I need help from my husband, what to do?

Jess - posted on 05/02/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am 6 months pregnant and with my third child. My husband thinks that because he works all week that when hes home he doesnt have to do anything to help me out around the house. I dont work and I understand that it my job to take care of thing at home but there are thing that i just simply cant do! I have a really hard time going up and down the stairs to our basement and thats where our washer and dryer is. He excpets me to do everything! he works and then comes home and plays World of Warcraft. I hate the game. It so bad that we dont ever talk we just get fight. Im so frustrated, what do I do?

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Gen - posted on 11/02/2013

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I'm sorry to hear that. It is truly unfair of him. Your pregnant with his child and he should do everything to make it easier for you.
My advice is to talk to him. Currently I'm dealing with issues of my own but what has really helped me is not to argue or yell. Be strong and calm. Bake for him, make him his favorite foods. Show him that you are truly trying and maybe he will start treating you better.
As for WOW, man that really affected my relationship with my boyfriend (now husband). We made it through but it was tough, I had to walk away because I couldn't deal with him choosing something virtual instead of something real, me.
I have no idea what you can do but you could try going on family picnics or to the park. Maybe he will appreciate the outdoors more.

Devil In The Blue Dress - posted on 11/02/2013

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Me & my baby's father were just dating when I got pregnant. When I first told him he freaked out and didn't call me for four days, I didn't want to push so I waited then he said he wanted the baby. The next month he went with me to my doctors visit and was their for our first sonogram. Our next visit he didn't show said his car broke down, the third visit he text me he was hungover from the previous night. I'm feeling resentful and want to be able to count on him but its hard when he's basically pushing us away. I feel needy and sexually frustrated. We have been apart for a little over a month. I am now 4months pregnant what can I say or do to help him be more involved? Please any suggestions

Steffany - posted on 05/07/2010

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I am a full time Mother of 1 three and a half year old and am 9months prego with my second. I know that when we decided I would be a stay at home mom that I was responsible to take care of the kids and everything in the house. I wash clothes, do dishes, vaccuum, mop etc.... I also do some gardening when I have the chance. My husband works 100 hours every two weeks so I try an not complain about my job too much lol. But I do realize the frustration when you work to keep your house clean and he comes home and trashes it all over again lol. It just has to be a comunication thing between the two of you, you can't just expect him to read your mind after all, (he is a guy) I always forget that men are not as emotionally there as us women are and don't think about the finer details. Just tell him what you need help with and why and if anything Post a not telling him what it is you need. Me and my husband both play WOW it is our only source of entertainment and I am always thankful that he is home instead of out in the bar or something.

Alina - posted on 05/05/2010

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I have a similar issue as well... I would also like to know how to fix this problem... My fiance also happens to have an issue with alcohol, and drinks a LOT every night, but doesnt understand that I need him to be somewhat conscious, just incase I happen to go into labor earlier than expected... He does help, sometimes, like I have to ask him to take the laundry out of the dryer... He does it when asked, but bitches if I ask him to put HIS clothes away... Im his fiance, NOT his mother!!! WHAT CAN I DO???

Elizabeth - posted on 05/05/2010

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My husband also plays WOW a lot. However, while I was on bedrest he got me playing it so I became more understanding of the time spent playing the game. But, he does still help me quite a bit when he's at home. He takes the baby for awhile (she's only 2 weeks old) and lets me rest. My only issue is getting him to wake up with her in the middle of the night lol. I know I have the food( I'm breast feeding) but after that it would be nice if he change her and rocked her back to sleep at least once haha!

But seriously, you should just talk to him. Tell him your body just can't go down the stairs anymore. Also, I agree with some of the others about scheduling his WOW time or putting a time limit on how long he plays. If he is level 80 like my husband, 2-3 hours is probably enough time to do the dailys and a raid or two. Good luck my dear!

Gabrielle - posted on 05/04/2010

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my husband and i both work full time, plus we have a home business so we are both very busy. we each need our veg time. i allow my husband time to play with his toys, watch tv, or relax, and then it's time for help. i'm only 17 weeks, but as this pregnancy has progressed, he has taken on more responsiblities. i think allowing your husband some time to himself will definitely make him more receptive to helping you out.

