Help, I'm not sure i want my baby

Melanie - posted on 05/30/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I am pregnant with my 3rd baby but i'm not sure i really want this baby. I have 2 kids already and my husband is rapt we are expecting again. Me i'm not so sure. My husband really wants another child but i am happy with the 2 kids we already have. I know i should be happy at the prospect of having another child but i'm not. I probably should be more specific in saying this. It is not the fact of being pregnant again. It is the fact that i have suffered 6 miscarriages in 5 and a half years. My son is almost 5 and my daughter is almost 3. I love my kids dearly and feel blessed to have them both. I should be happy about this baby but i just can't be happy. To be honest i don't want another baby. I can't tell my husband how i feel because he is so happy and is so excited about being pregnant again. I am only 20 years old and i just Do NOT want this baby. I don't believe in abortion but how can i carry this baby for another 7 half months knowing i don't want it

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Cheryl - posted on 06/05/2010

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I can totally relate. After our 2nd, I was suffering with PPD but we really didn't pin point it yet. When we got pregnant with #3, I was really not happy. I wasn't happy about being a mom, I wasn't happy about having another, I wasn't happy at all. I rememebr being at a girls night out and just crying to my gf- I felt like such an aweful mom for not wanting that baby.
But God had a different plan, at my 5 mo check up we lost the heartbeat. The cord had gotten tight around her arm and neck and she died. Hannah is now in heaven and due to all the testing they did just as a precaution, we figured out I have a VIt B deficiency and met awhile with a counciler reguarding the PPD and loss.
Our 4th preg. also ended in a miscarriage (at 5 weeks). Our 5th is now 2. I had a friend tell me that she was very worried about us having another baby because she saw me struggling after our 2nd. But she commented that I am so happy now, it's much better!
Now we're preg with our 6th. While I'm not sure how our family will function and how it's all going to work, I know it will all work out in it's own time.

Some things I would suggest, if you are spiritual- pray about it, journal your thoughts and find some verses that give you comfort. STart with "Children are a blassing from the Lord" seriously, I CLUNG to that verse when I was struggling with being pregnant with Hannah and I didn't want to be.
Also, make sure you are getting adequate sleep, quiet "me" time, and eating healthy. Lots of veggies, fruits, whole grains, water, etc. I also would recommend a Vitamin B supplement. Even if youu aren't genetically deficient like I am- most of the American population doesn't eat healthy enough to have adequate Vit Bs and they are great for mood and stress balance.

Hang in there!!! I can't imagine having my 3rd at 20 years old!!! (I was 30) But hang in there, 7 months can change alot. And like someone mentioned, if it doesn't have a serious talk with your husband about adoption. I have several friends and aquaintences who have benefited from adoption (both as giving up and recieving). Good luck!!

Vera - posted on 01/16/2014

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I'm in the same boat and so confused. I only have 2 months left and this is my second girl due in March. My first will be 3 in April a month after babies born. I also have a step son who will be 1 in April as well. I don't have much a connection with him though as I don't really get to see him much cause when my bf gets him he stays at his moms with him till he takes him back to his mothers. Anyways this is our first child together. He has son by previous and my oldest is from previous. With this baby I just don't feel ready or excited about the situation and being a mother to another child. My oldest and I been through a lot with my previous and I tried and kept her away from a lot cause it was a bad situation with her real dad being drugy and so on. Anyways we just have this special bond and I feel like having another baby is going to take away some that bond we have. She is my first and it used to be just me an her. I love her to death. I of course wanted more children eventually but not till she was at least 5 or so. But then this one is here in my belly now. I was excited and scared at first. I have a lot of health problems as it is and since this pregnancy it's gotten worse. Even though she's almost here I just feel depressed now and not ready. My bf is waaaay happy and excited but I'm just NOT. I get a little excitement when I look at her clothes and so and and my sister throwing me a baby shower next month and I'm very excited for that but everytime I think about the baby it gets me down. Like I just want to leave take my oldest and give this baby to my fiancé but I know I just can't do that. I feel like a terrible mother but I don't know what to do about it :(

Bonnie - posted on 06/09/2010

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I was in a similar position. I was expecting a third child. I found out I was pregnant shortly after leaving my husband. My first thought was what can I do as I don't believe in abortion. I tried living with the idea of adoption but seen a show where a girl gave hers up and couldn't even imagine it after that.
I was very sick and was listed as critical because of issues. That made it hard most days, but I just went through the pregnancy as I didn't feel comfortable with any other choice. My son is now almost 3 months and I can't imagine my life without him. It's almost like he makes me smile every day to make up for the trouble I went through to carry him.
Good Luck

Amanda - posted on 05/31/2010

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i'm expecting #4 in august. i was so unhappy when i found out. my fiance was thrilled (and to this day keeps saying he wants more, and ends up getting hit for it). all i could think was 'omg not again" (i have a 13 and 11 yr old as well as a 22 month old), "how the hell will we afford another one", ect. i was the moodiest i've EVER been during pregnancy up until a few months ago and all i wanted to do was yell and throw things. now i'm suicidal, which is no fun. i do know i love this little boy i'm carrying, but i'm still not 100% happy about it. i'm hoping it passes, because honesly, what other choice do i have? i don't believe in abortion either. (not for me anyway, tho i am pro choice)

FAWN - posted on 06/23/2012

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plzzz go for this baby....i cnt tell u how much i understand what u must be feeling...but still i would say go ahead...give this one last try.....take care...

