How to deal with involving baby daddy! HELP!

Ashley - posted on 11/10/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Well, this is going to be a long post (just a forewarning). So, I am currently 24 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. I am excited, and cannot wait to finally meet him. The father, though, is completely making me freak out..I am sure the majority of it is hormones, but I am scared about what is to come.

So, the background. The father and I hooked up a few times over the Summer. We are both in the military, but stationed at different bases. He just got out of the military a couple of months ago and I am getting out right before I am due.

The father and I talk all day through text, and when I told him initially that I was pregnant, he did not freak out at all. He just told me that he was sorry. I gave him the option of being involved and told him that whatever he chose, I would understand and that there would be no hurt feelings.

Well, this was 16 weeks ago...He told me, after I pried it out of him, that he would like to be involved. So, now we have that out in the open. But, the problem is, while yes, we talk everyday, he never mentions anything about the baby...I try to keep him updated by sending ultrasound pictures, pictures of stuff I buy for the baby, and asking him about names he likes, and all I ever get is one word answers from him. It is very frustrating. I want so much more with regards to support and caring about my child. I am hoping that this will change once he is born, but there are so many unknowns. I am scared about not involving him because I do not want him to ever feel that I am hiding his child from him, but I wish he would make more of an effort by asking me about the baby and telling me what he is thinking about him...

Words of comfort and advice would be nice from any woman who has been in this situation. It is truly nerve wrecking.

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Jean - posted on 11/14/2012

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He is obviously nervous. It is much harder for men to conceive of the fact that they are expecting a baby. They do not have all of the hormones kicking at them making them worry. Unfortunately this often also makes men commit more before they have a baby than after they realize what they have gotten into. As long as he is pulling his share in getting ready for the baby, however you two have decided I wouldn't worry much about him not mentioning it. When it becomes real he may be more receptive. I would make sure you are prepared for where he may be on this issue though. I would not like for you to be abandoned by him six months after the baby is born and be in a rough place because your baby's father doesn't appreciate what a wonderful treasure he is. You cannot force another person to feel what you feel or do what you want them to. Unfortunately you have to rely on yourself and those others who are close to you in life. I pray he comes along and is more active in yours and the babies life as the due date gets closer. Hugs and good luck to you!

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