be Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Hitler, Stalin too.



And those babies that grow up to be those bad people are generally born into bad situations where abortion was an option because the parents were not ready to be parents.

Kymberly - posted on 12/01/2010

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I believe that every child is a MIRACLE no matter how they were conceived...I was molested by my step father from the age of 13 until I moved out at 17. I was sooo relieved that I never became pregnant but I knew that if I did I wouldn't consider abortion. When I met my husband our relationship moved quickly. Engaged after 6 months and my daughter was conceived on our 1 year anniversary :D we had already set our wedding date so I walked down the aisle 8 1/2 months pregnant. That was August 29 of 2009 and now we are currently expecting #2 in June of 2011. I understand that its everyone's personal decision but there are SO MANY couples out there wanting to adopt. Hundreds of thousands actually and there are almost as many abortions each year! It just blows my mind :( I'm pro life for me and pro choice for others but I believe that those babies need to have a chance too. If we don't speak for them then who will?

Sanet - posted on 12/01/2010

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years now and decided to try for a baby at the end of 2008. I went off the pill in December and by end January found out I was pregnant. When i told him, his first reaction was: "What are we gonna do about it?" Can you believe it? My mouth just dropped to the ground. He honestly got such a fright that his first thought was that I should go for an abortion.

My baby girl is 14 months old now and she is the biggest joy in our lives. I don't think I would ever consider an abortion, even if there was something wrong with the baby or if i had been raped. But my point of view stems from religion. I firmly believe that God won't put a child on this earth unless he has a plan for that child. It doesn't matter if there is something physically or mentally wrong with the child. He/she is here for a reason, and who are we to deny them that.

But that opens up another can of worms. Religion puts a whole new twist to everything. Not everyone has the same religious beliefs. Not everyone believes in God.

In the end, nobody can make anybody else's decisions for them and I believe that this is something that only you can decide for yourself when you are in the situation. I would never judge anybody for their decisions in life. It is after all just that: their decision.

I would just personally rather go for adoption if for some reason I didn't want or couldn't afford or couldn't stand to look at (in a rape case) my baby.

Kristian Amber - posted on 11/30/2010

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This is an interesting topic! I know a lot of people are pro-choice or pro-life, but this is a new twist to the idea. I have two boys and a little girl due in March 2011. My boys are from a previous marriage and after our divorce I did go a little crazy and did a lot of stupid things. I had started dating this guy that was younger than me, and I knew he had A LOT of issues. There was a time that I had considered abortion if I'd gotten pregnant by him, and honestly, I probably would have had the need arose. I was single, working two jobs and taking full time college classes. I didn't think it would be fair to the boys to have to put everything I was doing to support us on hold to have another baby, especially one that the father would not have been supportive at all. Luckily, I didn't have to make any sort of choice like that, but if I was put in that position, I probably would have.
After my divorce, my boys were my life, all I wanted to do was support them as best I could being a single mom. I know that my actions with some of the men I'd dated were selfish, and I'm really appreciative that there weren't any repercussions from it.
As far as being in a good relationship and considering abortion? No, not at all. I understand circumstances arise where finances are an issue, and life gets in the way, but no. I remarried this past February to a wonderful man I've known over 7 years. We had wanted to wait at least a year or two to have a baby together, let us all get settled and give the boys a chance to adjust to the new lifestyle. But after a lot of thought and discussion, we decided to go ahead and try. He's in the AF and not due to deploy until January 2012, and we had figured that now would be the best time since he'd be able to be home for the pregnancy and until the baby was almost 1 year.
My mom had always told me growing up that even if you want to have a baby, you can never plan to have one. Even if you are financially stable and/or in a good relationship, things happen that you cannot change. My husband and I knew we'd be able to buy things for the baby and none of us would go without, but we have had some issues over time financially due to causes we couldn't have seen. We still won't be put in a troublesome spot, but it definitely won't be as comfortable as we'd planned.
I kind of went off on tangent there for a sec, sorry! As for the answer to your question, I think there has to be a really good reason behind it. Rape, disability, factors of life, all things that make that kind of decision that much harder. I'm really kind of up in the air about it. I don't believe that abortion should be an easy out for people who feel that they just made a mistake. It's not like returning something to Walmart. But I feel that if it is something that they really feel is right for them, and can believe that years down the road they will be able to look themselves in the mirror and accept what they've done for whatever reason, then that is their decision.
Honestly (again kind of off on tangent), I am not allowed to watch Nancy Grace anymore. My hubby does not like for me to watch it because it upsets me horribly! Anytime I see reports on mothers beating or killing their children, all I can think is that she should have had an abortion. How awful is it, that if a woman can't handle children and still had them for whatever reason, and she does something to them, what are the children to think when they see mommy coming after them? I'd really rather they'd had an abortion and saved the child a short life with a heartbreaking end.
I get upset with myself when I get really upset with my kids and yell at them. I can only imagine how they are seeing me at that point. I can't even begin to imagine what would be going through a childs mind if they understood that a parent was trying to kill them.
Sorry about the tangent, a lot was going through my mind and I felt the need to keep typing! LOL!
I can understand that this is kind of a touchy subject for some, one of my best friends is very pro-life, and we don't discuss it because of our very different opinions on the subject.
Sorry if some of this has come off a little redundant or confusing, I'm also trying to referee an argument and keep our dogs from sounding like elephants running through my house!

