How does your husband or bf see you now?

Corinne - posted on 04/02/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I was just wondering if its "normal" or me just worrying too much...but I've been with my bf for almost 10 yrs now and we have always had a healthy sex life until I got pregnant. Since I've gotten pregnant we have had sex a handful of times but he would rather me be nice to him so to speak. I know we all face issues with feeling attractive when we are pregnant since we get big as houses but when I ask him if he still finds me attractive he says of course and he loves me more than anything. So is my bf the only one I guess who is either turned off by the pregnancy and wont admit it or is afraid to hurt the baby?

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Roisin - posted on 05/30/2013

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This sounds a bit like my situation !
Although he was attracted to the sex up until my 7th month he always shut down when I talked about the baby.
If i don't bring up the subject he would never initiate any conversation about the baby or touch my belly or hug and kiss me.
I'm starting to feel pretty isolated and considering the support you really need with just being pregnant this just doesn't seem fair.

Tanya - posted on 04/15/2011

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It has been very hard for me, not being intimate while pregnant, and I am only 2 months along! It has been a month now since the last time we had sex, because my husband 'hasn't been in the mood'. This baby has come at a very inconvenient time for us, and as I am willing to roll with the punches, and go with the flow, and trust everything will turn out alright; he is stressing hard and has no sex drive. Also, he doesn't give me near as many hugs, kisses, etc. as normal. He has backed off completely on the physical-end unless I go out of my way to hug and kiss him. Anytime I try to turn him on, he pushes my hands away, and gets all grumpy for an hour. It is really hard for me right now! And whenever I talk to him about being pregnant, he shuts down and won't talk at all. This is our second baby too, btw. We have a 5 year old daughter!

Somer - posted on 06/10/2013

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Corinne,
I have a 12 year old & 8 year old and when we got pregnant with each of our kids ... My husband saw me as (what I refer to as a porcelain doll)(beautiful to look at but will break if you "play" with it) breakable and also he was afraid he would hurt me, the baby, or both of us.. Finally I asked him point blank what was wrong and he explained to me that he was afraid of hurting me.. So first I had him express his fears to my doc so she could explain that sex wouldn't hurt me or the baby and then we made and agreement that if any position or movement etc got uncomfortable or hurt I would say stop so we could re-adjust...
I know for my husband he always told me that I was absolutely gorgeous when I was pregnant... I gaining "weight" had absolutely nothing to do with it. Cuz for him the weight I was gaining was for the baby, most of the time he was concerned I wasn't gaining enough..
So just sit down and talk to your bf and tell him exactly how you feel and ask him how he is feeling and express that you feel like he isn't into you anymore and get his point of view on it... ( on a side note the 2 positions I found the most comfortable once my belly started to get huge are "doggie & reverse cowgirl (or girl on top backwards) then your belly doesn't get in the way...
I hope you find happiness and enjoy each other before baby comes.. You run short on time and energy after baby..
Good luck
Somer
If you want you can email me @
somer.rizzuto26@gmail.com

Tanya - posted on 03/26/2014

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I know this is an long time ago for a post but it made me feel so bad :( I hope all is good by now lol. I was actually looking up how to be more sexy for my bf while pregnant and found this thread.

Lauren - posted on 04/17/2010

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My husband and I discussed this exact thing last night! We had sex all the time before I got pregnant and since I got pregnant it is like once a week at the most! I am freaked out because I was feeling stressed about being unattractive, but my husband and I talked about it and we both found out that even though there is all this literature about it being ok to have sex while being pregnant we are just always still worried about it and about the baby freaking out while having sex and just the feeling of the baby moving while we are having sex.......we also discussed how it isn't as enjoyable because you are much more limited on what you can do while you are pregnant and it seems more like a chore to have sex since I am for sure not as nimble and able to get into a bunch of different positions like before.....it was really nice to talk about it and kind of realize that we both want to have sex, but that being pregnant scares us both a little bit and we kind of just want the old sex life back where being huge doesn't get in the way....

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Keri - posted on 06/10/2013

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Okay I'm having the same problem. I'm 12 weeks pregnant & first time mama, and before I got pregnant I was very healthy and fit weighing only about 113. However, my body has taken this pregnancy in a weird way n I'm gaining weight and cellulite in places I never thought I'd see and now when I look in the mirror it makes me so self conscious and depressed. My bf always makes me feel better by saying he loves me and no matter what I look like he thinks I'm beautiful and attractive. I love to believe that but obviously he's not gonna b the jerk to come right out and say I'm ugly or I unattractive! Last night when we finished making love I caught a glimpse of an awful look he had on his face as I was dressing...it's like he was disgusted with the way my body looks now! I cried myself to sleep it upset me so much! I plan to workout and try to tone up again but any advice to get over this self conscious feeling and is he really unattracted to me????

