False Pregnancy- Blighted Ovum

At 42 years old.. my boyfriend and I were shocked to hear that we were expecting. I myself was raising 2 teenagers and he had 3 grown children and a 12 yr old. So needless to say, the news made us anxious and a little stunned. By 5 weeks the shock had passed and we were starting to get excited about the little person growing inside of me. Morning sickness had become a daily visitor and my belly started to grow. At 8 weeks I went to my first ultra sound.. and altho there was a faint shadow there was nothing else that even resembled an embryo.. the nurse quickly made a comment about how maybe i was not as far along as we thought. She left the room and returned with the doctor. I have no idea what was even said because my head was spiralling in a downward cycle. My thoughts racing with all these horrible scenarios..It was like being in a dream and not being able to wake up. I vaguely remember the dr scheduling me for another ultrasound 2 weeks later.My boyfriend and I barely spoke about it .. but he started drinking daily. Those 2weeks dragged by and then the day came. This time there was nothing in the uterus. but the dr rescheduled an ultrasound for a week later. and ordered labs to check my hormone levels. this was a 2 day process. to which the levels showed that my hormones doubled daily as they were supposed to. However the next ultrasound was no different. throughout that time my belly continued to grow. as did the sack. And it seemed to me the only thing that didnt grow was the actual baby.My hopes, my excitement , and my dreams for that child all vanished and i was left with an emptiness that hurt so bad.. I remembered the pain from my first child that I had lost to SIDS back in 96 when I was only 25... And my heart broke completely.. I ended up demanding a D and C even tho the dr had explained that eventually my body would expel the empty sack.I just couldnt bear the thought of carrying it to full term which he explained could be a possibility.. I had heard stories of this happening but i never knew anyone that had ever experienced it personally. My boyfriend and I still have days that we wish things hd ad been different.. And I still grieve for the child we should have had.. Its weird tho.. there was never a baby but we cry for her/him, periodically, Id love to hear from other woman that may have been thru this,... altho I wouldnt wish this on anyone.... thank you and god bless