Merry - posted on 11/29/2010

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I always wondered why abortion is ok with everyone if it was a rape. I mean is it any less of a baby just cuz its 'dad' was a bad man? And it might be a bad 'dad' but its still the moms flesh and blood child. just as much her own as if it was conceived with a husband.
or like a sperm donor.
idk i just never understood why everyone was all against abortion except for rape.
its still a baby! no matter who its 'dad' is its still a living growing adorable innocent child and i think that babies conceived through rape dserve just as good of a life as any other baby conceived any other way.

Debra - posted on 11/28/2010

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I have a 2 year old daughter & 6 month old son. My husband & I tried for a year & a half to get pregnant with my daughter. We were thrilled. My son was a total accident! A condom broke & I got pregnant. We were very scared since my daughter was only 9months old at the time we found out & we didn't want another baby so soon. We weren't in a position to have another baby. We weren't finacially stable & were staying with family. Abortion was NEVER an option for us. My husband & I don't agree with it. We did talk about letting my sister & her husband adopt the baby since she can't have kids but we decided that we wanted to keep our son. He's a major joy now & I can't imagine life without him. I always wonder about baby's that were aborted. What kind of person would they be? Is that child the one who would grow up & find the cure for cancer? The next president? I don't agree with abortion & never have. There are so many couple out there that want kids & can't have them, like my sister.

Kristin - posted on 11/28/2010

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I have a 5 week old baby, & I would never consider abortion.. I was also adopted, I thank my birth mother everyday for not having an abortion (she was only 16 & with twins).

If your not ready for a baby, USE protection.. theres ways to prevent you from becoming pregnant.

Amber - posted on 11/27/2010

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I considered abortion because I was so young... but I HAD been with my boyfriend for 5 years. In fact, my baby isn't even here yet, he will be in February.

But then I got to thinking.

I mean, it wasn't the babies fault that I wasn't safe, or didn't take precautions to prevent it. Babies aren't asked to be brought here, they just are. It's up to us to do what's best for them. I think if you're considering abortion, maybe go for adoption instead.

The only time I'd really codone abortion is if you were raped, and became pregnant, because, well, that's just a different story, right?

But I personally believe it is the mother's choice, but that abortion should be the LAST choice. If that makes any sense.

Vanessa - posted on 11/27/2010

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Never in a gazillion years would I consider or have I considered abortion. I am currently sleep deprived, sore, stressed and simply exhausted --- but when I look at my month old bubby girl I might be frustrated beyond belief --- but I'd never have it any other way!
This third bub is the last baby however, but even if she wasn't - I'd never consider killing a miracle (no matter how conceived!)