Reneal - posted on 10/24/2012

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No hunny you are not alone! I am 6 weeks prego and my bf just doesnt seem to wanna touch me. He has all kind of prego symptoms. Headaches, backaches,sleeping. What about uou?

Amy - posted on 04/16/2011

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This is our third. Sex is pretty regular. Some days we admit we are just both too dang tired. But, when my back hurts and I get on all fours to alleviate muscle, I have to make sure he's not around. My husband must be one of the few who thinks that I'm really sexy when pregnant. And, being the third baby, he's not worried about hurting me or baby. He was worried about it with my first baby and I'd had a miscarriage between first and second baby, so we did nothing by his choice when second baby was in there.

[deleted account]

My boyfriend just says he doesn't want to do anything to hurt the baby. But he seems to get past it and still want it haha. He worries about it but it doesn't get to him to much. Like in your case he says that he still loves me and thinks I am still really beautiful. It makes me feel better about things.

User - posted on 04/19/2010

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me and my partner had sex more when i 1st fell preg, alot more cuddling then b4 and he wud touch my tummy alot.... when we had the 1st scan and he saw his baby girl for the 1st time it all stopped (12 week scan) i think it might of freaked him out a little, after weeks of me feeling unattractive and upset coz althought i was trying to he just didnt seam intrested, i spoke to him about it a few weeks ago and he explained its coz i was starting 2 get a bump and seeing the bub made it more real and he was worried about hurting my tummy or the baby, that and the morning sickness isnt the sexist thing in the world.... since talking 2 him about it we have done other things but still no nookie, but i am alot more happier and feeling better about myself and u neva know any day now lol

Teresa - posted on 04/16/2010

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my partner is also abit shy in the bedroom lately too i think it has something to do with them worrying about hurting you and the baby. it can get very frustrating im trying my best to be patient with him but i cant stop those negative thoughts of him not finding me attractive at the moment tho im sure thats not the problem but these damn hormones.....

[deleted account]

Guys most times are afraid to hurt the baby. My fiance is like that. He's always worried that he is going to hurt the baby. My fiance says I look as good as ever :) And of course we all feel blah when we are pregnant. Now personally I love being pregnant & I love showing off that i'm pregnant :) I'm sure things are fine hun & after 10 yrs I'm sure he's just worried he is going to hurt the baby. Best of luck to you hun! I hope this helps

Celeste - posted on 04/14/2010

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Is this his first child? He may have fears of hurting you or the baby. It is a common fear for both the mother and father when expecting a child for the first time. My first baby....almost 20 years ago...I made him do without the entire pregnancy for fear that our baby would be "hurt." Happy to say...I have learned so much since then....LOL Try talking to him hon. Even a trip to the OB together...without embarrassing might calm his fears. Don't assume the worse...you have been together for 10 years. Goodluck!!

Jaci - posted on 04/14/2010

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The only reason my fiance and I dont have sex as much as we did before I got pregnant is because I get tired really easily now, and usually end up going to sleep way before he does.

At first he was afraid of hurting the baby too, and always asked me if I was sure it was okay to have sex, so I had to reassure him almost every time. But now he knows its okay and the baby will be fine, and we do have sex more often than when I first got pregnant.

As far as how he sees me, he tells me every day, multiple times a day that he thinks I'm beautiful and that although it may be a different type of beautiful than before I got pregnant, he thinks I'm totally adorable. I love hearing that from him, and throughout my entire pregnancy I've only felt "bad about how I looked" once. He really does help in how I see myself, and I believe that even though I may be as big as a house, as long as he still thinks I'm beautiful, I'm perfectly okay with how I look.

Diane-Lee - posted on 04/08/2010

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We were doing fine and the last time we had sex(a few weeks ago) he stopped cuz he said he felt wierd cuz of the baby...it was kinda cute actually. Now I'm restricied from it for now because of Placenta Previa.

Sarah - posted on 04/07/2010

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my husband was a little weirded out by having sex while i'm pregnant! he knows it won't hurt the baby it was just the thought that there "someone" else in the room so to speak that kinda freaked him out! lol! i think its just an adjustement for most men!