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Kymberly - posted on 11/13/2013

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Hi I'm currently 5weeks pregnant and having very mixed feelings about this pregnancy. My partner really wants me to have this child and is telling me if I don't go through with the pregnancy then he will leave me I'm so upset and in a way I feel forced into having this child but I don't feel ready emotionally and mentally :( .. I hate this feeling so much I already have a 4year old but from a different relationship
and I'm happy with just having my little man. I'm only 22 and I have been through a lot since being with my partner the last 2years with depression and bereavement. I just wish he would understand that I don't feel ready now it's happening to me. I can understand that his head may be messed up as I did want another child but so much has happened and my family have made me realize the reality of this which has made me think twice about this. I do want more children but I just don't think now is the right time. I also feel forced as my partner has said if I don't go ahead with this pregnancy then he will never try again with me in the future when I feel ready and that he will leave me :( I'm so upset and think to myself how can he love me if he could do that to me? I just wish he would understand how I feel :( someone please post back to me thanks xx

DEANA JOY ROMERO - posted on 10/11/2012

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hHi there I think you r so lucky. I just wish I could have another I am a mother of two there father ran out on us but I have been with my husband now for 9 years I love him so much but we are unable to have anymore so I just think u are lucky

Lacieann - posted on 06/09/2012

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*hugs* I really think that you're trying to protect yourself because of the miscarriages. You need to talk to your husband about this and find a solution that you both can live with. If you really don't want any more children maybe you should get a long term birth control method, or get your tubes tied. They may cost money but it's certainly cheaper than the cost of raising a child. Best of luck, I hope you find that baby a happy loving home, with or without you.

Stephanie - posted on 06/13/2010

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Victoria, i understand your thoughts that no one should have an abortion no matter what but think about it this way. by all means im against abortion for myself but i am pro choice in general. i was raped 2 years ago and the bastard didnt even use a condom so what if i had fallen pregnant then? Dont you think that it would tear a girl up inside having a living reminder of what happened every single day. I personally think that yeh if you're stupid enough to open ur legs and not use protection then don't winge and be grateful for your blessing and deal with it. by that last sentence i mean those who had sex without protection but didnt want to get pregnant...not those who didnt mind if they did or actually set out to fall. but in circumstances like rape, being raped was NOT your choice and the bastard not using a condom was NOT your choice so keeping the child SHOULD be your choice.

Susan - posted on 06/09/2010

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I think that alot of woman feel this way when they find out there family is going to be getting a little larger. You should express how u feel to ur husband though considering this is his child to and then just take it day by day... Good Luck

Whitney - posted on 06/08/2010

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I think it's normal to feel this way-especially someone who has experienced the excitement of pregnancy which ended in the disappointment of a miscarriage. I would be open with your husband about it. He can then try and support you. Or whoever else you have close to you. Sometimes just encouragement and knowing that you have support can make the world of difference. And it really is normal to feel this way in ANY pregnancy. I have been feeling this way about my second child. I am excited and truly love this child already, but somewhere inside I feel like I am not ready and do not want the baby yet-but it doesn't matter because this little baby growing inside of me is a huge blessing and once the surprise and reality of being pregnant again wears off and I start to feel the baby move and the hormones settle down a bit, I know that I wouldn't want anything else. I just think you need to really be open and honest with your husband. Even though it may hurt him because he is really excited, he can support you through your pregnancy and hopefully help you get all of the feelings out that you are feeling and why you are feeling this way. My husband is just very supportive and encouraging-I hope yours is as well.

Tania - posted on 06/05/2010

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Im also preg number 4 ....I am 37 weeks , my youngest has just had his1st birthday. I was shocked , surprised that I feel preg so early. My baby was only 3 months old..when I found out. Once the months go on , and your over the morning sickness , and you are feeling your wee gift kick and get the hicups - hopefully that changes ur mind. Misscarriges - its hard , but remember everything happens for a reason. Might not of been the right time for you to have a baby then.Or there could have been something wrong with it. The world works in mysterious ways. Im so glad you don't believe in abortions, alot of people just dont no how lucky they are to get preg in the first place. I really hope things get better after u have baby if not talk to someone..... remember you have to have timeout for urself as well. take care

Rachelle - posted on 06/05/2010

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You are not wrong for any feelings you have, but sometimes we dont understand our feelings properly. Maybe you just need to talk to your husband and tell him all your feeling, and you might feel completely different after talking to him. Alot of this may be from fear from all the miscarriages and letdowns. Talk to your husband and go from there. When you hold your baby for the first time, im sure all those bad feelings will be something of the past. Just dont hold it in, talk to him and let him give you the comfort and assurance you may need.