[deleted account]

I got pregnant at 18, the father and I weren't in a very serious relationship at the time... we were off and on a lot and he was 17 & still in high school. Abortion never crossed either of our minds. I offered him a way out, in case he wasn't ready to be a dad... told him he could go and never look back. By the time I was 8 months pregnant we decided to work hard at our relationship and try to make things work. We both grew up some and fell inlove and ended up marrying when our son was 10 month old. We had a daughter when we were 21, another (unplanned) daughter at 32 and now expecting our 4th child (another daughter, and our FIRST planned child) next month... we are both 37 now. Though we didn't plan the first of our 3 children abortion was never a consideration for us.

Merry - posted on 11/27/2010

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I never thought of it, but both my pregnancys were quite planned by me and my husband.

But I wanted to say that if I were to be raped and conceive a child, abortion would not be an option for me.

To me, no matter who the dad is, no matter how the child was conceived, it's still my baby, still a human in my eyes.

Sure it would be awful to carry a child from a brutal rape, a reminder of the man who violated me. But I couldn't ever abort a child who is half mine. It's still my baby, still my genes. It could have my eyes, my smile, or my taste for spicy foods! I couldn't justify aborting my baby no matter how it got to be inside me.

Personally I couldn't abort my baby even if it was deformed, if it was going to die I'd rather it be naturally. I would always wonder if I made a bad decision, who that child would have been, or how much I would have fallen in love with it. Or if a miracle could have happened and the baby turned out healthy!

So, no, for me there's no reason I'd abort.



But if I was unconscious and the decision up to my husband. He says if the odds were worse then 70% chance I would die, he would choose to save me and not risk my life for the baby. I'm not ok with that but I understand his reasoning. I'd always feel the baby has just as much of a right to live as I do. I think it's a human from conception so I consider an embryo to be as human as I am. Therefore I won't use hormonal birth control because that can cause an embryo to die from how the hormones thin the uterin wall to prevent an embryo from implanting and forming a placenta.

That's my beliefs, and I appreciate this threads intentions toasted abortions. I hope everyone can learn, and not judge! It's hard when we disagree, but we can always learn from those we disagree with and so better ourselves. :)

Destiny - posted on 11/27/2010

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I agree with you there but as far as the rape victims go (I can say this because I am one myself) there is help out there for you, all you have to do is go to the hospital the next day or that night and they will help you and give you the morning after pills and all that. My grandmother had a lot of foster children and many that were handicapped and to think about raising a child like that who will rely on you and only you for it's whole life and then when you die that child would be lost I just don't know that I could do that. I don't think I would abort still but it would be so very hard and sad. I would probably try to find someone who wanted to adopt a special needs child and go that route.

Destiny - posted on 11/27/2010

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I got pregnant when I was 22 and I was dating my 25 year old bf. He wanted me to abort the baby and I said no way that he didn't have to be there at all for us if he didn't want to. Well same situation as yours once he told his mom and she was all excited he became excited but then again he also started to question whether or not it was his because he said we would not technically have been dating when I would have gotten pregnant but he knew that I was only sleeping with him and it was bullshit. Anytime we would argue or anything he would say the same thing and I got no support from his mother about it either she said that if he wanted to do a DNA she thought that would be a good thing for us. My family is a great support to have behind me and my beautiful daughter though. She is 10 months old now she will be 11 months on Saturday and she is my whole world. Her father and I broke up for a while when I was pregnant we are back together now and he does love us both very much he is just kind of lazy and doesn't help as much as he should with her. I am receiving child support court ordered that I started while we were broken up and I am not going to get it shut off for a while not till I am positive things are going to work out between him and I. My views on abortion changed very much after I had my little girl. I thought before that yeah if someone really didn't want a child and knew they couldn't support it or it was handicapped then yeah they should get one but now after holding that wonderful piece of life that I made no way I don't think anyone should get one if you can't support the child then give it up for adoption. If you don't want to get pregnant then go to the health department you can get birth control for FREE. It is crazy how many people use abortions as another form of birth control!!! There are so many people out there that want babies and can not have them and you are going to kill one.. idk Maybe I am wrong for thinking the way I think ya know but that is just how I feel now. The love I have for my daughter is crazy I didn't think you could love something so much. I feel sorry for people that won't ever get to feel that.

