is anyone else's mother unsupportive of their pregnancy?

Onetraeh - posted on 01/27/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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hi all!I'm a little over 5 months with my first;excited & more than a little nervous!anyway I was just wondering if anybody else has a mother who is less than thrilled about your situation?my mother strongly dislikes my boyfriend in fact my family has practically ostracized him becuz they think he is not good enough;he has also been out of work these last couple winter months (he works in construction) but is starting back next week.my mother has been stepping way over the line as far as I'm concerned & telling me tht we should definitely never get married & tht he will not be a good father!he wants to get married & we've talked about it & honestly I would prefer to be married before the baby comes (old fashioned) & I tell my mother tht he may not be rich & maybe we'll never be well off but he is a good man with a good heart!I feel tht my family has delusions of grandeur since we've certainly never had a lot of money & grew up poor!anyway I told my mother today I've never asked u for assistance & carried my own weight & then some as long as I can remember so wht gives u the right to make all these judgements?& she said she has lots of rights since I'm carrying her grandchild!I said I'm pretty sure u weren't there whn he was conceived!anyway I don't know wht to do I don't want to have a bad relationship with my mum but she is almost making me choose between her support (which she would prefer if I was a single mother) or the new family I'm starting on my own with my child & baby father...she has never acted this way before so I'm more than a little shocked especially since it seems to be the worst time possible for me as I'm nervous enough as it is.I wonder if I should completely back off from her or just pretend tht everything's clever...all I know is I don't want to hear the added stresses from fam.heelllpppp plz any suggestions especially unbiased from people I don't know would be awesome ty so much & congratulations to everyone expecting!one

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Onetraeh - posted on 01/29/2013

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it's not her first grand baby but yeah my first for sure;idk I think more than anything people have been in her ear (such as my shit disturbing siblings) & telling her tht my boyfriend sucks basically.ya I've basically just had no other outside advice than clinically insane fam who should all be commited.haha!so your advice was great;thx for the good wishes I'm sure she'll come around & until then I'll just keep our convos light I guess.I love my mummy but my hormones r raging out of control right now & I don't want to say somethin rude lol.well thx so much & be easy

Sara - posted on 01/29/2013

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Makes sense, but when your baby has a baby its a big deal regardless of age! Is this maybe the first grandbaby? And as for the boyfriend, have you had a child with any other man? Because if this is the only man you have gotten pregnant with then she will definitely judge him more so. From what I'm saying it sounds like I am supporting your mother's behavior, I most definitely am not! But in a situation like this one, there is no way for me to give advice to a complete stranger, so the best I can do is give you a second perspective :) Wish you the best! Hope it works out. As for the wedding, it's not the size or finances that I was referring too, just simply separating the two occasions. You've mentioned it twice that you want to get married because you don't want baby to be a "bastard" but honestly nobody in this day and age thinks that. The reason I recommend separating it is because I felt like my engagement and wedding was not that special, it didn't get the time or attention it deserved. It was simply couple with the birth. But I understand your choices :)

Onetraeh - posted on 01/29/2013

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thx!idk we've been together for 8 months;lived together for 7.I guess I am pretty worried about my baby being born out of wedlock & I know nobody would care but technically he still would be a bastard technically & plus we'll never be able to afford a big wedding @ any point whether it's around the same time as the baby comes or not.it would be more like a teensy tiny wedding just for the fact of getting married;I'm just saying not like if I waited it would be a big fan fare.I really don't know if my mother is watching me grow up;I mean I'm 32 & practically have wrinkles so I feel tht I'm pretty grown & anyway if she hates this guy so much I had a long string of worse than shitty boyfriends throughout my life if she wanted to pick on one.I just want to have a nice normal relationship & somewhat peaceful pregnancy & for once it's not my boyfriend ruining my life it's my mother!ugghhh!lol but anyway thx for your input of course I would never stop speaking to her but I'm definitely taking this week off!thx sara I don't talk too tough to my friends becuz everything is perfect!& my life is perfect tht's all they need to know haha!hope u have a great day :)

Sara - posted on 01/28/2013

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Mom's just worried! I know that doesn't excuse her behavior and I know it is extremely difficult on you but she is a mom and she wants you to succeed and live the perfect life. It's her goal in life to make your life the best it can be so yes she may have bigger dreams for you. She may also be worried that you are rushing into things (I am not sure how long you have been with current boyfriend) but anyways, I would tread lightly with marriage. Not because I think you will fail, but because one big thing at a time, your baby will not be a bastard in this day in age and having a strong base with a mom and dad will be plenty to get by. In my opinion I got engaged when I was 4 months pregnant and married when she was 3 months old, I do regret not waiting and having the engagement and wedding separate from the birth of my child. It almost feels like my wedding meant nothing and that it was simply a must have because I had my daughter. I am happily married, and if you love him then what is the rush? It will work out and maybe your mother wouldn't react so strongly knowing that you are taking it one step at a time. She's watching her daughter grow up.. trust me.. that's hard.

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