21centry betrothal?

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/04/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )




So a friend of mine ( That term is used loosely) has a baby girl 3months younger then Mikah, and when she and I were prego we would joke that they will be boyfriend and girlfriend…we still joke about that to this day…(we do have playdates with the kids…)
But it got me thinking about a 21centry betrothal ….

Of course this is 2011 and that doesn’t happen many places anymore….
But as a mother is it not our want for our child to be with someone that WE approve of….

*Keep in mind..Hypathetically speaking..
You have known the family for years, you are very good friends with the mother and father, you both have the same values, and morals, you invite each other to family get together’s that you host…ect, ect*

What is your opinion? What would be the pro’s and con’s to such a thing….


Sharon - posted on 01/04/2011




Sme arranged marriages last because of the culture they spawned from. divorce is an anathema. divorce would "shame" the families. divorce goes against their religion. SO - they CAN'T get divorced. therefore their marriages last.

There is a whole subset of reasons why those arranged marriages are "successful". But unless they are in love until death they do part - it wasn't a real marriage. It was a successful contract.


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Rosie - posted on 01/05/2011




i have a few ladies lined up for my boys as well, lol! but in all honestly i think it's stupid. why can't people just find who they love and that be that? isn't that what love is all about?

Desiree - posted on 01/05/2011




Yes it normal for us as parents to want our children to marry someone we approve of. This is someone who is coming into your family and hopefully is going to stay there forever. but knowing a family for years doesn't neccesarily mean you know them. How many girls have landed in abusive relationship and the parents have said oh but we thought. We all know what thought did. We don't live in these home we don't know what we are getting or allowing our kids to become involved in, even the best families have some pretty rotten fruit in it's tree. Sometimes I think the old fashioned idea of looking into someones family background can't all be that wrong. There a number of things we don't ask while we are dating and then when we find out later often to our regret we say but I didn't know, if I knew then what I know now, things would be different....
My husband and I laugh about it now, but my dad had his family looked into before we were married. He was worried because I come from a well off family and he didn't or at least on the surface thats what it looked like. And not even my husband knew because his father didn't discuss his family at all.

Shauna - posted on 01/05/2011




Your kids would hate you thats the cons. I see no pros. i would hate my parents if they picked out some ugly guy.

[deleted account]

Did you not read the very first comment on this thread. I gave Cooper an honorable mention. ;)

P.S. I accept.....ummm, WE accept.....just sssshhh, don't tell anyone. I might have a few other prospects lined up for her! ;)

Charlie - posted on 01/04/2011




Speaking of betrothed .

D Mak ? I offer your daughter my sons hand in marriage haha .

[deleted account]

Well, my parents raised me to be a trustworthy person. They trusted the job they did raising me, so they trust the decisions I make about the people I choose to be a part of my life. They couldn't be happier with the man I chose to be my husband, and the life we've made together. I have to believe that if I'm doing a good job at all as a parent, I have to trust that I've raised my children well, and that they will make good decisions and learn from the mistakes they make. I can't carry them through life and not let them live. On top of which, if stubborness is hereditary, it wouldn't matter what I said, they would do what they wanted as adults anyway. It would be nice to be able to help them through difficult choices and situations and save them the grief of a bad relationship, but it's a part of life. I just have to hope that my girls will take my husband's and my own opinions into consideration when they're choosing their life partner and choose someone who respects and loves them.

[deleted account]

I think it would be a good idea in certian cases, lust and other emotions get in the way of choosing a mate sometimes. Head thinking instead of heart thinking comes out with a better decision sometimes. When i met gabbys father, i didnt think at all, we just hooked up moved in and made a baby within a month :P We had some rough times, but in the end true love always shines through. I dont think it matters either way arranged marriage or self chosen, everything that is meant to happen, will.

Stifler's - posted on 01/04/2011




YES YES YES. I would hate if my son brang home some chick with no career prospects that was really dumb and spoke dumbly and didn't care about world events or know anything about anything. I hate people like that let alone having my son marry someone like that.

I've heard arranged marriages last longer than self-chosen marriages.

Charlie - posted on 01/04/2011




One of my best mates ( Indian ) was betrothed he was allowed to find his own wife but if he didn't by a certain time he was to marry her , well he didn't find anyone and he marry his betrothed they are actually in love , have a child and she is stunningly gorgeous !

Guess it was meant to be !

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2011




My husband is locking my daughter in a tower, he's decided he will never approve of anyone good enough for her :D

Mother - posted on 01/04/2011




Oh my........I could never do that to my child. BUT........I have known some arranged marriages that are alive and well and succeeding, so whose to say.

Nicole - posted on 01/04/2011




One danger would be that we, as parents, would misjudge the other young person and pick out the wrong person for our child. The guilt that would come with picking out someone who turned out to be a wife beater/pedophile would suck

The other danger would be that the child would resent the match and they'd cut off contact with us

The pros. We could make sure our child's partner had a job and future goals and screen for a history of violence

[deleted account]

I've got a few "boys" lined up for Roxanne. Josh, Cooper, Gray.....better be on your A game, kids! ;)

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