Need advice on living situation during foster to adopt process

Jordan - posted on 08/11/2017 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi everyone, I need some guidance on the situation in my home.

My husband and decided to adopt through foster care a year ago. We've now started the licensing process and we should be ready around December for placement. Here's the issue. My brother-in-law currently lives with us. He moved in about 8 months ago because he was in an abusive relationship. I was happy to help and provide a safe home. He has since started two jobs, gone back to school (online) and is in a good place. He has lived with us for free. At first I asked for help with groceries, but it was sporadic and not enough. So last week I asked for $100 at the first of the month. He also doesn't help around the house because of his crazy work schedule and online class hours. I was fine with this until about a month ago when this happened:

Here's my issue. The whole time I was told he would be out of our home by early Sept. I was fine with this, as it gave my husband and I alone time to prepare for kids. However, during our first meeting with our licensor I was informed by my husband that the BIL would be living with us until late December. This was news to me. Apparently he signed up for (brick and mortar) classes at the community college and assumed we would be OK with this new timeline.

I was not happy. I would love to have this time with my husband, nesting, prepping. Just general married couple stuff you do to prepare for a child. But I don't have that now. I'm frustrated and resentful. I can't relax in my own home. His new GF is wonderful, but over a lot and they act like roommates, when this is my home. My husband thinks I should just "suck it up" and I need to change the way I'm thinking and that my attitude is the problem. But I feel like my feelings are valid in this situation.

What do I do from here? How do I talk with them in tactful way?


Sarah - posted on 08/12/2017




Your feelings are valid and your hubby made a mistake by not consulting you before agreeing to let BIL stay. I don't know that there is a way around it. Keep in mind that just because you are clear to receive a child, it may be months before you actually do have a child placed with you.

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