dads not being aloud to attend Dr appointment when he wants to be there

Veronica - posted on 11/20/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son is 20 and his girlfriend is almost 20. They are expecting in May. And her and her family will not allow my son to be apart of any appointments. He want to be there but they won't let him. Please what should he do. Thanks.

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LalaBoom - posted on 11/22/2013

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I will not sugarcoat it, if your son's case turns out to be "like the rest," he is in for a rude awakening and this is just the beginning.

As long as he is on top of his responsibility, the courts will honor that, but please know the standards for fathers is WAY higher than it is for moms. He has his work cut out for him, thats why its so crucial that he walk the walk.

Please seriously PREPARE with records at least 6months ahead of a court date. And please please please file first and file hard. I cannot tell you how many dads I see get the short end of the stick simply because they went ahead without being prepared.

One thing, when I say "file hard," I mean request, for example, sole custody. This will set the pace so that your son can maximize his chances of access time.

Good luck! And congrats on the upcoming bundle :)

LalaBoom - posted on 11/22/2013

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There's a lot you can do, but it will take time to see it pay off.

I work in the legal system so I'll give you a few tips:

1. Start your case early on: have your SON ONLY (this is critical) email her at least twice a week asking about the baby. Keep records of this even if she doesn't respond.
2. Make purchases toward baby (think stroller, clothes, bottle, electric pump, etc), just make whatever contributions you can, and keep receipts. Send them off to mom (even if she dumps them, seriously).
2. This one probably won't work because of HIPPA regulations and such. But give it a shot: If you know the medical center in which she goes to, YOUR SON can try and talk to a social work at the location and explain the situation. Ask if perhaps they can keep him updated on the health of the baby.

Once the baby is born, it may be that mom and family will try to keep your son away and not put him on the birth certificate. Your son will need to file with the courts and get a DNA test. This will establish paternity and in some states child support. Your son will need to file for custody/visitation at the same time. PLEASE FILE HARD AND FILE FIRST. I cannot stress this enough. FILE FIRST.

If you can show the courts its not all talk, but your son was active and practical about baby, he is guaranteed some level of custody and ample visitation. BUt he must DO, not SAY. Take all receipts and email records to the court to establish that he has been trying to get involved and third party + mom won't allow it. Also, WATCH OUT FOR THE PROVERBIAL ORDER OF PROTECTION. Do not allow your son to be in their presence alone and without witnesses. In custody disputes, this is the dirtiest and most common trick to have the courts prevent father access to child.

Hope this helps! I'm sorry your son is going through this.

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Veronica - posted on 11/22/2013

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Thank you so much. This does help a lot. I will most certainly pass this information along to him. He is so up set about this. He's really trying but he just gets put down. And it's not fair. Cause he really wants to be apart of all of this. Again thank you.

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