25 all time favorite Mom Confessions

Katherine - posted on 07/11/2011 ( 42 moms have responded )

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http://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/122847/2...

Here are some of my favorite mommy confessions. (With one of my very own.) Can you relate?

1. I'm wearing maternity jeans but I haven't been pregnant in six years.

2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.

3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.

4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds' teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.

5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.

6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.

7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don't like personal questions? Me neither.

8. I confiscated my teenager's stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.

9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.

10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.

11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.

12. My kids hardy bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.

13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn't want to cancel my hair appointment.

14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.

15. Everyone thinks I'm such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn't me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.

16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.

17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I'm so done that I walk out even if they aren't all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.

18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.

19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her "a gazillion." Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.

20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell -- like I like it?! I'm going to shove the next one in his pillow.

21. I often see kids and say, "My baby is WAAAY cuter." Not every baby is cute.

22. I've been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I'll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.

23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn't gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?

24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don't need to get them dressed the next day.

25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together -- good wife, good mom, successful career -- but I really don't. I'm ready to stop pretending to be perfect now.

So, what's YOUR mommy confession?

I just want to shit alone......

42 Comments

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Stifler's - posted on 04/17/2012

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Hardly any of these really except stashing my own money which i *plan* on saving into heaps but then i spend it on kfc so damian doesn't see kfc on his bank statement. I do 17 and I don't feel guilty about it. I clock off at 730 the dishes are doen washing folded and kids in bed and if not then it can wait.

Jodi - posted on 04/17/2012

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Number 10 totally! Please God, let me poop without an audience!!! and Number 20...for April Fool's day...I DID stick a diaper under his pillow!!! I know...it was mean...but it made me feel sooooo much better! lol



Otherwise, I totally relate to pretty much everything on there!!! lol

Janice - posted on 04/17/2012

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Sometimes hubby and I forget to put away our candy stash at the end of the night and then our toddler gets away with eating a piece of candy at 7am because its just too early to deal with her melt downs!

Sarah - posted on 04/16/2012

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one friday i was a bit hung over, and couldnt be arsed to go to work. My youngest was late for school, so we had a duvet day together

Anna - posted on 07/18/2011

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When we go to Starbucks, I order a grande java chip frappuchino, and have them put it in a styrofoam cup so my toddler thinks it's plain coffee.

Merry - posted on 07/18/2011

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I eat my food in the bathroom sometimes while Eric watches tv so I can eat in peace.
Fierna is 2 months old and already she's in love with the tv.
Oh and if I get really good desserts I'll eat it all in like two days. A whole cake lasts like five days if I eat it alone :)

Merry - posted on 07/18/2011

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Eric doesn't have any pajamas, he sleeps in his clothes from that day unless they got dirty. Well maybe I'll use a wet wipe if it's a little dirty but if it's REALLY dirty I change it.....I wash his bedding alot. :)

Eric calls the carpet 'the eww' cuz it's always full of pet hair. I swear on my life if I vacuum in the morning, by dinner time there's a new tuft of hair somewhere.



I don't wear pants at home, not comfy



The dog sometimes goes all day with only going outside once, if she doesn't bark by the door I forget... She's got great bladder control :)

Constance - posted on 07/13/2011

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I bought a Cali. King bed so more of my kids can curl up in my bed. I always have at least 2 kids a night in my bed and all 8 will come in and curl up with popcorn so we can watch a movie.

Lacye - posted on 07/13/2011

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Ok. My husband is a tightwad. I went to the grocery store yesterday and I got me some Ben and Jerry's Carrot Cake ice cream.

I also pretend that my daughter is sick so I don't have to go someplace.

I play nice to my husband's ex even though I hate her freaking guts because she is such a bad liar. (long story)

Corinne - posted on 07/13/2011

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Seriously considering #5! I do buy extra waffles, just so I can munch an entire packet to myself - piggy! #10 is also appealing, I would also like to tend to 'mother natures little gift' without my kids bursting in and screaming 'is that going in your bum!' (one was NOT amused, hubby was though).

Dee - posted on 07/13/2011

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Ya the lice one does upset and so does sending your kids to school sick. My son never used to get sick since he started school he missed 30 days due to sickness got pink eye twice due to parents seinding their kids to school sick and I keep him home when he's sick. Only one day I kept him home due to the fact that I was too sick to take him. I was working and I would miss a day when he was sick. I hate when parents send their kids becuase they have to work and want other people to deal with sick children.

Amanda - posted on 07/13/2011

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yep i totally do that amber northern. if there is some place i don't wanna go i totally fake my kid or kids not feeling well and then don't go. i have totally got my kids in the bed so that i can sleep in or turn on the cartoons for my son who thinks sleeping in is only till 6 in the morning...

Amanda - posted on 07/13/2011

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I am going with 1,4 and 25 besides that every now and then i try to use the mute button on the remote for the kids...it hasn't worked yet...

Amber - posted on 07/12/2011

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Since I graduated, haven't started working yet, and Chad's still away with the Army....I let Christian crawl in bed with me in the morning, I turn on cartoons, and I sleep in. With Chad gone, I can't sleep; so it's getting me through the day sometimes. We have a house alarm, so I know he isn't going anywhere without me hearing it.

I'm also guilty of, "He was just really needy today, so I didn't get a whole lot done."

Or...when I REALLY don't want to go to a dinner party or some other function, I say that Christian isn't feeling well, needs a nap, or it's bedtime, etc... Nobody can argue with you unless they want to look like an ass.

Lacye - posted on 07/12/2011

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When I was pregnant, I didn't take the prenatal pills. At all!

I put Crisco on my daughter's diaper rash and you know what, it worked and got rid of the rash!

