not sure what to do about the father of my baby need someone elses opinions n outlook on this?

Torie - posted on 10/17/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hey so this isn't the first post I've had on here and its always about the daddy. He has been nothing but a pain throught my whole pregnancy. He has a new girlfriend whom has a child of her own and is always there for them he has been to maybe 3 of my doc apps. He cheated on his girlfriend with me a month ago and said he wanted to work things out and then a week later he wouldnt even talk to me. Not even ask about how me or the baby are doing. He knows nothing except for the sex of the baby. And then on top of all of that he says he doesnt believe he is the father of the baby. Theres no way it cant be but he keeps saying how he doesn't believe it but then the next day he is yelling at me through texts about how he can't figure out why I won't speak to him or why I won't text him back and he is done trying to talk to me and see how I am. But I feel like texting once a week asking how things are going and then rudely throwing in some comment about us not being together anymore isn't worth my time or my sons time.Yes i miss him and wish we could work it out for all of us we were together for 5 years and then all of the sudden this new girl came in and she is the center of his life. He has nothing to do with his son I know he isnt here yet but he shows no intrest in him at all and to me if he doesnt care now whats gonna make him care in a month?.. I have ZERO trust with him everything out of his mouth is a lie from where hes at who hes with what hes doing. And its not even me asking since its not my business what he does but the fact that he can cheat on his GF and not tell her or lie to his mom about when he works or who he is with how can am I supposed to trust him with a new born? And the fact he doesn't even wanna claim his own child how am I supposed to hanle that? The only people I have to talk to are my parents and his mom about this and none of them have had to go through this so I'm just curious if there is anyone out there that has gone through something like this, is going through, or knows anyone that is. I just need some input I'm due in less than a month and have no idea what to do or how to handle it. Do I ignore him like I have and let him just see. Do I let him see our son as he pleases? I just don't know so if anyone has any advice on this please feel free to share because at the moment I am just ignoreing him and doing everythting that needs to get done to better my son.

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Ashley - posted on 10/19/2012

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My sister went through the exact same thing. Her situation ended poorly, but I have known situations to get better once the father has proof that the child is his. In my experiences (and the experience of my sister and a few friends who have gone through similar situations), with someone like this you cannot let them behave in this manner. First thing you need to do is let any hope of working things out with him go... He is going to continue doing what he wants when he wants. A man like that cannot be trusted and will continue the behavior. Please don't cause yourself any more pain by holding on to hope of fixing things with him... Focus on you and your new baby. Continue the relationship that you have with his family, that is awesome and one of the best things you can do. My daughter has a great relationship with her paternal grandparents, although her father is rarely around.

As far as what to do about him, if he continues to deny the baby being his after its birth, I would recommend getting a paternity test done. Some men just need that reassurance, and some will deny it no matter what because they don't want the responsibility (he sounds like the latter). Establishing legally that he is the father will allow you to go to court, file for child support, and set up a visitation arrangement. This way he has the option to see his child, but if he chooses not to then that is his own fault. Let him see his child, but don't let him do it whenever he pleases. Personally my ex can get my daughter any two weekends a month that he wants as long as he tells me by Wednesday that week - otherwise he has to get her on the first and third weekends of the month (which is our custody / visitation agreement through the courts). I try to be flexible with him since I know how unreliable he is, but there is only so much flexibility a person can give before it just becomes too much to handle. I have had other friends agree to let the father see their child as long as they are given 24 hours notice... Whatever works for you is what you should do.

Ignoring him probably isn't a good idea, but don't put up with his yelling at you and being mean to you. Politely tell him if he isn't willing to be civil that the conversation is over, and then stop that conversation until he is willing to talk like an adult. It sounds like he feels guilty about his choices, but that he is self centered and chooses to blame you for everything. If he can believe you are the bad guy then he doesn't have to feel bad. My ex did that all the time, hence why he is my ex. Don't let him get to you. Continue to rely on your family and his family's support in your situation. As far as he is concerned, leave the door open for him to be there for his child, but don't let him belittle you.



I truly hope things work out for you. Don't stress too much... Its not good for you or your sons health. I know its hard and I have been through it, but you can do this...

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