Ideas on how to deal with suicide of children's dad

Ellen - posted on 05/21/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband committed suicide 7 months ago. It was a surprise, but planned by him. He did suffer from bipolar II and addictions. I have 2 teenagers, a girl in 10th grade and a son who just finished his freshman year in college. They do not really want to deal with their feelings. Suggestions on how to help would be wonderful.

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Softlyunspoken000 - posted on 10/16/2016

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Hello..
My name is Ariel and I am 26 years old!! I am a proud mommy to 3 beautiful girls!!
The reason that I joined this site is because I noticed that there are a lot of women who are dealing with their husbands/boyfriends committing suicide!!!!
5 days ago my two youngest daughter's and I walked into our spare bedroom because we couldn't find daddy!! As soon as I opened the door he was right there.. Hanging from the closet door...
In a panick I put my youngest daughter down with her sister and went to open the closet door.. At which point he fell!! He was already gone... So we waited for the ambulance to arrive.. And I was.. And still am absolutely devastated...
We were together for almost 9 years!! And we definitely have been in much much worse conditions than this before!!!! He had Multiple Sclerosis and it was flaring up.. But no more than usual!!!! Everything in life was finally good for us!! We just moved into a new place a month ago.. Now we were saving for a car!!!!
This literally came out of nowhere.....
Not once in the whole 12 years that I've known him have I ever heard him even mention killing himself... NEVER!!!!!

So my youngest keeps asking for her daddy.. And she's young enough yet that she doesn't really know what is going on!!!
But my middle child... She has been asking where her daddy is.. And when he will be coming home!??!? I haven't the slightest idea as to what to say to her?????
She's currently staying with my mother.. And she told my mother that she saw a belt around her daddies neck and that he didn't look right!!!
I'm terrified that she is going to be screwed up from all of this... That's not something a 3 year old should have to go through!!!!

But I really need help...
I need support...
I need advice...

I'm practically all alone.. Dealing with this by myself!!

And to make everything just that much worse...
My boyfriend's mom is telling everyone that I murdered Tim.. And that there is an open murder investigation going on!! She's saying that I was cheating on him.. And this new man and myself killed my boyfriend!!! 😭😢😭
She is refusing to let me be any part of the memorial services..
And she is refusing to let my daughter's and I have any of the ashes... I was going to make them into necklaces!!!!

I knew Tim unlike anyone else has ever known him.. And I know for a fact (I'd bet my life on it) that he would never in a million years leave his kids behind!! Nor would he leave me in such a way that leaves me guessing and driving myself crazy asking "why"??

I don't know how to move forward from here...
I don't know that I can...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. I don't have a single person I can talk to about this!!!!
Thank you ladies...

Hope - posted on 06/09/2009

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I agree, therapy would benefit your family. If you child is in college they often offer counseling. I would recommend both individual and family therapy.

Guggie - posted on 05/23/2009

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Well I am very sorry for your loss. The only example I have to draw from in real life is that of my cousin. Her dad committed suicide ten years ago.



I might not be able to give you suggestions of what to do, but I can tell you what not to do based on what my aunt has done which I would say has directly caused both her teen daughters a lot of mental harm:



-Don't hide it

-Don't pretend he was perfect/redirect blame

-Don't push them to open up; we all grieve differently and at different times









-Get some professional counseling so they can learn coping mechanisms and have a safe place to vent

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