Running out of steam

Elinore - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi Everyone:

My name is Elinore and I'm the grandmother of 17 and great-grandmother of 1. I am pretty much raising my little grandaughter Hannah who is turning 4 in April. Her mommy, my youngest child who is a single mother and 27 years old still wants to party and have a social life like her friends that are single but without children! This is the third granddaughter that I was instrumental in raising. The first lived with me until she was five, the second until she was 7. Three years ago I had a little grandson who lived with me full time for 9 months with my son who is a single Dad. That little fellow stills comes from Thursday until Sunday. He and Hannah are only 2 months apart in age. My day starts early every morning as I'm the one who wakes up with Hannah, dresses her, makes her breakfast play games with her and teach her lots of things. I really love her to death and also little Brendan, my grandson who is Hannah's best friend and first cousin of course. I was just 69 years old in January and pray that I can keep healthy enough to keep on going but there are days I feel like I'm really running out of steam! I am so attached to these little ones that I don't know how I could survive without them. I worry about them all of the time. However, I need to move on but can't see how.

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Bj - posted on 03/10/2009

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Hi Elinore!

I can relate to some of your story, I am a little younger than you but am raising my 2 and a half yr old grandaughter. My hubby & I actually adopted her back in 2006. My daughter was 19 at the time when she gave birth and had for the whole pregnancy said she was giving the baby up for adoption as she did not feel she was ready for motherhood. Well new parents were picked and met with and whole thing was decided (Unbeknownst to my hubby & I) well when baby was born we all rushed to hosp. to see our newest edition to family only to meet the adoptive parents that we did not know about! Very emotional for me!! Well, new parents took baby home and my daughter decided 4 days later that she wanted to take the baby back and give it her best shot, so the baby was removed from new parents (on Mothers Day) I felt horrible for new Mom but in same sense was so elated to have grandchild back! Very mixed emotions! Long story short, at 4 and half months we found note on counter after work from daughter saying she couldn't handle it and had decided once again to give baby up for adoption unless we wanted her. Of course we did what we had to do, we went and picked baby up lock, stock and barrel and brought her to live with us and started court proceedings right away, was only 3 months before we were legally her parents! Its been a long road and a very tiring road!! LOL So I understand where your thoughts come from. I am 47 which I know is not old but boy I certainly feel it somedays with trying to keep up with her. Then I sit back and worry about how life will be for her being raised by grandparents, when she is in high school and we are in our 60's. All I can say is you will do what you feel is necessary for thier well being no matter what comes up in your own life. I wish I could understand what went wrong with this generation that they can pop babies out so easily but then not have much care or thought about raising them! I'm sorry this rant seems to be all over the place but thats how I feel sometimes! LOL My mind wanders everywhere. I hope this kind of lets you know you are not alone out there and maybe by these message boards we can grasp some sense from each other to get thru this together! Take care, and don't let it get to you, God knows we are doing our best for his children and that is what matters the most! Hopefully someday our children will realize just what they have done and wake the heck up and be responsible! You just need to know you have a big heart in all that you do for your grandchildren and they will forever remember that in you! God bless you and the rest of us who are doing what we can for our grandchildren!!

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Rita - posted on 08/05/2009

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Boy do I know how you feel. I raised my granddaughter until she was around 10 when her mother finally got out of nursing school and stopped working nights at the hospital. My daughter and granddaughter lived with us until Jade was 9.

Now my granddaughter has a baby boy, Maverik, with no husband and just isn't sure what she whats to do with her life yet, she is 19. Her mother has gone to court and gotten temp. custody of Maverik, but guess who keeps him from 7:30 until 5:30 Mon. thur Fri.? So now I'm raising my third generation. The good news in all that I am younger than you are. I'm 56. I thought starting younger having my children would mean I'd be free to live my life with just visits from Grandchildren when I wanted them. Boy was I wrong! In this day and time it just means you get to raise more generation. I cannot imagine my self 10 years from now still raising kids. Don't get me wrong. I love Maverik to death, and some day I will like my granddaughter again too. I love her now I just don't like who she is right now. Maverik makes my day. He is so precious. My Dad, who I go over and care for during the day he has terminal COPD, just lights up when Maverik walks in the door, so I know one of the reasons he put this wonderful child in our lives. I will be praying for you and your continued strength. I will also pray for the childrens parents that they will find their way and realize what they are missing out on.

My granddaughter has started to get her act together. She has started back to school, and is working also, so at least that leaves less time to get into trouble. Good luck with these wonder grandchildren and just know you are planting precious seeds into their lives daily.

Myra - posted on 04/16/2009

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I am in a similar boat. My grandbaby is 5 wks old and my daughter is 16. She has not even tried to bond with her. She went right back to being a teenager, leaving me to be the new Mommy! I dont have any answers. I am searching myself. How did you ever let the other grandkids go after raising them so long? I know it hurt. Did it have any impact on the kids? Did you get any financial support? You are in my prayers. Know there are more like you out there, running out of steam and answers!!

Dorian - posted on 03/08/2009

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Hi Elinore, I'm sorry my response is so late but I have been away for quite some time.  I read your post and the first thing to come to mind was"THANK GOD FOR GRANDMOTHERS".  So many children would be lost or worse without them.



When you say move on, what do you mean?

Cheryl - posted on 03/02/2009

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Hi from Australia..... I don't have any advice to give.......just wanted to tell you that you are AWESOME.......a real credit to the human race....xoxoxoxoxoxox

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