Sheralee - posted on 06/05/2010

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Oh you poor chic , 20 with 3 kids I could just imagin that you dont want this baby, Im 28 with my second and this is it for us, we concived hough IVF with first and a good surprise with #2( Im 18 weeks and have a 1 yr old) so can completely understand were your coming from in terms of with two I think would be so much easier as in house arangements and car and money for that matter, Chic take care K because although we can have the most wonderful Husband in the world we all know who realy does all those late nights and when your kids are sick they cling to you at the end of the day, Big Hugs xox

Diana - posted on 06/03/2010

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I'm also expecting my third! This one was very unexpected and I found out I was expecting before my daughter was one. I was SO not ready for this plus my youngest is still a baby herself but I try to think positive. I have a lot of siblings so I have more people to rely on and so will your kids if your family continues to grow. You should tell your husband how you feel and remember that it is "HIS" baby also.

And in response to what you wrote:
"I don't believe in abortion but how can i carry this baby for another 7 half months knowing i don't want it"
If you truely don't want this baby - the least you can do is give up 7 more months of your life for this baby and find a home for it. PRO life :)

Nicole - posted on 06/03/2010

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Talk to your husband about this see if you can get into counseling somewhere to get to the bottom of your feelings if ultimately you decide you just don't want another child then there are tons of people out there waiting for a newborn to adopt that would love to take him/her as there own and don't think of it as being a bad parent but as giving someone a gift that they may otherwise never get to recieve and just think of the pregnancy as just that not miserable but as giving someone else something. If i had had that many miscarriages I would be scared, overwhelmed and just not want anything to do with kids it can break your spirit and heart.Don't let people tell you that you are too young though different people are at different stages in their life at different ages I am 22 with a 6yr old that is not even my birth son and pregnant and would not change a thing we are delighted not living off the state and can support our family! this site is to support other parents not tell them that they need to get on birth control its your life and only you know the details of it. I hope that you can find some peace but really even though your husband is excited talk to him express your concerns with him maybe he is having them as well and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Merri - posted on 06/03/2010

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I have to say that I understand. I am expecting baby #4, and was so upset and disappointed when I found out that I was pregnant again. I had no clue as to what I was going to do, being as I have 3 already, my oldest not quite 5 yet! I have been with my husband for 6 years now, and we are on pregnancy 5! I had a miscarriage between my boys, so I planned my second son to try to get over it! After he was born, we decided no more, but surprise, we found out we were expecting our daughter! When I told my hubby that we were expecting again, he was great with it. It took me a while to be okay. It actually wasn't untill I thought I was losing my lil one that I realized we would manage with a new one, and things would be okay, if God would just let everything be okay! I am very high risk this time, and at almost 22 weeks, going today to find out what we are having! I wish you the best of luck sweetie, and will keep you in my prayers! I also believe that God won't give you what you can't handle! Every baby is a miracle, and not all are easy, but it all works out in the end, no matter what happens!

PETA - posted on 06/02/2010

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I think you should talk to your husband, even tho he is excited about the baby. you both made this baby, then you both should have a say.
I am having baby #4 we tried for 12mths to fall pregnant( using fertillity drugs), then finally fell. We found out we were having a girl at 17weeks(now 22weeks), but i was thinking the same thing as you, i didnt really want a baby girl, i wanted a boy, i considered every thing, i finally spoke to my BF and he was so supportive, he has helped me. We are both excited about our new arrival in late sep.
You really need to speek to someone. You need to be a good mum for your other children.
Good luck

Kristin - posted on 06/01/2010

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You need to talk with both your husband and your doctor. I would also advise counselling. You sound like you may have some fears and or depression associated with pregnancy and past miscarriages.

This is a very tough position to be in, but for your future, and your children's, you need to look at how you are making choices. You've heard enough about unprotected sex and all the moralizing from other women here. Whatever is decided, needs to be determined by both you and your husband. Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 06/01/2010

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i agree with heidi , i see you say your only 20 and expecting baby # 3, obviously you dont understand that when you have sex unprotected you can get pregnant. i think you need to stop complaining and enjoy the fact that even though you have had the miscarrages, god has blessed you and your family with a bundle of joy to call your own.. think about more than yourself in this situation. think of the little baby in your belly. i know i am stressed from my situation because i am also 20 and had my first baby last september and am also 14 weeks pregnant with twins. my son will only be a little over a year when i have two newborns, and i am very stressed out from that but it is also my problem because i didnt use the right precautions i should have, but you gotta deal. god only gives you what you can handle.

