thinking of adoption

Aleah - posted on 11/19/2008 ( 11 moms have responded )

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thinking about adopting from foster care. Already parents of 2 year old boy. Any advice?

11 Comments

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Bekki - posted on 04/08/2009

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I just recently adopted through foster care myself. It was a lot of paper work and many visits from the case workers, but well worth it in the end. Just be willing to be flexible and know that its not a gaurantee until the very end.

Brenda - posted on 04/07/2009

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I live in texas and have an adopted child what advice are you looking for?? I will be happy to help in any way I can

Michele - posted on 04/07/2009

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Hi Aleah... I am a foster and adoptive mom and I adopted my daughter through foster care, I am not sure what state you are in but I know in Virginia the system is kinda screwed up, although I had  relatively easy time adopting my daughter sometimes when you think the kids will be available for adoption you get your heart broke.  and just remember all of these kids that are in foster care have issues so be prepared and have a good support system.

Sammy - posted on 03/09/2009

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OK, I have to put my two cents in. It doesn't matter where you adopt, whether it's through childrens services, a private agency or overseas. Actually when you adopt through childrens services you normally have more information on the child then any other agency. Through a private or overseas they normally come with a clean bill of health, but in reality you just don't have the information on their background period. My son was placed with me when he was 3 days old. I am a single mom =). His adoption was finalized in his 1st birthday =). I'm not sure how other states are, but now here in California when adoption through children services there is no such thing any longer as going into it to adopt only or foster only. You now must take the proper classes, ect....once everything is completed you are now ready to foster. Once the child is placed with you, the birth parents have the chance on family reunification. Which is complying with the courts and visit with their child. Once the family reunification is terminated, if they are not complying (or not biologicial fmly member steps forward) with whatever it is they need to do, visits ect...then you work on the adoptive placement. This is all to benefit the child to they don't have to keep going through the transition to another family.....but in the process will give you a FULL HEAD OF GREY HAIR FAST LOL!! BUT IS DEFINATELY ALL WORTH IT AND I WOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING! The laws have changed alot....here in California anyways. They also do continue helping financially until the child is 18 even after you adopt. There has been alot of confusion on that as well. But remember the laws can be similiar or different depending on the state. I hope this helped a little =)!! But all in all it's all worth it!

Lacey - posted on 02/21/2009

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make sure you consider the families medical history. remember you may have a little one that you can love and raise but genetics and mental health history will eventually play some role in their lives. also remember that drug exposure can later be an major problem. you won't always know.



just be ready for the long haul. foster parenting can be a hurry and wait type of thing that you don't have any control over.

Brenda - posted on 01/23/2009

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I have a adopted child, we adopted our son when he was 2 and he is now 9 yrs. My advice is to be sure to include our birth child in all the planning and pre-paring. feel free to send me any other questions I would love to help out, maybe we can meet online sometime to chatabout it good luck
Brenda

