Has anyone left their spouse while pregnant?

Kristol - posted on 12/20/2009 ( 36 moms have responded )

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I've been w/Chris on and off for 8 yrs. We have a 2 yr old daughter and expecting our 2nd in April. We've been arguing a lot and he's the type of guy who likes to be w/his friends all the time. So I finally had it and kicked him out. I told him I could take him choosing his friends over me but I'd be damned if I let him choose his friends over his daughter. I made the right decision, but it still hurts me. I feel like I took their daddy away from them. Now he really doesn't come around as much and in fact hasn't seen Aubrey in 5 days. Just wondered if anyone else is going through this horrible transition.

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Tara - posted on 02/26/2014

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I am pregnant with my first, and i have a fiance with an spoiled disrespectful brat of a daughter, i desperately despise, and i want to leave him so badly, but in scared and jobless. I don't want to be a single mom. Or live in a stressful house where i want to stab myself instead of seeing his daughter. What should i do about it?

Laura - posted on 02/12/2014

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Well I always only with my partner for 4 & a half months when he told me that it wasn't going to work out and have been doing this by myself since. I'm about to turn 39 with my first pregnancy, he is due on the 19th March & freaking out a little.

Jon - posted on 03/13/2014

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My 30 yr daughters husband abandon her 2 days after Christmas. She has 2 beautiful girls 4 half and a2yr old and has a boy due in may. She is a nurse and he a police officer now living with another female officer. this has blind sided my family. Who could do this? I know i may be out of place at this site but i would appreciate any advice.

Zandra - posted on 09/16/2013

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First thing: it will get better.

When I was engaged initially to my ex-husband, his ex (who was only 20) was pregnant, she didn't want the child, but he did, so when Milla was born, I adopted her. We got married, and went on to have another two daughters but, at 30 weeks pregnant with our fourth daughter (including Milla, obviously), a 16 year old girl turned up at my door, telling me she'd just found out she was pregnant, and my husband was the father. My ex-husband didn't even bother to deny it. So I threw him out. Next thing I knew, the girl he had gotten pregnant had been thrown out of her house, and didn't want the baby, and neither did my ex-husband, but she didn't want to abort it either. So I ended up with a girl, pregnant with my girls' half-sibling, barely four years older than my eldest, living in my house. She still didn't want him when he was born, so I adopted him as well.

My ex-husband died two years ago, and I had been divorced from him for four years before that. He hadn't seen any of my children in two years before him death either.

I hated my ex-husband for five years after our divorce, but in the end, I realise that even with his cheating lying self, he gave me the the best possible gift ever, my five wonderful children, who are now 17, 15, 13, 7 and 6. My teenagers all hate him, it was his choice.

It will get better, I promise you, it will get better. You will live again. I'm getting married next year to a wonderful man with three kids of his own, and I love him so much more than I ever loved my ex-husband, and he is so kind and sweet, and so much better than my ex-husband.

Staci - posted on 12/21/2009

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This is my second pregnancy and both pregnancies have brought marital tension into our home. I guess my only "advice" is to tell you that it's normal to have marital issues when your emotions are all over the map...and to wait until after the baby is born and the baby blues clear up before you decide to permanently separate from your spouse. All the emotions of pregnancy, and post-delivery, can cause you to over-react...make sure it's the right decision when sanity returns :) haha I also am a HUGE Dr Phil fan and he always says "Kids would rather be from a broken home than be in one"...My parents used to fight constantly and never divorced. I would have done anything to have them separate when I was a kid. It would have been nice to be able to limit our exposure to that as kids...instead my parents stayed together unhappily for many years. Later they got counseling and things improved, but it's still really hard on kids to be around parents who argue all the time.

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Jessica - posted on 02/12/2014

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He took his self away from his kids. As long as you don't tell him he can't see them it's ask on him.just do what you have to to be happy

Honey - posted on 02/11/2014

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Carolyn I'm in the same boat. Husband relapsed and now I'm facing doing this alone. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with our first.

Lenny - posted on 02/10/2014

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Im 3months prego and seriously thinking about leaving my husband of 10 yrs. All we do is argue.I work two jobs because he can never keep one. I pay majority of our bills while he continues to give me a hard time about why I work so much. We have two other children and I hate for them to see and hear us fight. I'm trying to hold my family together because I grew up with both my parents in the home. I know I should have left a long time ago but part of me is scared of raising three children alone. I pray every night asking God to place me in the right path I just don't know what to do at this point. Everything I do he says I'm wrong or I dnt love him. Hes always trying to make me feel bad I'm just totally fed up!

