Woke up refreshed!

Shaely - posted on 07/20/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

23

18

4

I have been on many rollercoasters as that is usually how life runs. Over the last 18 months I have taken one hell of a ride emotionally and physically. I have had questions that I do not believe will ever be answered and I am sure more will come to be. I have realized that pulling tough love is not easy and I have had to do it before and as I mean what I say and say what I mean, my children know not to cross the line without being prepared to face the consequences. So I have come to many conclusions for my exhaustion, my trying to reason everything out before heading to court one more time as Mom is on another 'I want her back whim'. As amazingly as it always happens I woke up refreshed, clear headed and the exhaustion gone. We all know having a newborn is exhausting under normal circumstances.....................but having to care for our Granddaughter that does not exhaust me, no it was feeling responsible perhaps guilt and even shame that my daughter could be such a bad mother. That someone who watched me struggle, work hard to provide for her had become such a disappointment. That I was blessed with 5 children ( 3 step-sons) in a blended family and of 4 boys I had one daughter. A beautiful, intellegent, talented daughter...... a daughter who would step to her brothers defense in a heart beat........................a daughter who just is not a good Mom. My daughter is still all the things that I admire in her and she would still jump to help her siblings........................she just is not the Mother I perhaps had imaginary expectations for. I have explained to her that the bond she could have had with her daughter is gone and the trust she should have been building is not there, that one day her daughter will have many questions and she will have to find the answers for her. I have explained I will always be 'Nana' and she will always be known as 'Mommie' but that our Grand-daughter will always live with us. As our Daughter has another baby ( a boy - Kashten) ready to arrive in 9 weeks under great Doctor care (as she has a medical issue which means she is on blood thinners) I hope that she can find it in herself to be all the things she was not the frst time. I hope there is not a knock at the door and a bundle for Nana and Papa to raise. I hope.......................... but no matter what I know I am doing the right thing and our gift from God is happy, loved, secure and safe.............As the last of the kids are moving into their own homes or off to College in the fall I have been given a most glourious gem and soon will have a Grandson for this I am Thankful and for this I am completely prepared for whatever comes. I hope for a smooth delivery, a healthy baby and a Mother to find her wings. Today I am refreshed and no longer feel the guilt that belongs to someone else.....

2 Comments

View replies by

Kathy - posted on 10/30/2009

8

17

1

Wow what a story..sounds so familiar..my daughter is the same way...saw the same struggles that I faced raising 3 boys and a girl on my own...just is not a good mom...hhmmm..I often wondered also where I went wrong..I didnt...she made the choices she made and now she must live with them. I also wake up refreshed each morning..I have the love that she will never know..because she doesnt want to learn how to have it.

God Bless you!

Kathy

Rita - posted on 08/05/2009

16

4

3

I also hope this time your daughter will be the mom she is suppose to be. I just wish there were some way to keep these girls from having kids before they are ready for the responsibility. I had my first at 18 and would never have thought about not raising her on my own. Of course I was married, but not to a man that helped any as a lot of fathers do these days. My granddaughter was born when I was 36, then she had a son when I was 55. My daughter started off being a good mom, but lost a child to sids when Jade was 3 and her marriage fell apart and so did she. It took her 2 years of wondering around in a fog before and loosing custody of her daughter for her to get her act together and go nursing school so she could support her daughter. After she got out of school she got custody of Jade back, but didn't get a day job until Jade was around 9, so I continued to help raise her. Then Jade turned around and had a baby at 18 knowing full well that she was not ready for a child. So now her mother and I are raising her son, until she grows up and gets out of school. And I really don't know what kids are thinking these days. I think most of them are so narcistic they can't see past themselves.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms