Then vs. Now

Dorian - posted on 03/08/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hey Grammies! I'm Curious......



In regards to raising your second set, what parenting philosophies of yours have changed? What are you doing now that you didn't do then and has it made any positive difference? What did you do then that you certainly would'nt do now and why? Do you feel you are a better parent now because of your experience and what would you tell young mothers today that you wish someone would have told you then?

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Dorian - posted on 03/13/2009

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Hey Cheryl, thats an awesome story!  I am finding that of the qualities we grammies have in common, the one that stands out the most is our shared desire to hold our families together.  It usually means placing our own dreams and plans on the shelf, but we do so with love and the knowledge that we are doing the right thing.



I thank God for all grandparents who are willing and ABLE to stand in the gap when that gap opens up in their families.



I am a second generation GRGK(grandmother raising grandkids).  I and my 5 siblings were raised by our grandmother, so it is second nature to me. I have been mama to my granddaughter for her entire life, but it hasbeen two years since she's been with us permanently.  I would'nt have it any other way because she deserves every chance for every possibility in her life. And, I love her.  Period.  But I'm sure you know exactly what I mean.



Raising children is a serious business.  Nothing has been brought home to me more than that.

Bj - posted on 03/13/2009

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Wow Cheryl! That is an incredible journey you have been on! I applaud you for finding your way thru and making a beautiful life for James! I am really sorry to hear about the horribleness you've dealt with but God will bless you for your love and concern for the children. I wish you much love and wellness as you raise your grandson and may be he be a very happy well rounded individual who will make you proud someday!! :)

Cheryl - posted on 03/13/2009

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I was 19 when I had Joanne.  We were best of friends and did a lot of things together.  I was lucky  with Joanne,  she was a well behaved  little girl.  She did everything  she was supposed to do at the right  time, which made it very easy for me as a mother.



Then I had Ben.  What a shock to the system.  He didn’t like sleeping very much.  He wasn’t a good eater.  Thank goodness for breast milk and chocolate custard.  He was a lovable little scally-wag with good manners and a loving nature.



 When Ben was 20 months old, I lost my husband Gene, he died after being stabbed.  He went out for the night with friends and on the way home he was attacked.  Our world was turned upside down.  As you can imagine, this greatly affected all our lives.  Ben didn’t speak until he was 4yrs old and  had trouble learning  at school.  He started to drink,  use drugs,  take time away from  school and stealing stuff,  when he was about 10 or 11.  



Later on,  he met  Fiona.  She was into the same sort of things, and both of them have mental health issues.  They Have violence  issues as well.



So now I have James, who is my much beloved grandson.  Fortunately,  James did not suffer any withdrawals from his mother’s drug use.  He is a bright, happy child . He feeds well and sleeps well.  He’s smiling a lot, and is learning to do all sorts of things.



It is my hope, to teach  James, to avoid the things that have ruined his father’s life.  I have a lot more knowledge now, and many new contacts, who will be able to help me with this.  I will be extra careful when choosing things such as preschool , school,  groups and activities, that James may attend.  I know a lot more about the world in general and can recognise problematic behaviour.  I have learned an awful lot of things about life and parenting. 



I have made lots of mistakes and done a lot of things right too.  I pride myself in  learning  from  my own mistakes, and the mistakes of others.  I hope to get most things right where James is concerned, and get help when the I get stuck.  I want James’s childhood to be happy.  I want to teach him how to entertain himself, without the use of drugs and alcohol and the like, so that he may take pleasure in other activities.



We are  all wiser, after the fact, and that is a very useful tool to use when bringing up our grandchildren. I don't claim to have a foolproof plan to keep James out of harm"s way but I do have a lot more wisdom and he shall have the benefit of it given freely and with all my love. 



 

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