I Need Some Advise

Myra - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 16 y/o just had a baby in March. Her 18 y/o boyfriend is supportive of her. She counts on him to breath! They neither one have bonded with the baby. They neither one have anything to do with the baby. I am the one that comforts her, gets up with her in the middle of the night, feeds her, changes her, etc...I am Mommy and they dont care. I've tried leaving them alone a couple of hours with her and they were totally frustrated. My daughter says she is a bad mom because the baby always wants me. She is only in the 10th grade and has grades good enough for college and has scholorships. She's showing signs of postpartem depression sometimes. She is happy as can be as long as she has her b/f or is on the go without the baby. Her b/f has no ambition. Some have said a moocher. He doesnt have a job and is not looking very hard to find one. I have been considering trying to get custody or guardianship of the baby. She's practically been handed over to me any way. I am having a hard time dealing with all of this. I cant count on either of them for anything other than fixing a bottle or holding her while I go smoke or pee. (Yes, I smoke. More now than before, but outside!) I want to pull my hair out and scream at them!! But that would do no good. I have tried to talk with them and have had other people talk to them to no avail. Does anyone have any solutions? Has anyone been through this similar thing before?

3 Comments

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Shaely - posted on 05/11/2009

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I am not sure how you are feeling today and I hope you have found some answers. Though my situation is a little different it is very similar to not only your situation but also to that of one other reply. My husband and I have been the caregivers for our Granddaughter since her birth last January. No matter what your daughter does; you need to make all decisions based on what is best for baby. As I write this I am taking a break from once again preparing to go back to court as our Daughter thinks she should have her daughter now that she is expecting again. Our Grandaughter has an inclination of who her Mother is and we are Nana and Papa....................Mother visits at her convience and that is truely more trouble than it is worth..............it becomes confusing for baby and fustrating for us. I do know there are no definate answers just as I know our Granddaughters needs will come first and foremost and our Daughter will run a long road to earn any trust from us and she has lost the precious time she could have bonded with her daughter. Be strong; hang in there and know you are not alone.

Suzette - posted on 05/03/2009

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I hope it's not to late to respond to this. But I feel I must try. I am a 40 yr old with 4 children ages 20,19,18,17. and almost 2 yr old grandson.The 17 yr old is the mom. She was involved and bonded with him for the first 4 months, almost to the point where i could hardly be with him. He knows her as mom. The thing is, she handed him over to my husband and I said I don't want to raise a kid and here you go. We have legal guardianship over him and we pretty much have full control of him. She plays mommy when she wants to and I usually have to bribe her to do it. The thing that struck me in your article was that you want her to take more responsibility of the child. In some ways I sure wish my daughter didn't and jsut gave him to me, cause now with the way it is he knows her as mom she trys to do anything and everything I tell her not to do with him and it is making it extremely difficult with having her be in the pic when she wants to be. I sometimes think it would have been much better if she had jsut said no I am not doing it from the start instead of back n forth. I def agree with the other mom who posted a response, the baby's needs come first, even over your daughters. Well I hope you cna respond back, and that things are getting better for you. This was def. not my plans to raise a grandchild at my age, this was going to be my time. My kids were grown and I was going to school and doing what I wanted to do yrs ago but couldn't. Well I really can't again. But you know what I say? He didn't come from the greatest of circumstances but he is truly a blessing....... Good luck to you

Cheryl - posted on 04/16/2009

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it is way out of my league to offer much help at all.

i think it's time to call in a child developement specialist.

someone who can offer you advice on what is best for baby.

i would advise that the needs of baby come first, then your needs and lastly ..your daughter's needs.

i am very sorry i can't offer better than this....

best wishes and love from me and james

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