Ria - posted on 02/06/2014

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good on you! you sound like a great mother. if only there were more mature women like you in the world. I'm so over hearing about ladies who let their spouse treat them like crap just because they have had a kid together and don't want to be alone. if he wants to be in their lives he will make an effort. if he doesn't, then he doesn't deserve to know them and if thats the case you're much better off without him. plenty more fresh in the sea babe! chin up and focus on you and your babies. x

Penny - posted on 01/20/2014

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Trixie - posted on 01/07/2014

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You did what's best for you and your children. He obviously is very immature. You don't need that. If he wants to see his child he will. I wouldn't do the back and forth with him though. Make a stand for your self and babies don't show them its okay to allow a man to treat a woman that way....

Carolyn - posted on 01/05/2014

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That's what I'm afraid will happen... Don't know if it's better to just cut him out or give him a chance... I grew up with a drunk dad I don't want to expose my daughter to addiction more than is absolutely necessary .. Any advice

Amanda - posted on 01/05/2014

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My husband was abusing the prescription pills then got on the methadone. He did well with that for about a year and now he's abusing it as well.

Carolyn - posted on 01/05/2014

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I'm expecting my first child..Been with the father for a couple years, had a great relationship. I found out i was pregnant and he asked me to marry him. We were so excited and I said yes. Everything was great until I found out he was abusing prescription pills. I had to leave him...I can't expose myself and my unborn baby girl to that..now I feel totally alone and helpless..never thought I'd be a single mother..hoping it gets better

Amanda - posted on 01/02/2014

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I've been with my husband on/off for 6 years. He has been back in the picture for about 18 months now, our son is 4 and is his dad's shadow. We had a fight the other night, he left and has told me he's not coming back AND he's with another woman! So I guess he's been having an affair for awhile now. What makes it worse is we've worked so hard the past 2 years to make our family work and I'm 32 weeks pregnant with our second boy. He also did this to me when I was about this far along with our first. We split for a long time, but things were different this time around, so I thought. The first time around we had a horrible relationship, so I wasn't surprised, but this time around I am SHOCKED! It happened so suddenly

Kay - posted on 11/25/2013

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Great point. My parents would take their frustrations out on me and because of their dysfunctional relationship, I thought that was the norm, which led to my husband leaving me after I fell pregnant again. If I would have seen my parents separate, I would have understood more about unhealthy relationships. If anything, you are letting your children know that it's not okay to be in an unhealthy relationship. My parents-in-law actually said that it would be better for children to have a father even if that father was abuse or mentally unstable, this is coming from people who had abusive parents themselves. So take my advice, it's better for children to understand how to cultivate healthy relationships rather than how to nurture abusive ones.

Melissa - posted on 01/06/2010

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Im in a similar situation, but the father of my child actually left me, for someone else, while i was 6 months pregnant. Still hurts everyday day. But in time you'll realise both you & your children are better off without the crap, hopefully one day they will realise whats more important.

Kristol - posted on 01/05/2010

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Wow Emma!! We are in exactly the same boat. Sux that we have to go through this. But it makes me feel a little better that I'm not the only woman who has a sucky spouse.

Emma - posted on 12/28/2009

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i feel as if i sm in exactly the same position with my partner. he is always thinking about him n his friends n doesnt include us in a lot of things he does. we dont live together as we cannot afford it at the moment so whenever he is not here he likes to go out n party n have a good time and i dont think thats very fair as i get to sit some with OUR daughter. he never gives me a cent when he's here either....im always paying for everything and bailing him out when he needs money.

we had a massive fight today and he left so i think its over...i just cant do it anymore...ive tried so hard to make this relationship work and its just not happening so i know how you feel.

Kristol - posted on 12/27/2009

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To Sheryl-ann: I got my strength from my daughter actually. She's my whole world and every decision I make, I make w/her in mind. So after he started choosing his friends over her, I had to put an end to it. I didn't want her to go through life being put second. And I guess I thought I had to set the example for her. To show her that that's not the way a man should treat a woman. I want her to be a strong woman. So even though it hurt to separate the family, it hurt even more going through this battle day by day.

To Kali: Wow your mother-in-law sounds CRAZY!! I say protect your kiddos for sure. If someone ever said those things about my babies they would definitely be cut off from me. However, she is his mom and so apart of him does need to be around her. But he shouldn't just leave you and your kids. Especially w/how she's been and the things she has said. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

To everyone else thanx for sharing your stories and giving me advice. It has been hard. Especially since now I got the news that he is w/someone else. We've been apart for one month!! I was very hurt and shocked. I couldn't understand how he doesn't give me a cent (not even when we lived together, i paid for everything), spend time w/this girl and not see his baby in 1 week. I have my next OB appointment this week and he told me he wasn't going. He didn't even go to last month's either. It's sad to sit there alone while everyone else has their hubbies w/them. I do love him but I'm so tired of being hurt by him. Just gotta keep my head up for my little ones

Mandy - posted on 12/27/2009

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mines a little different but this whole pregnancy it's been just me and my almost 4 yr old...my husband and i lost our house and our jobs. we found out i was preg and our daughter and i moved in with my mother but she hates him so he couldnt come. it kills him everyday he cant see us. its been hard doing everything alone but soon well be together again, we're getting a place before feb (when baby is due)!! i seem ur 'ex' really dont care and needs to grow up. i wouldnt worry about the whole taking him away from ur kids thing, he's the one not coming around so he's doing it to them. hope things get better for u

Jenna - posted on 12/26/2009

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I am legally married but have been separated for a year. I have known my husband since we were 14 im 24 now. been married for 4 years. we were working things out for a few months but now we hardly speak. We have a 4 year old girl and a 2 in half year old boy and im 32 weeks pregnant. He has not seen us in 3 months. hes made two attempts but i declined. He always says hes going to call yet never does. Your situation is different kindof so im not sure what you should do but im trying my hardest to just think of my kids and do what i have to do in order to care and support them and myself and im not going to worry about him anymore. ive spent to much time worry about him and his feelings and being hurt and crying over him its not worth it anymore i have a baby on the way and two toddlers to tend to. So i guess my advice to you is worry about your children and you! if he comes around he comes around if not then its his lost!

Kali - posted on 12/26/2009

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I dont know how you did it! My husband and I have been married for 2 years and we have one little boy and we are expecting to have our sec boy in May! We have been fighting all the time as well and I dont want our little boy to see his parents fighting, and I feel like im not being fair to our unborn child by getting so stressed out. ANd what were fighting about neither one of us will change our views. You see when our little boy was born he was very sick and my husbands mother was horrible to us. We were engaged when I got pregnant and I didnt get along with his mother at all.But when our son was born I tried to be the better person and let her see our son. But the docs were unsure if our son was going to make it actually the werent 100% sure till he was 6 days old that he would be fine but that whole time she kept saying how ugly our son was and how he was to ugly to be her sons son. And that im a whore and she wants to take a needle and poke him to get his blood to proove he isnt Ryans! I have said from day one if people dont believe then they can pay for the test to prove he is ryans but were not paying for a test that we no the answer to. How mush sense does that make? Anyways almost 2 years later she still hasnt asked to see our son and all of a sudden Ryan is kissing his mothers ass to get a better job, since she can give that to him, He hasnt talked to her sine then and she is a drunk and a terrible person but he thinks I need to be nice and let her see him and this child and stop bein a bitch so he says. But i feel like im protecting my children! Not to mention his family still doesnt think he is ryans outside of his sister and dad. Why would i want to bring our son around that? So he moved out last night because im not being fair and we always fight! Do you think im doing the right thing in protecting our child? And if he is going to choose his mother over his family should i even still want to be with him?

Lyndsay - posted on 12/25/2009

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Do your best to be there for your daughter, and take care of yourself while you are pregnant with the new addition. You are not responsible for his actions. If he does not want to be a part of his child's life, then it is truly his loss.

Don't stay miserable with someone who it's sometimes working with. There is going to be someone out there who loves you and your children, and would cherish having time with them.

You did not take away their father. Shame on him for not visiting his daughter...

Cherry - posted on 12/24/2009

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For whatevr reason you and your partner have split...It is HIS responsablity to be in his childs life! Honey, you really must not beat yourself up because it is NOT your fault if he wants to be a lame dad and not bother to be in your chlids life. You have not taken her dad away, iam sure he could have her any time he likes...
My best friend and sister just went through a similar thing, her ex husband sees their kids about three times a year...though he is more than welcome to have the every weekend or every second week...he just chooses not too!!! men are men, they will never change!

Sheryl-ann - posted on 12/21/2009

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no but i'm in a bad situation with my husband that is real complicated and getting worse. that is why i haven't kicked him out b/c i dont want to take my daughters daddy away plus i am 6 months prego with his first son. but at the same time its nt fear to my daughter to hear and see us constantly fighting. where did u get the strength to do it and how did u know what u were doing was right.

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