I will put my daughter to bed early so I can have some alone time before I have to take my husband to work.

I love my child, but I am going crazy being around her all the time. I need time away from her.

If I can think of some more, I'll come back. LOL

Katherine - posted on 07/12/2011

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Yeah the lice one was pretty bad. I'd kill a mom if I found out she did that on purpose.

The bathroom monsters huh? Cute one.

[deleted account]

I want to shit alone, but my 3 year-ol dinformed me last week that she comes in the bathroom with me in case the toilet monster tries to get me. Apparently she can protect me... lol

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Lice and sending her in..worst than parents sending in there sick kids.Just so all the other kids don't get left out i guess grr..leave em home women.lol

Love the rest though, gave me a great giggle.:-)
My confession is..I want to shit alone too,"why can't we just all shit alone"lol.My kids think its freaking party time in the bathroom when nature calls for me.

Kate CP - posted on 07/12/2011

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#13 pissed me off. My kid had lice once...I kept her home for a day even though I had already treated it and the house and they told me she could go back. I wanted to make sure I got all the little fuckers. :P

My confession? There are some days when I let the kid stay home from school even if she's not sick just because she needs the sleep.

Dee - posted on 07/12/2011

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I'm guilty of #10 and #21 My children are always cuter than anybody else's because they are mine. And it seems I can never go to the bathroom without someone barging in on me or banging at the door.

Caitlin - posted on 07/12/2011

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The pool counts as a bath! Heck, I only give them baths like twice a week or so. I say it's because it dries out their skin to do it more often, but mostly I just don't feel like doing it every day.

I wait till the kids are busy or asleep before I eat for the most part, because I usually eat something my oldest is allergic to and feel guilty when she wants some I have to say no. On the flip side, i've told her the cake i was eating wasn't safe before when it actually was just because I didn't want to share or deal with the sugar high.

When my husband asks me if I had breakfast/lunch I'll say yes, even if I didn't because he's so paranoid about what I eat it's annoying to hear the lecture of "You have to eat, you're pregnant".

I ove PBS kids in the morning, it totally saves my run down butt. On the bright side, my not even 3 year old can count to 8 and knows pretty much all her letters...

Teresa - posted on 07/12/2011

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I am guilty of the swimming pool as a bath tub confession. It counts damn it.

Krista - posted on 07/12/2011

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I love #7. #13 pisses me off, though -- that selfish woman just made a LOT of work for a LOT of other parents.

Personally, I rely WAY too heavily on TV. My kid is watching Baby Einstein's "My First Signs" right now.

Oh wait, actually no. He just came over and lifted his pajama top so that I could see his bellybutton. ♥

Stifler's - posted on 07/12/2011

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LOL @ Rebecca I do that too. I wait until both kids are napping to enjoy my food slowly instead of scoffing it because one of them is crying or in mischief.

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I turn the TV on way too often because it's easy and entertains the kids... Although my 2 year-old knows her entire alphabet AND the sounds all the letters make because her current obsession is The Letter Factory by LeapFrog...

Katherine - posted on 07/11/2011

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Oh God, I probably would have said the same thing. They were so shell shocked lol.

Nikki - posted on 07/11/2011

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lmao, I love these.

Sometimes, especially when it's a rainy cold day and we are staying home, we both stay in our PJ's all day, if they are not too dirty I send her to bed in them again that night.

On the odd occasion I just can't be bothered with the house I just play with my daughter all day, when hubby comes home I tell him that Issy has been so naughty I haven't had time to do anything.

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December 2010. 8 mos pregnant working 50 hrs a week 7am. Taking my fibe and four yr old to school. Our puppy (3 days before her vet appt) had worms. Had to picking up huge worms from her crate while vomitting in a bag myself, got my kids in the car, was holding the dog ny her collar so she wouldnt get worms throught the car, my kids were saying "mom will u turn up the song, o no I dont like that song put in a cd, no the other cd, "then they started arguing. I was soo ill I said "everyone shut the f up"..they did...i felt bad but under the circumstances it was the only thing that wanted to come outta my mouth

Katherine - posted on 07/11/2011

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*sigh* I wish things would have been different for me. He never let me control the money.

I love #7, I'm totally going to say that if someone says something personal to me.

Constance - posted on 07/11/2011

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My husband can't not spend money either. I have too many to put through college I don't have time to be broke.

Katherine - posted on 07/11/2011

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Good for you!!! Mine never let me have control. If I did I'd probably have over 100,000. If he didn't have his little gambling problem.

Constance - posted on 07/11/2011

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I have had control of the money for years. I put 10% in a high yeilds savings account every payday. I put anothe 5% in 401k. 30% for other savings like buying cars and houses.

Mrs. - posted on 07/11/2011

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Sometimes I starve myself until naptime and bedtime so I can eat without my daughter putting her fingers in my food.

Sometimes I leave a shit in her diaper for way longer than I should at night...you know so I can wait until I give her a bath.

My hardwood floors are dirty, just filthy. I sweep, rarely. I mop even more rarely. My fiance's cousin brought her baby over and couldn't figure out how her son had brown feet, I told her we had just been to the beach and didn't have time to clean. I am a liar.

My dog is so behind on her shots. I love her, but I'm a bad dog owner lately.

There's a ton more...I don't pee on diapers to save time or anything...yet.

Katherine - posted on 07/11/2011

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Holy Cow!!!! How did you save THAT? Please do tell, because I can't seem to save squat.

Constance - posted on 07/11/2011

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I have 20,000 grand that my husbanddoesn't know about. I am saving for deserted island. I know eventually I will need to hide with my computer.

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