Is it wrong for me to want my baby to have my last name?

QQQQQ - posted on 04/01/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I are very happy together, and I love him very much. We are pregnant with our first child, and he has pretty much let me decide on our sons first and middle names. I know that he wants our baby (Emerson) to take his last name... but I really want him to have my last name. I know it is dumb, but even before we got pregnant, when we would discuss marriage, we had both agreed that I would keep my last name. Now, I feel like I would really like Emerson to have my name- I feel like we should be as close as possible, and his name means a lot to me. What do I do? Fight for it? Or just get over it?

16 Comments

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Steven - posted on 02/09/2016

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Dont be selfish!!!! My mother did this to my dad i will never speak to her again! Nothing good comes from feminism!!!

Lindsay - posted on 04/16/2010

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i had the same issue and i believe that in the case that u two arent married i would give the baby your last name.. nothin is for sure until u two are married things can change.. i would tell him what i told my fiance. i told him with us not being married id like him to have my last nameeven tho weve been together for five years due to medical purposes and school etc. and that if/when we get married we can change the babies last name if hes still set on him having it by then.. i hope i could help

Geraldine - posted on 04/05/2010

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you could discuss hypenating the babys name so it will have both of your last names and the child can choose wich one he wants to use when he gets older

Ashley - posted on 04/05/2010

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I am with my boyfriend and we are planning on getting married too but I want our son to have my last name. I just think that its a huge thing and if it doesn't work out for whatever reason you will regret it. And if your not taking his name even if you get married I would want him to have my name but if you think the dad is always going to be there for your son and everything you could give your son his last name. Plus you can always change it later too... but I know what you are thinking and I want my son to have mine too.

Jess - posted on 04/05/2010

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my boyfriend and i had the same problem so we just sat down and had a serious talk about it and now our daughters last name is smith chivers which is both of our last names with no hiphon or anything and later on if she wants to just have one last name thats her choice

Danielle - posted on 04/05/2010

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nope....if something happens between you two it is easier to get things done when your child's last name is your's....i have a son that has my last name finally because i am no longer with his father and haven't been for 2years. It was very difficult for me to get anything docs appts, insurance, etc. because he didn't have my last name...
my opinion
if your not married child should have your last name

but hey its up to you
and your NOT being selfish!!!

[deleted account]

in my opinion it's really hard to tell you what to do, because no matter what none of us are gonna live with the decision you are, however i've seen to many times where the couple is unmarried and the child takes the dad's last name and than for whatever reason the dad ends up spliting and leaving the mom and child to fend for themselves, so if it was me i would have the child take my last name, just in case because you never know what could happen. I hope everything works out for you Good Luck!

Desiree - posted on 04/04/2010

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well use both last names thats what i did with both my daughters we have there first name middle name and then i put my last name and then there dads but when i write there names down like in school or whatever they just use first and there dads last name my name is the same way my mom put my first name and middle then i have my dads last name first then i have her last name last so you both win that way know for are son im just puting his dads last name

Ashley - posted on 04/04/2010

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my boyfriend and i have been together 3 years. when our son is born because we are not married we are using both our names. garland-walker. that way we both win

good luck with ur choice

Stacie - posted on 04/03/2010

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hi there,
my older boy has my last name as his dad was a drop kick
but with my second son i have given him mine and my partners last name and we are preg again and our little girl is going to have mine and his last name to and then when we are married my older son will take partners last name to but keep mine and ill be doing the same.

Erica - posted on 04/02/2010

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if your not into the hyphenating thing i would fight for your name for sure, and when you get married you can discuss a name change or hyphenating then.

Tuenesha - posted on 04/02/2010

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yeah hypenated works. since we are not married until we get the paternity test or unless he just signs it Damien will take my name. But we are not together. I am the last cartwright and I feel bad for my lineage ending but i want Damien to feel connected with his father at the same time so I was thinking Damien William Cartwright-Snyder. And he can change it to just snyder if he wants when he grows up. hope it helps, either way you guys are in love dont fight about that, just find a common ground. hugs!

Ashley - posted on 04/01/2010

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y not hyphenate his name.... use both names and then everyone will be happy. You and your son will be the closest people on the planet, all because you loved him first and last, forever and always. My son has my last name because his father and I weren't married, it was a huge fight and he didn't really want to be bothered with his son at first because he felt that I took something from him. In hind-sight I see that now. My opinion is to allow he to have both names and if something happens in the near future, say you marry him then change the name pr leave it as it is, or if you son gets older he might want to change it..... SO just discuss it, you guys should try to see both sides of the picture or step out of the box and take a step back, breath and make the decision, when you not in the heat of the moment.

Stevie - posted on 04/01/2010

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i think what would be best in your situation is to either get a hifanated name hints my madin name is hart and my married name is williams so if i was in your situation id make it hart/williams or vis versa but if you dont do it that way and meet in the middle i think it should be his name until he is proven not to want to be there ya know there are situations where id say yeah no problem and i really dont think its a big thing but i think since you guys are happy and still in love and both love this child so much already id do it that way now after having a baby can change everything and in that case whatever the verdic is would be how you feel comfy doing the name but honestly id say talk with him about hifanating the last name best of both i say

Cheryl - posted on 04/01/2010

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Wow- That's kinda big. Honestly, where I live, I think if the mother is not married, the child automatically gets her last name. It may be different where you're at.

You said you're happy together, are you prepared that if you fight for it, he may leave or not be an active part in your son's life like he would have been otherwise??

Have you discussed hypenating your son's last name?

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