Michelle - posted on 11/25/2010

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i got pregnant when i was 16 and never thought about getting an abortion. the father of my son wanted me to get one but i would never even consider it, my son is wonderful and his father has had nothing to do with him for his whole 3 years of life. im 21 and pregnant with my 3rd child even though it was not planned i couldnt even think about getting an abortion with any of my children, its hard but my kids are great and mean everything to me.

Monique - posted on 11/24/2010

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i dont believe in abortion and when i found out i was pregnant, abortion was out of the question. i feel like who cares if your child has something wrong with them or you weren't ready if thats the case i give it up for adoption to someone who care love it like the child was there own. i believe that abortion is the worst thing to do because god put them on earth for a reason not for you to kill it. i dont regret my decision to not get abortion, to be honest im glad i chose to keep her because now i have this wonderful blessing growing inside of me that will be loved to the fullest.

Jo - posted on 11/24/2010

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Thank you BOTH for being so honest.

I am so sorry to hear about your baby Dearne. That must have been a heart breaking decision to make.

Dearne - posted on 11/24/2010

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I had my first daughter when I was 19 and I never considered it. But I found out I was pregnant when my daughter was 12 months, I was excited but also scared as I had suffered post natal depression. I then found out that my baby was going to be born with some deformaties, I then decided that it would be best to abort as I wouldnt be able to look after a toddler and a baby with birth defects aswell.

I was also against abortion but until I was put into that situation my mind changed completely.

Jo - posted on 11/23/2010

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Ladies, I didn't start this topic to question your stance on abortion. I want everyone to be able to answer honestly without the implication of judgment from anyone. Abortion is as debatable as anything but I'm not trying to debate whether it's murder or not.



I just want to know how rare or how common the thought of abortion comes to the minds of people when they find out they're pregnant.

Brianna - posted on 11/23/2010

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Well when i was 20 i found out i was pregnant.. i was sooo scared and my bf and i had been having problems and were at the breaking point. well when i told him i was preggo he didnt even concider abortion nor did i bring it up. he just straight out said after i told him i was preggers that "well it wouldnt make sense to abort it cuz we can afford it and a abortion could screw you up and ur chance to have another baby one day" after he said that i made it clear that he needed to be sure he was staying cuz if he wasnt i would have to consider abortion cuz i didnt want to be a single mother. long story short we didnt abort we are now married and i love me daughter and wouldnt trade her for the world

Melanie - posted on 11/23/2010

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Im a mum of nearly 7. (due in 10 days) Im also now single.. been on and off for past 3 yrs, on my own this time since a week before i found out i was pregnant...ABORTION IS MURDER...... That child never asked to be concieved that embryo/fetus, has a heartbeat, its alive.... only way i agree on abortion is in rape women, or if their is a severe deformity in the baby.... Not just because the mother doesnt want it........Abortion doesnt make you a non mother, it makes you a mother of a dead baby that you laid down and allowed someone to kill......

Erika - posted on 11/23/2010

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I'm just like you pro-choice but pro-life for myself. When I first found out I totally freaked out even though I've been married for over 3 years so the thought kind of crossed my mind cause I'm only 22 and don't even have my degree yet, but my husband got so excited it made me feel a bit immature for getting so scared cause I've always wanted kids so the idea wasn't knew to me. The moment I saw her for the first time at the 10week ultrasound I knew it was never an option. The first time I saw and heard her heart beating brought me to tears (and to this day is still does) she's my little angel and I'm just counting the days til' I get to hold her in my arms (I still have 7 weeks left).

Stifler's - posted on 11/22/2010

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I got pregnant at 20 and didn't even consider abortion. I'm pregnant again 9 months after I gave birth to the first one and I didn't consider it then and I don't think my husband even thought about it either. If I got pregnant in the future it would be an accident because I don't want any more after this. I don't think I'd even consider abortion then though but you can't tell the future or what might happen.

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