Amy - posted on 06/01/2010

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Yes, I think you should let your husband know the fears and thoughts you are having right now. ♥ A lot of emotions come and go with pregnancy hormones..... I do hope things get better for you as the time goes on. But most important is keeping communication open with your hubby. ♥ "Honey, there's something I just need to tell you and you need to hear.... And when I'm finished telling you, all I need you to do is just hold me."
♥ Hope things get better. ♥

Victoria - posted on 05/31/2010

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Under no circumstance should you have an abortion thts my personal opinion, but really its your baby's life and it's not his/her fault that you weren't ready for him/her.

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 05/31/2010

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I agree with Schyla. I didn't want baby number two either. My sis had just given birth to my oldest nephew and my then hubby was anxious to have another baby after meeting him ... but our son wasn't even 1 yet and I did NOT want another kid right then. I fell preggers the first time we tried despite praying desperately for it not to take. We only had to try once ... and 8 years later I am so thankful that I got my little girl. I went most of the pregnancy regretting my weakness to give into HIS wants ... especially when he left me at 6 wks prego and told the world she wasn't his. When I held her, it all changed. I can't imagine my life without her. She has been my angel and my joy these past years until I met my hubs now. Now we're expecting our first together and my third child ... cept this is pregnancy number 10 with 5 losses in 2009 alone. I wasn't ready for this pregnancy when it hit either as it was just a short month after my ectopic pregnancy costing me a tube as well. But as the months have passed more happiness and joy and pleasure comes with the pregnancy. There is no doubt that I want this one but can relate to your problems on a couple of levels. Talk it out with your husband. Start the conversation with, "I just need you to know what I feel right now" and don't expect anything from him. Keep talking about it as the months go by. Keep a journal of every emotion that comes and goes. If in the end you still find it difficult to relate to this child, perhaps a family member would be willing to adopt the child from you ... or a friend who can't conceive? There is no shame in giving your baby a happy and healthy home ... even if it's not with you. Good luck and please email me anytime you wanna talk.

Heather - posted on 05/31/2010

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Hi sweetie! I too am pregnant with #3 and for awhile I was also having these same feelings, I know that for me it was exhaustion and awful morning sickness that wass making my moods so excitable. However I think Jane has a point, with all the heartache you have had with ur miscarriages you could very easily be protecting ur self from the heartache til ur pregnancy is a little more established. Make sure you have greived for the babies you have lost also, that can make a huge difference. Good Luck sweetie and I hope u can find your way past or out of this emotional turmoil.

Jane - posted on 05/31/2010

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take it easy on yourself. if you still feel this way when the baby gets here then you can find an agency and know that there are families who want a baby and will care for it well.

you also have to figure out if your nervousness will go away once you get past the point of previous miscarriages w/this pregnancy. could be that you are emotionally protecting yourself against another heartache.

don't be so hard on yourself and see how things turn out.

good luck!

Schyla - posted on 05/30/2010

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I felt just like you when I found out about my number two i wasn't ready I was happy with the size of our family my little one was just starting to be fun, but the second I saw her I fell in love, this doesn't work for everyone but my sister was the same way and her daughter is the light of her life! you love your other two and as scary as it is the fact that your worried about it is a good sign that you already do and not to state the obvious but it's already too late to be having regrets he or she is on the way and as you stated abortion is out of the question so talk to someone, your husband, a spiritual leader, a counselor find someone you can talk to about your feelings, I would set your hunny down and tell him how scared you are and then listen to him as well maybe having him tell you it's going to be ok will release some of your fears

Haylli - posted on 05/30/2010

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I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with such a huge thing, I am pregnant with our 3 rd child aswell ~we just had twin girls and when they were 6months old we found out we were expecting again.. uhg it was so tough I was misserable for a long time wanting to have another but not now and depressed that we were. It took alot of time and talking it out with family and my husband but I realized that it would be okay.

I know thats different we were not planning on a 3rd child we were good with 2 aswell but hey things happen for a reason I guess now I am nervous and scared not knowing what to expect but i think it will work out. I'd say talk to your husband he needs to know how you feel and maybe just by saying it to him something may come out of it that you didnt expect. I hope you figure out your situation for your sanity and know that there is alot of support out there for which ever decision you choose best of luck.

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I'm pregnant with our 3rd. Somedays I am starting to enjoy the idea but most days forget it I don't even know always what to do with the 2 I have. Your not alone. Some ppl have told me when I see the baby I will change my mind but I cant figure out how this kid fits in our family. I wish you luck.

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