Elaine - posted on 04/07/2010

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You're definitely not alone. I'm almost 30 weeks now, and I feel huge! My husband always tells me I'm super hot and sexy, but the bigger I get the more difficult it is to actually have sex, so we just don't do it that often anymore. And it didn't help when he went to my last appointment with me and the doctor came in and said she was going to check my cervix - after that he's been scared that he'll hit my cervix and somehow hurt me and the baby! I've tried to explain that it just isn't going to happen, but I think the fear is still there now. We still try for once a week, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. But we've found other ways to be intimate and still get some satisfaction even when one of us doesn't feel up to having actual intercourse. Sometimes just snuggling together can be almost as satisfying, emotionally at least.

Stephanie - posted on 04/07/2010

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With my first pregnancy I actually had my OB write my husband a note saying sexual intercourse was perfectly fine and healthy and wouldnt hurt the baby. He laughed at it but after that it solved the problem. This pregnancy on the other hand seems to be different. My husband is under more stress...but claims Im super sexy.The other night we werent even getting our freak on and he laid his head on my breasts and said "I love it when you're pregnant because you're carrying MY child and nothing can be sexier than that...plus your boobs make GREAT pillows!"

Chantel - posted on 04/07/2010

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My husband thinks its sexy (pregnant women) Alot of men he tells this too also admits to thinking we are so much more attractive pregnant. But i think alot of men actually think they will hurt the baby. With my first i was sex crazed by my bf told me he was always scared to her the baby and now im pregnant with this one i need to stick to send him away lol.

Kat - posted on 04/03/2010

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You are soooo not alone. Both this & my last pregnancy my Husband struggled with being intimate with me. It's harder for us because we have those hormones that make us more emotional about these things & because we've lot our shape & we feel unattractive already. Talk to him & see what he 'is' willing to do with you. There is more than one way to skin a cat so to speak... Pregnant woman are very sexy in my mind, allow yourself to look at yourself that way.

Carolee - posted on 04/03/2010

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My husband is very much like that. He says he still thinks I'm sexy (and I believe him), but he's a little leery on sex and touching my belly in general. He's SO afraid that he's going to hurt either me or the baby that the only touching he'll do besides hugs is to VERY lightly rub my belly when he gets home from work. We're slowly working our way to where he has now felt her move, and we'll hopefully have sex again before she's born! Try having him talk to your doctor about any possible "eww" issues or concerns he might have.

Sarah - posted on 04/03/2010

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My fiancee is the same with with both babies, but hes more distant persay with this one. I hate how we arent intimate anymore lol, like i even had our 3 year old go for a sleepover last night just to help cuz its been forever and still nothing lol so dont feel bad

Mellissa - posted on 04/02/2010

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my bf and i had a great sex life. and then along came baby. now, if i don't beg i don't get it. he is very afraid of hurting the baby. this is his first baby and he really doesn't get a lot of how it works. i don't know how to reassure him that the baby will be just fine. i am not even high risk or anything. it drives me crazy. i don't think your bf is turned off at all. most men really love seeing their wife/girlfriend pregnant, but some just worry about hurting you or the baby. hang in there and if you gotta, jump him, that's what i do!! lol.

Natalie - posted on 04/02/2010

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My hubby seems to want it more when i'm pregnant! lol
But this time around my sex thrive is so low b/c i haven't been feeling comfortable and the belly is already starting to bug me when we make love so we maybe do it 2-3 times a week, which is not bad. But he wants me every night.
Everyone is different. Don't worry, once the baby is born you can both work on your phisical bond again. I know it took me a few months after each kid to get our sex life back to the way it was before. But it does happen :-)

Erin - posted on 04/02/2010

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My bf is the same way. We have been together for 9 years and I'm pregnant with my first. He is just afraid to hurt the baby and is scared of squishing my belly. It'll get better hun.

Corinne - posted on 04/02/2010

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thank you so much ladies. i guess it just helps to hear that im not the only one with this issue.

Denise - posted on 04/02/2010

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Ha girl you are not the only one! I've only had sex a handful of times too...and I'll 35 weeks pregnant. My husband says he is just wierded out by the fact the baby is in there. So I don't push the subject because I know he still thinks I'm beautiful. Even though sometimes you get those thoughts like he doesn't want you anymore....I know it not to really be the case. It's hard at times since we are pregnant for so long, not having a sexual relationship can be really toll taking. But everything should be just fine after the baby comes. This is my second pregnancy and with my first everything was back to normal and great once we could start having sex again! Good luck and know that you are BEAUTIFUL :)

Crystal - posted on 04/02/2010

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alot of men back off a bit when their other half becomes pregnant. and its not that hes turned off or finds you unattractive hes just worried about what will happen, or hurting you or the baby.

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