Offended my mom - again - by asking her to cool it on the purchasing of baby items

Trisha - posted on 03/06/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My mom lives 2.5 hours away. We don't get a long great, because we are both stubborn, and have our own expectations of how things should go.

I am 32 weeks into my pregnancy, and she went garage saling and bought a bunch of items that I won't ever use.
1. I don't like clutter.
2. I have a decor in mind for baby's room
3. She bought bedding for the baby's crib that has been thought to lead to SIDs
4. Some of the items are not going to be able to be used for at least a year.

I feel so bad to tell her to calm it down though. This is the ONLY thing she has to get excited about in relation to our baby. She always wanted me to live in the same city as her, but I moved away. She doesn't like my husband. I won't let her be there for the labor, and I don't really want her to stay with me after the baby is born.

I feel like an absolutely horrible daughter, but after living so many years trying to appease other people I came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth it. I started living for myself, and my own happiness, and am a happier and more successful person for it.

But how in the hell do I help my mom feel included?

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Trisha - posted on 03/12/2015

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Thank you for the suggestion.

:) I ended up talking with her, and she was a bit upset but is still buying things. She knows she has to store the stuff at her place until the baby is old enough to use them. Some of the items she already knows I wont be using. She was definitely upset during the initial conversation, but she appears to be learning to pick her battles. I wish I was. lol

I live 2.5 hrs away from my mom so won't be seeing her before the birth.

I keep getting pictures from her showing me the stuff she is buying at garage sales, and act excited about them. She has also been calling me, with my niece on the phone and we have been chatting a bit more. She is starting to feel excited again, and I won't do anything to discourage it.

Also, I sent my ENTIRE family a facebook message basically stating "Hey! I am happy to have you all here to visit the baby, but I won't be calling until after the baby is born so that I have time to learn to breastfeed, and bond a bit" and then i told them the cost of the nearest hotel to myself, and the cost of it, which is only $109 for a double bed, and apologized for not having any extra beds to spare.

No major issues yet. It will be a bit of an emotional time closer to the birth I am sure, but I am trying to keep the drama/stress to a minimum by simply stating things like they are.

Robyn - posted on 03/12/2015

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Maybe talk to her about what you have in mind for the decor/theme of the baby's room? Then you two go shopping....maybe exchange what she got you for a compromise that you can both be happy with? As far as being with you after the baby is born could you explain to her that you want it to be just you and your hubby (other children if you have) for the 1st few days and then she can come up to stay for a few days. Also what if you and her did a girls weekend or day before your LO is born and make it seem like you really need this and its a big help to you?!? Hope this helps some!!!

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