Pregnant early in relationship - complicated

Hayley - posted on 05/18/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello

I'm new to the board and looking for some friendly, non-judgemental advice.

I met my boyfriend last October online. We met in person on the 31st December, felt a spark and began a relationship from the middle of February onwards. We both were living in different countries at the time, so were making weekly trips to see each other. As the feelings grew, we decided that we wanted to make it more possible to see each other by one of us moving to be with the other. We hadn't been together long, but enjoyed each others company and wanted to be together. We talked about wanting a family and what life could be like for each other down the line.

A month or so later my boyfriend got a job offer in another country and asked me to go with him, which would mean leaving work and the area I lived etc to be with him. I didn't feel that fond of my living area, although I did have a few good friends that I saw occasionally. I also had a job that paid well but wasn't really my preferred choice of career/work so I wasn't too worried to leave.

So the time came to pack my belongings and move to the place he was at the time, to help with packing and moving all his belongings. Shortly after arriving, we discovered that I was expecting. It was a shock to the system(!) I must be honest.. It took some time to adjust but we were both excited none the less.

The packing process proved to be a real stressful task, with all the issues with the movers and reprinting his old place. I just started going through the whole tiredness/moody phase too which didn't help.

Now, a little under 2 weeks ago we arrived in the new area where he is starting work, found an apartment, a new car, some furniture, and even a new puppy to keep me occupied while he goes to work from next week. It's all very nice and feels quite homely - accept one thing. We are finding ourselves distant from each other. It's strange because we have been together constantly the last 2 weeks.. No arguments (accept for a few disagreements about potty training/feeding the puppy).. more silences.

Before I met my boyfriend I had spent quite a few years alone without having a boyfriend around, I am used to being alone and doing things alone. My boyfriend has mostly been in relationships, going through things with others.

I think it could be my fault why things are feeling uneasy. I sometimes wonder how I feel about him/us. I'm not sure if its me or my hormones that put me in a mood and want space.

I do miss my friends and family too, even though I didn't see them that often before. My boyfriends family live about an hour or so away, so he has them nearby if he wishes to see them. Neither of us have friends here yet.

It's a pretty full on situation we are in, A LOT to adjust and adapt to for both of us. I hope that time will help keep us strong and allow us to work out, especially before the baby arrives.

Please help

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Christine - posted on 05/28/2013

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Well to say you were willing to move for him, says a lot about your relationship and commitment to him. Don't forget that. It takes a lot to move away for someone, to a place unknown and without any support system. I can understand how this may be more difficult for you, especially to add on the extra hormones due to pregnancy.

Have you found a job, or do you plan on working? I'm sure once you have the baby you will find moms around the area, at the park or just join a support group. You could even do that prior.

But no matter what, everyone needs their space, no matter how much you love each other. So if you are home all day, and he is gone at work, then when he gets home from work, go to the grocery, get a manicure/pedicure, go for a walk, take the laptop and go to a place with wifi, go shopping, go to the library and read. Anything to just get away for a while.

And yes, you both have a lot of changes going on and I think the most important thing is communication, communication, and more communication. It's early in the relationship, so keep the doors open to talking about how you feel. Tell him that you feel you two are becoming distant. Ask if it's you, or if it's him or if it's something else. Talk about it. Discuss ways of dealing with the issue. Don't just let it go. You two are together, living together and about to raise a baby together. Communication is essential to a long-lasting committed relationship and not to mention a stress free, happy, no self blaming relationship.

I hope this helps. I wish you the best of luck and I really hope your boyfriend likes to talk about his feelings, because if he does, you two will be just fine :) Good luck dear! Message me if you need anything at all :)

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