Michelle - posted on 05/04/2010

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Make him take you to the laundry mat ! I am not joking , I would much prefer to do that than be going up and down my steps to the basement . Plus it is common for molds to be in the basement .
I end up congested like crazy any time I am in our basement .
You are not alone in this trust me ! Other moms have been there and it is enough to make you want to rip the cord right out of the pc !!!!!
I would let him know that you understand he needs some time to himself , but ..... you need to have some family time also . Make sure you word it nicely as men tend to get defensive .
Tell him you don't mind him have an hour or 2 to himself online , but you could really use some help . Laundry is not that big a deal and won't kill him to do it for you . My hubby took over laundry a long time ago and he is still alive :)

Sarah - posted on 05/03/2010

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I feel your pain, my husband works full time and im home all day everyday except thursdays with our 2.7 yr old toddler. i am 5 months pregnant with our 2nd and have zero energy and still throwing up most days. I know i have more time than him to do the housework but i struggle to find the motivation when i'm constantly running around after our son and when he has his nap i'm too drained to get up and do it. It would be easier if he just helped out a bit after work and on weekends to lighten my load. I think its hard for him though to recognise how difficult it is for me because he's not around to see how much it takes out of you. same in your case. let him know straight out that you cannot cope with it and he needs to do his bit to make it easier. its not good for you or the baby to be putting that strain on your body.

Ashley - posted on 05/03/2010

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Gee... I would just tell him that you are physically not able to be the Homemaker Goddess you used to be! :P Explain that right now you need a bunch of his loving help and if you don't get it than everyone will be running around in dirty underwear (except you and the kids of course) so basically just him and when he becomes the smelly guy at work he will change his tune!
On a more serious note... Definatly sit and talk with him rationally. Make a list of little things he can do to help out. Even if it is just taking the laundry downstairs and upstairs for you, doing the garbage or any heavy lifting. It gives him concrete "chores" as it were and the he can get back to his game... Or hopefully he will see you really are serious and try to help even more.

Janelle - posted on 05/03/2010

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I have one baby and he is 3 months old...I've been on maternity leave so I am in charge of the baby and the house and I have been in a similar situation. I would sit down and have a talk to him and just be careful how you word it.

My husband would come home and get on his computer (facebook!), play his guitar, play video games. And I was literally exhausted or just needed a "baby break." So this is how I approached it...I waited until I put the baby to bed and calmly went and talked to him and just said "Honey, I know you work all day and you get stressed out and I know you need time to unwind..and I completely understand and respect that. However, sometime I just need help. Even if you just feed the baby once just to take him off my hands for few minutes, it'd be a big help." He responded very well and has been making much more of an effort. Now if I get stressed out, I will tell him and he usually gets the hint if I don't spell it out for him.

It got really bad with us for a little while and we also hardly talked...just fought (and this is just our first baby!)...I asked him to leave and he did for a few days (not necessarily something you want to do while pregnant, I know!), but I had my mom come down and help me (she lives 3.5hrs away) with the baby and when she had to go back home, I had her take the baby to my husband...so he could have a day and night in my shoes. I think it helped that he had full responsibility and he started to understand....

Maybe you should take a day on the weekend and go somewhere with a friend and have hubby do the legwork for a day or so? Don't give him an option! You are pregnant, he needs to take care of you!! If he doesn't, then I'm sorry, but he's a jerk!

Jamie - posted on 05/03/2010

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I wish i could help, but this is why we're not allowed to play MMOs anymore. They eat your life.

Carolee - posted on 05/03/2010

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Tell him to put a load in the washer, complete a quest, put another load in the washer and the first load in the dryer, complete a quest, and so on until the laundry is done. When it is done in the dryer, he needs to bring it up to you so you can sit comfortably and fold the clothes while he has his "computer time".



I know the time it takes to complete a quest depends on what level he is, too. I'm just saying the timing thing because my husband is a level 80 (I think) and his quests take just a little bit longer than it takes to wash a load of laundry.



If he refuses to do even THAT, then I would straight-out forbid him to buy more time. He can go a few months without it while you are needing increasingly more help!



My husband and I have to actually schedule his WOW time now (I'm also 6 months preggo). That could be another option for you guys. I hope I helped give you some ideas...

Jane - posted on 05/03/2010

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he can always put wash in and take it out and just bring the clothes up so you can fold them. just tell him calmly that physically, you cannot do that anymore and on doctor's orders you aren't to do stairs except for twice a day - getting downstairs in the morning and upstairs at night. once he runs out of underwear, he'll get on board.

Desiree - posted on 05/02/2010

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i know how you feel and i would love to know the same thing im sorry i couldnt help but i feel you mine also just doesnt care i think

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