Sharon - posted on 12/17/2008

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in our area (Oregon and Washington) you can designate whether you want to 'do foster care' or be on a 'foster-to-adopt' track, where they only place kids with you who are already legally free. If your state does not have that designation, you might want to just make that decision on your own. You might need to be firm with your worker. Even here, with that designation something that the workers supposedly know about, we have friends who ONLY wanted to do foster care in order to adopt, a worker talked them into taking some kids who were not legally free yet because she convinced them that they were 'almost legally free'. Well, their case got moved to a new worker, who was more intent on getting them re-united with their mom. They have had a year + of taking these kids on visits with this woman, even though they are supposed to be legally free 'any day', and at times even being told that the kids will be going back to mom. Right now, termination papers have finally been filed by the new worker against both of the birth parents, but, because that aspect of their 'file' is dealt with by a different person, their visitations with Mom have been increasing in frequency and length!! There are some crazy stories out there, it is not for the faint at heart, but there are tremendous rewards awaiting you too. Getting children when they are a bit older can be a bit of a challenge, and they come with that 'lovely' 'history' which is often not very clear. They can be very challenging children, and there is the potential of needing to do alot of advocating etc, as you navigate the schooling and medical needs that they bring with them. But, again, there are rewards to be found at the end of the rainbow. The oldest of our foster/adopted kids is 8, we got him when he was 2. He had some pretty significant trust issues, and we discovered recently, he has Fetal Alcohol Effect. A year ago, we got his second sibling (we had gotten his little brother too, as an infant, within a few months after we got him- 6 years ago) a sister, and something about getting her has helped him to realize that he has permanancy here, and he can trust us. He still has challenges with his schooling, but we have advocated heavily for him, and he is getting the services he needs now. And having him already in the system has paved the way for his sister, who also needs some help with speech, though she doesn't seem to have the cognitive issues that he has. The 'baby' brother is actually a miracle baby. His Meth numbers were so high when he was born that she was not even allowed to see him, I don't think. But we had known about him before he was born, and our church was praying for him, and we believe God protected him inside of her. He is a stunningly bright boy. I took him in and had him assessed when he was three, just because he WAS a meth baby, even though he had never shown any signs of any issues. He was blowing the teachers away, doing things that they said some 6 year olds don't get!! He turned 5 in August and started Kindergarten and is holding his own quite well, even though he is the youngest in the class. He can navigate his way through the computer in ways I didnt' know were possible. He remembers everything he sees, and he is creative!! The sister is pretty bright too, but having been in 6 foster homes in the year she was in foster care before they called us to see if we wanted her (don't even get me started - it still makes me MAD!) she has some trust issues and her speech is significantly delayed. So she starts preschool in the new year. We have three birth daughters, all older than the three f/a kids, and there have been some fun adjustments for them, but all in all, as long as you are strong and willing to spend the time and energy to navigate the systems, it is a worthwhile experience. Sorry I wrote a book. I'de be happy to e-mail with you directly if you are interested. sharon@canaday.com

Misty - posted on 12/12/2008

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We finalized our adoption in September on our 22month old daughter. We didn't get into fostering to adopt, but when her BM asked us if we could adopt her, there was no way we would say no. We had her since she was 3wks old.

Now we are adopting our 15yr old fs who we got a week before our daughter. NEVER did we ever think we could accept a teenager. When they called for placing him, it was suppose to be only for 2 weeks! That was 22 months ago!!!!!

So it is a long road...unless you are going strictly adoption, you will have many placements. Most children in FC has a goal of reunification.

Sandy - posted on 12/10/2008

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There are many pros and cons. Children in foster care are desperately needing a good positive home and role models, but they come with tons of paperwork and many visits by social workers to adopt (for paperwork and while family is waiting for adoption processes through the court, etc). In Missouri, Social Services pays for most, if not all the legal expenses for adopting a child. Just keep in mind, either way you go, children are expensive and time consuming. You have to decide where you want to put your money and time. Adopting through the foster care system, will bring you children with baggage, as they are in the foster care system for a reason, usually neglect and/or abuse, not just abandonment. Hope this information helps some.

Edie - posted on 11/19/2008

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It is at the same time a joyous and a frustrating experience. The kids are beautiful, the system is full of starts and stops. Everyone's story will be differntI. Here is mine: have a bio daughter and we decided 4 years ago to become foster parents. We were not in a hurry, so getting licensed took us a year. Then another year trickled by with no placement. At that point our bio child was 4 1/2, so we felt we could handle more than one foster child and we changed our plan to take siblings. Within a month we had two little girls placed in our home. Their "case" has been pretty straightforward, and yet here it is 2 years later and the adoption is not final yet. My kids are now 3, 5, and 7. We act and feel like a family. The kids have settled in well and at this point we are eager to be done with the tedious Foster care requirements - visits with social workers, continuing ed, CPR, having to submit paperwork for dr visits/check ups/spending/school/ ect. get permission to travel, stuff like that. I'm ready to just be a mom... So, do your homework and see if dealing with the system is really for you. And make sure your child is up for it as well. We actually knew many people who were involved with foster care, we didn't want a brand new shiny baby, and we are flexible, realistic, used to sharing our lives, time, stuff with others. But we also didn't want a revolving door of kids - thought that would be really hard on the bio child. And of course our oldest daughter did have some insecurity and some adjusting to do after her foster sisters arrived. But that is always a hurdle for the only child. Best of luck as you consider your options.

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